Cheating wife, Ignorant Husband!

[barainga]

I was enjoying one of the many stories on the site and was reminded of a rather sad call.

IH (ignorant husband) calls in to ask (nicely) about a some of the charges and numbers on his bill. Particularly on his wifes line. The line had several hundred text overages and there was a number that had called and been called from the phone many many times. The IH had a military discount code on his account which made me feel worse because I know that military wives often cheat on thier husbands.

I asked him if he had attempted to call the number to see who answers as his wife (while spening at times over an hour talking to this number) says she does not recognize nor call the number. For those of you who are familiar with cell phone billing this is pretty much impossible. I dont see how she can talk to some one for several hours a month and not know who she is talking to. But I am speaking with her husband who while being a dimwit is actually a nice person.

He told me that when he calls the number a man who speaks spanish and ONLY spanish ansers the phone and they never get anywhere in the conversation because of the obvious language barrier. Not a whole lot I can do on this one unless they pay extra for the parental control to stop the number. The other charges are from an texting service that chargse them .99 per text. It is not one of the services that can be found in our (the cell phone carriers) systems other than the codes associated with it so I googled it. Being a sup I had that option and told my agents they did to as long as it was for a call. As it turns out the texting service was a dating service catering to specifically latinos. During the course of the call I heard CW talk to her husband on several occasions, her voice was unmistakingly latino. Turns out hubby had been in the sand box known as Iraq for a year. He told me this in basic converstation and not as a means to get out of paying his bill... having spent a year there myself and managing to pay all my bills you can assume that its a tactic that wouldnt work. However being that he was a brother in the military I felt bad because his wife is almost certainly cheating on him.

While I cannot remember the entirety of the call I remember very clearly the light clicking on in husbads head.. I coudl literally hear the alrams going off in his voice. Now... Im not sure if he lost it or merely concealed it or suppressed it but the thought seemed to fade out of his mind. I know whats going to happen to this guy when he gets redeployed. She is going to clean out his bank accounts and sell his house and all his assets... happens all the time because a man thinks that he is supposed to be able to trust his wife. I just hope there are no children involved.

[Indigo]

That's just sad. I've known people that have been deployed and their partner takes off with everything. I hope that if he realizes what's going on that he takes steps to protect himself.

[Sapphire Silk]

Agreed. If he's figured out she's cheating on him there ARE things he can do . . . like file for legal separation. He can open his own bank account and deposit his pay directly in that, and give his wife an allowance. She can't sell the house if his name is on it, so his best bet would be to store anything he doesn't want to lose if he gets redeployed.

[EvilEmpryss]

Poor bastard.

Still, I think I need to point out that cheating 1) isn't the sole province of the military wife, 2) plenty of male military spouses "comfort" the female spouses while their respective military mates are deployed, and 3) "What goes on TDY, stays on TDY."*

If the Mrs is cheating on him, he may be screwed in more than one way. The military doesn't give a rat's ass if he's been cuckholded: he's responsible for the maintenance of his spouse and any children unless and until he gets a legal separation. This means that if he cuts her off and tries to kick her out the tramp can protest to the guy's boss (in the AF we call 'em First Shirts) and get his paycheck garnished. If they're living in base housing he can be kicked out into the dorms and she an keep the house until a divorce decree is settled. If there is alimony or child support decreed, the military will take almost every penny of this guy's check to pay it, figuring he can live in the dorms, eat in the mess hall, and wear his uniform so he doesn't need anything else. I've seen it happen to guys with almost twenty years in the service. Nice if the guy was the cheating jerk, very, very sad if he's the victim.

*"What goes on TDY, stays on TDY" was the original "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". It is a rare thing for someone in your unit to reveal to a spouse that they've been cheated-on. Sadly, the person who squeals is considered to be worse than the person who cheated, since it's a betrayal of unit loyalty. It's a real morality-tester to walk in on two people getting freaky in their hotel room when you know they're both married to other people.

[Tithera]

This is always sad for me to hear. Here are these proud men, risking their lives for a cause they and most of the country believe in (personally i'm part of the "support the troops, not the war" group, but that's just me) and their wives are using them for the money. My roommate's brother just recently got back from a 2 year tour in Iraq. During the time he was away, his wife spent over $25,000 on phones and stupid shit alone. She's maxed out everyone of his credit cards and cheats on him constantly. My roomie keeps trying to explain this to him before he goes back over here in a few months, but he just won't listen. It's even worse because they have a beautiful little girl and his wife uses her to keep him with her, which essentially keeps her over spending lifestyle alive. I hate women who do this kind of thing and wish that the men would open their eyes before it's too late. None of them deserve that, especially after all the shit they go through over there. that's like an extra kick in the balls if you ask me.

[Nayeli_Sabia]

The IH had a military discount code on his account which made me feel worse because I know that spouses sometimes cheat on thier Signifigant other.

Fixed it for you.

Please don't cover all military spouses with that blanket. 6 years as a Marine wife, and I've only known two cases of a wife cheating, and in one of those it was mutual cheating.

Sign, Nayeli, a very faithful wife.

[EvilEmpryss]

Before you think the guys and gals on deployment are blind to their spouses' activities, consider this: When you're far away from home, often for the third or fourth time in as many years, and your existence is defined by long, brain-numbingly boring stretches of routine punctuated by heart-poundingly intense moments of gut-wrenching terror, you grasp tightly to the illusion that back home is a warm, caring person who is waiting patiently - and loyally - for your return.

To give up on that illusion is to risk having nothing at all to give meaning to life during the deployment. It dulls the edge of your awareness of danger and puts your life and the lives of your fellow soldiers at risk.

They may know perfectly well what kind of tramp/dog their significant others are, but pretending not to know is better than the alternative.

[BlaqueKatt]

I remember taking a call once for a guy who had his wife leave him on his b-day. He needed his number changed as she kept calling him, usually while she was IN BED with the "other guy" (he had also just returned from the big sandbox)

I changed his number, called back to make sure it worked, and asked(per company policy), if there was anyone he wanted or needed me to call to inform them of the new number, just his mom, I called and patched them through. Though I had spent over 30 minutes comforting and listening to a random stranger, as just a voice on a phone, he thanked me for "restoring his faith that not all women are like that". He was even happier when I called back a week later to check how the number change was working(again, per company policy, if it was a harassment change we were allowed, and encouraged to do so, as it was "good customer service"), and had even gotten a few of his service buddies to change carriers because, in his words(and this still brings tears to my eyes), "the CSRs at your company are HUMAN, and actually care."

[kpzra]

Fixed it for you.

Please don't cover all military spouses with that blanket. 6 years as a Marine wife, and I've only known two cases of a wife cheating, and in one of those it was mutual cheating.

Sign, Nayeli, a very faithful wife.

Thank you for fixing that. My firsts response was a hardy fuck you and your generalization to the OP. Often cheat? In 7 years I've come across 1 who has, and she was a literal crack whore.

24601, proud FAITHFUL Army Wife.

[Daemonmonkey]

That's just sad.

I dont see how she can talk to some one for several hours a month and not know who she is talking to.

Reminds me of a (stereotype) joke: The wife in a couple was a long-talker when on the phone, 2-4 hrs at a time. Her husband all the time tried to make her talk a lot less, unsuccessfully. So it happened that once she talked for just 1 hr, and the husband said: "You see, it's possible to talk less and still enjoy it. By the way, who was that?". She answered: "Somebody who called wrong number..."

[Solumina]

Reminds me of a (stereotype) joke: The wife in a couple was a long-talker when on the phone, 2-4 hrs at a time. Her husband all the time tried to make her talk a lot less, unsuccessfully. So it happened that once she talked for just 1 hr, and the husband said: "You see, it's possible to talk less and still enjoy it. By the way, who was that?". She answered: "Somebody who called wrong number..."

I have a mother like that, only it works in person too. No lie one of her best friends is someone that she accidentally bumped into on the sidewalk, proceeded to have a long conversation with, and then got lunch with. This being said, after one conversation she could tell you exactly who the person was and after two conversations they would be added to her address book, which is (obviously) massive.


Military spouses do have a bad rap for cheating and the thing is that yes they do have slightly above average rates of adultery but they are pretty much on par with any other group that spends as much time apart, and there are certainly many couple who do stay completely faithful. It also helps to keep in mind that when cheating happens it isn't usually the spouse taking advantage of the other spouse, it is usually because of emotional distance between the couple, and physical distance can frequently amplify that emotional gap. So yes, cheating is a little bit more common among military couples but that doesn't so much speak to their character as to their circumstances.

[chainedbarista]

same here; 13 years of being faithful. we're not all that way, but unfortunately, there are those who make it seem so.

[Green_Fairy]

The Hubs' first wife cheated on him during his second tour in iraq, stole almost $4000 from him, and now is being a total idiot in the custody battle. since i've been with him (almost 2 years), at least 6 of his "coworkers" have divorced because the ladies cheat. usually they justify it by saying that "it's hard being separated for so long." personally, i think it's because a lot of these couples married young and the girls can't handle not being doted upon constantly.
personally, i hate cheaters. my heart goes out to anyone that discovered their spouses infidelity, especially while they're in service of the country. the boys in The Hubs' unit have a little tradition (not sure if it's just a Navy thing or what)...when they find that their girl has cheated, they text a naked picture of her to everyone that they can think of, saying something like "she likes to show her *bleep* off, so let's make this *beep* famous."
...aaand i've forgotten where i'm going with this. i think the moral is as follows: not all military spouses cheat. the ones that do suck. i love my sailor. woo.

[tropicsgoddess]

My sympathies for this poor guy.

[Peppergirl]

It's been pointed out several times that men AND women are cheated upon, in the military or otherwise.

Lets move on, shall we?

Thanks