Leave English Alone!

[C. Cecil Ivanish]

That reminds me of the Dilbert where they get the Manager to reboot his laptop by shaking it really hard. It turned out that the laptop in question was just an Etch-A-Sketch.

Makes me think of one of the managers I had at my old job. He'd be able to believe that it's the way to go for a proper laptop. I'm actually surprised that the IT guy we had never tried it on him, with the evil sense of humour he has (probably he'd love this forum, too).

[El Pollo Guerrera]

And I keep thinking of that Dilbert strip in which the Manager is told that "the Internet is full" and starts draining it by holding a random cable over a bin.

That reminds me of the Dilbert where they get the Manager to reboot his laptop by shaking it really hard. It turned out that the laptop in question was just an Etch-A-Sketch.

[Seshat]

How many Os in Woolloomooloo?
Ask me once and I'll tell you true.
Two for the W. Two for the M.
Four for the Ls, that's enough for them.


Yes, it's a genuine Australian place - and a genuine children's rhyme.

[Ghel]

And that stands for POOL!

We've surely got trouble!

[C. Cecil Ivanish]

What if one does not beat these games you folks speak of? Now, don't get me wrong, I think there should be some kind of qualifying test to use the internet, I just don't think it should be games, as not everyone who uses the internet intelligently (like myself) is a gamer. Hell, before this thread, I had never heard of any of these games. But I am good enough on the net to sound almost intelligent in discussions and debates, and good enough at finding things on the net that my friends will often ask me to find things for them. Just not a gamer.

Nah, you made it too serious now
On the other hand - I never finished Myst myself, so I'm on your side!

Actually, the real qualifier should probably just be "Have you ever phoned a relative to get them to "fix the Internets". "

This makes a lot of sense, actually.

I'd like to add a corollary rule. If you've ever said the phrase, "My Internet is broken," your test just got harder.

I'd say, if you did, you fail. Bye, thank you for playing along.
And I keep thinking of that Dilbert strip in which the Manager is told that "the Internet is full" and starts draining it by holding a random cable over a bin.

Well, no, but I should explain that while I am fine USING the internet, I know fuck all about the computer itself that allows me to do that. A good analogy comes to me from the movie "Days of Thunder," when Tom Cruise's character explain to Robert Duvall's character that, while he can drive the car, he can't describe what the hell is wrong with it, or right with it, or anything like that....he just knows how to drive!

Hmm, sounds like me... in both cases, actually. I can drive, and I can use a computer (and I perform both actions daily), I even WORK through a computer, but as soon as there is a glitch I humbly walk to Lurch our IT guy with a line like "'puter not behaving, not a clue what's wrong, sorry mate". Thankfully he's good, patient and paid well enough to not strangle me with an Ethernet cable.

[Jester]

Actually, the real qualifier should probably just be "Have you ever phoned a relative to get them to "fix the Internets."

Well, no, but I should explain that while I am fine USING the internet, I know fuck all about the computer itself that allows me to do that. A good analogy comes to me from the movie "Days of Thunder," when Tom Cruise's character explain to Robert Duvall's character that, while he can drive the car, he can't describe what the hell is wrong with it, or right with it, or anything like that....he just knows how to drive!

Whenever something goes wrong with my computer, something that rebooting won't fix, and that I can't figure out what the problem is (which happens every few months), I'll wander into my roommate Mr. Anti-Social's room with a deer in the headlights look.

MAS: "Yes?"
JESTER: "Something's wrong with my computer."
MAS: "What?"
JESTER: "Um....I don't know. It just won't work."
MAS: *sigh* "How did you break it this time?"
JESTER: "I don't know!"
MAS: *longer sigh* "Stupid American. Okay, show me what the problem is."

And then he fixies it. And I buy him a case of Coke or a bottle of rum or something. And everyone's happy.

And I'm still clueless. I can drive the damn thing, but when things start going south, I have no idea what or why.

Nothing, but V rhymes with P and I'm both a smartass and a pervert.

Fair enough!

[LingualMonkey]

There's still the Sun Dial!

Actually, the real qualifier should probably just be "Have you ever phoned a relative to get them to "fix the Internets". "

>.>

I'd like to add a corollary rule. If you've ever said the phrase, "My Internet is broken," your test just got harder.

It's not your damn Internet. It's not your damn Internet that's broken. It's your damn Internet connection that has the problem.

[dalesys]

Nothing, but V rhymes with P ...

And that stands for POOL!

[Mr Hero]

Two questions.

1. What is wrong with "V, like in Venus"? Makes perfect sense to me!

Nothing, but V rhymes with P and I'm both a smartass and a pervert.

[Skeksin]

Wild

Me: “In what city?”
SC: “Keremeos”
Me: “Al-“
SC: “We’re the fruit stand capital of Canada!”

Really. Fascinating. You must be so proud. Admittedly “fruit stand” wasn’t what came to mind when I heard the name. “Pokemon” on the other hand. Still, fruit stand capital, eh? Must be a wild and crazy place up there. Fruit is synomous with par-tay you know. I'm amazed you dragged yourself away from snorting raisins off a hookers chest long enough to call.

Powdered Raisins.

Intermediary

Over the course of this excruciatingly long call I have made several observations. Which I would like to share with you, the caller, so that in the future you may make some effort to avoid these pitfalls. Thus making both of our lives easier.

First of all, if you’re going to be the one talking and placing the order please ensure you are also the one actually holding the catalog. Your constant need to consult with someone else in the background regarding the contents of the catalog is magnifying the length of this call in an alarming and completely unnecessary fashion. As is your need to consult with them about every single product number of the order as well as the size and colour of each product.

Really, you have nothing to do with this call whatsoever but for some reason Background Monkey is insisting on communicating through you. Why this is, I do not know. You have the intellect, verbal skills and vocabulary of a wet dish towel. You’re not exactly the first candidate I would choose as my intermediary. This call would go much faster if she spoke to me directly through an actual wet dish towel.

I'm thinking some kind of Ur-Quan/Dnyarri relationship.

Oh and I've beaten most of the Space Quest series (curse you "get Orat part"!) as well as Kings Quest and Leisure Suit Larry. on 5.25 or 3.5 floppies. Also while I have called a relative to get internet back on that is due to the fact he runs the wireless transmit towers that broadcast the signal and I had already determined it wasn't equipment in my home. This good enough for that internet license?

[Gravekeeper]

2. What if one does not beat these games you folks speak of?

There's still the Sun Dial!

Actually, the real qualifier should probably just be "Have you ever phoned a relative to get them to "fix the Internets". "

>.>

[Jester]

Two questions.

1. What is wrong with "V, like in Venus"? Makes perfect sense to me!

2. What if one does not beat these games you folks speak of? Now, don't get me wrong, I think there should be some kind of qualifying test to use the internet, I just don't think it should be games, as not everyone who uses the internet intelligently (like myself) is a gamer. Hell, before this thread, I had never heard of any of these games. But I am good enough on the net to sound almost intelligent in discussions and debates, and good enough at finding things on the net that my friends will often ask me to find things for them. Just not a gamer.

[Princess-Snake]

Here's my preferred method. Cookies for reference.
I is for Imagine
M is for Me
A is for the letter A
G is for Gee
I is for Imagine
N is for Nice
E is for Egad! I said Imagine twice!

Actually, you said it three times.

[Gravekeeper]

You're going to force me to come up with some sort of Internet time equation index aren't you? >.>

Most of the town names up that far north tend to have upwards of 3-4 K's and/or Q's in the name. This tends to pass upon to the residents as well. It can be quite daunting sometimes.

Kekertukdjuak, Qausuittuq, Qikiqtarjuaq and Tikiraqjuaq for example.

I know it looks like I just bashed my face into the keyboard, but I assure you these are real, tangible locations.

[cinema guy]

I had a caller this evening with six O’s in her name. SIX. O’S.

Sounds like the letters I was getting in Scrabble tonight.

Not a person's name, but I feel that I should mention that the name of the town I was born in is Oconomowoc.

And again.