Me or the waiter

[KuzcoLlama]

And may I gently (in that prison way) remind everyone that it will not turn into a debate about tipping and how much--EVERY SINGLE THREAD on tipping has gone down in flames. Not reading my warning is no excuse to continue.

Keep it about the sucky employee. That is all.

[nick1091]

To me, as a customer, the BIGGEST factor toward a waiter/waitress getting a decent tip is the attitude. If they make a mistake and forget an item on the order no big deal, just as long as they're gracious about it and work fast to fix it and make it good. It's all in the attitude and how I'm treated are the things that mean the most to me.

Agredd 100%. I'm probably an overtipper by nature (my sister and some of my friends have been waitresses, so I probably overcompensate) and I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to how many times they refill my drink, as if everything's ok, etc. I usually just chalk it up to them being busy, having a lot of ground to cover, etc.

However, if my server is rude, condescending, et al, I have no other conclusion to draw than they're just being a dick, and I tip accordingly.

[BusBus]

Wow, ST, that was certainly a sucky experience. I was surprised that you tipped at all (glad to hear that you got it back). When I am having a bad day, I do everything that I can to keep it to myself. I may vent to a listening colleague, but I never, ever take it out on anyone that I deal with. That's not cool. That guy should have left his chip at home instead of leaving it on his shoulder.

[Anakah]

It's their job to be nice and explain things to you. I have to explain how slot machine work (put the money in the slot) and I do it with a nice smile and let them know it's okay that it's their first time.

Making the customer feel like they're stupid is just unacceptable. It was his job to explain things to you and make sure you're doing good. That was very rude of him to indicate that his tip was not enough. You handled that very well. I think you're awesome. I can't believe he still has a job there. I would've asked to see his manager.

I think it sucks your night was probably ruined because he was too lazy to do his job. You sure enlightened him

[Lace Neil Singer]

I would have given him nothing, and would have definitely made a complaint. I am usually a good tipper, but as far as I'm concerned, any waiter/waitress who's rude, condescending and nasty will get nothing, not even a minimum tip.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

You wife was right, but...

Damn, you rock!!!!!!!

I feel so conflicted...

No conflict. A tip was left, a tip was returned. The waiter made the first move by returning the tip to the diner therefore he was saying by his actions that did not want the tip.

I try to tip as well as I can given the circumstances and as dictated by the level of service and when I leave a 10% tip I usually pen a little note explaining why I am being such a cheapskate.

Three examples.

1. Good service, broke as heck - Came in and found out that I had forgotten my debit card. Wife and I checked and found that we had enough for dinner and a small tip. Left note saying that we were happy with the service, just very short on cash and we would get her next time. Next time we asked for her table, got the same level of service and gave her 20% for the previous visit, and the current visit. Next time we came in the service from her was worthy of a 25% tip...which we gave.

2. Manalapin Diner - NJ, Poor service - Came in with our entire SCA group (30 people) and had our monthly after meeting dinner/social get together. Server was rude, snotty, inept, slow and when asked what was taking so long for some things we got him rolling his eyes, giving this great world weary sigh and "I only have two hands" with enough drama in his voice to make William Shatner proud. Bill came to $450 and he got $45 tip and a note explaining why we stiffed him.

3. Same place - next month - Came in again with the same 30 people. Waiter stayed past his shift, looked tired, busted his ass, didn't just bring hot tea but 2 caraffe's of hot water and a plate stacked with tea bags, was cheerful, made a few mistakes but was quick to fix them, laughed with us, joked with us and in general did a wonderful job. 30 people with an average bill of $15 each just tossed down $20 bills and said "Let him keep the change." Total bill was $450, his tip was $150. He even thanked us warmly as he was leaving (we were still chatting in the parking lot).

Never saw that waiter again sadly, he was only working there over the summer while waiting for college to start.

M

[BookstoreEscapee]

Hey, Manalapan Diner...I haven't been there in years...but I pass it almost every day We went there after my senior prom...and we used to go for breakfast when we did inventory and got out at 5 in the morning

[tollbaby]

It is not up to the waiter to decide that you don't "fit in" with his usual clientele. When I worked in the restaurant, I was always happy to see people attempting to broaden their horizons by trying new things, and was only too happy to explain the more esoteric points of lebanese cuisine with new clients (no, I'm not lebanese, but I did learn a lot working there!). I figured that if they liked the food, and I was nice to them, they'd come back!

All this butt-monkey managed to do was ensure that you'd never return, and that his restaurant would get a bit of bad word-of-mouth publicity. None of the restaurants I've ever eaten in (except maybe one) would ever tolerate that sort of behavior from their staff. Maybe that's because I live in Canada, but I doubt it.

(btw, here, there are two "minimum" wages... one for people who receive gratuities as part of their work, and one for everybody else)

[friendofjimmyk]

This reminds me of two stories of my own experience. I was a server myself at the time of both of these...

The first one - my ex-hubby and I went out to eat to a really, REALLY nice French bistro for Valentine's Day. We were nicely dressed, it was Texas - so I had on a summery type dress with spaghetti straps - I have two large tattoos on either shoulder that were exposed. Not sure if that meant anything, but that was my deduction for the rudeness of our server - he probably thought "White trash". My hubby, no tats and dressed very conservatively got much better treatment then I did and we were at the same table. My ex was also very well versed in wine and spirits and would talk a mean game with any wine stewart or bartender.

Anyway, the way the waiter would address me and then would address my hubby, I swear, he made me feel as if I were some prostitute rented for the evening! My ex didn't pick up on this - as he usually didn't notice much when it came to me hence the ex husband status - and chatted away with the server as if I wasn't even there. I made a few fine dining mistakes - not knowing which utensil to use or which side to put my bread plate when I was finished - the waiter very curtly corrected me both times. I swear I saw him roll his eyes and curl his nose on a couple occasions in my direction = then turn back to the hubby with a look as if to say, "these poor ladies of the night, pity pity!"

The other story - this time we went to lunch - my ex, a friend and I. We took this coupon - it was out of one of those entertainment books - for $6.00 of your lunch ticket. This was a nice Italian place. Awesome food. We rolled up in the place not looking like the normal patrons. My ex and our friend were fresh from a lunch shift themselves and still in their work uniforms - white shirts, black pants. I was sick and shouldn't have been out at all.

Anyway, we roll up into this place for "lunch". It was around 1:30 - 2:00ish and we were one of two tables in the place. The waiter was not rude, but you could tell he had his doubts in our abilities to take care of servers. We were slightly obnoxious - after all we drank 3 bottles of wine, before lunch drinks and after lunch cocktails - plus I was still smokin' weed at that time and was pretty glassy eyed and HUNGRY! Our lunch consisted of the drinks already mentioned - four appetizers, three entrees, three desserts - we were big eaters and drinkers at this time!!!

Anyway, our lunch bill - $275!!!! Then the ex whips out the $6 off coupon and our friend and I were like, "NO - DON'T DO IT!" But he gave it to the server. The poor server, the look on his face was priceless. I am sure he thought he was going to get screwed. He never really was that rude, just had a look that suggested he was very weirded out by us. We tipped 25%. However, we left it in the book. On the table, we left one dollar and one penny. Our friend convinced us that the way the penny and dollar were laid out was customary allowing the server to know they did an excellent job. However, that's all the server saw first. He didn't get the book until we left.

Anyway...sorry for the hijack.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Our friend convinced us that the way the penny and dollar were laid out was customary allowing the server to know they did an excellent job.

Sounds like he wanted to play a bit of a mean joke on the waiter, by making him think he'd been stiffed. There is no secret code about leaving small bills and pennies on the table.

And I can't believe the waiter corrected you on using utensils and whatnot. I think had that been me, I would have been sorely temped to use the fork on his butt when he turned around. Correcting someone's manners is considered TERRIBLY bad manners.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I would have just acted like a stereotypical white trash bitch, personally, just to annoy him further. Cuz I'm like that.

[BuhMule]

Every Saturday for about a year, I would pop into a local Chain-Diner for breakfast. After nearly 8 mos. of Saturdays, there was a new server for my section. The hostess put me at my usual table, and the young lady brought me coffee right away; since I was ready, she took my order too.

After a while, my coffee was empty. Didn't see my server anywhere. Since I'd been going there a while, I got up & grabbed the caraffe and poured a new cup. I sat at the table drinking, and just as my cup was nearing empty again the food arrived, sans toast.

I don't like cold eggs, so I started eating right away. The cup remained empty, the toast remained MIA. When I finally got up & went to the cashier I explained very frankly:

"If your server is bitchy about not getting a tip, and decides to complain to you; lemme tell ya why." [full description]

The hostess, knowing that I was a very regular customer then offered my next Saturday's breakfast on-the-house. I took her up on it, and the next Saturday that particular server was (for some reason) not on shift!

[NightAngel]

There is no secret code about leaving small bills and pennies on the table.

One of the first things I learned when I first started waitressing was that a single penny left on a table can mean a lot.

Heads Up: Indicates the service was good and that the patron would like to have tipped you but could not afford it.

Tales Up: The service sucked and I wouldn't have left you a tip for anything.

[Jester]

Bill came to $450 and he got $45 tip and a note explaining why we stiffed him.

In waiter parlance, getting "stiffed" means not getting any tip at all. 10%, which is what you left, is not getting "stiffed." Just saying.

(btw, here, there are two "minimum" wages... one for people who receive gratuities as part of their work, and one for everybody else)

It is the same in the U.S. When states have higher minimum wages for people than the federal one, the minimum wage for tipped employees is accordingly higher as well.

Our friend convinced us that the way the penny and dollar were laid out was customary allowing the server to know they did an excellent job.

One of the first things I learned when I first started waitressing was that a single penny left on a table can mean a lot.

Heads Up: Indicates the service was good and that the patron would like to have tipped you but could not afford it.

Tales Up: The service sucked and I wouldn't have left you a tip for anything.

I have never heard of the heads up/tails up thing, but I have heard from many people that a single penny left in addition to the tip indicates very good service. I have found that people who do do this tend to tip very well, and the single added penny is just to say "you rocked."

I also know that leaving just a single penny, with no other tip, is basically telling your server, "you sucked, and we wanted you to know that we didn't forget to tip you, but that we thought you sucked so badly that we should let you know the lack of a tip was intentional."

Frankly, the whole penny thing is nice, but if you really want to let a server know that you thought he/she rocked....just leave them a very healthy tip. They WILL get the message!

A side note here: telling the server verbally that they did a great job and then being cheap with the tip? Not cool. In the industry, we refer to that as a "verbal tip." Because we've learned that chances are people who go on and on about it verbally ain't leaving you much financially. And while we all enjoy hearing that we rock, we MUCH prefer the money, to be honest.

[Brighid45]

ST, imo you did exactly the right thing.

In my experience it's often hard to know what sort of reception you'll get at a new or hot dining spot until you walk in the door. Hereabouts it is (sadly) not uncommon to get the sort of wait staff you describe. However, it is also not uncommon to get great service. You just never know. I think you handled it well.