Condom Man

[Marmalady]

A friend of mine used to work in the lingerie dept of a local store, and very quickly got used to the calls from the pervy guys: "I bought some French knickers yesterday and they're too tight" etc etc. So she (or whichever CW) would sigh "Sorry, we don't exchange underwear for hygiene reasons".... ho hum.
Anyway, after a while she left that place and went to work at a kitchenwear specialist. "At least that will be it with the obscene phone calls" she thought.
Two days into the new job, the phone rang. A man's voice asked:
"Do you sell wooden spoons there?"
"Yes we do" replied my friend, "we have a large range-" and the voice cut her off with
"Got any big enough for spanking with?"

[Whiskey]

Just goes to prove my theory, the smaller the penis, the bigger the dick.

Really? Thats kind of an obvious one for you Sheldon. For shame.

[superhotelworker]

Wow.
I get those sickos sometimes when I go in that section by myself. However, it's where the ladies hygiene products, pregnancy tests, and pads are too, so it's a wild game with me. It really depends on how grossed out I am what I throw in their cart/basket/hands and walk off.
Sometimes I mess with them too. Especially if my hubby is just around the corner or something, that is fun.
me"So you really want to show me how much? All three inches? That's just...special." said loud enough for everyone around to hear.
*Husband comes storming over to where we are*
dude "Not three, nine" (or whatever silly number that is)
Husband always threatens violence, asks to compare (I keep a measuring tape in my purse because I do a lot of crafts), offers to show "audition tapes" on our phone (if they say yes, it's a video of our lizard eating blackberries ), or sometimes he just glares at him while holding my hand until they get the picture. It's all fun for me.
Better yet when they are standing there and offer to show you...grab the magnifying glass/tweezers out of your purse and go "sure."

I officially am a fangirl of ya. <3 That is a block of Awesome, evil genius ideas. Hehehe.

[Sheldonrs]

Really? Thats kind of an obvious one for you Sheldon. For shame.

Better If The Comment's Hidden?

[MoonCat]

When I saw the thread title, all I could think of was a silly song I heard years ago on some radio show, "Condom Man" sung to the Spiderman theme song. Wish I could remember the lyrics!

We used to get "breathers" on the phone quite a lot. One of my co-workers once snapped "oh grow up!" at one of these idiots. He hung up and didn't call back.

[zombiequeen]

I officially am a fangirl of ya. <3 That is a block of Awesome, evil genius ideas. Hehehe.

Thanks I figured, if they're going to try having fun at your expense, then turn it around and mess with them.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Me"Thank you for calling ****** this is Bianca, how may I help you"?
Sicko"How much are your Magnums"?
Me " 4.95 for 3"
Sicko(Breathing heavily) " Will they fit me, I'm 12 inches hard".
Me( Yawns loudly)" I'm sorry sir I just started the graveyard shift and can't stop yawning, what did you ask"?
Sicko "Will they fit me I'm 12 inches hard"

I love when people get right to the truth.

Bet that guy was about one and a half-inches rock hard, and even if he was 12 inches he could show up at a Led Zep afterparty with a bag of cocaine and his twelve inches, and still manage not to get laid.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Just goes to prove my theory, the smaller the penis, the bigger the dick.



There! Happy Teh?

See? You know how to please either demographic. Three out of four?

[zzapp the witch]

Is it bad that I read the thread title in the tone of the commercial opening? Trojan Maaaaan!

You're nicer than me, OP, when I'd get dirty phone calls, I'd either start talking about my period cramps and even grosser details of being female.

I do not care who you are, when it comes down to it, a female can out-perv and out-gross any man.

[Seshat]

Certainly out-gross: I've rarely seen the man who can calmly discuss the intricacies of menstruation. And if that doesn't do it, try childbirth and breastfeeding.

If he can handle all of that, he's a gynecologist, gynecological nurse, or pediatric nurse, or something similar.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

See, Aunt Flo don't bother me one bit, as long as it doesn't hurt or make me depressed. Pregnancy, on the other hand... literally, isn't it classified as a type of parasite? I know, I know it's different, blah. And that only really bothers me when I'm in an overthinking mood.
But it's just blood and some other bits

Maybe it's the whole "familiarity breeds contempt" thing?

[crashhelmet]

WOO HOO!!!! A fellow Lost Wagen!

CH

[zzapp the witch]

Its ok Blumchen, I told my kids they were all parasitic organisms until the umbilical cord was cut.......and then when they latched onto a breast, they became parasites again. Bf gets dramatic saying they're going to eeeeaaat hiiiiis sooooouuulllll.

[Geek King]

Certainly out-gross: I've rarely seen the man who can calmly discuss the intricacies of menstruation. And if that doesn't do it, try childbirth and breastfeeding.

If he can handle all of that, he's a gynecologist, gynecological nurse, or pediatric nurse, or something similar.

Meh. I can handle talking about it. I was in a pre-vet program until I realized I didn't have the nose for it. Certain smells violently set off my gag reflex--particularly just-popped infected scent gland smell, apparently. Not good when you need steady hands.

[Dytchdoctir]

I do not care who you are, when it comes down to it, a female can out-perv and out-gross any man.

Oh yeah? Try exchanging gross stories with a paramedic. I'll have you puking in no time.

Don't believe me? Just one word, and that's all I'm going to say.

Maggots.

I rest my case.