Abusive Ex Husband

[zombiequeen]

he'll do anything but not be "friends" with the guy? If my "friend" abused my best friend (i dont have siblings), I would not be friends with them and they would not have front teeth

Yeah, well he's also my brother's only friend, they actually played together as babies.
Never once did he doubt what happened though, so he has that going for him.
Creeper's ex girlfriend (now brother's fiancee) is also friends with him, even though she's given him black eyes for trying similar with her.

[SailorMan]

This.Definitely.This
It's unbelievable how many people think this, or how many abusers think they are "fixing" what is wrong with their partner by hurting them.

I was flipping through the TV channels once, and stopped at one of those 'daytime talk shows.' You know, like Jerry Springer. I never watch these kind of shows, but I stopped at this one because of the dialogue that was going on:

[Talk Show Host] "... and so, you think it's okay to hit your wife?"
[Guest, with look of smugness plastered on his face] "Yeah, I hit her, but when I do it, I do it with love."

That was all I needed to turn the TV off.

[Seshat]

SHW: Any word on how Ms 107 is going? Or is this a situation where you & yours are staying out of touch on the 'what you don't know can't be leaked' policy?

Such people that have gone through their personal hells and come out the other side in my mind are heros, as are the people who have rallied round to help them.

I think everyone eventually gets a personal hell. It's how you handle it that matters most.

The principles stated in my sig are the ones my own hell has been (and continues to) teach me. (Mine, being chronic and permanent illness, is never going to have an 'other side'.)

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I don't watch Springer (and shows like it) because I am afraid I might catch something from them.

I am not even joking.

[Kristev]

Of course not. Those shows are like a virus or infection.

[Peppergirl]

I don't watch Springer (and shows like it) because I am afraid I might catch something from them.

I am not even joking.

Or see someone you know on them.



Twice.

[zombiequeen]

Or see someone you know on them.



Twice.

I am so scared of that, I've even heard of my relatives talking of going on shows like that.

My relatives kind of suck.

[Peppergirl]

I am so scared of that, I've even heard of my relatives talking of going on shows like that.

My relatives kind of suck.

It's really quite disturbing.

The first time it wasn't so shocking because JS filmed here when it first started out. The second time (when he was in Chicago) was quite scary.

[smileyeagle1021]

I am so scared of that, I've even heard of my relatives talking of going on shows like that.
.

I want to take my friend's ex on that show... just walk out, and dump the contents of his dresser on the stage, and walk out... sick fuck.
Normally his twisted sexual fantasies wouldn't bother me... if he were practicing them with another consenting adult instead of forcing them onto my friend and then abusing her when she refuses to go along.
As it is, his parents are going to be receiving some anonymous messages with pictures of what their precious little good mormon boy is up to... I have no idea where they are going to come from

Though on a truly bright note, she has gotten some friends with money who are going to rent her a uhaul and help her get a new apartment halfway across the country... she leaves by the end of the week. (they aren't doing anything I wouldn't do myself if I were able, so I'm really glad she found someone with the resources to help her beyond hiding her behind our locked door and now nearly bottomless supply of pepper spray, mace guns, knives, and other instruments of inflicting severe damage on anyone stupid enough to try to walk through the door uninvited... but living like that is no way for a woman and child to live for any longer than they have to).

[zombiequeen]

I want to take my friend's ex on that show... just walk out, and dump the contents of his dresser on the stage, and walk out... sick fuck.
Normally his twisted sexual fantasies wouldn't bother me... if he were practicing them with another consenting adult instead of forcing them onto my friend and then abusing her when she refuses to go along.
As it is, his parents are going to be receiving some anonymous messages with pictures of what their precious little good mormon boy is up to... I have no idea where they are going to come from

Though on a truly bright note, she has gotten some friends with money who are going to rent her a uhaul and help her get a new apartment halfway across the country... she leaves by the end of the week. (they aren't doing anything I wouldn't do myself if I were able, so I'm really glad she found someone with the resources to help her beyond hiding her behind our locked door and now nearly bottomless supply of pepper spray, mace guns, knives, and other instruments of inflicting severe damage on anyone stupid enough to try to walk through the door uninvited... but living like that is no way for a woman and child to live for any longer than they have to).

Dooo-eeet
You know you want to.

Yeah, sick freaks like that need to be smacked by the general public.

[Shishire]

This whole issue burns me badly. I have a very good friend, who happens to live on the opposite coast from me, who's currently going through an extremely messy divorce coupled with DV and children to boot. The worst part about the whole ordeal is that I can't do anything for my friend other than be there to talk and listen, and just hold the line open.
My friend's ex just won against a restraining order, even though the ex blatantly broke the order the day after it was issued. I want to help my friend, but I'm at a loss for what to do, short of spending most of my cash to catch a plane out there.
My friend's got a plan to get out of state, but I'm afraid it may not be fast enough. The ex has proven that they don't care about the law, and would be willing to chase my friend for revenge (if you can even call it that).

[superhotelworker]

Actually, we got a card from her today. Blank card all it said was "Thank you and I'm safe." I'm gonna ASSUME that was her.

[Seshat]

Actually, we got a card from her today. Blank card all it said was "Thank you and I'm safe." I'm gonna ASSUME that was her.

Wonderful! I'm very, very glad to hear that.


Patiokitty: My hat is off to you.


Shishire: get in touch with shelters local to your friend, see if there's someone like Patiokitty at that shelter who can get her out of the house, at least. The shelter will know what paperwork to tell her to assemble, though I'd recommend identity documentation for self & children, plus necessary medical records (eg immunization), plus necessary financial documents & proofs of ownership.

The medical and financial documents can be recreated, however, if she knows which companies & doctors she does business with. Even the identity documents can be recreated. All she NEEDS is herself, her children, and the clothes they're in.

I said this before, I'll say it again. Poverty is better than toxicity. Get out of a toxic situation. You're better off poor.

The 'ideal':
She collates the paperwork, gets certified-correct copies, registered-mails those copies to two or three trustworthy friends or to a public trustee.
She takes any personally sentimental items and ships them, as well, to a trustworthy friend.
She packs the items she and the children will need, and they quietly leave. On her way out, she transfers half the funds from all joint bank accounts to a personal bank account.
She then files for divorce, and uses the paperwork to support a request for half the proceeds of the sale of the house&effects; minus the fiscal value of the personally sentimental items.

The reality:
She grabs the identity documents, the kids, one or two favourite toys each, enough clothes for a few days, and gets on a Greyhound bus to a trustworthy friend in another state.


You can help her realise that she won't have time to do the ideal. That's about all you can do.

[Kristev]

That was great on your part. May she stay safe.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Surely there is an island somewhere that be used for both this and the storage of radioactive waste, thus saving space and eliminating two problems at once. Remember, its all about efficiency.

Oh no! Radioactive mutant dickbags on the loose! The horror!

On the other hand, if they glow in the dark, you can see them coming.