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Campfire Tales III (The Lady)(Epic Length)
*pokes his head out of the tent with a toothy grin* Well Well, I see ya’ll are bright eyed and bushy tailed this fine day, and I just got the campfire going nice and good. Come on over by the fire and hear a tale or two. There are plenty of s’mores for you newcomers and the rest know where I keep ‘em.
*lights a match and puffs on his pipe as he sits down* Lets see here, I was thinking on something that happened a long time ago…..when I was a younger man. I remember it well; it was the tale of “The Lady”.
It was a hot summer in my home town, so hot even Satan needed a fan to cool off. Well, we have a real risqué nightlife where I am from, and you get all sorts let me tell you. I was working as a reservations agent at a hotel, and this one night I got stuck also working the front desk. Let me tell you there are some stories from that desk I have yet to tell (so many stories).
It was not uncommon to see people staying at my hotel come back to their rooms with an “escort”. Well, what made this unusual was that it was a couple, and the “escort” looked like she had just come off the pole. They bumble by in an inebriated bliss and head up to their room for some old fashioned family fun. It was here that our tale truly starts, as one by one, we got to meet this most interesting cast of characters.
It was later in the evening, the heat of the day dying down, and I heard that ol’ elevator ding, and out comes the “escort”. She stumbles up to desk, only one shoe on apparently (I never did ask her what happened to it). She stands tall and proud, although it seemed more like drunk and unbalanced, and she says in a slur “I need a cab from here, my husband is a doctor, and I need to get home to him.” I noticed her scantily clad self, and smirked a bit at this notion. At this time, I heard that elevator again with its “ding.”
The woman was distracting me at the exact moment one of the couple that had brought the” escort” stepped off the elevator. The doctor’s wife (
) was telling me how she was a highly educated woman, and she needed to get out of this situation she seems to have gotten herself into. About this point I notice a rather rough looking woman (face looked like 10 miles of bad road really), wearing only a t shirt walk, up behind the “escort”.
From here, the rather rough looking woman proceeded to punch the escort in the back of the head, and then casually walk. She fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. I ran around the desk to help her up, and this woman, who reeked of cheap liquor, looked at me and said “This cannot be happening to me. I am a Lady”. I tried to contain my amusement, but some things are not meant to be as I snorted (
). She looked aghast at the insinuation on my part she was not a Lady, and demanded “ You can’t treat me like that, I AM a Lady, and you better call me a cab now, I want to go home….and you can pay for it after being such a…”. The litany of curses that flowed from her mouth would make a sailor blush.
I decided that it was time to call the Police as she seemed alright, and I needed to fill out paperwork on what I had seen as well as eject the guest that hit her. After calling them, she stared at me oddly, and said “did you call a cab for me…..and how much money are you gonna give me?” I responded “Don’t you want to talk to the police about the guest hitting you?” She seemed confused, as her intoxication was taking its toll.
I waited for the police, and watched as the hotel guest walked through the lobby, towards the elevator. I saw the manager come out of the bar with a bewildered look on his face, and he walked straight to me and asked the room number of our special guest. Apparently, she had explained to the manager that she and her husband had brought a stripper back to their room. She said the stripper had been unwilling to……perform. (Imagine that...Stage fright…). She kicked her out of the room, and then went down to the bar to get a drink. The manager was confused / disgusted by this as she told him this story, then invited him up to her room, after pulling her shirt up to reveal she had nothing on underneath
. I feel sorry for that man, as he has to live with that nightmare every night. Well, he refused and told her to get out of the bar. He told me this, and I explained the girl that was still in the lobby was the stripper she had mentioned, and she had hit her in the head.
Now, I’ve seen people overreact, but the doctor’s wife was something else let me tell you. She stormed up to the manager, and shoved him aside, yelling at us both. She said “I am no whore….no stripper whore….I am a ****ing LADY you bastards.” Needless to say this was not sitting well with the boss, and I was sick of hearing her running off at the mouth. She was fuming at this point, and demanded the money she seemed to feel she was owed by the hotel. I think the liquor made her forget the shot to the head she had just taken, to be honest. It was a matter of convenience that the police chose to arrive at this most auspicious point.
Our local constable had heard the yelling, and came over to see what the problem was with the Lady. She told him of her victimization at the hands of the Hotel and its horrible guests, and how she should be compensated for the assault. In all of this apparently I had hit on her as well
, AFTER she had been attacked. The police officer looked like he was going to laugh in her face, but he was a decent sort, and asked if she was going to press charges. The Lady said no, that she wanted to just go home. She was offered a comfortable place to stay at the cities expense instead. He even offered to take her there personally with a fine set of bracelets that she could show off on the way. It seems she had some standing warrants she needed to work out with him. Strangely, the entire time he was talking to her, it was the most ladylike she had been all night.
After the dust had settled on the doctor’s wife, another officer went upstairs to remove our special guests. We sent our security with him as a witness, and he was kind enough to keep his radio broadcasting the whole time. In this we got to hear of the husband lying in the hallway outside the room, passed out in his underwear. As to the rough looking woman, she apparently had knocked on several doors and paraded herself to the guests in those rooms, looking for some action. When she was refused, she slammed her door, locking her husband out, and yelled how it was all his fault she could not get ****ed tonight. The manager and myself were downstairs in stitches over this mess let me tell you.
To wrap this up let me tell you I got the privilege of seeing these two special guests hauled through the main lobby in nothing but underwear, and vomit on at least one of them, as they joined the Lady at the drunk tank for the night.
I gotta say I have met plenty of real ladies in my day, but this one and her friends were the most unforgettable.
I got plenty more for you kiddies, so remember ol’ Crucible will be sitting here tending the flames. I just wonder who ate all the s’mores? *eyes the crowd as he puffs his pipe*
*lights a match and puffs on his pipe as he sits down* Lets see here, I was thinking on something that happened a long time ago…..when I was a younger man. I remember it well; it was the tale of “The Lady”.
It was a hot summer in my home town, so hot even Satan needed a fan to cool off. Well, we have a real risqué nightlife where I am from, and you get all sorts let me tell you. I was working as a reservations agent at a hotel, and this one night I got stuck also working the front desk. Let me tell you there are some stories from that desk I have yet to tell (so many stories).
It was not uncommon to see people staying at my hotel come back to their rooms with an “escort”. Well, what made this unusual was that it was a couple, and the “escort” looked like she had just come off the pole. They bumble by in an inebriated bliss and head up to their room for some old fashioned family fun. It was here that our tale truly starts, as one by one, we got to meet this most interesting cast of characters.
It was later in the evening, the heat of the day dying down, and I heard that ol’ elevator ding, and out comes the “escort”. She stumbles up to desk, only one shoe on apparently (I never did ask her what happened to it). She stands tall and proud, although it seemed more like drunk and unbalanced, and she says in a slur “I need a cab from here, my husband is a doctor, and I need to get home to him.” I noticed her scantily clad self, and smirked a bit at this notion. At this time, I heard that elevator again with its “ding.”
The woman was distracting me at the exact moment one of the couple that had brought the” escort” stepped off the elevator. The doctor’s wife (
) was telling me how she was a highly educated woman, and she needed to get out of this situation she seems to have gotten herself into. About this point I notice a rather rough looking woman (face looked like 10 miles of bad road really), wearing only a t shirt walk, up behind the “escort”. From here, the rather rough looking woman proceeded to punch the escort in the back of the head, and then casually walk. She fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. I ran around the desk to help her up, and this woman, who reeked of cheap liquor, looked at me and said “This cannot be happening to me. I am a Lady”. I tried to contain my amusement, but some things are not meant to be as I snorted (
). She looked aghast at the insinuation on my part she was not a Lady, and demanded “ You can’t treat me like that, I AM a Lady, and you better call me a cab now, I want to go home….and you can pay for it after being such a…”. The litany of curses that flowed from her mouth would make a sailor blush. I decided that it was time to call the Police as she seemed alright, and I needed to fill out paperwork on what I had seen as well as eject the guest that hit her. After calling them, she stared at me oddly, and said “did you call a cab for me…..and how much money are you gonna give me?” I responded “Don’t you want to talk to the police about the guest hitting you?” She seemed confused, as her intoxication was taking its toll.
I waited for the police, and watched as the hotel guest walked through the lobby, towards the elevator. I saw the manager come out of the bar with a bewildered look on his face, and he walked straight to me and asked the room number of our special guest. Apparently, she had explained to the manager that she and her husband had brought a stripper back to their room. She said the stripper had been unwilling to……perform. (Imagine that...Stage fright…). She kicked her out of the room, and then went down to the bar to get a drink. The manager was confused / disgusted by this as she told him this story, then invited him up to her room, after pulling her shirt up to reveal she had nothing on underneath
. I feel sorry for that man, as he has to live with that nightmare every night. Well, he refused and told her to get out of the bar. He told me this, and I explained the girl that was still in the lobby was the stripper she had mentioned, and she had hit her in the head. Now, I’ve seen people overreact, but the doctor’s wife was something else let me tell you. She stormed up to the manager, and shoved him aside, yelling at us both. She said “I am no whore….no stripper whore….I am a ****ing LADY you bastards.” Needless to say this was not sitting well with the boss, and I was sick of hearing her running off at the mouth. She was fuming at this point, and demanded the money she seemed to feel she was owed by the hotel. I think the liquor made her forget the shot to the head she had just taken, to be honest. It was a matter of convenience that the police chose to arrive at this most auspicious point.
Our local constable had heard the yelling, and came over to see what the problem was with the Lady. She told him of her victimization at the hands of the Hotel and its horrible guests, and how she should be compensated for the assault. In all of this apparently I had hit on her as well
, AFTER she had been attacked. The police officer looked like he was going to laugh in her face, but he was a decent sort, and asked if she was going to press charges. The Lady said no, that she wanted to just go home. She was offered a comfortable place to stay at the cities expense instead. He even offered to take her there personally with a fine set of bracelets that she could show off on the way. It seems she had some standing warrants she needed to work out with him. Strangely, the entire time he was talking to her, it was the most ladylike she had been all night.After the dust had settled on the doctor’s wife, another officer went upstairs to remove our special guests. We sent our security with him as a witness, and he was kind enough to keep his radio broadcasting the whole time. In this we got to hear of the husband lying in the hallway outside the room, passed out in his underwear. As to the rough looking woman, she apparently had knocked on several doors and paraded herself to the guests in those rooms, looking for some action. When she was refused, she slammed her door, locking her husband out, and yelled how it was all his fault she could not get ****ed tonight. The manager and myself were downstairs in stitches over this mess let me tell you.
To wrap this up let me tell you I got the privilege of seeing these two special guests hauled through the main lobby in nothing but underwear, and vomit on at least one of them, as they joined the Lady at the drunk tank for the night.
I gotta say I have met plenty of real ladies in my day, but this one and her friends were the most unforgettable.
I got plenty more for you kiddies, so remember ol’ Crucible will be sitting here tending the flames. I just wonder who ate all the s’mores? *eyes the crowd as he puffs his pipe*
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