Explaining Cannibalism to Children

[flutes_and_fabric]

http://www.contrabass.com/

I found this site when I was on a research binge. A lot of the instruments here probably match that cost description...and sound funny too!! Plus the site's minorly hilarious.

I have a double contra flute I made friends with a lot of flute makers and repairmen since I do apprenticeships each summer with various flute companies. Some are awesome and actually give the interns a house to live in together, in beautiful areas, and pay you. This flute was a prototype that was given to me as a present. Best gift ever. It's resting next to my double bass ^^ They make a cute couple. Oh, and the site has nothing to do with the brand I own, it was just the best pic I could find to demonstrate the size of the instrument.

Disney didn't mind having Scar get eaten alive by hyenas, so maybe it wouldn't be that big of an issue as long as they were able to kill some parents in the process.

Yeah, I think Disney hated his parents or something. let's see:
Bambi: dead mom (cried at that one)
Bambi 2: another dead mom, and I think the woman who took in the orphaned kid is killed too. Damn hunters.
Cinderella: not only a dead mom and dad, but crappy step mom.
The jungle book: did they ever mention what happened to the parents?
The Little Mermaid: in Ariel's beginning they mentioned the mom was in fact dead
Beauty and the Beast: dead mom
Aladdin: one orphan and one dead mom
The Lion King: Sadness
Lion King 2: daddy scar killed in previous film
Pocahontas: Dead mom
The hunchback of Notre Dame: Didn't the mom die in childbirth?
Tarzan: I cried
Dinosaur: parents killed by meteors or something
Atlantis: Dead mom, eventually dead dad
Lilo and Stitch: Dead parents
Treasure planet: dead dad
Brother bear: I cried
Finding Nemo: didn't the mom die within the first 2 minutes?
Ratatouille: dead mom
The Princess and the Frog: poor dead daddy

Luckily there are also plenty of wonderful Disney families.

Oh, and not disney, but "land before time"? Yeah.

So, what did I miss?

[SongsOfDragons]

I have a double contra flute I made friends with a lot of flute makers and repairmen since I do apprenticeships each summer with various flute companies. Some are awesome and actually give the interns a house to live in together, in beautiful areas, and pay you. This flute was a prototype that was given to me as a present. Best gift ever. It's resting next to my double bass ^^ They make a cute couple. Oh, and the site has nothing to do with the brand I own, it was just the best pic I could find to demonstrate the size of the instrument.

When I first saw a picture of the massive flutes, my response was " That's not a flute!! It looks more like a torture instrument!!" It does look a bit like a small gallows but they are made of win. I heard a sound clip at some point, and it's lovely.

[godaistudios]

I have a double contra flute I made friends with a lot of flute makers and repairmen since I do apprenticeships each summer with various flute companies. Some are awesome and actually give the interns a house to live in together, in beautiful areas, and pay you. This flute was a prototype that was given to me as a present. Best gift ever. It's resting next to my double bass ^^ They make a cute couple. Oh, and the site has nothing to do with the brand I own, it was just the best pic I could find to demonstrate the size of the instrument.

Although I played in High School band/orchestra for several years (clarinet and baritone bugle for JROTC), this is the first time I've seen this exotic instrument... so the Kotato one runs for over 40K?

and that thing is huge! I imagine trying to tote that thing around.

[Imogene]

The hunchback of Notre Dame: Didn't the mom die in childbirth?

Nope, died being thrown down the steps of Notre Dame. Quasimodo only survived because of this, though... otherwise, Frollo was going to throw him down a well.

both parents live are Lady and the Tramp and 101 Dalmatians

That was massively debated the night my brother and his wife suggested that factoid to me, as I am a massive Disney buff, and the family as a whole came up with a mountain of other movies that fit the description. For instance? The Incredibles. Bob and Helen Parr both live through the movie. Emperor's New Groove? Pacha and his wife live through to the end... *looks at Disney collection for inspiration* Mary Poppins? The Bankses live through the entire movie. In fact, the majority of the Disney Live action movies are safe for parents... gruesome or even unexpected death of a 'live' character could warp poor kiddies.

[Kristev]

The Archbishop watched him kill the mother, but refused to allow him to kill Quasimodo.

[Jester]

Gah! I hate that! Every few years I'll be out doing a gig of some kind, and some parent will come up to me to brag about his or her pweshious wittle girl who started violin lessons last month and is apparently super-talented because she can play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" after only a month.

Which would be bad enough, except that sometimes they'll ask me, "Can my seven-year-old kid who's been taking violin lessons for a month play Twinkle Twinkle on your violin?"

Uh, NO! I make my living with my violin, and it cost me more than my car did! I am not handing it over to anybody!

Stupid, stupid parents. At least you can blame the kids for being kids and thus somewhat ignorant of the ways of the world and the value of things. Remember, when you're a kid, everything is, to quote the gulls in Finding Nemo, "Mine. Mine. Mine mine mine mine minemineminemineMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!"

I have actually experienced vaguely similar things myself. As a magician, people are always saying, "Oh, I do magic too," or "My child does magic." And I swear by all that is holy and profane, 98% of these people do one of the same four fucking tricks that I have seen ad nauseum since the first day I picked up a magic trick in '99!

And more proof that parents are clueless, coming from my time DJing weddings: on more than one occasion there would be kids playing (i.e., jumping and running randomly) right by my speakers. My large speakers that were heavier than every one of these kids. My large speakers that were mounted on tripods, and were thus 2-3 feet off the ground. And yet parents seemed to have no problem allowing their children to come within inches of crashing full-tilt into said speaker assemblies, which would have brought the speakers down on or near their child, and done serious injury to said spawn. Not to mention the damage it would have done to my speakers. (Not that the parents would care about THAT, of course.) I remember one particular occasion where this was rather egregious, and I absentmindedly reached for the .45 tucked in my waistband behind my back.....luckily for the little hellions and my criminal record, said .45 was as imaginary as my basketball dunking talents.

...my $16,000 flute I won at the national flute convention three years ago.

Say WHAT?!?!?! That's more than I paid for my current Jestermobile and the one before it....combined!

when I went backstage there was some girl there who I didn't know testing out my flute. She wasn't even supposed to be back there, and worst of all, she was a performance major. She should know not to just pick up someone's instrument without permission.

Two questions: How much brain damage did she have before she did this, and how much bodily damage did she have after?

It took me less than 2 weeks to master Twinkle Twinkle on the flute, does that make me a genius?

It took me a few minutes to learn "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on the piano as a child, and I am no more a musical genius than you are. Hell, I can still play that tune to this day on any keyboard, and even played it on a (marked) steel drum the other day at a toy store. But I have no delusions about my musical ability: beyond being one hell of a DJ, doing a great Bob Dylan impression at karaoke, and playing a mean air guitar, I don't have any!

I had a $2000ish flute in high school and college. I had put it in with the rest of the stuff my husband and I were storing in his grandmother's garage while we were between apartments.

Sold all of our baby stuff, most of our pots and pans, all my good china (which I inherited from my grandmother) and about $5000 worth of books. My flute she decided to donate to the school my son currently attends.

Oh, and she didn't tell us she was doing it. She told us we could store our stuff indefinitely. We found out this summer when I was asking for the baby stuff that she'd sold it all just a few weeks after we moved.

I could see calling up and saying, "Hey, can you get this stuff out of my garage?" But to tell someone "store that as long as you like," then to not tell them you are going to get rid of it, then to sell it and give it away?

Granny's a bitch. Pure and simple, a downright vicious horrible bitch. Fuck Granny. Fuck Granny with one of those giant bingo markers. Sideways.

Case in point: There is an old Polish tale of an evil king who was devoured by mice! I hate to think what Disney would do to that!

Two words: "Mickey's Revenge."

But PBS stuff has always been good at having in-jokes for grownups so that they can be entertained while watching with their kids.

Hell, the classic cartoons usually did have those in-jokes. Look at the old Warner Brothers cartoons. Bugs Bunny and friends were telling a lot of jokes that were not just for kids. But they were subtle about it, and so it went over the kids' heads, as does much of the stuff in The Simpsons. (South Park and Family Guy, while I love them, do NOT have that subtlety.)

In my experience it seems like kids' cartoons from Japan have a little more serious or scary content than ours do.

And they're not deliberately dumbed down for fear of offending parents.

Probably because the Japanese don't feel like they have to coddle their kids the way Americans do.

I'll get the horrible joke out of the way now: "There's a reason they call those things 'Grim' "... I much prefer the original versions, too.

And the originals were not at all "sanitized" for children.

Look at just one classic, Hansel and Gretel: child abuse, child abandonment, child neglect, cannibalism, kidnapping, attempted murder, and murder. And I would have no problem telling that story to children. I hate to say it, but my generation, who READ those stories, have gotten soft and are raising soft kids if they feel the need to have everything so damn sanitized.

He says rewrite the script to have Sweeney become enchanted by a wizard while he's in exile.

Yeah. A wizard did it. Oldest excuse in the book.

And once again, it's the old Blame the Magician game. Damn it! As a magician, I am so sick of that crap!

I have a double contra flute

Cue Paul Hogan: "That's not a flute. THAT'S a flute!"

Seriously, what the hell IS that thing? It looks like it came from the Spanish Inquisition. (Naturally, since no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition.) That thing looks like something from a Tim Burton re-write. Hell, rednecks would probably think that it's an anal probe from the mothership!

...the size of the instrument.

I usually expect a doctor to be telling me about "the size of the instrument," not a musician. But considering how each might use his or her tools of their trade in relation to me, I think I far prefer hearing it from a musician, now that I really think about it!

Cinderella: not only a dead mom and dad, but crappy step mom.

And crappy stepsisters, which are clearly that way because of the way they were raised by their crappy mom.

The jungle book: did they ever mention what happened to the parents?
Tarzan: I cried

Obviously idiot parents in both, as in each, if I remember correctly (and I am sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong), the parents somehow LOST their child. In the jungle. First of all, what the fuck are you doing bringing a baby to the jungle anyway? Secondly, if for some reason you HAD to bring the baby to the jungle, don't you think that one of you nitwits could find time to keep an eye on him? Or hire a nanny/governess/babysitter to do it for you?

Can't you just picture that police interview? "Let me see if I have this straight, Mr. and Mrs. Greystoke: you lost your infant child....in the jungle. Really? Really?"

In fact, the majority of the Disney Live action movies are safe for parents... gruesome or even unexpected death of a 'live' character could warp poor kiddies.

Where was the mother (or grandmother) in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"? Yet another single father, raising his kids AND caring for his dad. I had thought that both the parents lived through the movie until I just looked it up on imdb....the female lead was a random stranger they met. Talk about a great pickup line: "Want to go for a ride in my flying car?"

And where was the mother in "Pippi Longstocking?" Sure, her dad was away at sea, apparently not feeling the need to coddle her (or he just lost her, a la Tarzan and Mowgli), but they never mention the mom.

And then there's "Heidi." Forget for a moment that there are millions of football fans that can't think of that movie without wanting to throw something through a network executive's head. Heidi is yet another orphan. No parents. And a cruel aunt who SELLS her. Talk about not being a good role model!

And by the way, what is up with kids' stories about orphans? It's not like they were pandering to their audience....most orphans at the time this movie came out probably couldn't afford to see it anyway. Maybe the prevailing thought is that rich kids like looking down on someone in a story. I dunno, just guessing here. Or maybe (as I continue my random guessing) the prevailing thought was that if you had two parents, everything was fine. Another way to keep kids in line, I suppose. "Remember, kids, if anything bad happens to your parents, this could be what happens to you!" Though I remember knowing a lot of kids who wouldn't have minded some of those adventures.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I think my favorite cartoons as a kid were on fox45 and nickelodeon. I loved nicktoons! Still tune in once and a while to watch courage the cowardly dog once in a while. Loved ed edd and eddy too. I vaguely remember Doug too, but I think that was when I was really really young. Might have the movie downstairs somewhere...should check that out. Oh, and the Wild Thornberries and Rugrats. Those were during my late elementary years. Before that it was the aw real monsters and ren and stimpy. I think I recently watched the comedy central episodes which are hilarious, totally not kid friendly. Anyone remember All That? I mean the first few seasons, before the cast completely switched over. Up to the Amanda Bynes years were pretty good.

Meanwhile, Rocko's Modern Life hasn't been re-run on any television channel available to me.

You try telling me there's a god.

[flutes_and_fabric]

I think I read somewhere that the only Disney movies where both parents live are Lady and the Tramp and 101 Dalmatians. So I guess they really like dogs but not people.

Although it is odd because one or more parents being dead shows up in alot of non-Disney films as well. What is it about living parents that ruin kids movies?

Don't forget Peter Pan, which had both living parents and a dog. That family had it all, and yet they still ran away from home. tsk tsk. Spoiled kids with their living family and good home. Disney did manage to stick the lost boys in there though to make up for it.

Although I played in High School band/orchestra for several years (clarinet and baritone bugle for JROTC), this is the first time I've seen this exotic instrument... so the Kotato one runs for over 40K?

and that thing is huge! I imagine trying to tote that thing around.

I love playing an instrument you can just toss in your bag. The contra flute is beginning to drop in price. I think you can find a decent one for 5,000ish now at the lower end.

Nope, died being thrown down the steps of Notre Dame. Quasimodo only survived because of this, though... otherwise, Frollo was going to throw him down a well.
In fact, the majority of the Disney Live action movies are safe for parents... gruesome or even unexpected death of a 'live' character could warp poor kiddies.

Hunchback was one of my least favorite of the Disney empire, so I don't remember much from it. As for the killing of live characters part, don't forget the lion king, bambi, nemo, and a few others I'm sure. The lion king even showed poor mufasa dying right in front of simba. A although it was just a silhouette, the film did feature scar's death as well.

Two questions: How much brain damage did she have before she did this, and how much bodily damage did she have after?

A lot. for both.

Seriously, what the hell IS that thing? It looks like it came from the Spanish Inquisition. (Naturally, since no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition.) That thing looks like something from a Tim Burton re-write. Hell, rednecks would probably think that it's an anal probe from the mothership!

I could totally see an oompa loompa frolicking through the burtin remake of charlie and the chocolate factory playing one of these.

Obviously idiot parents in both, as in each, if I remember correctly (and I am sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong), the parents somehow LOST their child. In the jungle. First of all, what the fuck are you doing bringing a baby to the jungle anyway? Secondly, if for some reason you HAD to bring the baby to the jungle, don't you think that one of you nitwits could find time to keep an eye on him? Or hire a nanny/governess/babysitter to do it for you?

With the jungle book I think they may have...misplaced him...but in tarzan they just decided it would be ok to move out to the middle of nowhere with a baby and set up shop on an uninhabited island and then get eaten by a tiger.

[EricKei]

Jester -- Many older tales, both Grimm and more "modern", are pretty dark...I have always been of the understanding that the old tales were meant more to scare kids than entertain them...

Red Riding Hood? They drug the wolf, CUT Granny out of his tummy, and then fill same with heavy rocks

Little Mermaid? Evil witch gets the boy, Mermaid dissolves.

(Naturally, since no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition.)

*ties Jester to a comfy chair*

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

*ties Jester to a comfy chair*

And he will stay in the comfy chair until lunchtime, with only a cup of coffee at 11.

[Imogene]

Where was the mother (or grandmother) in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"? Yet another single father, raising his kids AND caring for his dad.
And where was the mother in "Pippi Longstocking?"

Neither of those were Disney, that I remember... Pippi might've been at one time, I know there have been a ton of remakes... and don't Pippi's dad and the neighborkids' mom get married at the end?
Surfing IMDB shows Pippi was released originally as an international arthouse type film, not Disney at all...

[Mikkel]

Obviously idiot parents in both, as in each, if I remember correctly (and I am sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong), the parents somehow LOST their child. In the jungle. First of all, what the fuck are you doing bringing a baby to the jungle anyway? Secondly, if for some reason you HAD to bring the baby to the jungle, don't you think that one of you nitwits could find time to keep an eye on him? Or hire a nanny/governess/babysitter to do it for you? <SNIP>
And where was the mother in "Pippi Longstocking?" Sure, her dad was away at sea, apparently not feeling the need to coddle her (or he just lost her, a la Tarzan and Mowgli), but they never mention the mom.

In the Disney cartoon the parents are eaten by a leopard in their house and Tarzan are almost eaten too but is saved by his gorilla stepmother. I think, but it's more than 40 years ago I read it, that Burrough's version is similar.

Pippi's mother is an angel and her father a king on an island somewhere in the Pacific, she says so in the first book (and I have the original version in Swedish!). Presumably captain Longstocking's ship went down before the mother died.

[Magpie]

And then there's "Heidi." Forget for a moment that there are millions of football fans that can't think of that movie without wanting to throw something through a network executive's head. Heidi is yet another orphan. No parents. And a cruel aunt who SELLS her. Talk about not being a good role model!

Wait, what? Heidi is sold? I thought she was sent to her grandfather because he was the only living relative. If he bought her, how come he doesn't want her there in the first place? I'm so confused as to how they made that one work.

[Ironclad Alibi]

So, what did I miss?

Some recent Disney titles.

Up - Ellie's death at the beginning of the movie.
Castle in the Sky - Disney/anime - Both main characters are orphans.
Meet the Robinsons - Main character and villain both orphans.
Chicken Little - Mother is dead.

[Jester]

Neither of those were Disney, that I remember...

Were they technically Disney? No. Were they Disney-type movies? Yes.

Just adding fuel to the "why are the parents always dead in these stories?" fire.

Wait, what? Heidi is sold? I thought she was sent to her grandfather because he was the only living relative. If he bought her, how come he doesn't want her there in the first place?

From the plot summary of the movie on imdb.com:

"When little Heidi is stolen by her cruel aunt (who sells her) her grouchy grandfather searches for her."