Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

March Of The Assholes and Other Stories (long)

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • #1

    March Of The Assholes and Other Stories (long)

    (Pulling out the disco beats for some cheering up tonight again)

    5, count them, 5 in about an hour at my Aid of Rite, and each of us got two assholes to deal with.

    1. On my counter we have bottles of Aid Of Rite brand hand sanitizer we are supposed to sell for the quarterly competition thing, and they have a GIANT sign behind them that is hard to miss that says "BUY ONE GET ONE FREE". I had just finished ringing out a customer, when he grabs one of the bottles, opens it, squirts some sanitizer out and rubs his hands.

    "Excuse me, that is not for your personal use."

    "Ok." *walks off*

    2. Our photo machine needs a new screen because the calibration is WAY off and no amount of fixing it has done anything. Woman comes up and throws a fit at SM because the screen is broken and there is no sign.

    "We are keeping that kiosk open because our today prints are broken and we need to be able to do express prints."

    "YOU NEED TO PUT UP A SIGN THAT THE MACHINE IS BROKEN! HOW DARE EVERYTHING BE BROKEN IN THIS PLACE? YOU NEED TO FIX IT!"

    "We have a new screen on the way."

    "BUT THIS ONE IS BROKEN NOW WHY IS THERE NOT A SIGN? FROTH RAGE BLARGH"

    3. I'm in line paying for some sweet onion chips and a "Milky Galaxy" bar in dark chocolate (om nom nom). I have the chips but not the bar. The guy behind me is getting huffy because I have to reach over to the side to get the bar. I turn around after paying and guy is less than 2 inches from me hurrying me up so he can pay. Cashier A2 asks for ID, he throws a bitch fit that he was born in 1974 and this FUCKING CRAZY we ask for an ID.

    4. I am back from lunch and another guy comes up with beer and his father-in law. A2 asks for ID, guy pulls out a cracked and beaten up license. Guy is way old enough but still.

    "I cannot accept this, I am sorry."

    "THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY YOU ARE GOING TO DENY MY 72 YEAR OLD FATHER IN LAW BEER?!?"

    "I am so sorry, have a good day."

    5. Similarly, I was trying to explain the rewards program to an older woman and this pushy bitch had to interrupt for a pack of "Small Mall" cigarettes and SHE WAS IN A HURRY.

    Radioactive Squirrels From The Planet Zork

    I had a splint on my finger for 2 weeks to help it heal from a sprain from a counterfeit dollar (I posted about it a couple weeks ago if you want the story). I wear wrist braces to help my carpal tunnel and everyone ignored those. I got asked by every other customer every day I worked for those 2 weeks, "WHAT DID YOU DO."

    "I sprained it."

    "HOW?!?"

    "I slammed it."

    I BADLY wanted to tell someone that it got bitten by radioactive squirrels from the planet Zork to get them to stop asking. I didn't get the chance, I took the splint off today and my finger's been fine since.

    You Short Shit

    I wish I had told this guy to fuck off because he would NOT stop commenting on how short I was. "You LITTLE shit" "Shorty" "Shrimpy". Finally he went away.

    How Many Techs Does It Take To Fix A Photo Machine?

    Three. One to do the work and all three to stand around shooting the breeze and interrupting traffic flow in photo and then at the registers and then in the office. SM told them that they needed to either fix the machine or get out of the office so she could do her work.

    Bonus: Irony

    "Good afternoon, thank you for calling Aid of Rite, this is ralerin speaking, how may I help you?"

    *child wailing extremely close by* "Do you do WIC?"

    "No we do not. We accept foodstamp and SNAP"

    "*CHILD SCREAMS DIRECTLY INTO PHONE*"

    "OWWWWWW!!!" *i slap hand directly over ear*

    "TREASURE STOP THAT *CLICK*"

    Treasure? More like DEMON.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.-Winston Churchill
    Tags: None
  • #2
    At some point in the day I'd get frustrated about the finger and just say "A customer did it". Cue the sympathy card.
    A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

    Comment

    • #3
      My first thought when I read the title was March of the Fuckheads by Nine Inch Nails. That would also have worked for the herd of EWness that you and your coworkers had to endure.

      I'm sorry that you had to deal with so much shit. That guy that kept commenting on your height needs to get a life. He's more than likely lacking in a particular area

      Out of curiosity, why couldn't your coworker accept that older guy's ID? Is it company policy or law that you can't take beaten and battered IDs? Was it expired? I've had to work very little with IDing people, other than for video games, so I'm pretty clueless when it comes to that
      "So, let's build a snowman! We can make him our best friend. We can name him Bob or we can name him Beowulf! We can make him tall, or we can make him not so tall!"

      Comment

      • #4
        Those radioactive squirrels from the Planet Zork DO get around don't they? They dropped a box of floor tiles on my foot the other day. OUCH!

        Hope your finger is feeling better.
        The large print giveth, and the small print taketh away.

        Comment

        • #5
          i hate idiots and their oh so clever short jokes; here, go play with these scissors out in the street.

          Treasure? More like DEMON.
          he's a treasure? good, go bury him.
          look! it's ghengis khan!
          Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

          Comment

          • #6
            Quoth ExRetailDrone View Post
            Out of curiosity, why couldn't your coworker accept that older guy's ID? Is it company policy or law that you can't take beaten and battered IDs? Was it expired? I've had to work very little with IDing people, other than for video games, so I'm pretty clueless when it comes to that
            Because it was beaten, peeled, expired, cracked, etc. It looked it went for a trip down the highway at 120 mph while being dragged by a string.

            he's a treasure? good, go bury him.
            That was the little girl's name. I'm serious.
            Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.-Winston Churchill

            Comment

            • #7
              1 - It was not me!
              2 - Treasure is my nick-name and screen name everywhere - my mother did not actually name me that.
              3 - mine is a joke: "I'm a pirates dream, I have a Large Chest and a Full Booty"


              and just remember (while you're not supposed to harm a sc) you're elbows and fists are at perfect height for soft fleshy-squishy bits - a subtle reminder that your tall boyfriend is cautious about walking behind you usually does the trick.

              or the old, "dynamite comes in small packages" often works too.

              at 4'10" I too am short, and have gotten similar harassment about it.
              I am well versed in the "gentle" art of verbal self-defense

              Once is an accident; Twice is coincidence; Thrice is a pattern.

              http://www.gofundme.com/treasurenathanwedding

              Comment

              • #8
                I hate when people comment on someone else's size--height or weight. The first story I posted here was about the woman who screeched in my ear about one of my co-workers being "three feet tall!" (She is short but not that short).

                I also hate when people let their kids scream into the phone, then get insulted when you ask them to please not let the kid do that. Arrrrgh!

                March of the Fuckheads by Nine Inch Nails.
                Not familiar with this, but I'll have to look it up online. It could be the theme music for a busy day at work here!
                When you start at zero, everything's progress.

                Comment

                • #9
                  a girl? still, go bury it. that kid's gonna hate her parents come school...
                  look! it's ghengis khan!
                  Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    My youngest daughter is short. When a jerk was tormenting a short cashier at her sisters work, youngest (who was about the same height) broke in and said to the cashier "don't you just LOVE being short enough to castrate a jerk without having to bend over? I do! and since my sister is a vet assist, I know 3 ways to do so." Then she turned to the jerk and said "Hey, want me to demonstrate on you?". Sadly he decided to leave before she could do so. Meanwhile her sister, sister's friend and I are cracking up a couple registers away.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      "BUT THIS ONE IS BROKEN NOW WHY IS THERE NOT A SIGN? FROTH RAGE BLARGH"
                      because even if there was a sign one or more of the following would happen

                      - people wouldn't read it
                      - people would pull it down to look at the screen (and then complain that there's no sign)
                      - people would complain that it wasn't obvious enough or big enough
                      - people would demand a sign at the door as well or at other places

                      Comment

                      Previous template Next
                      Working...
                      X