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Living the Dream.
I haven't posted in ages, mainly due to my incredible laziness, but I decided to gift you with some of my stories from my wonderful liquor store.
Background:
I work in an area in B.C that is lovingly referred to as WallyWorld (just with a different spelling). To people outside of B.C, this means diddly squat to you, but to those of you who do live here, yeah...that place.
It's not a very nice area to put it lightly, and about 80% of our customers are either alcoholics, crack-heads, prostitutes, or a combination of all three. Granted, most of them are very nice despite their personal choices, but the fact still remains.
I don't lend out money
The average price for a single can of beer in our store is $2.50. Most of the cans we have in singles are 8% for obvious reasons. Less % of alcohol, less the price.
Here's a nice reminder; I don't lend money. You only have $2 but you really want that 8% can of beer? Well tough luck. There's a 5% can right there that you can afford. Oh, what's that? You don't like the taste of that one and really wanted the 8% beer? Again, tough luck. No, I will not lend you 50c. No I really won't. Telling me that you shop here all the time is gonna do sweet crap all to change my mind. Yes, I am a bitch. Now, did you want that 5% beer can, or are you gonna get the hell out? No seriously, I won't lend you money, nor will I sell you the 8% for $2. Yep, still a bitch. Oh, now you're gonna go out and ask for some money from people. Cool. I get to call security to eject your panhandling arse from the property. Bye bye! Should've just bought the 5% can when you had the chance.
Pennies
My biggest pet peeve working at this store are the amount of people who really want to get rid of their pennies. He's a hint, if it's unrolled of over about 50c in pennies, we're not gonna take them. That's illegal you say? Well no it isn't. This is a privately owned store. We can accept and refuse service for any reason. That, and for gods sake, there's a bank right next door that can change your pennies for you. And no, I don't care that you don't want to wait in line at the bank. I have no room in my till for your pennies, and I'm not going to count them up for you while I have another 6 people waiting in line. You can complain to management all you want, they don't want to count the pennies either. Just go to the bank!
Pennies Part Two
You've pulled out a handful of change in order to pay for your bill. You owe 9c. You've tried to get rid of all your pennies but you only have 8 of them. Smiling, you ask me if I can spot you for the last penny. You are shocked when I say that I'll just take that dime right there in your hand instead. Now you are complaining to the next customer that I wouldn't even lend you 1c. I truly am a horrible person.
Stupid Questions
-Do you have wine?
-I need a bottle of white wine, what the hell do you mean dry or sweet?
-Do you sell beer?
-Why do I have to show my ID? I'm 19 I swear!
-Why can't I open my beer in the store?
-Do I need a corkscrew to open this corked bottle of wine?
-What do you mean I can't drink my beer in the store? I've already paid for it!
-Why won't you accept this beer can as a can return? I only used it as a crackpipe/bong that one time!
-Why won't you accept this $10 bill? The blood will wash out!
-Why do you need to see my ID? I'm only buying soda.
-Why are you refusing this sale? I know that an underaged person picked and brought the alcohol to the counter, but I'm paying for it and I'm obviously of age!
Booting for the Underaged
There are a few things to remember if you are an underaged kid trying to get someone to buy alcohol for you;
1.) If you are trying to get someone to boot for you, be careful to make sure that this person won't tattle on you.
2.) If you're gonna ask a crackhead to boot for you, be aware, they may just take your money and run.
3.) If you're gonna use a crackhead to boot for you, be aware, we know what they commonly drink, and a 24 pack of Corona and a bottle of Smirnoff isn't it.
4.) If you ask someone outside the store to boot for you, try make sure it isn't a staff member on a smoke break.
5.) If you ask for someone to boot for you, try to make sure it's not a security guard on a smoke break. They tend not to like that.
Bleeding
If you come into the store covered in blood, don't be surprised when we refuse to sell you anything. The most we will offer is an ambulance. Also, don't touch anything while you're in the store. We only have a limited supply of disinfectant spray and wipes. Don't try to complain to management, they will only call security on you. No, this isn't because we're racist, where did that even come from?
Returning Empties
We have a strict policy of having empties returned to our store. They must be cleaned, they must be uncrushed, they must be alcoholic cans and bottles, and there must be only 24 per person per day. If you want to go against these rules, then we will happily point you to the nearest bottle depot. If you want to argue the point, we can and will refuse service. If you wish to threaten me with bodily harm or issue death threats, I am all to happy to call security and the police. Enjoy prison! I hate you.
Complaint to Management About Me
On Sunday, there was a complaint put towards management about me. All management did was laugh.
It started when a young guy came up to my till. When I looked at him, I decided that he was borderline, so as we are made to do (by the law I might add) I asked to see 2 pieces of ID from him.
Cue ranting. He shops here all the time, I'm racist, I should go back to my own country, etc.
I point out the law, and again request the ID or I will refuse the sale. At this point a middle aged woman comes up to the till and say that she'll pay for the beer. I tell her that that is against the law and that unless I see his ID than the whole sale will be refused.
Cue more ranting. She's obviously of age. He's her boyfriend. He's obviously of age. By asking her boyfriend for ID, I'm calling her a pedophile.
I calmly repeat the law, remind her that I can refuse service to her as well, he finally shows his ID, pays, and leaves. She pays for her purchase, then storms off to a male CW of mine to complain. Apparently she didn't like his answer. As she storms past my till she loudly warns all the people in my line that I'm a bitch who makes everyone show their ID. I wish her a happy sunshine filled day with puppies and rainbows. She calls me a bitch again and slams the door. Everyone in the store bursts out laughing, and when I turn to the line of people at my till, everyone, even the white haired old lady had their ID out and waiting. I don't think I stopped giggling for nearly an hour afterwards.
The Skytrain
I'm totally ripping off Gravekeeper right now, but like him, the crazies I meet on the Skytrain sometimes rival all others. But this one takes the cake.
As I'm taking the Skytrain from Slurrey to Broadway station so I can meet up with friends, a mid 20's guy hops on at the same station as me. He looks to have a recent cut on his head. He starts by sitting at the other end of the car from me and I am ignoring all around me by listening to my Ipod.
Unfortunately, after 3 stops, he's finally gathered up the courage to approach me. Joy. I have a habit of sitting in the window seat so I can watch the scenery go by. This guy decides to sit right next to me. I'm trapped
And this brings us to his amazing pickup paragraph.
"Hi, I just accidently hopped onto the wrong train and I ended up in Slurrey. When I got off I bought some cigarettes but some guys held me a knifepoint and mugged me. Then they smacked me over the head with a rock. I barely made it back to the train. I've just finished work and my girlfriends going to be pissed about me losing all my money. So......can I have your number?"
Long story short, I hopped off at the very next station and waited for the next skytrain.
I need a car.
Background:
I work in an area in B.C that is lovingly referred to as WallyWorld (just with a different spelling). To people outside of B.C, this means diddly squat to you, but to those of you who do live here, yeah...that place.
It's not a very nice area to put it lightly, and about 80% of our customers are either alcoholics, crack-heads, prostitutes, or a combination of all three. Granted, most of them are very nice despite their personal choices, but the fact still remains.
I don't lend out money
The average price for a single can of beer in our store is $2.50. Most of the cans we have in singles are 8% for obvious reasons. Less % of alcohol, less the price.
Here's a nice reminder; I don't lend money. You only have $2 but you really want that 8% can of beer? Well tough luck. There's a 5% can right there that you can afford. Oh, what's that? You don't like the taste of that one and really wanted the 8% beer? Again, tough luck. No, I will not lend you 50c. No I really won't. Telling me that you shop here all the time is gonna do sweet crap all to change my mind. Yes, I am a bitch. Now, did you want that 5% beer can, or are you gonna get the hell out? No seriously, I won't lend you money, nor will I sell you the 8% for $2. Yep, still a bitch. Oh, now you're gonna go out and ask for some money from people. Cool. I get to call security to eject your panhandling arse from the property. Bye bye! Should've just bought the 5% can when you had the chance.
Pennies
My biggest pet peeve working at this store are the amount of people who really want to get rid of their pennies. He's a hint, if it's unrolled of over about 50c in pennies, we're not gonna take them. That's illegal you say? Well no it isn't. This is a privately owned store. We can accept and refuse service for any reason. That, and for gods sake, there's a bank right next door that can change your pennies for you. And no, I don't care that you don't want to wait in line at the bank. I have no room in my till for your pennies, and I'm not going to count them up for you while I have another 6 people waiting in line. You can complain to management all you want, they don't want to count the pennies either. Just go to the bank!
Pennies Part Two
You've pulled out a handful of change in order to pay for your bill. You owe 9c. You've tried to get rid of all your pennies but you only have 8 of them. Smiling, you ask me if I can spot you for the last penny. You are shocked when I say that I'll just take that dime right there in your hand instead. Now you are complaining to the next customer that I wouldn't even lend you 1c. I truly am a horrible person.
Stupid Questions
-Do you have wine?
-I need a bottle of white wine, what the hell do you mean dry or sweet?
-Do you sell beer?
-Why do I have to show my ID? I'm 19 I swear!
-Why can't I open my beer in the store?
-Do I need a corkscrew to open this corked bottle of wine?
-What do you mean I can't drink my beer in the store? I've already paid for it!
-Why won't you accept this beer can as a can return? I only used it as a crackpipe/bong that one time!
-Why won't you accept this $10 bill? The blood will wash out!
-Why do you need to see my ID? I'm only buying soda.
-Why are you refusing this sale? I know that an underaged person picked and brought the alcohol to the counter, but I'm paying for it and I'm obviously of age!
Booting for the Underaged
There are a few things to remember if you are an underaged kid trying to get someone to buy alcohol for you;
1.) If you are trying to get someone to boot for you, be careful to make sure that this person won't tattle on you.
2.) If you're gonna ask a crackhead to boot for you, be aware, they may just take your money and run.
3.) If you're gonna use a crackhead to boot for you, be aware, we know what they commonly drink, and a 24 pack of Corona and a bottle of Smirnoff isn't it.
4.) If you ask someone outside the store to boot for you, try make sure it isn't a staff member on a smoke break.
5.) If you ask for someone to boot for you, try to make sure it's not a security guard on a smoke break. They tend not to like that.
Bleeding
If you come into the store covered in blood, don't be surprised when we refuse to sell you anything. The most we will offer is an ambulance. Also, don't touch anything while you're in the store. We only have a limited supply of disinfectant spray and wipes. Don't try to complain to management, they will only call security on you. No, this isn't because we're racist, where did that even come from?
Returning Empties
We have a strict policy of having empties returned to our store. They must be cleaned, they must be uncrushed, they must be alcoholic cans and bottles, and there must be only 24 per person per day. If you want to go against these rules, then we will happily point you to the nearest bottle depot. If you want to argue the point, we can and will refuse service. If you wish to threaten me with bodily harm or issue death threats, I am all to happy to call security and the police. Enjoy prison! I hate you.
Complaint to Management About Me
On Sunday, there was a complaint put towards management about me. All management did was laugh.
It started when a young guy came up to my till. When I looked at him, I decided that he was borderline, so as we are made to do (by the law I might add) I asked to see 2 pieces of ID from him.
Cue ranting. He shops here all the time, I'm racist, I should go back to my own country, etc.
I point out the law, and again request the ID or I will refuse the sale. At this point a middle aged woman comes up to the till and say that she'll pay for the beer. I tell her that that is against the law and that unless I see his ID than the whole sale will be refused.
Cue more ranting. She's obviously of age. He's her boyfriend. He's obviously of age. By asking her boyfriend for ID, I'm calling her a pedophile.
I calmly repeat the law, remind her that I can refuse service to her as well, he finally shows his ID, pays, and leaves. She pays for her purchase, then storms off to a male CW of mine to complain. Apparently she didn't like his answer. As she storms past my till she loudly warns all the people in my line that I'm a bitch who makes everyone show their ID. I wish her a happy sunshine filled day with puppies and rainbows. She calls me a bitch again and slams the door. Everyone in the store bursts out laughing, and when I turn to the line of people at my till, everyone, even the white haired old lady had their ID out and waiting. I don't think I stopped giggling for nearly an hour afterwards.
The Skytrain
I'm totally ripping off Gravekeeper right now, but like him, the crazies I meet on the Skytrain sometimes rival all others. But this one takes the cake.
As I'm taking the Skytrain from Slurrey to Broadway station so I can meet up with friends, a mid 20's guy hops on at the same station as me. He looks to have a recent cut on his head. He starts by sitting at the other end of the car from me and I am ignoring all around me by listening to my Ipod.
Unfortunately, after 3 stops, he's finally gathered up the courage to approach me. Joy. I have a habit of sitting in the window seat so I can watch the scenery go by. This guy decides to sit right next to me. I'm trapped
And this brings us to his amazing pickup paragraph.
"Hi, I just accidently hopped onto the wrong train and I ended up in Slurrey. When I got off I bought some cigarettes but some guys held me a knifepoint and mugged me. Then they smacked me over the head with a rock. I barely made it back to the train. I've just finished work and my girlfriends going to be pissed about me losing all my money. So......can I have your number?"
Long story short, I hopped off at the very next station and waited for the next skytrain.
I need a car.
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