Abusive Ex Husband

[zombiequeen]

I know when I was hanging out with the now creeper, everyone said that we should date. I knew better so I said no. Then of course I kept saying no to things he wanted, and my family ignored it. He kept doing things, I kept trying to tell someone, and nobody listened. My own mother called me a liar about being raped because this guy would "never do anything to hurt you." Yeah, these scars just appeared, you know?

I wasn't allowed to get the police involved or anything like that. However, my husband pulled the guy aside and told him that he can stay friends with my brother, but if he even says anything about me, he's dead.
"Oh, you're just begging for attention" is what my mother told me, word for word. She even told my youth pastor that I was faking the whole thing because I was an attention whore.

TO all of you that are standing up against abuse, and not treating it as petty or made-up, thank you. You are heroes to anyone who is caught in a situation like this.

[Whiskey]

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if you ever need an ear to tug on, or just a chat/anonymous internet friend, I'm a PM/IM away

[wagegoth]

I know when I was hanging out with the now creeper, everyone said that we should date. I knew better so I said no. Then of course I kept saying no to things he wanted, and my family ignored it. He kept doing things, I kept trying to tell someone, and nobody listened. My own mother called me a liar about being raped because this guy would "never do anything to hurt you." Yeah, these scars just appeared, you know?

I wasn't allowed to get the police involved or anything like that. However, my husband pulled the guy aside and told him that he can stay friends with my brother, but if he even says anything about me, he's dead.
"Oh, you're just begging for attention" is what my mother told me, word for word. She even told my youth pastor that I was faking the whole thing because I was an attention whore.

TO all of you that are standing up against abuse, and not treating it as petty or made-up, thank you. You are heroes to anyone who is caught in a situation like this.

I had a bit of a stalker in high school, someone that my mom thought was just a great guy; after reading your story I can only send a prayer of thanks that mine never got that bad, and that after telling my mother a couple of things the guy said to me, she stepped in and made sure I was never alone with him again (unfortunately, my parents and his parents were good friends).

[SuperRTL]

Had an abusive boyfriend in high school. I had 3 friends from work holding my hand when I called to break up with him. Couldn't get any of my school "friends" or anybody in my family to believe what had happened to me and we still had classes together. I made sure to never be alone with him at school. He didn't drive (I'd been his ride everywhere for the last year) so I could go out with my work friends without a problem but PTSD was not fun to deal with.

He showed up at a couple of events I went to last year and started following me around again. I was a nervous wreck until a friends son (6'4" hockey player) caught up with him and had a "chat". I have no idea what actually happened but the ex disappeared and I haven't heard anything about him since.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Not that I wish to toot my own horn or anything, but I was once recruited to help pound a schoolyard chum of mine into mush because he beat his girlfriend at the time black and blue. We liked her a lot more than we liked him.

Then one day he conveniently skipped town and nobody's seen him since. Good riddance.

[Jay 2K Winger]

My ex-girlfriend ran away from home to escape the abuse her stepfather brought down on her, abuse that her mother did nothing to stop. (Her father has never been in the picture, or been very involved in her life.) I never met the guy, only received her version of the story, which is all well and good, because the hatred I developed for her stepfather was such that I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop myself punching him in the jaw if I met him face-to-face.

Abusers are the scum of the scum of the scum of the earth, and deserve the worst.

[zzapp the witch]

I have a stalker, one of those guys with a *gentle heart* that I was set up on a date with, many years ago. (Let me reiterate *A* date, maybe just half a date). He doesn't have a car so he can only stalk me when he catches me by chance in town, or through 4-H (I'm a leader, so my phone # is in an easy to access place, and he's tried getting his kids into a close friend's group). For the past 6 years he's watched and followed me all over the fair grounds at the county fair (I'm there all day every day for the week, he's even shown up on setup day when we're doing vet checks on all the animals). He'd sit near or behind me as I was working at the superintendent's table (my mom) on paperwork, and blow on the back of my neck, pet my hair oh, so lightly, and try to stand near with with his hands on his hips and brush my boobs with his elbow. Yeah.

I used to freak out about it, but now its more of a joke. This year no one had seen him and I was almost disappointed, until on Friday night, he showed up and SAT DOWN NEXT TO MY BOYFRIEND, who didn't know what he looked like yet, but a big eyed look and a pointy finger clued him in quick. Soon as he walked in, all the dads had him marked as a creeper, and pretty much eyeballed him until he left. I took pics with my phone so I'd have proof (yet again) if he started any crap with me later. Later that night, my bro-in-law says, "Congrats, I heard he made it to your 6th anniversary."

Guy is creepy as hell, but now that everyone knows and BELIEVES me about what kind of guy he is, it seems to add some levity to the situation and make it somewhat ludicrous.

Pretty sad, all the guys I met IRL turned out to be......ick. But the one I meet online is a dream come true.

[Merriweather]

Mental abuse can sometimes be worse . l:

Agreed.

I pretty much managed to get past the welts and bruises left by my dad with his belt years ago, but am still trying to deal with results of all the mental and emotional abuse I had from my mother all her life.

[Sapphire Silk]

The sad thing is, they wouldn't. Physically fighting an abuser doesn't stop the abuse, it escalates it. The only thing you can do is leave, educate and protect the ones who fall into the cycle.

If you stay with the creep, yes.

If you either tell him, a) get the fuck out and never come back, or b) walk out and never go back, then you've made your point well and good.

The biggest problem with DV is the victims keep going back to their abusers

A friend of mine's mother told her husband that he could hit her, and she wouldn't be able to fight back. But he had to sleep sometime . . . . Nipped that problem in the bud

[Eisa]

if you ever need an ear to tug on, or just a chat/anonymous internet friend, I'm a PM/IM away

Me, as well.

Also, even if you leave your abuser, there's no guarantee he/she won't come after you and hurt or kill you for leaving. Restraining order or not. That can even get you killed easier if you believe that a piece of paper can protect you.

My own mom just couldn't understand why I'd hate the guy who abused me because, after all, "it couldn't have been that bad."

[superhotelworker]

I asked the guest for names she would like to be put through to her room if they came to visit, but she'd still get no calls to her room (She has her cell phone to talk to family.)

the two on the list are female. So even if the hubby said brother, cousin.. whatever. Not happening. We CHECK id's if we have a list of people allowed in to the room and I verify that the person in the room knows theirs a visitor. It's up to them if they go to the room to start with.

I wouldn't wish this kind of crap on my worst enemy. Zombie, if you wanna rant or talk or something, let me know hon. <3

We had a cop on the way by the way to whoever said distract him. I didn't HAVE to distract him. He was busted ANYWAY because of the Camera catching him. So it's well documented he broke the protection order.

I had the ex that hit me, and 2 'sweet good ole boys' who attempted rapes. Keyword, attempted. I'm not big and I'm not strong, but I'm putting up one hell of a fight if someone tries to hurt me or the few I love.

[zombiequeen]

Putting up a fight is always the best idea, unless you're drugged.
Getting away is great, unless everyone else in your family loves the guy.
Having someone to stand up for you and put the creep in his place, is amazing.
He's tried to stalk me, attack me, and do other things, but now i have an amazing group of people that will stand up and put him down if he tries anything else. Most of them guys that have fighting/weapons training of some sort. All of them hate this guy.

The more people willing to help out, the better for the victim. Especially if they don't treat them like just a victim, but as the human being they are, just in an unfortunate and dangerous situation. It helps to be not just another victim of this.

[Lady Legira]

Partner abuse is terrible and please note I use the partner abuse. I've seen what it does to both men and women.

My current boyfriend was abused by one of his previous partners but because he is a gentleman he did not lift a finger to defend himself throughout the abuse. I can only offer his own words about it which I have permission to do so.

I spent ten years in a very abusive relationship, yes women do beat the cr*p out of there partners, I used to get in from work to be met with either a solid marble rolling pin, solid granite chopping board (she managed to smash that one on, me) or the weapon of choice for that night. (this is no joke if you saw my hospital files on this you would be........) i never knew which I was coming home to and that was the easy part. After a while you don't feel the pain anymore, the hard part is the mental abuse its the part that always hurts, (sorry but i'm having trouble putting this down) it's the part where nothing I did was right, it's the part where I was made to eat my own *** for tea, its the part where nothing I did was good enough, its the part where after I had taken the beatings as I walked through the door I would be chained up in a cage like an animal and taunted with what her game with me for that night would be.
Sorry I still can't come to terms with the rest enough to put it down here

So I'm very glad you are helping this women escape.

[superhotelworker]

To your boyfriend: I'm glad to see you are a) Out of that relationship and away. 2) With someone so much better for you and I wish you both SOO much better.

And yes, I've seen Men go through it. We hid a wonderful man from his partner because she was literally out of her mind. She scared the hell out of me, but I still didn't back down from her. I literally called a cop as soon as I Saw her car.

This lady may be a victim of her relationship, but she's not a victim to us at the hotel. Most of us have either A) Been in the same spot or b) Knew someone close to us that was. We're all very protective.

And J, the only male desk clerk, is a police officers son. He was nearly an officer himself (Health problem kept him from graduating). So we all feel safe when he's around.

[Whiskey]

Most of us have either A) Been in the same spot or b) Knew someone close to us that was.

And this makes me so sick. Ugh. These dickbags need their own island for their mind games and abusive bullshit.

edit: male AND female dickbags. I'm well aware women can abuse and its terrible that its not addressed more seriously.