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This is my first post after a lot of lurking. I work for a large home/office water delivery company in customer service. For 3 years I did email responses, which I much prefer-I only hit the phones again because they decided all email work had to be done on a night shift when I was 38 weeks pregnant so I made the decision to go back to the phones. This is the story of one of the scariest emails I ever had the pleasure to respond to. Scary because I wasn't sure whether my customer was losing her mind or whether I was.
We received an email that said basically "Hey, I need to make sure I get 3 bottles on each delivery." We sell mainly the large 5-gallon bottles. We also have 3-gallon sized, and then 2.5 gallon, one gallon, .5gallon in some markets, and single serve bottles. It's extremely easy to verify the customer's product type though, and that's always done when responding to an email, not just for bottle size, but because we also specify water type (i.e., purified, spring, ect) because well...we have to be specific when dealing with customers.
So I respond "We will deliver 3, five-gallon bottles of spring water to you every 2 weeks."
Background here is that some customers get delivery every 4 weeks, some every 2. You can almost always bet that all customers on an every 2 week cycle demand that they only need it every 4 weeks and all customers on an every 4 week cycle insist that they need to get it every 2 weeks. Which is the case here.
"No, no, NO! I want 3 bottles every 4 weeks!"
Okay, sorry. "We apologize, blah blah blah, changed your delivery schedule, blah, you will receive 3, five-gallon bottles every 4 weeks."
Normal so far, right? Here's where old insanity comes into play.
"OMG. Can you $%^& even read!? I SAID I want 3 gallons every 4 weeks! Get it right!"
Hmm. Okay. Some customers call the large bottles gallons...but, I specifically said FIVE-gallon bottles and she said that was wrong. She has never received one-gallon sized bottles throughout the life of her account....but...as I said, we all know you can't assume anything with a customer. So I respond:
"We offer one-gallon sized bottles, which are similiar to one-gallon milk jugs. These cannot be placed on your water dispenser. If this is what you are referring to, please note that we deliver this product in cases of 6 bottles. Please let us know if you wish to receive this product on your next delivery."
Response from the customer? "Okay, do you people read anything? Nowhere, anywhere, in any of my emails did I said anything about a one-gallon bottle! I made one simple request, for 3, five-gallon bottles once a month! Now, I repeat (I never understand why, but customers tend to do this in email form. Repeating in an email seems futile to me, but what do I know, right?) I want 3, five-gallon bottles every 4 weeks. No one-gallons. Not every 2 weeks. Thank you." She then scrolls down and writes: "Thank you for taking the time to READ my email this time" and adds a
-which I guess was to soften her words.
So now I am more confused. She is asking for what I originally wrote, right? But she said that was wrong. So I write back, apologize for the confusion, and say: "We will deliver 3, five-gallon bottles to you every 4 weeks, as requested."
And get this in response: "You must be blonde. Seriously? I do NOT want 3, five-gallon bottles every 4 weeks. I want 3 FIVE-GALLON BOTTLES EVERY 4 WEEKS. WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT? WHAT GRADE ARE YOU IN FOR GOD'S SAKE! YOU TALK ABOUT GALLONS, AND MILK JUGS AND ALL KINDS OF STUPID %^&* WHEN I JUST WANT THE BOTTLES THAT GO ON MY COOLER! WHAT THE %^&*( IS THE MATTER WITH YOU THAT YOU CAN'T GET THAT RIGHT? YOU JUST WORK FOR A WATER COMPANY FOR PETE'S SAKE!"
Um. So now I think I may be going nuts. She actually writes what I wrote, says it is not what she wants, and then says she wants-the same thing I wrote. I actually showed my sup to make sure I wasn't nuts. After she quit laughing, we crafted the following:
Dear <!>,
Thank you for contacting us via e-mail in regards to your delivery. Please accept our apologies for any previous confusion.
Your initial request was for 3 (three) bottles of water per delivery. Based on your previous deliveryhistory, we responded that we would deliver 3 (three), five (5) gallon bottles of water to you per delivery. You responded that you did not want this type of product, and that you wanted 3 "gallons", which led us to believe that you were requesting a different product. You then requested 3 (three), five(5) gallon bottles every 4 (four) weeks, and we responded that this would be delivered. You have now stated that this is not correct. If you do not want 3 (three), five(5) gallon bottles every 4 (four) weeks, please provide further information about the size, and the number of bottles you wish to receive so that we may assist you.
We look forward to providing you with the delivery you are requesting.
Her response?
"Oh thank God you finally figured it out. Thanks for your help, but you may want to get some more training before you really tick someone off!"
!
We received an email that said basically "Hey, I need to make sure I get 3 bottles on each delivery." We sell mainly the large 5-gallon bottles. We also have 3-gallon sized, and then 2.5 gallon, one gallon, .5gallon in some markets, and single serve bottles. It's extremely easy to verify the customer's product type though, and that's always done when responding to an email, not just for bottle size, but because we also specify water type (i.e., purified, spring, ect) because well...we have to be specific when dealing with customers.
So I respond "We will deliver 3, five-gallon bottles of spring water to you every 2 weeks."
Background here is that some customers get delivery every 4 weeks, some every 2. You can almost always bet that all customers on an every 2 week cycle demand that they only need it every 4 weeks and all customers on an every 4 week cycle insist that they need to get it every 2 weeks. Which is the case here.
"No, no, NO! I want 3 bottles every 4 weeks!"
Okay, sorry. "We apologize, blah blah blah, changed your delivery schedule, blah, you will receive 3, five-gallon bottles every 4 weeks."
Normal so far, right? Here's where old insanity comes into play.
"OMG. Can you $%^& even read!? I SAID I want 3 gallons every 4 weeks! Get it right!"
Hmm. Okay. Some customers call the large bottles gallons...but, I specifically said FIVE-gallon bottles and she said that was wrong. She has never received one-gallon sized bottles throughout the life of her account....but...as I said, we all know you can't assume anything with a customer. So I respond:
"We offer one-gallon sized bottles, which are similiar to one-gallon milk jugs. These cannot be placed on your water dispenser. If this is what you are referring to, please note that we deliver this product in cases of 6 bottles. Please let us know if you wish to receive this product on your next delivery."
Response from the customer? "Okay, do you people read anything? Nowhere, anywhere, in any of my emails did I said anything about a one-gallon bottle! I made one simple request, for 3, five-gallon bottles once a month! Now, I repeat (I never understand why, but customers tend to do this in email form. Repeating in an email seems futile to me, but what do I know, right?) I want 3, five-gallon bottles every 4 weeks. No one-gallons. Not every 2 weeks. Thank you." She then scrolls down and writes: "Thank you for taking the time to READ my email this time" and adds a
-which I guess was to soften her words.So now I am more confused. She is asking for what I originally wrote, right? But she said that was wrong. So I write back, apologize for the confusion, and say: "We will deliver 3, five-gallon bottles to you every 4 weeks, as requested."
And get this in response: "You must be blonde. Seriously? I do NOT want 3, five-gallon bottles every 4 weeks. I want 3 FIVE-GALLON BOTTLES EVERY 4 WEEKS. WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT? WHAT GRADE ARE YOU IN FOR GOD'S SAKE! YOU TALK ABOUT GALLONS, AND MILK JUGS AND ALL KINDS OF STUPID %^&* WHEN I JUST WANT THE BOTTLES THAT GO ON MY COOLER! WHAT THE %^&*( IS THE MATTER WITH YOU THAT YOU CAN'T GET THAT RIGHT? YOU JUST WORK FOR A WATER COMPANY FOR PETE'S SAKE!"
Um. So now I think I may be going nuts. She actually writes what I wrote, says it is not what she wants, and then says she wants-the same thing I wrote. I actually showed my sup to make sure I wasn't nuts. After she quit laughing, we crafted the following:
Dear <!>,
Thank you for contacting us via e-mail in regards to your delivery. Please accept our apologies for any previous confusion.
Your initial request was for 3 (three) bottles of water per delivery. Based on your previous deliveryhistory, we responded that we would deliver 3 (three), five (5) gallon bottles of water to you per delivery. You responded that you did not want this type of product, and that you wanted 3 "gallons", which led us to believe that you were requesting a different product. You then requested 3 (three), five(5) gallon bottles every 4 (four) weeks, and we responded that this would be delivered. You have now stated that this is not correct. If you do not want 3 (three), five(5) gallon bottles every 4 (four) weeks, please provide further information about the size, and the number of bottles you wish to receive so that we may assist you.
We look forward to providing you with the delivery you are requesting.
Her response?
"Oh thank God you finally figured it out. Thanks for your help, but you may want to get some more training before you really tick someone off!"
!
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