Jester Rants!

[Gravekeeper]

Oh man, I have zero tolerence for religion/politics in the work place and from callers. I don't mind if a coworker chats about politics in general around me, but anyone with a viewpoint they're trying to sell can go fuck themselves. Religion, don't even open your god damn mouth there. There is no place for that at in the office. Shut up.

I use to have a coworker that would rant constantly about politics ( not politics so much as how a specific political party in Canada was full of kitten choking pedophiles or something ). Even when people totally ignored him, he would just keep talking at the side of your face. Drove me crazy.

As for religion, I will dispose of any religious reading material or symbolism you leave in the office and you can't stop me because I'm here alone for 7 hours a night. Someone in my office is a JW and a "JEZUS IS LAORD" fanboy/girl. But they know they'll get written up if they try to hork it up on coworkers. So they settle for smuggling in pamphlets and magazines then strategically leaving them around the office and in the break room. Or posting thing son our bulletin board when no one's looking.

I rounded them all up and trashed them, then informed my boss that such things had utterly no place in the office. To which my boss fully agrees and has been keeping an eye out for the culprit. I haven't seen them since. -.-

Also, Jesterants brought forth an image of some sort of Bourbon flavoured hard candies.

[depechemodefan]

As for religion, I will dispose of any religious reading material or symbolism you leave in the office and you can't stop me because I'm here alone for 7 hours a night.

That reminds me, here at the library I'm usually finding pamphlets about Jesus, either on the shelves or inside books. Sometimes I find NT or OT bible, which kinds of hurts my "God will strike me down" mentality, but I do dispose of them in the recycle bin.

It is kind of annoying when the prisoners who write to us invoke Jesus.

Oddly enough, we keep the Satanic Bible in storage. But reading about it on Wikipedia, I really don't think there is anything in it that should concern the rosary praying people, or the holy rollers, etc. Then again, considering how Iceberg Slim's Pimp and The Anarchist Cookbook gets stolen like they had actually money inside, I'm not surprised something like the Satanic Bible would be kept away from the greedy hands of the idiots who steal our stuff.

[Becks]

Two words: Bolt cutters.

I can't hide bolt cutters in my cleavage.

[MoonCat]

And about those smoke breaks. I. Don't. Smoke. Never have. Never will. I also do not get a "beer break." So if you expect me to have any sympathy for your nic fits, you are out of your fucking mind. If it's dead, I don't care. But damn it, if we're busy, and I'm working, you should be too. Smoke before you get into work. Smoke when it's dead. Smoke after work. But for you to be smoking while I am working and you're supposed to be working is utter bullshit. The day I start getting a beer break, maybe, MAYBE I'll be more sympathetic to your plight. Until then, I don't give a shit. Oh, by the way...you smell like a fucking ashtray.

Oh man I so agree with this one! It makes me nuts that I take my morning break, lunch and afternoon break, for a total of ONE HOUR out of 8.5 off the phones....and these people get up and go for a smoke whenever they feel like it, effectively getting as many breaks in a day as they want. By the time they get outside, light up, puff, finish it off and get back upstairs, they've had at least another 10-15 minutes off the phones...EACH TIME THEY GO.

I can't hide bolt cutters in my cleavage.

Another great signature line!

[EricKei]

Two words: Bolt cutters.

Are we speaking of applying same to the little one's bike chain, or to the bike itself? After all, one meant for a little kiddle probably isn't all that sturdy to begin with (especially if the parents weren't worried about it getting scratched when they rammed it into yours...)

[BlaqueKatt]

hmmm I'm usually willing to pay around $20-$25 for a decent shot/glass of something, but then I understand the good stuff is usually made in small batches, and in high demand so priced a bit higher than the so called "top shelf" stuff most bars carry.

and these people get up and go for a smoke whenever they feel like it, effectively getting as many breaks in a day as they want.

I'd take that up with HR, it's time theft. I get 30 minutes of break time at work-I take four 5 minute or less smoke breaks(some days I'll only take two 5 minute breaks and a 15-20 minute break-I keep track of my break time). And now that I've started doing that, the other two smokers now have to punch out for their smoke breaks-as the boss has witnessed, break time can be divided up to include smoking if it is considered a necessity. Sorry but if you're a smoker, you should figure out how to smoke within your allotted break time, NOT inconvenience others.

[dalesys]

Two words: Bolt cutters.

And if you nip the spokes to the right lengths, they will sing sad songs of no wheels.

[Becks]

Another great signature line!

Thanks!!!

Feel free to steal permanently borrow it!

[Mr Hero]

[BShort Rant

To the guy who occasionally appears on the corner of one of the main intersections in town with signs projecting hateful messages to everyone from homosexuals to the families of soldiers killed in action, simply because they don't believe in the same god as he does:

Fuck you. Fuck your messages of hate. And fuck your god. Die screaming, motherfucker.

That is all. (I like to end on a positive note.)

Oh, shit, Westboro Baptist has franchises now?

I was going to make a similar comment. And it would be well within the board rules since I read that Raps specifically mentioned that wanker Phelps as exception to the rule of respecting members' beliefs.

I can't hide bolt cutters in my cleavage.

You're welcome to try it anyway. I wouldn't be opposed to it. *sets up tripod and camera*

[Jester]

Oh, shit, Westboro Baptist has franchises now?

I believe they've had people doing this in different places for a long time now. Of course, whether our local hatemonger is affiliated with WBC or not, I cannot say. I believe he is, but he and I don't exactly trade work chat at the monthly book club meeting.

Frankly, it's rather annoying that every time I see him, I am zipping off somewhere, usually work, and am usually running short on time. Why can't I notice this guy when I have more free time to go fuck with his head civilly discuss social issues with him?

It is sometimes very difficult to get ideas across in the written word, but I agree that you do so very well.

I tend to continue to read these forums (and lurk mostly) for such well written posts, and rants, and ramblings as you and Gravekeeper and many others here are able to compose.

I think that is pretty much all I have for this particular ramble at this time, but in closing, Jester, you rock.

Thank you, thank you, and thank you. And I will remember to get that check in the mail. And one more time, thanks....Mom.

Should I ever end up in your neck of the woods, or you end up in mine, I would like a chance to buy you a drink.

And I would like a chance to drink that drink that you would buy me. Free drinks are awesome!

Jester, as we all know, is someone who isn't afraid to speak his mind on just about any situation.

Ya think?

And, since this was Jester we're talking about, it. was. AWESOME.

Seriously, Mom, that's enough.

Oh man, I have zero tolerence for religion/politics in the work place and from callers. <more ranting snipped>

Good lord, that may be the angriest I have ever seen GK. He's usually more snarky and snide than angry. Wow.

Also, Jesterants brought forth an image of some sort of Bourbon flavoured hard candies.

Rum. Rum-flavored candies. This is me, after all.

I can't hide bolt cutters in my cleavage.

I...what? Huh? I don't get it. Great non sequitur, but not sure why you would need to hide said tool in said locale. But then, I tend to be oblivious about things, so maybe I'm missing something obvious.

It makes me nuts that I take my morning break....and these people get up and go for a smoke whenever they feel like it.

I've told the story here before, but I once almost got in trouble for taking a "Sprite break." Almost...until I pointed out the hypocrisy of smoke breaks to my smoker boss, and I could clearly see the phrase "discrimination lawsuit" going through his brain. At which point he left me to continue my Sprite break.

Are we speaking of applying same to the little one's bike chain, or to the bike itself?

And if you nip the spokes to the right lengths, they will sing sad songs of no wheels.

Um, wasn't thinking of the bike chain (if you mean the chain that goes from the pedal crank to the rear axle), the spokes, or any other part of the bike itself. I was referring to the cable lock it was locked up with, and if said cable had locked my bike up as well. Generally speaking, a decent set of bolt cutters will go right through those fuckers, given enough time and force. Of course, bolt cutters won't work on U-locks (which is one of many reasons I have a U-lock), but if someone made the mistake of locking my bike up with their bike's U-lock, I would find a way to rectify the situation that would almost certainly not be a positive experience for the owner of said wayward U-lock.

hmmm I'm usually willing to pay around $20-$25 for a decent shot/glass of something, but then I understand the good stuff is usually made in small batches, and in high demand so priced a bit higher than the so called "top shelf" stuff most bars carry.

It varies spirit to spirit, bar to bar, and region to region, but in my bar and in my town, decent sipping rums start at about $10 a shot and go up from there. Most of the decent to good ones that we carry range from $10-$20, and the really nice ones go from $20-$50 per shot.

[Amethyst Hunter]

Die screaming, motherfucker, after running through a desert full of razorblades and a sea of rubbing alcohol.

And fire ants. Don't forget the fire ants.

And I don't mean those pissant little snots from the southern parts of the US. I mean those BIG-ass motherfuckers from South America that can eat like your whole face off in one gulp and look like something out of a bad B-grade horror film. Oh yeah.

[morgana]

Frankly, it's rather annoying that every time I see him, I am zipping off somewhere, usually work, and am usually running short on time. Why can't I notice this guy when I have more free time to go fuck with his head civilly discuss social issues with him?

I have a similar problem with the original group. Seems like whenever I encounter them out on the street corners flinging their feces displaying their well-written and erudite signs, I'm on my way somewhere and don't have time for a quiet debate.

I have, however, seriously contemplated making signs in the same poisonous-sherbet colors that they use. With slogans like, "Your sign colors are so gay", and "Why do you suppose Jesus spent all his time with 12 other GUYS" and things like that.

I could keep the signs in my trunk and get them out whenever I see them on the street. Just stand on the corner across from them with my little sign. Never look at them, of course; I couldn't possibly be referring to them . . .

It's a nice little fantasy, but I probably won't.

[Mr Hero]

I have a similar problem with the original group. Seems like whenever I encounter them out on the street corners flinging their feces displaying their well-written and erudite signs, I'm on my way somewhere and don't have time for a quiet debate.

I have, however, seriously contemplated making signs in the same poisonous-sherbet colors that they use. With slogans like, "Your sign colors are so gay", and "Why do you suppose Jesus spent all his time with 12 other GUYS" and things like that.

I could keep the signs in my trunk and get them out whenever I see them on the street. Just stand on the corner across from them with my little sign. Never look at them, of course; I couldn't possibly be referring to them . . .

It's a nice little fantasy, but I probably won't.

Still more thought out than my fantasies. Of course, mine all involved Scarlet Johansson.

[Ghel]

Frankly, it's rather annoying that every time I see him, I am zipping off somewhere, usually work, and am usually running short on time. Why can't I notice this guy when I have more free time to go fuck with his head civilly discuss social issues with him?

I had the good fortune of running into a small group of such hatemongers at a nearby marathon last summer. They had one person standing on a stepstool shouting at the passing crowds, one person videotaping, and the third holding a sign full of Bible verses. So I struck up a conversation with the fellow holding the sign. It was a nice, quiet, mostly respectful conversation, even though there were very few things we agreed on. If nothing else, I prevented him from accosting the other passersby with his unwanted pamphlets. Also, I ended up in the background of their video, which they posted on youtube.

[Becks]

You're welcome to try it anyway. I wouldn't be opposed to it. *sets up tripod and camera*

I...what? Huh? I don't get it. Great non sequitur, but not sure why you would need to hide said tool in said locale. But then, I tend to be oblivious about things, so maybe I'm missing something obvious.

I forgot where, exactly, I was going with that but I can say I'm amused by the reactions.