This past week can do a Michael Jackson...

[KabeRinnaul]

My parents are two of those people who chirp about how self checkouts "screw people out of a job", it always makes me want to when they go on their little tirades about it.

My response to that one has become "If we took these self-checks out, we'd just wind up replacing them with three regular lanes that would never have anyone on them."

[Zellie Crescent]

Damn it, I just got done with having that song stuck in my head, BTW:

Jesus pogo-stick barhopping creamsicle Christ

That was hilarious I was thisclose to spitting out my grape soda.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Only if you promise to keep your hands off my Spotted Dick!

LOL!!

It's not my hands you have to be worried about . . .

[MoonCat]

Scrapple? Head cheese? How about one of these:

http://http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaszanka

[XCashier]

Honest Customer: I'm an idiot! I'm working this machine wrong! (Those were his words verbatim, and he was. Big time.)

Me: [outwardly] *smile and sympathies* It's ok, I'm here to help. [inwardly] Yes. Yes, you are. But kudos to you for admitting it and for stepping down in the face of my clearly superior powers. There is hope for you yet.

Yes, there is! And this honesty should be encouraged. A good slice of humble pie now and then won't hurt anyone's diet.

I have seen the buttcracks, and they are, in no particular order, sagging, doughy, wrinkled, dirty, chubby, sweaty, pasty white, (over)tanned, old, young, male and female alike. (Hey, if I have to suffer these visions, so must you. ALL SHALL FEEL MY WRATH.) Jesus pogo-stick barhopping creamsicle Christ, people, PULL UP YOUR FUCKING PANTS ALREADY!!

Can I get an "AMEN!" I agree ∞% with the above statement! I am beyond sick and tired of seeing idiots with their pants sagging around their knees. It's not a fashion statement, unless that statement is "help me, I have no fashion sense and I'm too stupid to wear a belt or properly sized pants!" The toddler-with-a-full-diaper look on anyone over four years old has got to go!

[chainedbarista]

praise be, pass the scrapple and pass on the crack.

nw version involves cream of wheat and sausage with some butter; no random porcine parts (thank god) and nothing to frighten off the kiddies.

it's pretty good, with a touch of maple syrup.

[ArcticChicken]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaszanka

I've eaten vendor hot dogs, nothing scares me now.

[Mytical]

Hey now..there are some really good Vendors who serve hot dogs..or were. Usually in fairs. I just...don't want to know what they were made of, how long they had sat, or .. anything else.

[Jester]

...and just BEAT IT.

And here I thought you were going to say "...and die pathetic and lonely due to paranoia and the tendency to touch young boys inappropriately."

Common sense SHOULD (key word there, kids) tell you that when the automated checkout machine you are using is TELLING you, REPEATEDLY, NOT to move the motherfucking bags before your shit has had a chance to settle on the pressure-sensitive scale, DON'T MOVE THE GODDAMN BAGS!!

Small problem with this: I have experienced the "wonder" of the self-checkout, and I can't count how many time that idiotic machine has told me to remove something from the bagging area that wasn't there, or to remove something from the bagging area that I had just scanned and was supposed to be there, or to put something back in the bagging area after my bag was filled. In other words, it ain't just the customers that are stupid. These machines are DUMB.

The First Step To Overcoming Your Problem Is Admitting That You Are One

This line is AWESOME, and one I plan to use. Especially since I am a bartender AND the King of the Smartasses!

Honest Customer: I'm an idiot! I'm working this machine wrong!

Me: [inwardly] Yes. Yes, you are. But kudos to you for admitting it...

I can't tell you how many times I have said, "Pardon me, but I'm an idiot...." and gotten amazing help because of it.

I still don't know what the fuck Scrapple is. But now that I know what it looks like, I know that I NEVER EVER EVER WANT TO TOUCH THAT WITH A THOUSAND-FOOT POLE.

To be polite, it's the leftovers from the pig, ground up. Usually fried. Texturally, it is similar to a hash brown cake, only meatier. Tastewise, it ain't bad. Apparently a big thing in Philly, based on all my coworkers from the area who love it and/or are familiar with it.

As long as it's nothing like head cheese!

(scrapple = head cheese + corn meal)

Head cheese is one thing I have not had yet, but since I would try anything, I am certainly open to it.

And no, scrapple is not head cheese plus corn meal. Head cheese is brain, as I recall, and scrapple is all kinds of pig parts, though I admit brain may well be part of it.

I am beyond sick and tired of seeing idiots with their pants sagging around their knees.

Here are the only times I should see someone's pants that low:

1. In a clothing optional bar/resort/area, when they are taking them off or putting them on.
2. At a swinger's party, when they are taking them off, putting them on, or getting a blow job.
3. In a porno, when they are taking them off, putting them on, or getting a blow job.
4. If they are taking them off because they are a girl who is about to fuck me, or have me give her a blow job.

I find it amusing that the same demographic that finds this to be a fashion statement also wants to be viewed as "badass" or "gangsta" or "thuggish." Since having your pants that low makes running from the cops that much less effective.

I've eaten vendor hot dogs, nothing scares me now.

Oh, the story I could tell about high school biology class, when we took over the lesson with just such a thing.....

[fireheart]

Jester, I 'd at the fact that three of your "pants off things" involve blowjobs.

[lineswine]

4. If they are taking them off because they are a girl who is about to fuck me, or have me give her a blow job

Either 1) You've used the wrong phrase or 2) Your women are diffent to our women.

[Gizmo]

Once while driving with my sister I heard her say "oh my god look over there"

I look and I see a rather large construction worker bent right over looking at something on the ground, leading to giant butt crack.

But it gets better, this poor gentleman also happened to have a rather dark rather large rash.

or as my sister describes it "Big old rashy bum"

No other butt crack compares to that.

We used to have second floor flats directly opposite our office window. There was one bloke who lived in one of the flats that would answer the door to the postman every time wearing only a towel. He wasn't the smallest of blokes and there would always be at least of us who would see and go "eww" just in time for the rest of the office to look round and get an eyeful.

(Its a shame it was never the supposed drug dealer next door that opened the door wearing only a towel ... he was rather well built lol)

[PepperElf]

Had to be posted

I liked the Japanese subtitles too!

スパム

[Jester]

Jester, I 'd at the fact that three of your "pants off things" involve blowjobs.

Well, that IS the best reason to have your pants halfway down, isn't it?

Either 1) You've used the wrong phrase or 2) Your women are diffent to our women.

Perhaps the wrong phrase, but oral sex is oral sex, and a guy can give a woman "head." Perhaps not a blow job, but y'all got the basic idea.

[ArcticChicken]

I just...don't want to know what they were made of, how long they had sat, or .. anything else.

My point exactly.

And here I thought you were going to say "...and die pathetic and lonely due to paranoia and the tendency to touch young boys inappropriately."

And here I was beginning to think I was the only one.

To be polite, it's the leftovers from the pig, ground up. Usually fried. Texturally, it is similar to a hash brown cake, only meatier. Tastewise, it ain't bad. Apparently a big thing in Philly, based on all my coworkers from the area who love it and/or are familiar with it.

It becomes tastier if you can trick your brain into thinking meat is supposed to be that texture.

It's popular enough here that it comes in all sorts of flavors. There's pig, of course, turkey, beef, organic, grain fed, and I wouldn't be shocked to run across lamb, goat, kosher, and halal versions.