Customer quote of the day: "FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCC-- FAAHHHHHHH#~!"

[Mango]

Wherein I feel a sense of comradery with Khiras's customers.

SC: "Mango! I need to talk to you about that email I just sent you!"
Me: "Certainly; how may I help you?"
SC: "Well, I was just re-reading it, but only after I sent it, I discovered I had inadvertently used an apostrophe on a word that was plural!"
Me: "Huh."
SC: "And I was so deeply embarrased by that that I had to call you immediately to apologize about it!"
Me: "...buh."
SC: "Can...er...can you...er...what should I...?"
Me: [speechless]
SC: "...?"
Me: "Uh, well, don't do it again!"
SC: "Oh no, I won't! At least, I certainly don't intend to! I sincerely apologize about that and I am very sorry for any trouble I have caused."

...



The obvious arrogance of Richard Roe

I can't really figure out a way to make this story funny but I am going to tell it anyway. The latest connundrum to hit the medical industry is whether or not doctors should advertise their name with "Dr." in front, and whether or not they should use their designations. Recently, I have taken the following calls:

1) A doctor who wanted us to advertise him as Dr. Richard Roe, MD.
2) A doctor who was complaining that we advertised him as John Smith, MD and explained over 15 minutes' time and three emails that he wanted it to appear Dr. John Smith.
3) A doctor who was complaining that we advertised him as Dr. Fred Doe and wanted it Fred Doe, MD.
4) A doctor who was complaining that we're not consistent with our advertising and he now has to deal with patients wondering why some MDs, such as Fred Doe, aren't doctors.
5) A customer who was complaining about the obvious arrogance of Richard Roe.



Hot Tips for Mango

This guy is a regular customer and is my equivalent of Gravekeeper's Hot Tips for America. He caught my boss on the phone the other day and happily talked to her for 20 minutes. She gave me permission to tell this story.

SC: "Now, listen. I know what our problem is. Our problem is that we're being overrun by the [race] and the [other race]."
Boss: "O...kay?"
SC: "I have a solution."
Boss: "Go ahead."
SC: "Here's what we need to do. Now, listen. Every time you see a white kid on the street, you tell him to procreate! And if you see a white girl, you tell her to procreate! And they have to get together, and procreate, procreate, procreate!!. That's what we need. If we all work together, we can overrun them!
Boss: [stunned silence]
SC: "Hello?"

Your plan has one fatal flaw. One of my boss's sons-in-law is [race] and the other is [other race]. They are both very fine gentlemen. I don't think we're as racist as you think we are.



FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCC-- FAAHHHHHHH#~!

C: "Thank you very much for your help."
Me: "You are welcome."
C: "Good b--" [thud] "FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCC-- FAAHHHHHHH#~!"
Me: "...!?"
C: [normal voice] "Good bye. Have a nice day." [click]

While I have the greatest sympathy for what you ostensibly just dropped on your toe, I am very impressed by the sheer velocity with which you regained your composure.



My colleagues have a sense of humor.

One of my colleagues took a message for me on my day off. It read: "Please return a call from the vendor rep who has zero personality."

I got it right on the first try.



Now, listen!

The reason I haven't written about Hot Tips before is that he won't talk to me since I kicked him out two years ago for harassing another customer.

Me: "Good mor--"
SC: "Now, listen. Is [co-worker] there?"
Me: "No, I'm sorry. She quit. She doesn't work here any more."

[There was a muffled gasp followed by several seconds of silence. Then...]

SC: "She...she...was one of the...the...the...brain trust."
Me: "..."
SC: "..."
Me: "..."
SC: "So she ain't gonna be comin' back?"

The other day, she said to me, "Mango, I am just so sad to have missed Hot Tips!" So no, in spite of the fact that you are showing more remorse than I thought was possible for you, she ain't gonna be comin' back.



I don't know why I'm still surprised when SCs don't read.

Every year there is a government-imposed deadline for something that my company does. The rule is a customer must submit their application to us before the deadline. The exception to the rule is if we receive the application after the deadline, but the customer has gone to a government office and received an official date stamp on their application, before the deadline. This year, this resulted in:

• 28 customers who carefully had their application stamped, but what they were applying for did not have a deadline.
• 19 customers who had their application stamped after the deadline.
• 13 customers who actually got their application stamped properly.
• 2 customers who had their application stamped after the deadline and were applying for something for something that did not have a deadline.
• 1 customer who did everything right, but had already applied, been approved, and had completely forgotten about the entire thing.
• 1 customer who stamped something random on his application himself. He didn't understand that it had to be an official government stamp.

[Headdesk.]



Coupons and Things

A customer placed an order by fax with a credit card number that I could not read. I called him and asked him about it.

SC: "Oh, I deliberately smudge faxes so they're hard to read, so I don't get coupons and things."
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "It saves a lot of money that way!"


__________________
Classical music is tight, yo!

[auntiem]

The obvious arrogance of Richard Roe[/b]

I can't really figure out a way to make this story funny but I am going to tell it anyway. The latest connundrum to hit the medical industry is whether or not doctors should advertise their name with "Dr." in front, and whether or not they should use their designations. Recently, I have taken the following calls:

1) A doctor who wanted us to advertise him as Dr. Richard Roe, MD.
2) A doctor who was complaining that we advertised him as John Smith, MD and explained over 15 minutes' time and three emails that he wanted it to appear Dr. John Smith.
3) A doctor who was complaining that we advertised him as Dr. Fred Doe and wanted it Fred Doe, MD.
4) A doctor who was complaining that we're not consistent with our advertising and he now has to deal with patients wondering why some MDs, such as Fred Doe, aren't doctors.
5) A customer who was complaining about the obvious arrogance of Richard Roe.

__________________
Classical music is tight, yo!

Wait. Wha?
For as long as I can remember it has been Dr. JoeJane Schmo MD - what on earth is the possible reason to change that? Is it because JoeJane Schmo MD sound less formal? What a headache for you! Sorry you have to deal with that connundrum (love that word btw). When I was a travel agent 99.9% of my Dr. clients didn't want either designation on their tickets so the people on the flight wouldn't know they were doctors.

[Argabarga]

Coupons and Things

A customer placed an order by fax with a credit card number that I could not read. I called him and asked him about it.

SC: "Oh, I deliberately smudge faxes so they're hard to read, so I don't get coupons and things."
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "It saves a lot of money that way!"

Moon Logic! Accept no substitutes!!

[Sapphire Silk]

The obvious arrogance of Richard Roe

I can't really figure out a way to make this story funny but I am going to tell it anyway. The latest connundrum to hit the medical industry is whether or not doctors should advertise their name with "Dr." in front, and whether or not they should use their designations. Recently, I have taken the following calls:

1) A doctor who wanted us to advertise him as Dr. Richard Roe, MD.
2) A doctor who was complaining that we advertised him as John Smith, MD and explained over 15 minutes' time and three emails that he wanted it to appear Dr. John Smith.
3) A doctor who was complaining that we advertised him as Dr. Fred Doe and wanted it Fred Doe, MD.
4) A doctor who was complaining that we're not consistent with our advertising and he now has to deal with patients wondering why some MDs, such as Fred Doe, aren't doctors.
5) A customer who was complaining about the obvious arrogance of Richard Roe.

It actually is bad form to write your name with both Dr. and MD. You use one or the other, but not both.

I used to know a dentist who really wanted to be a doctor but couldn't get into medical school. He always signed documents, "Dr. Joe Schmoe, DDS."

He was the laughingstock of the local medical community.

SC: "Oh, I deliberately smudge faxes so they're hard to read, so I don't get coupons and things."
Me: "Pardon?"
SC: "It saves a lot of money that way!"

Hooookay.

Well, in a sense, I guess you could make a case for this. Coupons are designed to get you into stores to spend money, often more than you would normally spend on your own accord. Don't get coupons, don't go to the store, don't spend money on "deals" which aren't always that great (gotta read the fine print).

[EricKei]

Wherein I feel a sense of comradery with Khiras's customers.
Me: "Uh, well, don't do it again!"
SC: "Oh no, I won't! At least, I certainly don't intend to! I sincerely apologize about that and I am very sorry for any trouble I have caused."

...

You sure showed him, Mango! I'm certain he won't EVER try to pull anything like that again! Excellent work!

As for the Doctor nomenclature, having the abbreviation after the name (a) implies Dr whatever, and (b) is much more informative than just plain Dr X...

[Legal Eagle]

28 customers who carefully had their application stamped, but what they were applying for did not have a deadline.

To be fair guidelines for these kind of things can be very complicated, so when in doubt they played it safe and got stamped anyway. This is clearly a better option than not having it stamped and hoping it doesn't need to be.

[Seshat]

As for the Doctor nomenclature, having the abbreviation after the name (a) implies Dr whatever, and (b) is much more informative than just plain Dr X...

I totally agree.

Seshat GLS.

(Goddess of Library Science.)

[Bagga]

Surely a medical doctor HAS to use MD after his name? Otherwise some panicking relatives of a sick person might ring doctors (of Philosophy, for example) only to be told that from a solipsist view of reality their relatives only exist as an apparently outward manifestation of their own imagination, so there is no need to panic as their sick or injured relative does not actually exist - and nor does the doctor they are currently talking to!

[thansal]

Wait. Wha?
For as long as I can remember it has been Dr. JoeJane Schmo MD - what on earth is the possible reason to change that? Is it because JoeJane Schmo MD sound less formal?

I think have seen Dr. So and So, MD/dds/whatever and Dr. So and So, though the former is much more common. I can understand using either one, I can't understand people getting hung up one one or the other. I was going to say I can't understand people not knowing that MD = Doctor, but then I remembered an old story from my elementary school years of one of my teachers quasi scolding me for knowing all this medical stuff, and that it was unfair because both my parents are Doctors. It took me a while to process this out, as yes, my parents are Drs X and Y, but that's just because they have PHDs in psych, this doesn't imply that they are medical doctors.

that connundrum (love that word btw)

You, Tiffany Aching and Preston

(cookies for the reference)

[Raveni]

The latest connundrum to hit the medical industry is whether or not doctors should advertise their name with "Dr." in front, and whether or not they should use their designations.

I see that in my profession all the time. "Professionals" getting upset and writing hate mail or starting internet flame wars over the improper use of designations. Do you really need to berate someone about whether LCAM is a proper designation when they are already certified to have CMCA, AMS, PCAM, and LSM designations?

2 customers who had their application stamped after the deadline and were applying for something for something that did not have a deadline.

How to you get something stamped after a non-existant deadline?

[MoonCat]

SC: "Well, I was just re-reading it, but only after I sent it, I discovered I had inadvertently used an apostrophe on a word that was plural!"
Me: "Huh."
SC: "And I was so deeply embarrased by that that I had to call you immediately to apologize about it!"

This one makes my twisted little heart glad. Take that, 99% of the commenters on CNN!

The rest of those people....nuts.

And Tiffany Aching is from Terry Pratchett's Wee Free Men and a couple other books.

[Andara Bledin]

How to you get something stamped after a non-existant deadline?

It's just a date stamp. It proves that the papers were ready by that date. You could probably get it on something completely unrelated, if you really wanted to.

^-.-^

[Sapphire Silk]

Surely a medical doctor HAS to use MD after his name? Otherwise some panicking relatives of a sick person might ring doctors (of Philosophy, for example) only to be told that from a solipsist view of reality their relatives only exist as an apparently outward manifestation of their own imagination, so there is no need to panic as their sick or injured relative does not actually exist - and nor does the doctor they are currently talking to!

First of all, bear in mind the title "Doctor" has nothing to do with the practice of medicine. It is an academic title that means you have completed a specific program of graduate education. In the case of medicine, there are two recognized programs; graduates of schools of medicine are granted the degree Medical Doctor (Doctorate of Medicine or MD), while graduates of schools of osteopathy (which in the modern sense is nearly identical to medical school) are granted the title Doctor of Osteopathy (DO). Both are eligible to take the Medical Boards to gain a license to practice medicine. Their professional title is physician.

That's why you see the title Doctor in other academic programs: from physics to psychology to history, most post Master's programs are Doctorates of Philosophy (PhD). There are other types of doctors: JD (Doctor Juris), DSc (Doctor of Science), etc.

In my profession, I could earn an advanced degree of a PhD in Nursing, DSc in Nursing, or DNP (Doctorate of Nursing Practice). I would have every right to insist on being called Doctor Panacea. However, physicians are having trouble dealing with the idea of anyone who is not an MD or a DO being called Doctor in a health care setting (in spite of the fact, they have no problem with psychologists, probably because they don't see hospitalized patients). My professional title is still Nurse Panacea, though it is unusual for nurses to use it these days. I write and sign my name Panacea, RN. I never write it Nurse Panacea, RN. It's pretentious. Same for medical doctors. You use one or the other, not both at the same time.

[Tama]

In a sense it sounds like saying "ATM machine" ....

[Andara Bledin]

In my opinion, Dr. is a title of respect for when someone is introduced. It indicates that they've earned a doctorate and nothing more.

When you have a directory listing, you'd have the alphabet soup at the end, which indicates what type of doctor a person is.

Using both is redundant and likely also pretentious.

^-.-^