Touchy feely customers that won't take the hint.

[zombiequeen]

My grandma has macular degeneration, really severe, so she is almost blind. She will get *this* close to you so she can see your eyes because she wants to have a "polite" conversation with eye contact. However, the second she notices you jump, back up, or squirm, she explains her problem and will back off. Usually.
I will not dismiss what they are doing, and I'm not making excuses for them, but maybe they are going blind or deaf or something and feel that in order to be polite, they have to get close. Considering what you described them doing though, I doubt it.
You have a lot more patience than I do, I would have smacked a face for doing that to me.

[ShootMePlease]

I'm gonna have to disagree somewhat here.

Some people are demonstrative. Meaning they are more inclined to display their feelings. Most folks mean no harm if they put their hand on your shoulder or back when asking something. I've had customers do that to me, and it doesn't really bother me. I've never gotten a skeezy vibe from anyone.

Having said this, I understand that some folks are not accepting of this and would prefer that you kept your hands to yourself. I certainly respect that, but I do feel your reaction was a little harsh. If he did not touch you and you touched him, that could be construed as assault on your part.

You should be glad he didn't report you to your boss. In the scheme of things, what's more important : your "personal space" or your job ?

[chainedbarista]

unfortunately, you can't assess intent, harmless or not; best bet is hands off until the person says otherwise.

those old men were skeezy indeed. oO

[wheeitsme]

First guy...ewwwwwwwww.

Second guy? I'd cover myself by saying very firmly "Please don't touch me". Then you're covered. "I asked him politely not to touch me - when he did it anyway, I felt harrassed".

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

In the scheme of things, what's more important : your "personal space" or your job ?

Any employer who forces you to make this choice is not worth working for.

Period. The end. Nobody should have to let customers fondle them like a piece of fruit just because if they don't they might get complained about.

As for warding off space invaders myself, my preferred method is to grab some random item off the shelf, holding it at about arm's length from my face, and looking it over. It does the job pretty well and I don't even have to use my voice.

[malmalthekiller]

I don't think you're overreacting, considering you haven't flipped shit on them yet.

I don't like when people touch me, either, no matter who you are; young, old, male, female, etc.

I've worked in retail where people think it's ok to come up and put their hands on me, but I've just politely stepped back, or taken my arm away, and most people get the hint.

One time I had an old man come up and GRAB MY UPPER ARM (ladies, you know the wobbly bit that is a bit thicker?), to yell at me about the amount of fruit in our turnovers. You should have seen the look I gave him, it almost bore holes into his head. It made him let go, but I doubt he felt bad about doing it.

[Eisa]

NO TOUCHY!!!!

I will bat your hand away and if you touch me again or grab me I will grab your hand and go for pressure points. I make all my managers aware I suffer from PTSD and those who can't keep their hands to themselves get what's coming to them.

I have PTSD too and if random people just come up and touch me, I freak out. I have an extreme hyper-startle reflex.

They sound beyond creepy. They aren't allowed to touch you if you don't want to be touched, male or not.

And the sexual harassment=touching reminds me of something. I used to be in this all women chorus. One of the members kept bringing her 16-year-old son. He would NOT leave me alone. He'd come up behind me and scare me [which, because of the PTSD, is REALLY not cool], he'd push me, shove me, hit the top of my head, try to knock my phone out of my hands...just all sorts of stuff. In front of everyone. I'd tell my mom he was really bothering me and she would just be like, "Just ignore it. He's just being a teenage boy." Ended up snapping and trying to get the director involved....and when she wouldn't respond to it, told the whole chorus. And THAT led to me being kicked out of chorus after a tribunal in which the director was like, "Touching your arms/back/head is bordering sexual harassment to you? You need to have your values changed."

Anyway, yeah. Just because they haven't touched any "naughty" parts yet doesn't mean it's not completely wrong. And that 'on his knees' comment is just CREEPY beyond words!

[Whiskey]

I have PTSD too and if random people just come up and touch me, I freak out. I have an extreme hyper-startle reflex.

One of the last times someone touched me without me expecting it I accidentally threw a blind right.

:| Its recommended you keep your hands to yourself, people.

[bainsidhe]

The touching makes you uncomfortable and that's enough for me. However, I suggest you actually tell these customers you do not want to be touched. You don't have to be rude, just be calm and firm. Don't laugh when you say it, as if it's a joke (harder than it sounds for some people, since I laugh to cover up nervousness). You have to sound serious if you want to be treated seriously, yet be calm in order to sound professional.

And I'd personally inform your manager(s) and HR stat. Waiting until there's a problem (such as a customer blowout) is too late for you to tell your side of the story.

If you are truly worried about losing your job, try to get management on your side ahead of time. Also make sure you keep track of dates/times/who you spoke with (like coworkers/management) regarding any incident and keep track of the incidents themselves. That way you'll have something to use if/when you're blindsided by management saying you swatted a customer two weeks prior.

[Eisa]

One of the last times someone touched me without me expecting it I accidentally threw a blind right.

:| Its recommended you keep your hands to yourself, people.

Oh yeah. Especially since I took a Rape Aggression Defense class. I could beat someone UP...just by reflex.

At least don't blindside me is all I ask...if someone's coming from the front, I can usually avoid them or prepare for it. Not when they just randomly come up behind me. I hate that.

[SuperRTL]

Had an older co-worker who was "just being friendly" and kept trying to rub my shoulders while we were re-setting an aisle. He was hurt when I told him to back off and complained about me to some of our other co-workers. I had already called my boss and said I wouldn't work with him again. Got bitched at by a couple of my co-workers but mostly, people understood and my boss wrote him up for sexual harassment.

Now, with the skeezy dudes, them just getting too close is making you uncomfortable so I would definitely say something. Start with putting a hand out in front of you and say "Whoa, dude, personal space, I have issues." I've found that works 90% of the time. The other 10%, after having already made the stay away gesture, I make larger ones and say something like "there is a bubble, here. You are not allowed inside unless I invite you." It's a little childish but everybody learns to back off. Also, it's not rude or offensive so if they go to management and complain, it's on them, not you.

Now, for the comment about being on your knees, that's definitely sexual harassment and I'd say something in response immediately along the lines of "Wow, that's inappropriate." Then go back to what you were doing.

[ShootMePlease]

Any employer who forces you to make this choice is not worth working for.

Period. The end. Nobody should have to let customers fondle them like a piece of fruit just because if they don't they might get complained about.

As for warding off space invaders myself, my preferred method is to grab some random item off the shelf, holding it at about arm's length from my face, and looking it over. It does the job pretty well and I don't even have to use my voice.

Ok, I think you're misunderstanding what I meant.

I in no way condone anyone "fondling someone like a piece of fruit". However, I don't consider someone putting their hand on your shoulder to be "fondling like a piece of fruit". I would never tolerate fondling, nor would I choose to be employed by someone who tolerated it.

I respect your right to your personal space. Please respect my right to not make such a big deal about it.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

(snip)
One of the members kept bringing her 16-year-old son. He would NOT leave me alone. He'd come up behind me and scare me [which, because of the PTSD, is REALLY not cool], he'd push me, shove me, hit the top of my head, try to knock my phone out of my hands...just all sorts of stuff. In front of everyone. I'd tell my mom he was really bothering me and she would just be like, "Just ignore it. He's just being a teenage boy." Ended up snapping and trying to get the director involved....and when she wouldn't respond to it, told the whole chorus. And THAT led to me being kicked out of chorus after a tribunal in which the director was like, "Touching your arms/back/head is bordering sexual harassment to you? You need to have your values changed." (snip)

oh, I am so sorry you've gone through that. What he did should have had the cops called on him! No. Way. Uh uh. NO. I'm glad you ditched that chorus, and I hope that child had some correction in his life. And your director. What a misguided ass. Never mind sexual, that was just harassment! How'd the director like it, if that kid did that to him/her?
Also, what I intended to say was this: gender disparities like this piss me off. Touching is touching. If you're in a culture where a personal space bubble is two feet-- it's Two. Fing. Feet. I'd continue with the whole Mac versus Ho, but that's not really applicable here. I'd get everyone on the same page first-- manager, etc.

[Eisa]

oh, I am so sorry you've gone through that. What he did should have had the cops called on him! No. Way. Uh uh. NO. I'm glad you ditched that chorus, and I hope that child had some correction in his life. And your director. What a misguided ass. Never mind sexual, that was just harassment! How'd the director like it, if that kid did that to him/her?

I know. It was just harassment. It started out with him doing stuff like sitting too close to me/practically on top of me. Found out he had a crush on me, set him straight, told him we could still be friends [that ended up being really dumb], he behaved for a while, and then started doing all that other stuff.

The best part was how my mom came along with me for "support" and ended up yelling at me for 10 minutes in front of everyone about how I should have "just gone to her, she would have handled it" [neglecting, of course, the fact that I DID go to her several times and she said it was nothing]. And how I didn't know the whole story because the boy was going there because he was suicidal, why couldn't I be understanding. [Also the same woman who ignored me when I was suicidal--and my friend even called the police on me to stop me from hurting myself. Took months after that to get into therapy.]

Greatest part is how I went to that chorus from 15-21, and that's how they treated me in the end. Good riddance to bad rubbish. The director just didn't want to deal with it, because the kid was one of her favorite member's sons, and I was just this really quiet, shy girl who sang really softly and didn't make a fuss...until then!

[zombiequeen]

My mum was the same way with me and a family friend.
Except for the rape part. Mummy then told me to my face that I had to be lying.
So my husband had to explain to all parties involved what happened, why I was suicidal, and why I didn't want to be with my parents anymore.
Long story short, dude's mum is my dad's best customer (he does residential construction) so I have to deal with it.

NEVER underestimate pervy comments or lack of respect.