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I would wield it without mercy, oh yes indeedy. -_-*
To the Suckmobile, Robin!
FIGHT! Or not...
Had to check ID on an alcohol-desiring customer. Said customer produced an ID of some foreign type (the ID was all in Spanish) upon which I couldn't discern a verifiable birthdate, so I called over a manager as customer (and his friends) didn't speak much English and I was having trouble trying to convey to them that well, guys, I really gotta see some ID that I can understand that will fulfill the legal obligations required of me as per my job and state law.
Two managers happened to be in the area at the time and both checked out the ID and did their best to inform customer of this. Then a coworker (who does speak Spanish) popped in to help them out and for some reason this really set off one of customer's friends (heretofore referred to as Short Tampon Fuse). He flipped his shit and got all snarly at both coworker and one of the managers (who needless to say didn't appreciate that, and told STF to take a hike after it appeared that STF was about ready to take a swing at somebody).
So, battle royale averted. (Customer did finally produce a verifiable ID and got his booze, so everyone is happy. Except for, of course, Short Tampon Fuse. Ah well, two out of three's not bad.)
Litterbug
Had a customer who'd been perfectly fine up until the end, but right after she paid, she had to whip out the Drink-This-Kool-Aid-Or-Die literature on me. Protip: if your religion requires selling it, it probably isn't that good to begin with.
Being the good civic-minded citizen that I am, I promptly tossed the Chick Tract into the trash. Although now that I think of it, I should've saved it and put it into the recycle bin instead. Then I would have been even more civic-minded, and environmentally friendly.
...then again, knowing what's in those tracts...perhaps 'garbage' was the appropriate designation after all.
You're Just Creepy
Waited on a guy who was wearing a Blackwater t-shirt. Yeah, that Blackwater. *shudder* If you are unsure as to why this makes him creepy, go Google-hunting. Anything beyond that is Fratchable.
Let us carry on with the suckitude.
Tsunamis: Natural Disasters, or Alien Invasions?
A regular customer comes in. As his items are scanned, he turns to me and says he's seen footage of that tsunami in Japan.
I nod, expecting him to make passing commentary on the disaster. But then the spaz card comes out when he says, "these little silver orbs come flying out and around the screen, all moving independently of each other." Aaaaand my internal freak detectors go off.
Apparently aliens are responsible for the mass destruction over in Japan. But if so, why didn't we see these little buggers en masse in 2004 when that earthquake just about knocked the earth off its axis? Methinks we have fickle aliens.
Saving The Worst For Next-To-Last
A woman comes in, tries to buy some stuff, discovers she hasn't brought her method of payment along. Okay, that happens. Sometimes, if customers forget their money and live close by, we'll hold the stuff for them so they can come back and pay and get their junk. (That's happened before with one other customer I know of, but I know where she lives and it is very close to the store, so no problemo)
Woman tells me she'll only be "twenty or thirty minutes" in getting her money. Fine. I tell her we can hold the stuff for her and I take her bag and put it in the big ice cooler (since she has cold-food items, which obviously should be kept chilled, unless you like to eat a big side helping of food poisoning). Twenty minutes go by. No sign of her. Thirty minutes go by. Still no sign of her. About 45 minutes to 50 minutes in, and I decide, ok, she's not coming back (also not an unusual occurrence for customers). I check, see the bag o' goodies is still in the cooler, take it up to the front counter and take everything out for it to be returned to its respective place by coworkers passing through the area.
Over an hour has passed by now, and who should surprise me by showing up but the woman who is about to turn SC. I notice that the counter is now bare, meaning her items have been returned to their rightful places. Cue normal customer transforming into a crapstomer. Okay, lady, it is an inconvenience to have to go get your stuff all over again, but come on. You told me you'd be back shortly, you weren't, so I put your stuff on the counter for employees to take back because management likes a tidy ship and we can't exactly keep bags of stray groceries sitting indefinitely in the ice cooler for people who may or may not return when/if they feel like it.
SC wants a manager. I go and get one. He tries to tell her the same thing, SC isn't having any of it and starts going after me - "You said I could just come in and get my stuff and go!" (Note: She hasn't actually PAID for any of this stuff yet.) Basically, she's trying to get me to admit to something I never said (what, exactly, I wasn't sure, but I suspect she was trying to trick me into inadvertently saying I was the one at fault, either because she was such a SC or because she was trying to pull a scam. Or both. I've seen people try to pull this crap with family/friends of mine - it's surprising how words can be twisted around sometimes).
Well, I can't exactly go homicidal on SC's asses and show them the business
end of a blunt object (much though I'd love to), so I mumble some passive explanation of store policies or something and pass her back to the manager (hey, that's what managers are for, right?). SC gets even suckier and demands another manager, one of the higher-ups. Manager A says ok, he tries to get a second manager but before he even has a chance to speak with him, SC storms out of the store. Okaaaay...
But I knew that wasn't going to be the end of it. I had a gut feeling. Shortly after that I got put on my lunch break, and sometime between then and the next hour the SC called back. I found out shortly thereafter from Manager A that she'd gotten him on the line, and boy did she try to screw over me AND him. A put her on the line with Manager B, who apparently has dealt with her before, and according to B she's prone to antics like this. Manager A said when he spoke to her over the phone she was literally in tears and trying to pass off some sob story about how she's "been shopping there for years" (yeah right lady, they all say the same thing) and he and I were "mean" and rude to her and made her "uncomfortable" to be shopping there.
Bull. Fucking. Shit. Manager A talks very fast, so he said that was probably why SC accused him of "yelling" at her (he didn't, I was right there when he said he'd get B, and he didn't speak in a volume any louder than his normal tone). For another thing, my reputation here is such that several regular customers purposely seek me out because they like me so much. So that right there is a big steaming sack of horsepiles.
Apparently SC told managers A and B that she walked to and from the store. Which I am curious about, because she told me she lived over on a street which is indeed not terribly far from the store. But if so, why did it take her an hour to show up if she was on foot? (She had no disabilities that I was aware of - she was young and looked to be in decent health, though I'm well aware that some disabilities can be "invisible")
This was basically one of those situations where you think you could maybe have handled it a little bit better, but this SC was looking for attitude to spare, so I don't feel any sympathy for her. Retail is hard enough; I hate people who try and play head games.
And, as the capper: guess who showed up a week later after this incident? (Why yes. Yes, you may have a cookie.)
Fortunately I didn't have to deal with her that time.
Classic Oldies But Suckies
Say it with me now, kids:
- "If it doesn't ring up, IT MUST BE FREEEEEE!"
- "This [item] was on sale, why isn't it coming up that price?!"
- "I thought you could use some more work, so here I am!"
- "Do you have to scan all of [multiple items of the same species but different varieties, e.g., sodas in 12-packs]?"
- "I should get a discount because I'm [insert membership of club here]."
- "This machine isn't working right!" (Said at the self-checkouts by people who are of course DOING IT WRONG.)
Ahh, the wonderful world of retail... 
To the Suckmobile, Robin!
FIGHT! Or not...
Had to check ID on an alcohol-desiring customer. Said customer produced an ID of some foreign type (the ID was all in Spanish) upon which I couldn't discern a verifiable birthdate, so I called over a manager as customer (and his friends) didn't speak much English and I was having trouble trying to convey to them that well, guys, I really gotta see some ID that I can understand that will fulfill the legal obligations required of me as per my job and state law.
Two managers happened to be in the area at the time and both checked out the ID and did their best to inform customer of this. Then a coworker (who does speak Spanish) popped in to help them out and for some reason this really set off one of customer's friends (heretofore referred to as Short Tampon Fuse). He flipped his shit and got all snarly at both coworker and one of the managers (who needless to say didn't appreciate that, and told STF to take a hike after it appeared that STF was about ready to take a swing at somebody).
So, battle royale averted. (Customer did finally produce a verifiable ID and got his booze, so everyone is happy. Except for, of course, Short Tampon Fuse. Ah well, two out of three's not bad.)
Litterbug
Had a customer who'd been perfectly fine up until the end, but right after she paid, she had to whip out the Drink-This-Kool-Aid-Or-Die literature on me. Protip: if your religion requires selling it, it probably isn't that good to begin with.
Being the good civic-minded citizen that I am, I promptly tossed the Chick Tract into the trash. Although now that I think of it, I should've saved it and put it into the recycle bin instead. Then I would have been even more civic-minded, and environmentally friendly.
...then again, knowing what's in those tracts...perhaps 'garbage' was the appropriate designation after all.
You're Just Creepy
Waited on a guy who was wearing a Blackwater t-shirt. Yeah, that Blackwater. *shudder* If you are unsure as to why this makes him creepy, go Google-hunting. Anything beyond that is Fratchable.
Let us carry on with the suckitude.
Tsunamis: Natural Disasters, or Alien Invasions?
A regular customer comes in. As his items are scanned, he turns to me and says he's seen footage of that tsunami in Japan.
I nod, expecting him to make passing commentary on the disaster. But then the spaz card comes out when he says, "these little silver orbs come flying out and around the screen, all moving independently of each other." Aaaaand my internal freak detectors go off.
Apparently aliens are responsible for the mass destruction over in Japan. But if so, why didn't we see these little buggers en masse in 2004 when that earthquake just about knocked the earth off its axis? Methinks we have fickle aliens.
Saving The Worst For Next-To-Last
A woman comes in, tries to buy some stuff, discovers she hasn't brought her method of payment along. Okay, that happens. Sometimes, if customers forget their money and live close by, we'll hold the stuff for them so they can come back and pay and get their junk. (That's happened before with one other customer I know of, but I know where she lives and it is very close to the store, so no problemo)
Woman tells me she'll only be "twenty or thirty minutes" in getting her money. Fine. I tell her we can hold the stuff for her and I take her bag and put it in the big ice cooler (since she has cold-food items, which obviously should be kept chilled, unless you like to eat a big side helping of food poisoning). Twenty minutes go by. No sign of her. Thirty minutes go by. Still no sign of her. About 45 minutes to 50 minutes in, and I decide, ok, she's not coming back (also not an unusual occurrence for customers). I check, see the bag o' goodies is still in the cooler, take it up to the front counter and take everything out for it to be returned to its respective place by coworkers passing through the area.
Over an hour has passed by now, and who should surprise me by showing up but the woman who is about to turn SC. I notice that the counter is now bare, meaning her items have been returned to their rightful places. Cue normal customer transforming into a crapstomer. Okay, lady, it is an inconvenience to have to go get your stuff all over again, but come on. You told me you'd be back shortly, you weren't, so I put your stuff on the counter for employees to take back because management likes a tidy ship and we can't exactly keep bags of stray groceries sitting indefinitely in the ice cooler for people who may or may not return when/if they feel like it.
SC wants a manager. I go and get one. He tries to tell her the same thing, SC isn't having any of it and starts going after me - "You said I could just come in and get my stuff and go!" (Note: She hasn't actually PAID for any of this stuff yet.) Basically, she's trying to get me to admit to something I never said (what, exactly, I wasn't sure, but I suspect she was trying to trick me into inadvertently saying I was the one at fault, either because she was such a SC or because she was trying to pull a scam. Or both. I've seen people try to pull this crap with family/friends of mine - it's surprising how words can be twisted around sometimes).
Well, I can't exactly go homicidal on SC's asses and show them the business
end of a blunt object (much though I'd love to), so I mumble some passive explanation of store policies or something and pass her back to the manager (hey, that's what managers are for, right?). SC gets even suckier and demands another manager, one of the higher-ups. Manager A says ok, he tries to get a second manager but before he even has a chance to speak with him, SC storms out of the store. Okaaaay...
But I knew that wasn't going to be the end of it. I had a gut feeling. Shortly after that I got put on my lunch break, and sometime between then and the next hour the SC called back. I found out shortly thereafter from Manager A that she'd gotten him on the line, and boy did she try to screw over me AND him. A put her on the line with Manager B, who apparently has dealt with her before, and according to B she's prone to antics like this. Manager A said when he spoke to her over the phone she was literally in tears and trying to pass off some sob story about how she's "been shopping there for years" (yeah right lady, they all say the same thing) and he and I were "mean" and rude to her and made her "uncomfortable" to be shopping there.
Bull. Fucking. Shit. Manager A talks very fast, so he said that was probably why SC accused him of "yelling" at her (he didn't, I was right there when he said he'd get B, and he didn't speak in a volume any louder than his normal tone). For another thing, my reputation here is such that several regular customers purposely seek me out because they like me so much. So that right there is a big steaming sack of horsepiles.
Apparently SC told managers A and B that she walked to and from the store. Which I am curious about, because she told me she lived over on a street which is indeed not terribly far from the store. But if so, why did it take her an hour to show up if she was on foot? (She had no disabilities that I was aware of - she was young and looked to be in decent health, though I'm well aware that some disabilities can be "invisible")
This was basically one of those situations where you think you could maybe have handled it a little bit better, but this SC was looking for attitude to spare, so I don't feel any sympathy for her. Retail is hard enough; I hate people who try and play head games.
And, as the capper: guess who showed up a week later after this incident? (Why yes. Yes, you may have a cookie.)
Fortunately I didn't have to deal with her that time. Classic Oldies But Suckies
Say it with me now, kids:
- "If it doesn't ring up, IT MUST BE FREEEEEE!"
- "This [item] was on sale, why isn't it coming up that price?!"
- "I thought you could use some more work, so here I am!"
- "Do you have to scan all of [multiple items of the same species but different varieties, e.g., sodas in 12-packs]?"
- "I should get a discount because I'm [insert membership of club here]."
- "This machine isn't working right!" (Said at the self-checkouts by people who are of course DOING IT WRONG.)
Ahh, the wonderful world of retail...
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