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The plants think you're sucky too

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  • #1

    The plants think you're sucky too

    High End Home Store sells some weird stuff at holiday time, things we don't sell any other time of the year. Case in point: The guy who called in today to complain about the lack of any type of growth whatsoever in the Crocus Bulb Set he got as a gift last year.

    SC: I got this crocus bulb set from your company as a gift last Christmas and I've followed all the directions but nothing is happening, they're not growing.
    Me: I'm sorry to hear that, SC, but I'd be happy to assist you. I realize you probably don't have an order number since this was a gift, but can you give me some information on the person who purchased the gift for you? (background: in order to do anything for a return or exchange we have to have SOME type of proof of purchase.)
    SC: I don't even remember who gave it to me. Maybe my wife? *asks wife in background* Nope, it wasn't her.
    Me: OK, let me take a look and see if I can find your name in the system as a recipient or anything, may I put you on hold for 1-2 minutes?
    SC: OK.

    I look for his name (nothing), I try to find an item number (which is tough because even with a keyword search there are more than one of these blasted crocus things and who knows when we sold any of them...all I know is they're not for sale now). I choose the most likely item number and do a search of as many orders as I can from around Christmastime to see if I can find his name, but no dice. So I get him back off hold.

    Me: I'm sorry SC, but I can't find any record of the purchase...if you can find out who gave the item to you we'll be happy to track down the order and we can go from there.
    SC: Well, I guess I won't be shopping with you anymore! I get a gift and it doesn't work and you won't even take it back!
    Me: .....Once again I apologize, SC, is there anything else that I can help you with today?
    SC: Nope! (I think he may have made some other smart remark but I'm not sure)
    Me: *ending spiel*

    First of all, it's not our fault if you can't manage to grow your crocuses. Maybe you just suck at nurturing plant life. Of course, if you put any thought into who gives you gifts, maybe you'd remember who gave this one to you and we could make it right, since we can't control nature and sometimes things just don't grow. I'd wager it was his attitude that caused the poor bulbs to keep hiding away, though... Oh, and the thing that crossed my mind immediately after hanging up the phone... "You didn't shop with us in the first place...somebody ELSE did!" Wish I could call them up and tell them to give him a lump of coal next year.
    "I was only LOOKING, I didn't mean to enter my card's CVV and actually ORDER! REFUND ME RIGHT NOW!!"
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  • #2
    Quoth BeenThereDoneThat View Post
    "You didn't shop with us in the first place...somebody ELSE did!"
    This is exactly what I was thinking while reading that. The dude just probably has a black thumb and is blaming your company.
    Now, if you smell the roses but it doesn't lift your spirits, you're either allergic to rose pollen or you need medical intervention. ~ Seshat

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    • #3
      Wait, he's calling in -- in JUNE -- to complain about a plant he's been growing for SIX MONTHS?! o_O You'd think he would have noticed a zero-percent change by now...

      I mean, I have a serious black thumb -- a gift I proudly inherited from my father -- and even I know that something's up if I don't see so much as a tiny smidgen of growth in six months' time...

      Note that we did have one serious exception --- an atchafalaria (sp??) bush a priest friend of Dad's gave us 20+ years ago, which we named after him (we called it the Father Bertolucci bush). It "died", down to the bare branches, at least five times over the years to being uncovered in hard freezes, only to recover fully by the summertime, and it only bit the bullet within the last couple of years, probably due to the weird weather conditions that have only recently improved here since Katrina (we had a 100% DROUGHT for a full year after that, and most of the groundwater we had was apparently was toxic to plant life). The priest had told my Dad that he would be around as long as that plant was alive...He almost made it, too; ha passed away about two years before the plant did...I guess it missed him ^_^
      "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
      "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
      "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
      "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
      "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
      "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
      Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
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      • #4
        It doesn't matter how green your thumbs are if they are both up your ass!
        "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

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        • #5
          This SC should have been given a gift of an artificial plant. I sometimes make that suggestion to my customers in the garden center when they want a plant that's green all year and they don't have to 'do anything to it'.

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          • #6
            Quoth plantlvr View Post
            This SC should have been given a gift of an artificial plant. I sometimes make that suggestion to my customers in the garden center when they want a plant that's green all year and they don't have to 'do anything to it'.
            Wouldn't work, because he'd probably be the sort to water it and scream holy hell over the mess he made
            Okay everyone, lets all point and laugh at him right about....

            Now.

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            • #7
              Well, he already has an artificial brain
              "I was only LOOKING, I didn't mean to enter my card's CVV and actually ORDER! REFUND ME RIGHT NOW!!"

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              • #8
                Well, um, yeah, they won't be blooming in June.

                You plant the corms in the FALL... they come up really early in the spring, flower for a week or so, and they're done for the year. We're not talking about a flowering shrub, here.

                If he didn't plant them in the fall, I can't say whether they'd sprout at all. I've never tried growing them any other way.

                Customer should educate himself on flowers in all their splendid varieties. Then again, he probably already knows everything about everything and can't understand why things won't work the way HE thinks they should.
                What colour is the sky in your world and how high of a dosage do you need before it turns back to blue? --Gravekeeper

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                • #9
                  I'm assuming this is one of those forced bulb kits they sell at Christmastime? He is just now trying to force the bulbs? Ya, that won't work. If he forgot to start the bulbs shortly after he got the gift then I think the only other options are to plant the bulbs in the ground as soon as it can be worked (March around here) for bloom in spring or keep it in a cool dry place (like a closet) and try again next winter.
                  Or he stored the kit somewhere where the poor bulb did its best to try to bloom and has now gone dormant and may or may not bloom again (ever if he let it get moldy).
                  Either way a bad gift for an impatient person!

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                  • #10
                    I never tried to grow crocuses myself but as a kid we had them in our front yard and we loved to see them pop up at the first sign of warmer weather. So yeah, obviously they were planted before the ground froze. I have been in Florida so long I didn't even think about that part, and I am no good at growing plants myself, so I might have felt bad for him if he wasn't such a whiny little douche.
                    "I was only LOOKING, I didn't mean to enter my card's CVV and actually ORDER! REFUND ME RIGHT NOW!!"

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Sheldonrs View Post
                      It doesn't matter how green your thumbs are if they are both up your ass!
                      Then they wouldn't be green, but brown instead.

                      I may not be the greatest at plants (been trying to learn over the past few years as I'll one day inherit all the greenery here when Mom's gone) but at least my Hydrangea bushes that we planted last summer are growing a bit (and a couple of them have pretty purplish blooms in addition to the big green leaves.)

                      Dude needs to ship his crocuses here . . . we'll find a nice home for them in our yard.
                      Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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