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Okay, so these are all archetypes of calls I get, so the wording is close, but not necessarily verbatim to what is said every time, but you'll get the idea.
for all of these, me is me, and SE is stupid employee
Pizza places that don't understand disabilities
I don't know why I pick on pizza places, they aren't the only food places that do this, but they are the worst.
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person placing this phone call. Have you received a relay call before?
SE: What?
Me: A relay call is used when a deaf or hard of hearing person is calling you. They are using the internet to type their part of the conversation to you, which I will relay between the two of you. Please speak slowly as I will be typing your part of the conversation, and speak as if speaking to the caller directly. Also, please allow for a slight delay as they type their responses. Do you have any questions before I connect the caller?
SE: Why would a deaf person be calling us?
A deaf person cannot hear, they still need to eat you stupid twit. They are likely calling you for the same reason most people call you, they want pizza and they want it quick and cheap.
Wal-Mart* to the rescue
*or any other big box store
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person placing this phone call. Have you received a relay call before?
SE: Sorry, no solicitations, please feel free to contact corporate.
*hang up
Umm, what part of I'm assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person sounded like I was trying to sell you something...
The other variation
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person who is calling you. Are you familiar with how relay calls work?
SE: No, let me get you a manager.
You do NOT need a manager to speak to a deaf or hard of hearing person (unless they have asked for a manager)... 9 times out of 10 the person has a question about whether or not something is in stock or a question about the hours of a department... so rather than doing your job and helping the customer because the idea of a deaf person communicating scares you, you decide to waste both your manager's time and the caller's time (and my time, but I'm hourly, so I guess that shouldn't bother me).
stop reading your script and listen
The outsourced call centers are the worst at this, but even some in country in house call centers do this.
SE: Thank you for calling dumbasses incorporated, can I get your account number please?
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person placing this phone call. Have you received a relay call before?
SE: I'm sorry sir, what was your account number?
Me: I am assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person who is calling you, are you familiar with how these calls work? (I can't start the call until the hearing user has verified they understand the process)
SE: I'm so sorry sir, I am having trouble understanding you, could you please tell me the purpose of this call?
Me: A relay call is used when a deaf or hard of hearing person is calling you. They are using the internet to type their part of the conversation to you, which I will relay between the two of you. Please speak slowly as I will be typing your part of the conversation, and speak as if speaking to the caller directly. Also, please allow for a slight delay as they type their responses. Do you have any questions before I connect the caller?
SE: I'm still not sure what it is you want, sir can you please provide me with your account number?
Stop reading your fucking script and LISTEN to what I am saying. Had you done that the first time we wouldn't still be talking, and you wouldn't eventually just dump me on a supervisor because you were incapable of doing anything other than listen for an account number to plug in so you could move onto the next line of the script. I get that companies require you to read them, but I highly doubt you will get in trouble for leaving the script long enough to actually understand how the call you are taking is going to work.
What part of deaf don't you understand
This is another primarily outsourced call center gripe, but once again, even in house people have this problem.
SE: I'm sorry, we can only speak to the caller directly, can you put them on the phone?
Me: (and I'm ashamed to admit I have said this) Sir, are you unclear on what deaf means? They CANNOT hear on the phone which is why they are having me interpret for them.
SE: We must speak to them directly we can't go through a third party.
Me: You ARE speaking to them directly. (legally they are, as far as the FCC and anti-discrimination law is concerned, for as long as the deaf person is connected to us, we are one and the same, we are merely an extension of them)
SE: No, we must speak to them directly, I will have to ask them to call back when they can speak to us directly.
Dear God, I only hope every time that happens the deaf person files a complaint with the FCC and gets the company nailed with massive fines and the employee fired. Discrimination is NEVER acceptable, so please just stop. Deaf people have every legal and moral right to perform the same business transactions as hearing people (baring any unusual safety concern where hearing would be needed)
Yes, I am aware of that, are you?
This happens a lot with a certain cell phone provider, hell, I'll name names, AT&T (T-Mobile is actually amazingly good, as is Verizon, I'd suggest them to anyone on here looking for new service).
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person placing this phone call. Have you received a relay call before?
SE: You realize you've reached a phone company right?
Me: Yes.
SE: Why would a deaf person be calling a phone company.
AT&T in particular should not have problem figuring out why a deaf person would call them, considering their voice reliability (or lack there of) and good data network, deaf people are just about the perfect customers for them. Seriously dude, text messages, mobile internet, the new iPhone with video phone function... I don't know, why the hell would a deaf person be contacting you.
No words
This is one where I'll do a specific story. This was calling a hotel, and the desk clerk was just...
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person placing this phone call, have you received a relay call before?
SE: No.
Me: A relay call is used when a deaf or hard of hearing person is calling you. They are using the internet to type their part of the conversation to you, which I will relay between the two of you. Please speak slowly as I will be typing your part of the conversation, and speak as if speaking to the caller directly. Also, please allow for a slight delay as they type their responses. Do you have any questions before I connect the caller?
SE: Well, we're not a clinic or anything, so I don't think there is anything we can do for your caller.
Deaf people do more than be deaf, they work, they eat, they even go on vacation to bumfuck towns with desk clerks who are too stupid to comprehend the fact that just because someone has a disability doesn't mean that they do nothing in their lives other than treat that disability. Hell, the person who was calling happens to be very successful (I've relayed for him other times and his bank account has more in checking than I have in total assets). This man does not need help, what he needs is a place to stay when he is visiting your shit hole town, hence him calling you, a person who should be offering said accommodations.
God damnit people, it's bad enough in my personal life that I have to explain to people that I do more than be gay all day long (which okay, that is true, but work with me) that I do actually have other interests and passions and personality, now I have to spend 28 hours a week explaining to people who should understand what it is like to be disadvantaged (granted economically rather than physically) that one trait of a person doesn't define them. I would never say that all this hotel clerk does is live at the poverty line and I can't help because I don't offer foodstamps, where the hell does he get off saying that he can't help because the person is deaf.
Not that our deaf users are blameless
There are several peeves of mine with our deaf users. First off, please let me relay automated messages to you... you never know, it may just have important information that will make both of our lives easier (like the number for the afterhours emergency line you want to call for example).
If I don't relay it, it didn't happen. If I say that there was no rings, it went straight to voice mail, that's what happened, questioning me about how many times it rang is pointless, because I've told you... it didn't.
On that note, believe it or not, but sometimes people aren't available to take calls, and most people don't just happen to not notice a phone ringing. I guess it is possible they will leave a phone on silent and not notice it, but in that case redialing multiple times probably won't help. Ringing phones is used as a torture device, so please, don't waste both of our times asking me to call back more than a couple of times, they aren't going to magically realize the phone was ringing, because they most likely aren't available to answer.
On that note, I get that not everyone is a good speller, but when the word is spelled out for you on your screen not 30 seconds before, seriously, what is your excuse for getting it wrong (and these are simple words like redial).
Oh, and give credit where it is due, please don't say "hold for a live rep"... guess what, just because all you have to do is sit there and wait for me to get you one, I actually have to look for a live rep, please give credit where it is due.
Oh, that felt good to vent.
for all of these, me is me, and SE is stupid employee
Pizza places that don't understand disabilities
I don't know why I pick on pizza places, they aren't the only food places that do this, but they are the worst.
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person placing this phone call. Have you received a relay call before?
SE: What?
Me: A relay call is used when a deaf or hard of hearing person is calling you. They are using the internet to type their part of the conversation to you, which I will relay between the two of you. Please speak slowly as I will be typing your part of the conversation, and speak as if speaking to the caller directly. Also, please allow for a slight delay as they type their responses. Do you have any questions before I connect the caller?
SE: Why would a deaf person be calling us?
A deaf person cannot hear, they still need to eat you stupid twit. They are likely calling you for the same reason most people call you, they want pizza and they want it quick and cheap.
Wal-Mart* to the rescue
*or any other big box store
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person placing this phone call. Have you received a relay call before?
SE: Sorry, no solicitations, please feel free to contact corporate.
*hang up
Umm, what part of I'm assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person sounded like I was trying to sell you something...
The other variation
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person who is calling you. Are you familiar with how relay calls work?
SE: No, let me get you a manager.
You do NOT need a manager to speak to a deaf or hard of hearing person (unless they have asked for a manager)... 9 times out of 10 the person has a question about whether or not something is in stock or a question about the hours of a department... so rather than doing your job and helping the customer because the idea of a deaf person communicating scares you, you decide to waste both your manager's time and the caller's time (and my time, but I'm hourly, so I guess that shouldn't bother me).
stop reading your script and listen
The outsourced call centers are the worst at this, but even some in country in house call centers do this.
SE: Thank you for calling dumbasses incorporated, can I get your account number please?
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person placing this phone call. Have you received a relay call before?
SE: I'm sorry sir, what was your account number?
Me: I am assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person who is calling you, are you familiar with how these calls work? (I can't start the call until the hearing user has verified they understand the process)
SE: I'm so sorry sir, I am having trouble understanding you, could you please tell me the purpose of this call?
Me: A relay call is used when a deaf or hard of hearing person is calling you. They are using the internet to type their part of the conversation to you, which I will relay between the two of you. Please speak slowly as I will be typing your part of the conversation, and speak as if speaking to the caller directly. Also, please allow for a slight delay as they type their responses. Do you have any questions before I connect the caller?
SE: I'm still not sure what it is you want, sir can you please provide me with your account number?
Stop reading your fucking script and LISTEN to what I am saying. Had you done that the first time we wouldn't still be talking, and you wouldn't eventually just dump me on a supervisor because you were incapable of doing anything other than listen for an account number to plug in so you could move onto the next line of the script. I get that companies require you to read them, but I highly doubt you will get in trouble for leaving the script long enough to actually understand how the call you are taking is going to work.
What part of deaf don't you understand
This is another primarily outsourced call center gripe, but once again, even in house people have this problem.
SE: I'm sorry, we can only speak to the caller directly, can you put them on the phone?
Me: (and I'm ashamed to admit I have said this) Sir, are you unclear on what deaf means? They CANNOT hear on the phone which is why they are having me interpret for them.
SE: We must speak to them directly we can't go through a third party.
Me: You ARE speaking to them directly. (legally they are, as far as the FCC and anti-discrimination law is concerned, for as long as the deaf person is connected to us, we are one and the same, we are merely an extension of them)
SE: No, we must speak to them directly, I will have to ask them to call back when they can speak to us directly.
Dear God, I only hope every time that happens the deaf person files a complaint with the FCC and gets the company nailed with massive fines and the employee fired. Discrimination is NEVER acceptable, so please just stop. Deaf people have every legal and moral right to perform the same business transactions as hearing people (baring any unusual safety concern where hearing would be needed)
Yes, I am aware of that, are you?
This happens a lot with a certain cell phone provider, hell, I'll name names, AT&T (T-Mobile is actually amazingly good, as is Verizon, I'd suggest them to anyone on here looking for new service).
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person placing this phone call. Have you received a relay call before?
SE: You realize you've reached a phone company right?
Me: Yes.
SE: Why would a deaf person be calling a phone company.
AT&T in particular should not have problem figuring out why a deaf person would call them, considering their voice reliability (or lack there of) and good data network, deaf people are just about the perfect customers for them. Seriously dude, text messages, mobile internet, the new iPhone with video phone function... I don't know, why the hell would a deaf person be contacting you.
No words
This is one where I'll do a specific story. This was calling a hotel, and the desk clerk was just...
Me: This is relay assisting a deaf or hard of hearing person placing this phone call, have you received a relay call before?
SE: No.
Me: A relay call is used when a deaf or hard of hearing person is calling you. They are using the internet to type their part of the conversation to you, which I will relay between the two of you. Please speak slowly as I will be typing your part of the conversation, and speak as if speaking to the caller directly. Also, please allow for a slight delay as they type their responses. Do you have any questions before I connect the caller?
SE: Well, we're not a clinic or anything, so I don't think there is anything we can do for your caller.
Deaf people do more than be deaf, they work, they eat, they even go on vacation to bumfuck towns with desk clerks who are too stupid to comprehend the fact that just because someone has a disability doesn't mean that they do nothing in their lives other than treat that disability. Hell, the person who was calling happens to be very successful (I've relayed for him other times and his bank account has more in checking than I have in total assets). This man does not need help, what he needs is a place to stay when he is visiting your shit hole town, hence him calling you, a person who should be offering said accommodations.
God damnit people, it's bad enough in my personal life that I have to explain to people that I do more than be gay all day long (which okay, that is true, but work with me) that I do actually have other interests and passions and personality, now I have to spend 28 hours a week explaining to people who should understand what it is like to be disadvantaged (granted economically rather than physically) that one trait of a person doesn't define them. I would never say that all this hotel clerk does is live at the poverty line and I can't help because I don't offer foodstamps, where the hell does he get off saying that he can't help because the person is deaf.
Not that our deaf users are blameless
There are several peeves of mine with our deaf users. First off, please let me relay automated messages to you... you never know, it may just have important information that will make both of our lives easier (like the number for the afterhours emergency line you want to call for example).
If I don't relay it, it didn't happen. If I say that there was no rings, it went straight to voice mail, that's what happened, questioning me about how many times it rang is pointless, because I've told you... it didn't.
On that note, believe it or not, but sometimes people aren't available to take calls, and most people don't just happen to not notice a phone ringing. I guess it is possible they will leave a phone on silent and not notice it, but in that case redialing multiple times probably won't help. Ringing phones is used as a torture device, so please, don't waste both of our times asking me to call back more than a couple of times, they aren't going to magically realize the phone was ringing, because they most likely aren't available to answer.
On that note, I get that not everyone is a good speller, but when the word is spelled out for you on your screen not 30 seconds before, seriously, what is your excuse for getting it wrong (and these are simple words like redial).
Oh, and give credit where it is due, please don't say "hold for a live rep"... guess what, just because all you have to do is sit there and wait for me to get you one, I actually have to look for a live rep, please give credit where it is due.
Oh, that felt good to vent.
) 
well, in person, anyway.
I think BSL is awesome. My housemate and I use it to communicate over a noisy pub.
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