The Evil Author of Doom and Destruction

[dalesys]

David Roth (the unfamous one) does a song "Air of the Dog" where a masseur apologizes to a customer for the dog under the table...


And the customer (not one of ours) says, "Uh, that was me."

[Kristev]

I'm never like that with my publishers. I'm quite respectful. It seems to work better for getting things done that way than getting irate or hostile does. But then, my big problem is I never have the money for a proper editor.

[Tama]

Here's a question...how much self-editing (I consider myself a generally good proofreader/editor) is good before one sends one's book off to a publisher for consideration?

[Seshat]

Enough to make the book print-ready, not so much as to lose all the spirit and flavour.

Yeah, it's a rough balance.

[Taboo]

I'd say edit for coherency - maybe even run it by someone else if you write like me. I tend to forget to say things because they've been in my head for so long that I just assume people know, when they don't. Check grammar/spelling as well. Don't get too into editing style though, if you do that for too long it'll become dry (overworked).

[Tama]

I've just got a lot of cleaning up to do after Nano, is all...

[Sapphire Silk]

He wrote a book about the Boer War. 234x156mm hardback. Very dull. Although after I was done with it, very grammatically correct.

The Boer War(s) is/are one of the most boring wars to read about to start with, IMHO (and I love military history). It won't help if the author made the dull even more so.

Mai Tai

1 oz. Light rum
1 oz. Gold rum
1/2 oz. Orange curaçao
1/2 oz orgeat syrup
1/3 oz simple syrup
1/2 oz fresh lime juice

Shake with ice. Strain into an ice filled glass. Float 1/2 oz dark rum (optional). Garnish with mint sprig, pineapple wedge, and cherry.

Repeat as necessary.

Hmmmmm.. Sounds wonderful.

[C. Cecil Ivanish]

ARGH ARGH ARGH ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doesn't bide well. If YOU post a long sequence of exclamation marks, it must be bad. Real bad.

I am this close to renting a machete (I only need it for a few hours, why buy one?) and going to town on one of my authors.

Good plot for a novel... Hmm... OK, short story. Very short.

It appears that with every book he got worse and worse. He shall do no more books with us. Some co-workers think he is actually becoming a little unbalanced, but I think he's just really nasty.

Ah, the thin line between someone who can't see sense and someone who won't... the former should be understood, supported and they should never publish books, while the latter should be bashed on their heads with volumes of the Encyclopaedia Britannica. And should never publish books.

His manuscript was two months late, even though he was repeatedly rung and emailed to remind him to hand it in. He kept saying it was finished but he was tweaking it.

...wouldn't there already be a reason not to publish the darned thing, here? From what you wrote it's not that his book will end uyp in the bestsellers list any time soon...

I wanted to tell him that intended to rip it apart anyway in the editing process...

...and probably now you would like to tear it apart phisically as well...

He was contracted to provide 40 colour pictures. He was three months late giving us any.

Strike two.

That's what he called me on the phone several times until I made a point of telling him I didn't like it. I am 25. I don't wear my hair in pigtails anymore.

...and I am sure that you do have a name, and that he knows it. I mean, it seems likely that you do, doesn't it

to make sure this happens, we tell all our authors exactly this. No room for error.
...
We told him this, and he yells that he refuses to do them again.

What a wanjerk[TM].

He wants a picture of himself on the back cover.

Tell him he can paste one there himself, on his author's copies.

His contract states he has to provide an index, or accept that we take money from his advance to pay to have one compiled for him. He refused to do one. Fine, we pay a freelancer, and the finance department take the cost out of his final advance payment. When he gets the cheque he rings up demanding why it's less than it should be? I tell him. He rages that we've stolen from him.

So, if he doesn't respect the terms of the contract (relative to pictures size/quality and deadlines) it is fine, and if you make him respects OTHER parts of the same you are BAAAAAAAD people, right?

Because the manuscript was two months late and the pictures were three months late, we had to move the book's publication date back 2 months.

I am thinking that he got a blinkin' good deal off yous.

When he realises it won't be out for Christmas he has a massive fit and writes angry letters

...because we ALL want a book about the Boer War for Christmas.
Maybe you can suggest him to pospone it until NEXT Christmas?

I need a drink.

First five rounds on me.

Wow what a douche. I promise you BB, WHEN (not if) I ever get published, I'll seem like a dream customer to work with.

Seconded!

Bookbint, you know you yourself could write a whole book on this. How not to be an author. I guarantee it sells millions.

...as long as you mention the Boer War, somehow.
No, seriously.
I'd buy one copy for myself and at least one for my sister.

I'm never like that with my publishers. I'm quite respectful. It seems to work better for getting things done that way than getting irate or hostile does.

Yep. And that's why you post here instead of being posted about.

[Tama]

What is this war anyway? I've never heard of it.

[C. Cecil Ivanish]

What is this war anyway?

...maybe something having to do with wild boars? They can be a pest, in some area, you know!

[XCashier]

He wrote a book about the Boer War.

Sounds like you could write a book about your dealings with this guy, and call it the Boor War!

Someone needs to sit this guy down and give him a face-to-face talk about how to work with publishers, and how He's Doing It Wrong. Doubt it'll get through, though.

[Tama]

I dunno, I've also heard they can be tasty...

[Rapscallion]

The Boer War(s) is/are one of the most boring wars to read about to start with, IMHO (and I love military history). It won't help if the author made the dull even more so.

May be better to rename it the 'bore' war?

Rapscallion

[dalesys]

May be better to rename it the 'bore' war?

Rapscallion

The Full Bore (of a Very Small Calibre Mind)

or as they may nay say in Canuckia:

Boo! Eh?

[Sapphire Silk]

May be better to rename it the 'bore' war?

Rapscallion

Sounds like you could write a book about your dealings with this guy, and call it the Boor War!

It's settled then: this guy is a bore and a boor.

What is this war anyway? I've never heard of it.

There was actually more than one Boer War. Basically, it was an uprising of Dutch settlers in English colonies in South Africa because the English wanted to outlaw slavery. The Boers won the first one, but had to go back under British rule when they started having problems with the Zulus. The second one was another uprising, one that was far nastier and bloody, and longer. The Brits won again.