Wherein I Waste Tax Payer Dollars

[chainedbarista]

gk the great sayeth:

SC: “It’s disturbing me greatly.”

You are indeed greatly disturbed. This we can agree on.

yes, i can agree as well; all scs are disturbed in some manner, great or small, short or tall...

[Andara Bledin]

I give up. This week sucked.

Awwww... poor Gravekeeper. I'll give you some of my good times so you don't have to deal with quite so much of it all in one go.

Your utterly unrestrained enthusiasm is poison to one such as myself! I know you mean well, but your unrelenting cheer has me teetering on the edge of destruction. You know not what power you wield.

Um... I'm pretty sure I didn't make any calls last night. Especially not for lottery tickets. Although I was in a particularly... ebullient.

I created THIS last night. (warning: image may require the donning of shades prior to viewing)

When in fact it was a sumo challenge. As I completely ignored it and walked around him, he became quite irate with my perceived dishonour and began to shout obscenities and insults at me for not facing him in the ring of battle. Sweaty, naked, man fat battle.

If he didn't throw out salt, then he was doing it wrong, and you're absolved of any lack of honor.

Oh great. The Mastercard Of The Beast.

One of my regular customers had that card's neighbor. 665

SC: “I’ve been ordering tickets every year for 5 years and I haven’t won yet. Why is that?”

The worst part of this is just how much money has he spent in that 5 years of ordering tickets?

4:37am:
I advise security. Security advises me they do not take security calls.


4:38-4:40am:
Several minutes are required to process and recover from a fit of "What the fuck?".

Wait... What? :scratch:

Do the people who pay them to be security know that they are refusing to be security?

Security needs to be fired and tasered. Then tasered again.

Preferably fired out of a cannon. >_>

Urrrggh. That's just sickening.

I can be quite disturbingly chipper on demand.

Luckily for the masses (and my own continued health), I use this power so sparingly that few know I even have it.

^-.-^

[Megg]

Poor GK. Wanna hear something truly horrifying?

What do you get when you combine the Hells Angels, the Bloods, the Crips and the Mafia? Apparently, the answer to the war in Afghanistan.

This is not the first time I have come across this theory. I have blocked the source, sadly, but I think someone actually said this to me when I lived in Idaho. Ahh, the frozen north.

[Sapphire Silk]

Hot Tips

What do you get when you combine the Hells Angels, the Bloods, the Crips and the Mafia? Apparently, the answer to the war in Afghanistan. Which is rather odd because my answer was “Buried in cement in a shallow, unmarked grave under an overpass for even asking in the first place”. But hey, what do I know about military strategy?

Fixed it for you

The End Of Days Is Upon Us

Me: “And can you tell me the security code on the back of the card, please?”
SC: “Oh, I don’t know what that is….”
Me: “It’s a 3 digit number on the back of the card to the right of your signature.”
SC: “Oh, umm……666? I think it says 666.”

Oh great. The Mastercard Of The Beast. Thanks a lot, lady. Now you’ve gone and unleashed the Credit of the Damned upon us. Ushering in a 1000 years of darkness and defaulted mortgages.

So THAT'S who's responsible for the economic meltdown of 2008! Now that you've identified the Anti-Christ, the Battle of Medgo can't be too far behind.

If Only They Could Read The Sign

SC: “I’ve been ordering tickets every year for 5 years and I haven’t won yet. Why is that?”
Me: “…….”
SC: “Could it be because my name hasn’t been drawn yet?”

A waiting list! How come nobody told me there was a waiting list!

Hot Tips

SC: “You know Prince Charles is the Anti-Christ so what you need to do is make Sarah Palin the head of the CIA and the FBI. America needs more people like her.”

Well, now we know who has the Mastercard of Doom . . . .

Well, You Have To Admit It's Working

SC: “I’m complaining about apartment xxx. Their alarm clock keeps going off at 5am!”

Apartment living sucks. Perhaps this fellow should consider renting a house.


And the beat goes on, la de da de dah . . . .

[Jester]

Oh, umm……666? I think it says 666.”

Oh great. The Mastercard Of The Beast.

At my first restaurant job, I was delivering the check to a table, and with tax the total came to $6.66, which I found greatly amusing, so I had to share this information with the people at that table. Upon hearing this, they half-chuckled in a nervous way, so I jut couldn't resist pulling my trump card. "It's actually funnier than that...you're sitting at Table 13." Stunned silence. Then: "We'll have another soda, please." They wanted NO part of that check at that table!

SC: “I’ve been ordering tickets every year for 5 years and I haven’t won yet. Why is that?”
Me: “…….”
SC: “Could it be because my name hasn’t been drawn yet?”

Or perhaps that you can't do math? Odds of winning are very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY small. You could play for 100 years and probably still wouldn't know. Obviously no one has explained ODDS to this person.

Now I've Been In The Office Too Long
( Fuck you, Daylight Savings >.> )

You would love living in Arizona. They do not observe Daylight Savings Time, and they don't change their clocks....they just keep switching time zones as States around them switch their clocks. When my non-Arizona friends ask me about this, I answer simply: "Arizona really doesn't need more sunlight!"

Their alarm clock is disturbing the peace? Damn. This must be one hell of an alarm clock.

I have a brutally effective alarm clock. It has a couple of features that make it awesome. First is that the alarm is an obnoxious beeping that is FUCKING LOUDER THAN HELL! More than one woman who has enjoyed my bed at night has wanted to kill that clock in the morning. And I mean KILL. It WILL wake the dead. Which, considering my tendency to sleep LIKE the dead, is probably a good thing. I do try to warn my female companions about this, but often forget due to being severely distracted by their company.

Oh, and the second great feature of the Alarm Clock From Hell is that the snooze bar is the entire top of the clock, meaning I can slam my fist down on the clock with all the fury of someone who has been woken from the dead by a viciously obnoxious blaring, and it will shut off....and wake me up again in seven minutes. Somehow, despite my constant abuse of the Alarm Clock From Hell, it has survived unscathed. I have been in Key West for 11 years, and this damn clock came to town with me.

But I know I am not the neighbor in question, as the emergency number for the complex goes to an answering service here in town, not in Canada.

SC: “Can somebody go up and knock on their door?”

"Yes. You."

4:37am:
I advise security. Security advises me they do not take security calls.

That's like a bartender not serving drinks, an operator not answering phones, or a politician not taking bribes. What the fuck are they there for?

Then again, considering that I have seen football teams with defense that didn't play defense, I shouldn't be surprised by security not taking security calls. Not everyone actually performs the function they are supposed to.

I once had a job that had a very simple, very effective policy. Many coworkers hated it, but I thought it was awesome, since I am not a lazy piece of shit. What was the policy? If management heard you say about a particular task, "That's not my job," you were fired on the spot.

The basic philosophy being that everything in a restaurant is the job of every restaurant employee. I LIKED that policy. Kept the lazy douchebags a bit less lazy....or at least less vocal about how lazy they were.

This part entertained me greatly. Do you know why the beast was in the hall, by any chance?

I am going to hazard a call and say the root cause was alcohol. Just going out on a limb here, of course.

[Andara Bledin]

<pedant>
It's Daylight Saving Time.

Only the one 's'.

It's a verb, not a noun.
</pedant>

Carry on.

^-.-^

[El Pollo Guerrera]

I, too, live in an area that does not change it's clocks when the Daylight Savings change happens. It's the north-eastern corner of BC.

It does suck, because all television happens one hour later... Lunch hour news at 1, six o'clock news at 7, Jon Stewart at midnight, etc.

Plus, relatives that live in GK's area tend to forget the time change and call during dinner.


I do hope to hear if there is any fallout regarding the (lack of) security at that apartment building.

I am going to hazard a call and say the root cause was alcohol. Just going out on a limb here, of course.

"Alcohol: the cause of and answer to life's problems."

[Mytical]

Ok, I try to not comment on GK's posts, cause they are so epic on their own..they don't need my comments , but something bugs me here. In fact it is threatening to drop my IQ to dangerously low levels.

Security that doesn't take security calls? Now I know there are sometimes I am not 'supposed' to leave my post..and my managers can be a bit dense, but even THEY are aware enough to realize that if I get a security call, as security, I should (oh I don't know) answer it? Wait..that makes sense, right..can't have that now can we....

[Jester]

<pedant>
It's Daylight Saving Time.

Only the one 's'.

It's a verb, not a noun.
</pedant>

Feel free to be pedantic. And grammatically, you may well be correct. But this is just like many other sayings where the common, oft-used version is grammatically incorrect. Almost everyone says "Daylight Savings Time," including the media. It's the way I've always heard it, it's the way most people I know have always heard it, and it's the way I'm going to keep saying it, because it just sounds right that way, even if it is wrong.

Then again, I'm from Arizona. We don't change our clocks. What the hell do I know about Daylight Saving OR Daylight Savings Time?

It does suck, because all television happens one hour later... Lunch hour news at 1, six o'clock news at 7, Jon Stewart at midnight, etc.

This happens to a lesser degree in Arizona. The upshot is that on Sundays in the fall, we get an extra hour to sleep in before football games kick off. (11 am kickoff for the early games instead of 10, as it is in the first half of the season.) Local news doesn't change, as it is state-wide, and the news stations stick with the same time. Most tv shows aren't live, so network shows don't change. Some live shows would be affected, but often times they are tape-delayed for the West Coast anyways (such as Saturday Night Live). I imagine that some national news shows shift, but I can't really recall. Weird. I don't know what goes on with that.

Plus, relatives that live in GK's area tend to forget the time change and call during dinner.

That sometimes is a problem with friends and family calling to Zona as well, but usually we can educate them pretty well, to the point where most people with friends or family IN Zona know that when they change their clocks, Zona changes their time zone....and they adjust appropriately.

"Alcohol: the cause of and answer to life's problems."

Thank you, Homer Simpson!

ETA: The actual quote is "Here's to alcohol: the cause of...and answer to all of life's problems."

[Kristev]

I know what the beast in the hall needs: Vitameatavegamin!" Lol.

[Andara Bledin]

It does suck, because all television happens one hour later... Lunch hour news at 1, six o'clock news at 7, Jon Stewart at midnight, etc.

Actually, it's the other way around. Everything has just now gone back to Standard time, which is when it would otherwise stay if we didn't observe Daylight time. So, it's not happening an hour later so much as it's no longer happening an hour earlier.

The easy way to know which is Daylight is to also be aware that it's referred to as Summer Time outside of the US.

^-.-^

[fireheart]

The easy way to know which is Daylight is to also be aware that it's referred to as Summer Time outside of the US.

^-.-^

we call it Daylight Savings Time....

[C. Cecil Ivanish]

I give up. This week sucked.

Here I have a question.
...as opposed to the amazingly motivating past weeks?

SC: “Can you do whatever it is you do again?”

"What, say that you are an idiot? Oh, don't worry, I will. On a public forum."

It appears I was inexplicably challenged to a sumo match this evening on the way here.

Aren't you honoured?
No?
...
...
Good call.

SC: “I’ve been ordering tickets every year for 5 years and I haven’t won yet. Why is that?”

This is at least on pair with "Give me a ticket, the winning one".

SC: “HAVEN’T YOU EVER HEARD THE NAME NICOLE BEFORE?!?!?”

"I have. Have you?"

SC: “You’re about as much help as a headache.”

"And you are about as much pleasant as a kick in the crotch with steel-top boots."

SC: “Can somebody go up and knock on their door?”

Hadn't he/she/it already been at their door, listening? Do they lack the ability to knock?
Oh, wait, it is one of Gravekeeper's callers. Sorry for the silly question.

This leads him to discover a drunken beast sleeping in the hallway. Clutching a 6 pack lovingly to its chest.

This is a seriously cute image. Kind of.

4:37am:
I advise security. Security advises me they do not take security calls.

And this takes the cake. No ranting caller from the "members only" gene pool. No "Prince Charles is an alien" supporter. This does.
And, wait - the caller was actually OK? I mean, no idiot, no weirdo, no moron?
How did it happen?
Unless it was that very same drunken beast calling you on himself.

Was the 6-pack at least sent to a good, loving home?
Enquiring minds and all that.

This is a VERY good question, with lots oif valid points. We wait for an answer.

Security that doesn't take security calls? Now I know there are sometimes I am not 'supposed' to leave my post..and my managers can be a bit dense, but even THEY are aware enough to realize that if I get a security call, as security, I should (oh I don't know) answer it? Wait..that makes sense, right..can't have that now can we...

...at least take charge of calling the Police or something?

we call it Daylight Savings Time....

...let's agree and call it Daylight's Savings Times?

[Cat]

This is why I'd suggest having a pair of Iron Boots handy. They somehow help you win sumo matches against opponants much heavier than you.

Completely off topic, but I love your Zelda references....I keep forgetting to mention that

[Gravekeeper]

Was the 6-pack at least sent to a good, loving home?

Honestly, the police probably would have poured it out on the curb. So I fear it's end was tragic.

This part entertained me greatly. Do you know why the beast was in the hall, by any chance?

The building in question, and indeed most buildings that company owns, are.....occasionally problematic lets say. They are not in bad neighbourhoods, but the government is the one paying for some if not all of the rent for many of the tenants. Which inevitably leads to some real winners living in their buildings. Beast Calls are actually not that uncommon. But usually the Beasts in question eventually manage to make it to their apartment or security comes and gives them a hand.

Which brings us back to security and the many questions swirling around them at the moment. Honestly I'm not to sure either. The security company that handles the buildings also deals with the property management stuff at night ( water leaks, noise, etc ). However, in the past they've always gone to round up Beasts when I've called or deal with noise complaints and the like. So I was rather perplexed they declined this one.

Not only declined it, but shifted the odus back upon me to call the police and handle the situation. When my job is only suppose to be the intermediary between reporter and responder. Resolving the situation is not suppose to be my job. But I can't not do anything with it now that I'm aware of the situation and the fact security isn't going to resolve it. Because the arseholes have neatly absolved themselves of it and put the responsibility of it back on me. So if anything happened, they'd just go "Oh well we told them to call the police so its totally not our fault.".

I'm sure if we switched jobs for a week we'd end up with just as amusing a post next monday.

As long as said job involved interacting with <shudder> humanity. My disdain runs deep. -.-

There are quite a lot of "security" services down here in Florida that provide unarmed, mostly untrained workers to sit at a post like a front desk or vehicle gate. They really aren't allowed to leave their post for anything. The thought is that they will deter crime, but all they can do is call 911 if anything happens.

These guys won't even call 911. What they apparently do is sit around in case they need to call a plumber.

The worst part of this is just how much money has he spent in that 5 years of ordering tickets?

Standard ticket prices for every one of these lotteries, year round, is usually $100 per ticket. >.>

This is not the first time I have come across this theory.

I've oft wondered if either him or Vick have some sort of blog or website devoted to their...worldview. But alas I have not yet found one if they do.

At my first restaurant job, I was delivering the check to a table, and with tax the total came to $6.66, which I found greatly amusing, so I had to share this information with the people at that table. Upon hearing this, they half-chuckled in a nervous way, so I jut couldn't resist pulling my trump card. "It's actually funnier than that...you're sitting at Table 13."

You are an evil man. But this is why I like you.

I have a brutally effective alarm clock.

What got me with that call, was even if it was equally as brutally effective, its only going to go off for so long. Its not like it had been going off all night or was going to go off all day.

Still, I'd love to know what the police thought of it.

Here I have a question.
...as opposed to the amazingly motivating past weeks?

Not motivating persay, but at least...bearable. This week I was training a new employee for half the week. Then a big midnight sales deadline hit on one of our accounts. Then once that was over I got hit with Daylight Saving Time extending my shift by an hour. On a day I already have to hang out in the office for an extra 30 minutes because there's no transit running yet.

So I'd been in the office over 10 hours by the time I got out of there.