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Background: Our store used to have a part-time employee, L, who was famous for her dry humor and take-no-shit attitude. She was always polite but had no patience for SCs. I'm not sure exactly what her full-time job is but it's something to do with the corrections department, which probably influenced her approach to customer service. She's a single mom and finally left the store a couple years ago when her mother, her primary babysitter, got sick.
When I first started working at the store I was warned about "The Panty Pervert" who would call and ask initially innocuous questions about our underwear merchandise, then become more and more creepy and personal. One day he had the misfortune of calling when L was standing near the phone. To my great regret I wasn't there to hear her light into him but it's become something of a legendary tale at our store. Apparently when she finally hung up the manager wasn't sure whether to write her up or give her a raise, customers were applauding and The Panty Pervert never called again. The point is, L is pretty bad ass.
Last Monday Fabulous Assistant Manager (FAM) and I opened the store. L came in to exchange some merchandise and we chatted and gossiped, particularly about our store opening, our fancy boutique layout and a recent series of major corporate visits to see the new store. We also talked about how crazy hard everyone had been working, particularly Kick Ass Manager (KAM). As I'm finishing her exchange and FAM is doing paperwork, a semi-regular customer comes to the counter to pay. This customer usually only mildly sucky but she is a Discount Whore/Price Check Princess* and usually deals with KAM, since she has the final say on discounts. Our customers also love KAM and often ask for her by name.
*Price Check Princess - a customer who needs you to cross the entire store to tell her the price of the item in her hand. Price tags, markdown stickers and sale signs are mysteriously invisible to her.
SC: Is KAM here? Is she in the back?
FAM: Nope. She has the day off. It's just us today.
SC: <laughs conspiratorially> Oh, I see! <smugly> I'd love to stay home on Mondays, too! If I were the boss I'd schedule myself off every Monday just like KAM.
I should note that KAM doesn't manipulate the schedule to her advantage. She is scrupulous about not abusing her power and is very fair. In fact, she regularly schedules herself for the crappy shifts (the morning after inventory, Christmas Eve, New Year's Day, etc.) and, since she's salaried rather than hourly, she ends up putting in a ton of unpaid overtime. Also, if she were arranging the schedule to her benefit, she could be seriously disciplined or even fired (the company considers that contributing to a hostile work environment).
FAM: Oh, that's just the way the schedule worked out. She didn't plan it that way.
SC: <condescendingly> I'm sure it's a coincidence. Please. We all like a three-day weekend.
Me:
FAM:
I should also note that due to the holidays, closing the old store, setting up and opening the new one and all the corporate visits, KAM hasn't had more than 36 consecutive hours off since November 2010.
SC: <continues talking about how smart KAM is to work the system, blissfully unaware that we are unhappy with the implication and that KAM would be deeply insulted to hear her>
Me:
FAM:
This isn't the first time something like this has happened, though this SC was unusually persistent and oblivious to our displeasure. Through all this L was unusually quiet. Finally, she snapped.
L: <sweetly> Did you work all weekend, too?
SC: <confused> Uh, no.
L: <not so sweetly> Well, KAM did. She worked all day Sunday, all afternoon and night Saturday and all day Friday. Before that she worked all last week and last weekend, too. FAM just told me that this is her first day off in nearly two weeks. She works her ass off here and ignorant people like you should stop running your mouth.
SC: I didn't think-
L: No, you didn't. By the way, should someone who's out shopping at 11:00 on a Monday morning really be talking about other people playing hooky?
SC: Uh-
L: And just so you know, she could get in serious trouble if her boss heard you saying that. I used to work here and I know KAM would never do that. She and everyone else here work very hard and you all treat them like dirt. You may be a lazy bitch but KAM isn't and neither are FAM and Emilochka. Appologize to them.
SC: What-
L: Now.
SC: Uh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it.
FAM: It's okay. You were just joking.
Me: <still stunned, nods>
SC: <meekly pays for her merchandise and leaves>
L: Damn that felt good. Too bad I couldn't say that when I worked here!
FAM and I:
Like I said: L is simply bad ass.
When I first started working at the store I was warned about "The Panty Pervert" who would call and ask initially innocuous questions about our underwear merchandise, then become more and more creepy and personal. One day he had the misfortune of calling when L was standing near the phone. To my great regret I wasn't there to hear her light into him but it's become something of a legendary tale at our store. Apparently when she finally hung up the manager wasn't sure whether to write her up or give her a raise, customers were applauding and The Panty Pervert never called again. The point is, L is pretty bad ass.
Last Monday Fabulous Assistant Manager (FAM) and I opened the store. L came in to exchange some merchandise and we chatted and gossiped, particularly about our store opening, our fancy boutique layout and a recent series of major corporate visits to see the new store. We also talked about how crazy hard everyone had been working, particularly Kick Ass Manager (KAM). As I'm finishing her exchange and FAM is doing paperwork, a semi-regular customer comes to the counter to pay. This customer usually only mildly sucky but she is a Discount Whore/Price Check Princess* and usually deals with KAM, since she has the final say on discounts. Our customers also love KAM and often ask for her by name.
*Price Check Princess - a customer who needs you to cross the entire store to tell her the price of the item in her hand. Price tags, markdown stickers and sale signs are mysteriously invisible to her.
SC: Is KAM here? Is she in the back?
FAM: Nope. She has the day off. It's just us today.
SC: <laughs conspiratorially> Oh, I see! <smugly> I'd love to stay home on Mondays, too! If I were the boss I'd schedule myself off every Monday just like KAM.
I should note that KAM doesn't manipulate the schedule to her advantage. She is scrupulous about not abusing her power and is very fair. In fact, she regularly schedules herself for the crappy shifts (the morning after inventory, Christmas Eve, New Year's Day, etc.) and, since she's salaried rather than hourly, she ends up putting in a ton of unpaid overtime. Also, if she were arranging the schedule to her benefit, she could be seriously disciplined or even fired (the company considers that contributing to a hostile work environment).
FAM: Oh, that's just the way the schedule worked out. She didn't plan it that way.
SC: <condescendingly> I'm sure it's a coincidence. Please. We all like a three-day weekend.
Me:
FAM:
I should also note that due to the holidays, closing the old store, setting up and opening the new one and all the corporate visits, KAM hasn't had more than 36 consecutive hours off since November 2010.
SC: <continues talking about how smart KAM is to work the system, blissfully unaware that we are unhappy with the implication and that KAM would be deeply insulted to hear her>
Me:
FAM:
This isn't the first time something like this has happened, though this SC was unusually persistent and oblivious to our displeasure. Through all this L was unusually quiet. Finally, she snapped.
L: <sweetly> Did you work all weekend, too?
SC: <confused> Uh, no.
L: <not so sweetly> Well, KAM did. She worked all day Sunday, all afternoon and night Saturday and all day Friday. Before that she worked all last week and last weekend, too. FAM just told me that this is her first day off in nearly two weeks. She works her ass off here and ignorant people like you should stop running your mouth.
SC: I didn't think-
L: No, you didn't. By the way, should someone who's out shopping at 11:00 on a Monday morning really be talking about other people playing hooky?
SC: Uh-
L: And just so you know, she could get in serious trouble if her boss heard you saying that. I used to work here and I know KAM would never do that. She and everyone else here work very hard and you all treat them like dirt. You may be a lazy bitch but KAM isn't and neither are FAM and Emilochka. Appologize to them.
SC: What-
L: Now.
SC: Uh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it.
FAM: It's okay. You were just joking.
Me: <still stunned, nods>
SC: <meekly pays for her merchandise and leaves>
L: Damn that felt good. Too bad I couldn't say that when I worked here!
FAM and I:
Like I said: L is simply bad ass.
to L 
'til now.
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