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There's this SC regular who always stays with us no matter what, his company pays for it. 365 days a year he stays with us. I started to wonder if he had a family, and if he ever sees them. I never asked because he's weird.
Red neck weird. He's shorter than my 5'6" and has a greasy mouse brown mullet with a beaten up old cap to hide his baldness that he always wears. I know he is bald, because once he came downstairs wearing nothing but frayed boxer shorts (!) and to see a thin, sixty something year old man half naked is not something I would forget.
Anyway, I thought he was bad, but it turns out his wife is wayyyyy worse. She's batshit crazy. He, I thought was bad, because thick southern accents are the only accents I have trouble with. He'd bark, "WAYYYYYY KUP CAWL......AT.....FFFFFAHHHHHVE DIRTY."
Me: "what?"
He'd repeat himself, exactly the same way except more barkier and peevish tone. It took me a minute to figure it out.
Anyway back to his wife.
I had just started my shift, and all looked usual. My CW was there, chit chatting to a guest. The phone was ringing off the hook. Noticing CW ignore it, I picked it up. Big mistake; she was ignoring it for a reason it turns out.
Me: "Hello, thank you for calling. My name is (name) how may I help you?" (this was back when I used to give my name over the phone, never again after this -_-)
SC (Redneck's wife though I didn't know it at the time): WHAT was yer name ?!?!?!
Me: "....(name)" (THAT sick feeling) >_<
SC: (screaming) WELLLETMETELLYOUSOMETHING(NAME)IFSOMETHINGHAPPENST OMYHUSBANDI'LLSUEYOUR--(incoherent)
I'm sure I had a WTF?! look on my face as I glanced over at CW. She was looking over at me while still talking to someone else, who was looking at me as well. I tried to say, "ma'am I can't understand you" but she went right one screaming at the tops of her lungs in exactly the same way: one big run on sentence without even pausing to breathe. No, it was more like one big run on WORD, and I could'nt understand a bit after the first part. Clearly, she was angry about something. Plus her voice sounded echo-y, like she was calling from long distance. Buttfuck, TN, I'm guessing.
I mumbled something about a bad connection and hung up on her. Seriously WTF?! I turned to my CW, who's smiling sheepishly as if she could guess who it was. "Who----?" I said, so stunned I couldn't speak. Luckily she did know who it was.
CW: "Oh, yeah, that's Mrs. (Redneck's last name). Apparently, she and her husband, do you know him?"
Me: "Ugh."
CW: "Yeah that's him! Anyway he and his wife got into a big fight and he doesn't want to talk to her! So he told me that if she calls not to transfer to phone to him. I've told her that, but she....keeps going on and going that he's going to have a heart attack cuz he's so upset about their fight, so she they HAVE to talk things out, or she's going to sue us." (cheerfully)
Me: ................................
CW: "did you just hang up on her, btw?"
Phone starts ringing.
CW: "Aren't you gonna pick that up? Ooh you're so evil."
Me: "WTF am I supposed to say ?!?!?!"
CW: "Dunno. See ya."
With a good luck grin, she grabs her stuff and hauls ass. The phone keeps ringing. Tentatively I pick it up.
Me: "Hello--"
SC: "HOWDAREYOUHANGUPONMEYOULITTLEBITCHNOWI'MGOINGTOPER SONALLYSUEYOUIFMYHUSBANDHASAHEARTATTACK---"
Me: (hangs up)............
Repeat 5 x that night. Finally she gave up. Or passed out from air asphyxiation, I hope.
but that's not all!
The next night I come to start my shift again, assuming crazy wife has called to complain about me and been told off, because face it, she's crazy. I have a different CW, a real ladies man who is the type to always rescue damsels in distress so to speak.
CW: "Hey, how's it goin'?"
Me: "All right. You will not believe what happened last night--"
Phone rings. I eye it carefully, then quickly pick up.
Me: "Hello--"
Same SC: "YOU'RETHATLITTLEBITCHWHOHUNGUPONMELASTNIGHTAIN'TY OU?!?!?!YOU'RELUCKMYHUSBANDDIDN'TPASSAWAYLASTNIGHT ELSEIWOULD'VESUEDYOURPANTSOFF--" (more incohrently screaming)
Me: (hangs up) >_<;;;
CW: "What's wrong, who was that?!?!"
I explain to him everything, and he says no problem, and picks up when she calls not five seconds later. I can hear her screaming breathlessly insults, threats, and everything in between at him, me, and Tina. He just says, "I'm sorry about that" over and over. Finally, after about an hour of this, he puts down the phone (by then I've moved on to doing other stuff, like my JOB)
My story ends here, but seriously? W.T.F. I known more about Redneck Regular than I've ever cared to. I KNOW he's NOT the type to keel over and die just because of a fight with his wifey, CW told me later that he threatened her with a divorce after their fight, that's why she was so upset. I'm not surprised that he didn't want to talk with a batshit nutso like her. I guess he did, because afterwards he became much more happier, even smiled. I still couldn't understand him, but he didn't go downstairs in his undies anymore nor did she ever call again, so all's well.
Red neck weird. He's shorter than my 5'6" and has a greasy mouse brown mullet with a beaten up old cap to hide his baldness that he always wears. I know he is bald, because once he came downstairs wearing nothing but frayed boxer shorts (!) and to see a thin, sixty something year old man half naked is not something I would forget.
Anyway, I thought he was bad, but it turns out his wife is wayyyyy worse. She's batshit crazy. He, I thought was bad, because thick southern accents are the only accents I have trouble with. He'd bark, "WAYYYYYY KUP CAWL......AT.....FFFFFAHHHHHVE DIRTY."
Me: "what?"
He'd repeat himself, exactly the same way except more barkier and peevish tone. It took me a minute to figure it out.
Anyway back to his wife.
I had just started my shift, and all looked usual. My CW was there, chit chatting to a guest. The phone was ringing off the hook. Noticing CW ignore it, I picked it up. Big mistake; she was ignoring it for a reason it turns out.
Me: "Hello, thank you for calling. My name is (name) how may I help you?" (this was back when I used to give my name over the phone, never again after this -_-)
SC (Redneck's wife though I didn't know it at the time): WHAT was yer name ?!?!?!
Me: "....(name)" (THAT sick feeling) >_<
SC: (screaming) WELLLETMETELLYOUSOMETHING(NAME)IFSOMETHINGHAPPENST OMYHUSBANDI'LLSUEYOUR--(incoherent)
I'm sure I had a WTF?! look on my face as I glanced over at CW. She was looking over at me while still talking to someone else, who was looking at me as well. I tried to say, "ma'am I can't understand you" but she went right one screaming at the tops of her lungs in exactly the same way: one big run on sentence without even pausing to breathe. No, it was more like one big run on WORD, and I could'nt understand a bit after the first part. Clearly, she was angry about something. Plus her voice sounded echo-y, like she was calling from long distance. Buttfuck, TN, I'm guessing.
I mumbled something about a bad connection and hung up on her. Seriously WTF?! I turned to my CW, who's smiling sheepishly as if she could guess who it was. "Who----?" I said, so stunned I couldn't speak. Luckily she did know who it was.
CW: "Oh, yeah, that's Mrs. (Redneck's last name). Apparently, she and her husband, do you know him?"
Me: "Ugh."
CW: "Yeah that's him! Anyway he and his wife got into a big fight and he doesn't want to talk to her! So he told me that if she calls not to transfer to phone to him. I've told her that, but she....keeps going on and going that he's going to have a heart attack cuz he's so upset about their fight, so she they HAVE to talk things out, or she's going to sue us." (cheerfully)
Me: ................................
CW: "did you just hang up on her, btw?"
Phone starts ringing.
CW: "Aren't you gonna pick that up? Ooh you're so evil."
Me: "WTF am I supposed to say ?!?!?!"
CW: "Dunno. See ya."
With a good luck grin, she grabs her stuff and hauls ass. The phone keeps ringing. Tentatively I pick it up.
Me: "Hello--"
SC: "HOWDAREYOUHANGUPONMEYOULITTLEBITCHNOWI'MGOINGTOPER SONALLYSUEYOUIFMYHUSBANDHASAHEARTATTACK---"
Me: (hangs up)............
Repeat 5 x that night. Finally she gave up. Or passed out from air asphyxiation, I hope.
but that's not all!
The next night I come to start my shift again, assuming crazy wife has called to complain about me and been told off, because face it, she's crazy. I have a different CW, a real ladies man who is the type to always rescue damsels in distress so to speak.
CW: "Hey, how's it goin'?"
Me: "All right. You will not believe what happened last night--"
Phone rings. I eye it carefully, then quickly pick up.
Me: "Hello--"
Same SC: "YOU'RETHATLITTLEBITCHWHOHUNGUPONMELASTNIGHTAIN'TY OU?!?!?!YOU'RELUCKMYHUSBANDDIDN'TPASSAWAYLASTNIGHT ELSEIWOULD'VESUEDYOURPANTSOFF--" (more incohrently screaming)
Me: (hangs up) >_<;;;
CW: "What's wrong, who was that?!?!"
I explain to him everything, and he says no problem, and picks up when she calls not five seconds later. I can hear her screaming breathlessly insults, threats, and everything in between at him, me, and Tina. He just says, "I'm sorry about that" over and over. Finally, after about an hour of this, he puts down the phone (by then I've moved on to doing other stuff, like my JOB)
My story ends here, but seriously? W.T.F. I known more about Redneck Regular than I've ever cared to. I KNOW he's NOT the type to keel over and die just because of a fight with his wifey, CW told me later that he threatened her with a divorce after their fight, that's why she was so upset. I'm not surprised that he didn't want to talk with a batshit nutso like her. I guess he did, because afterwards he became much more happier, even smiled. I still couldn't understand him, but he didn't go downstairs in his undies anymore nor did she ever call again, so all's well.
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