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I was clearing out out mail cue when this jewel came through, I had to take my break because I could not stop laughing.
Some time ago I purchased a universal remote from Philips. I admit I did not
live up to my end of the bargain and maintain the product documentation, I
falsely assumed in our modern age this information may be available to me
digitally. I have found your website to be the single most useless item on
the internet. I can only assume its sole purpose is to fulfill some bizarre
psychological experiment aimed at measuring frustration and hostility.
Otherwise it must be that you have embarked on a quest of customer
dissatisfaction so meticulously and maliciously planned the dark prince
himself would marvel in its tortuous intent. When I look at some remote
styles/brands/models I find two things. First you make so many remotes that
either you have the worlds most diverse customer base or you are so
incessantly retarded about product development that you develop something
new every time your design team gets tired of talking around the water
cooler about whose storm trooper outfit is the most sensuous. Secondly some
remotes have a very helpful code finder tool on their website while others
send you on a never ending game of hide and go f--- yourself. If you refuse
to support your products beyond the moment they exit the packaging perhaps
you should put them in a big white wrapper that says "Great Value Remote"
and then I would expect such brutally awful service for all the money I
would save. An additional note, the statement "your model number is on the
front of your remote" is completely false. At first I began to feel foolish
as if my remote were some vast landscape and my untrained eyes could not
find the number but in fact it does not exist. I imagine when you think of
me pawing over my remote like a confused ape searching for the non existent
numbers it seems quite humorous, on the contrary it fills me with the red
hot fiery rage of a million brilliant suns. However, I did eventually find
my model and upon doing so found the code finder tool exists for it.
However, when I launch the tool nothing useful happen
s, a broken link? Perhaps, but in the depths of my soul I believe it is
because you have conspired against the consumer, you in your ivory towers of
perceived wisdom glaring down upon us having purchased the gazillions of
products you needlessly refresh, loosing our remotes, requiring we beg at
your feet for universal remotes and you, in all your evil and spite, throw
to us so many useless pieces of plastic that there is no way to discern
between them. I challenge you there are no codes for my device! Only your
incessant condescending glares and so I spit on you and your children and
your children's children and your grave when those children's children are
born. I will break the chains of your bondage, I will conquer you in the way
you least expect it. I will arise from the comfort of my couch and change
the damn channel myself and there is no way you can stop me! However, I
will admit you have outsmarted me once more. As I look closer there is no
button on my television which allows me to change the inputs. Touché my dark
and cruel overlords touché. I see Symphonic has joined you in your dark
tower of the cruelest torture and brutality. So I lay myself at your mercy
and beg for the code to make my SRU3003WM/17 remote to operate my Symphonic
television. And I swear that in return I will, in my next purchase buy some
piece of shit which you make. Not because you are better, or because you
have helped me, in fact you have not yet. But rather because I know that in
a consumer products industry fraught with evil overlords only the purest
evil will prevail. And you Phillips are the greatest force of evil
unchallenged in the universe and someday your relentless pursuit of global
domination will make it such that I must beg you for every morsel of
entertainment anyway. I prematurely succeed to you, all hail Phillips, all
hail the cruel dark lord who has bested me with their meticulously planned
ineptitude.
Some time ago I purchased a universal remote from Philips. I admit I did not
live up to my end of the bargain and maintain the product documentation, I
falsely assumed in our modern age this information may be available to me
digitally. I have found your website to be the single most useless item on
the internet. I can only assume its sole purpose is to fulfill some bizarre
psychological experiment aimed at measuring frustration and hostility.
Otherwise it must be that you have embarked on a quest of customer
dissatisfaction so meticulously and maliciously planned the dark prince
himself would marvel in its tortuous intent. When I look at some remote
styles/brands/models I find two things. First you make so many remotes that
either you have the worlds most diverse customer base or you are so
incessantly retarded about product development that you develop something
new every time your design team gets tired of talking around the water
cooler about whose storm trooper outfit is the most sensuous. Secondly some
remotes have a very helpful code finder tool on their website while others
send you on a never ending game of hide and go f--- yourself. If you refuse
to support your products beyond the moment they exit the packaging perhaps
you should put them in a big white wrapper that says "Great Value Remote"
and then I would expect such brutally awful service for all the money I
would save. An additional note, the statement "your model number is on the
front of your remote" is completely false. At first I began to feel foolish
as if my remote were some vast landscape and my untrained eyes could not
find the number but in fact it does not exist. I imagine when you think of
me pawing over my remote like a confused ape searching for the non existent
numbers it seems quite humorous, on the contrary it fills me with the red
hot fiery rage of a million brilliant suns. However, I did eventually find
my model and upon doing so found the code finder tool exists for it.
However, when I launch the tool nothing useful happen
s, a broken link? Perhaps, but in the depths of my soul I believe it is
because you have conspired against the consumer, you in your ivory towers of
perceived wisdom glaring down upon us having purchased the gazillions of
products you needlessly refresh, loosing our remotes, requiring we beg at
your feet for universal remotes and you, in all your evil and spite, throw
to us so many useless pieces of plastic that there is no way to discern
between them. I challenge you there are no codes for my device! Only your
incessant condescending glares and so I spit on you and your children and
your children's children and your grave when those children's children are
born. I will break the chains of your bondage, I will conquer you in the way
you least expect it. I will arise from the comfort of my couch and change
the damn channel myself and there is no way you can stop me! However, I
will admit you have outsmarted me once more. As I look closer there is no
button on my television which allows me to change the inputs. Touché my dark
and cruel overlords touché. I see Symphonic has joined you in your dark
tower of the cruelest torture and brutality. So I lay myself at your mercy
and beg for the code to make my SRU3003WM/17 remote to operate my Symphonic
television. And I swear that in return I will, in my next purchase buy some
piece of shit which you make. Not because you are better, or because you
have helped me, in fact you have not yet. But rather because I know that in
a consumer products industry fraught with evil overlords only the purest
evil will prevail. And you Phillips are the greatest force of evil
unchallenged in the universe and someday your relentless pursuit of global
domination will make it such that I must beg you for every morsel of
entertainment anyway. I prematurely succeed to you, all hail Phillips, all
hail the cruel dark lord who has bested me with their meticulously planned
ineptitude.
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