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I get in today, and am immediately beset by a great migration of people who think I care about their piddly little problems/think I am a manager...
One mother and daughter (I assume... one was a haggish old bint, the other was obviously younger...) are at one of my registers, trying to get their mac & cheese to scan, while the screen says, "Please place item on scanner". I had just cleared a bag being moved off the scale for them, and they're gangbanging the register for it to take their mac & cheese. I walk over and ask if they had produce?
"No."
"What was the last thing you scanned?"
"Bread."
Of course... I reach into the bag in their cart and pull out their bag of bread and set it on the scanner, and that is apparently the same as staring a gorilla in the eyes, as hag explodes!
"Why aren't there more registers open?"
"All our cashiers are on registers...?"
"What about you?"
"I'm NOT a cashier. I can't run a register."
"This is bad customer service."
Note: ALL but... two registers are occupied, and backed up five deep at that point. I have all four Uscan registers full as well. I am NOT about to jump on a register right now, as that's a sure way to have a metric ass ton of problems crop up at Uscan...
"Void my order, I'll go to a line!"
Also note: she's two items in to a maybe ten item order... oh, gods, no, what'll I do?
I hardly even had the chance to turn around after voiding the hag's order, that I get cornered by a customer who just came through a real line, and is complaining about her bagger (side note: Why do we call them courtesy clerks? When did 'bagger' become a bad word?), who just put two flats of Gatorade on top of her yogurt.
Here's a thought, did you put the yogurt on the belt before you put the Gatorade flats on the belt? Baggers bag as the items come down the belt, as fast as they can... to get you the hell out of the way.
I help her lift the Gatorade off, and reposition her bags so the Gatorade's on the bottom, and I check her receipt to see who bagged her stuff, and pass the message on to a floor manager, as she was "too busy to complain right now" bullshit.
Once again, people fail to understand that a coupon that says, "$5.00 off 1 item!" means I can't fucking take $5 off a $2 item, even if they bought four of the damn things. And she was a coupon slut, too, one of those who gives you a pile of coupons just to waste your life... I scanned all but one of her other coupons (two sets of twelve or thirteen coupons, for two different items) and she had another stack of coupons for $5 off 1 item, probably had ten of those, and had a total of five items of that brand on her order. Three of those were on sale, 3 for $7, the other two were $9.49, buy one, get one. So, in total, she was spending $16.49, and wanted to use $50 worth of coupons.
NO, HOMEY DON'T PLAY DAT! *quarters in a sock*
I will NOT pay you to shop here, bitch.
I walk over and we discuss why I can't... and I point out that I could override ONE coupon. Cause she has one item that qualifies, but the system kicked the coupon back at me, probably for a reason...
"Well, can you remove these, then?"
"What?"
"These..." *being extremely vague about what*
It takes me a while, but I eventually figure out she wants me to take off the three that are $7 total. I do so, and hit the pay button, and suddenly, the other $9 item rings up free (I think... at least, that's what it looks like...) so, I call a manager over, he checks it out after hearing me explain, and eventually suspends her order, and takes her to a real register so he can try to figure it out. And comes up with exactly what I tried to beat into her skull.
Cashiers leave, I get a customer who is pretty much done with his (and his girl's) order, but the system keeps spitting back error messages when he tries to pay. Error messages I've never seen (EBT VOID something...) so I call the night manager up to help me. And another customer growls about there not being cashiers up front. Of course, because I don't get that every single GODS DAMNED NIGHT!
"I have someone on his way up to help me with this problem over here, but he'll probably stick around if you need..."
"Well, which register will he be on?"
"That depends on if he stays... I'd assume it'll be register 1, since it has a till..."
"Should I start unloading?"
I don't care... "I'm not sure how busy he is right now... he might just come up to fix this error, he might stick around... so..."
Manager comes up, and I fill him in about the error, and go to work on sorting the gobacks, and miss too good for Uscan yells across both banks of registers at me, "Is ANYONE coming up?"
I turn and point at manager, who is hanging out at my computer. "He's got another problem to take care of first, though."
One of the file clerks apparently heard that, and asked the manager if he wanted her to take care of the customer, so she jumped in and rang the bitch out, while the manager eventually suspended the problem order and took it to a register.
And Juwl returned to the gas station to get soda on the way home, and 'accidentally' filled her cup with mostly cherry flavoring, only realizing when it was about half full what she had planned to do, and what she DID do, and then got the cream soda... oops...
To tie the penguins back in... my usual nightly roost has been overrun by nutcrackers. One of the ones on my roost is a penguin holding a chalkboard that says: "All I want for christmas is," and I kept hearing myself say: "Did someONE say penguin nutcracker? DonE! That's your third wish."
One mother and daughter (I assume... one was a haggish old bint, the other was obviously younger...) are at one of my registers, trying to get their mac & cheese to scan, while the screen says, "Please place item on scanner". I had just cleared a bag being moved off the scale for them, and they're gangbanging the register for it to take their mac & cheese. I walk over and ask if they had produce?
"No."
"What was the last thing you scanned?"
"Bread."
Of course... I reach into the bag in their cart and pull out their bag of bread and set it on the scanner, and that is apparently the same as staring a gorilla in the eyes, as hag explodes!
"Why aren't there more registers open?"
"All our cashiers are on registers...?"
"What about you?"
"I'm NOT a cashier. I can't run a register."
"This is bad customer service."
Note: ALL but... two registers are occupied, and backed up five deep at that point. I have all four Uscan registers full as well. I am NOT about to jump on a register right now, as that's a sure way to have a metric ass ton of problems crop up at Uscan...
"Void my order, I'll go to a line!"
Also note: she's two items in to a maybe ten item order... oh, gods, no, what'll I do?
I hardly even had the chance to turn around after voiding the hag's order, that I get cornered by a customer who just came through a real line, and is complaining about her bagger (side note: Why do we call them courtesy clerks? When did 'bagger' become a bad word?), who just put two flats of Gatorade on top of her yogurt.
Here's a thought, did you put the yogurt on the belt before you put the Gatorade flats on the belt? Baggers bag as the items come down the belt, as fast as they can... to get you the hell out of the way.
I help her lift the Gatorade off, and reposition her bags so the Gatorade's on the bottom, and I check her receipt to see who bagged her stuff, and pass the message on to a floor manager, as she was "too busy to complain right now" bullshit.
Once again, people fail to understand that a coupon that says, "$5.00 off 1 item!" means I can't fucking take $5 off a $2 item, even if they bought four of the damn things. And she was a coupon slut, too, one of those who gives you a pile of coupons just to waste your life... I scanned all but one of her other coupons (two sets of twelve or thirteen coupons, for two different items) and she had another stack of coupons for $5 off 1 item, probably had ten of those, and had a total of five items of that brand on her order. Three of those were on sale, 3 for $7, the other two were $9.49, buy one, get one. So, in total, she was spending $16.49, and wanted to use $50 worth of coupons.
NO, HOMEY DON'T PLAY DAT! *quarters in a sock*
I will NOT pay you to shop here, bitch.
I walk over and we discuss why I can't... and I point out that I could override ONE coupon. Cause she has one item that qualifies, but the system kicked the coupon back at me, probably for a reason...
"Well, can you remove these, then?"
"What?"
"These..." *being extremely vague about what*
It takes me a while, but I eventually figure out she wants me to take off the three that are $7 total. I do so, and hit the pay button, and suddenly, the other $9 item rings up free (I think... at least, that's what it looks like...) so, I call a manager over, he checks it out after hearing me explain, and eventually suspends her order, and takes her to a real register so he can try to figure it out. And comes up with exactly what I tried to beat into her skull.
Cashiers leave, I get a customer who is pretty much done with his (and his girl's) order, but the system keeps spitting back error messages when he tries to pay. Error messages I've never seen (EBT VOID something...) so I call the night manager up to help me. And another customer growls about there not being cashiers up front. Of course, because I don't get that every single GODS DAMNED NIGHT!
"I have someone on his way up to help me with this problem over here, but he'll probably stick around if you need..."
"Well, which register will he be on?"
"That depends on if he stays... I'd assume it'll be register 1, since it has a till..."
"Should I start unloading?"
I don't care... "I'm not sure how busy he is right now... he might just come up to fix this error, he might stick around... so..."
Manager comes up, and I fill him in about the error, and go to work on sorting the gobacks, and miss too good for Uscan yells across both banks of registers at me, "Is ANYONE coming up?"
I turn and point at manager, who is hanging out at my computer. "He's got another problem to take care of first, though."
One of the file clerks apparently heard that, and asked the manager if he wanted her to take care of the customer, so she jumped in and rang the bitch out, while the manager eventually suspended the problem order and took it to a register.
And Juwl returned to the gas station to get soda on the way home, and 'accidentally' filled her cup with mostly cherry flavoring, only realizing when it was about half full what she had planned to do, and what she DID do, and then got the cream soda... oops...
To tie the penguins back in... my usual nightly roost has been overrun by nutcrackers. One of the ones on my roost is a penguin holding a chalkboard that says: "All I want for christmas is," and I kept hearing myself say: "Did someONE say penguin nutcracker? DonE! That's your third wish."
Don't chew on the poor penguins! 
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