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My store has recently finished a years-long renovation which has turned it into a superstore. The grand opening was on Friday and it seems that this has not only increased our floorspace, but also the Permitted Stupidity Quotient of the store.
Politico-Man, Away!
The Scene: The bike rack
The Players:
Me -
PM - Politico-man
PMS - Politico-man's son
During the summer bikes sell like crazy. Some days it seems like I'm at the bike rack helping someone every half-hour. For the most part, these people are nice and fairly sane, though some do test my patience.
I'm walking by the bike rack when a man stops me to take a bike down for him. While I do this, we get to talking. He's in with his son and is buying the kid a bike because he got good grades. I pull down a few different bikes and the son rides them around, testing them out and deciding what he likes. This is when I see the first wrinkle. When the son is out, PM decides to take one of the bikes (which is waaaay too small for him) out for a ride. I don't say anything, though if you've read my other threads, you know this irks me.
Things remain very polite and civil when he comes back and we discuss the prices of the different bikes. Suddenly, the conversation veers off into crazy.
Me: Yeah, and this one is about $80 and a good brand, usually very sturdy.
PM: That's a good price, but things would be better if Obama hadn't ruined the economy.
Please excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor and reinsert my eyes! I don't discuss politics at work, especially not around or with customers and this just totally blindsided me.
Me: ...Er... Does he need a helmet?
PM: Oh, yes, which ones would fit him?
Me: Well, how old is he?
Fwoosh, politics avoided! I help him and his son pick out a helmet and start fitting it for the kid when he takes the opportunity to put us right back on the tracks to politic land!
PM: The economy would be so much better if we just kicked all the democrats out and elected a republican. Obama is crap for the economy and ruined everything.
Me: ... *Uncomfortable* Well, I dunno... I don't care what party someone is in as long as they fix it.
PM: *thinking* Yeah, that's true. *Disaster averted*
Finally I've got the kid a bike he likes and a helmet which fits. The dad seems happy with it all.
PM: Thank you so much for your help. Can you accept tips?
Me: No, I'm not allowed to take money, but you can give me advice as a tip!
PM: Hey, that's a great idea. Here's my tip to you: Get Obama out.
Me:
...Well, thanks, have a great day!
PM: You too!
In which I am slow and incompetent
The Scene: The bike rack and paint counter
The Players:
Me -
D - Co-worker in Sporting Goods
SCL - The female SC
SCM - The male SC
Ohhh boy, I just knew these two were going to be trouble as soon as I saw them. It was just something about the woman, the way she spoke and looked, this feeling I got from her.
SCL: Hey, a little help over here?
Me: Sure, what can I do for you?
SCL: All the bike seats here hurt my kids' butt and wobble.
Me: *Looking at the bikes in question - they have training wheels* Well, the wobbling is intentional. It helps them learn to keep their balance.
SCL: Yeah, but it wobbles too much. Do you have any others in the back?
Me: I'll go check for you.
I went back and looked around, then pulled a bike I thought wasn't on the floor and brought it out.
Me: Here's one-
SCL: *Impatient, like I'm stupid* We already tried that one!
Me: Ah, sorry, I didn't see it. There are no others with training wheels in the back except for 16".
SCM: He's three years old! He can't ride no stinkin' 16" bike!
(One of the bikes they had him on was a 14" - a three year old his size should be on a 12" or tricycle.)
Me: Ah, okay, I'm sorry.
SCL: Is there anything you could do to make the seat softer? It hurts his butt.
Me: Well, you could get a seat cover or replace the seat.
(I show them the different seats and seat covers we have)
SCL: *Seeing a random price on the shelf, not the price of the covers* I'm not payin' no stinking 20 bucks for a seat cover! We'll just take this one. *She grabs a 14" which is too big for the kid to start with*
Me: Okay... Well, have a nice day.
I thought this is the last I'd see of them and went back to what I was doing. At one point, I have to go up and walk past the paint counter at the end of the main aisle near my department, and there they are.
SCM: Can you mix paint for us?
Me: Sure, do you have a color picked?
He hands me a color sample which is pretty ripped up but still useable. I was just barely trained in how to mix paint a few days ago and had never done it since that point. The color was one of the ones I knew required a color match and manual input of the codes into the computer.
Me: Okay, do you know what type of paint you want?
SCL: That color.
Me: I mean, interior or exterior and what kind of gloss.
(They look at me like I'm crazy once more, so I walk them over to explain the different types of gloss, during which the only thing they are interested in is the price and keep trying to pull a cheaper paint brand which isn't compatible with this particular color brand. Finally I get them over to the counter and start to play with the computer. Remember, I've never done this alone, so I'm really slow and not sure what I'm doing. During that time, SCM wanders away and pulls another paint can.)
SCM: I don't want that one, use this one, it's cheaper.
Me: I'm sorry, I have to use this base if you want this color.
SCL: But whyyyyy?!
Me: Because it's only compatible with this base. If you want, you can pick from those colors, they'll be cheaper than this one.
SCL: *Angry* What!? We have to buy two paints now?!
Me: ...No.
SCL: But you just said we have to buy two!
Me: Uh, no. If you buy this paint color from this brand, I have to use their bases for it to work. If you want it cheaper, you can pick a similar color from those ones instead and they'll be less expensive.
(They wander off to look at the other colors while I try to figure out the computer. I'm really not getting how to do it so I flag down D to try to help me. D either doesn't know or is too distracted to help because he just kind of looks at the screen, points to something and leaves. During this time, the two SC's are becoming more and more impatient.)
Me: I'm sorry this is taking so long, I was barely trained in how to mix paint.
*I receive death glares from SC's, they grumble something about going to Major Competing Hardware Store and how I'm incompetent*
(Finally I've almost got it down and am close to dispensing the paint color.)
SCM: Forget it! You're taking way too long, we're leaving! *Stomps off, group in tow*
Ah, the joys of impatience...
Politico-Man, Away!
The Scene: The bike rack
The Players:
Me -
PM - Politico-man
PMS - Politico-man's son
During the summer bikes sell like crazy. Some days it seems like I'm at the bike rack helping someone every half-hour. For the most part, these people are nice and fairly sane, though some do test my patience.
I'm walking by the bike rack when a man stops me to take a bike down for him. While I do this, we get to talking. He's in with his son and is buying the kid a bike because he got good grades. I pull down a few different bikes and the son rides them around, testing them out and deciding what he likes. This is when I see the first wrinkle. When the son is out, PM decides to take one of the bikes (which is waaaay too small for him) out for a ride. I don't say anything, though if you've read my other threads, you know this irks me.
Things remain very polite and civil when he comes back and we discuss the prices of the different bikes. Suddenly, the conversation veers off into crazy.
Me: Yeah, and this one is about $80 and a good brand, usually very sturdy.
PM: That's a good price, but things would be better if Obama hadn't ruined the economy.
Please excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor and reinsert my eyes! I don't discuss politics at work, especially not around or with customers and this just totally blindsided me.Me: ...Er... Does he need a helmet?
PM: Oh, yes, which ones would fit him?
Me: Well, how old is he?
Fwoosh, politics avoided! I help him and his son pick out a helmet and start fitting it for the kid when he takes the opportunity to put us right back on the tracks to politic land!
PM: The economy would be so much better if we just kicked all the democrats out and elected a republican. Obama is crap for the economy and ruined everything.
Me: ... *Uncomfortable* Well, I dunno... I don't care what party someone is in as long as they fix it.
PM: *thinking* Yeah, that's true. *Disaster averted*
Finally I've got the kid a bike he likes and a helmet which fits. The dad seems happy with it all.
PM: Thank you so much for your help. Can you accept tips?
Me: No, I'm not allowed to take money, but you can give me advice as a tip!
PM: Hey, that's a great idea. Here's my tip to you: Get Obama out.
Me:
...Well, thanks, have a great day!PM: You too!
In which I am slow and incompetent
The Scene: The bike rack and paint counter
The Players:
Me -
D - Co-worker in Sporting Goods
SCL - The female SC
SCM - The male SC
Ohhh boy, I just knew these two were going to be trouble as soon as I saw them. It was just something about the woman, the way she spoke and looked, this feeling I got from her.
SCL: Hey, a little help over here?
Me: Sure, what can I do for you?
SCL: All the bike seats here hurt my kids' butt and wobble.
Me: *Looking at the bikes in question - they have training wheels* Well, the wobbling is intentional. It helps them learn to keep their balance.
SCL: Yeah, but it wobbles too much. Do you have any others in the back?
Me: I'll go check for you.
I went back and looked around, then pulled a bike I thought wasn't on the floor and brought it out.
Me: Here's one-
SCL: *Impatient, like I'm stupid* We already tried that one!
Me: Ah, sorry, I didn't see it. There are no others with training wheels in the back except for 16".
SCM: He's three years old! He can't ride no stinkin' 16" bike!
(One of the bikes they had him on was a 14" - a three year old his size should be on a 12" or tricycle.)
Me: Ah, okay, I'm sorry.
SCL: Is there anything you could do to make the seat softer? It hurts his butt.
Me: Well, you could get a seat cover or replace the seat.
(I show them the different seats and seat covers we have)
SCL: *Seeing a random price on the shelf, not the price of the covers* I'm not payin' no stinking 20 bucks for a seat cover! We'll just take this one. *She grabs a 14" which is too big for the kid to start with*
Me: Okay... Well, have a nice day.
I thought this is the last I'd see of them and went back to what I was doing. At one point, I have to go up and walk past the paint counter at the end of the main aisle near my department, and there they are.
SCM: Can you mix paint for us?
Me: Sure, do you have a color picked?
He hands me a color sample which is pretty ripped up but still useable. I was just barely trained in how to mix paint a few days ago and had never done it since that point. The color was one of the ones I knew required a color match and manual input of the codes into the computer.
Me: Okay, do you know what type of paint you want?
SCL: That color.
Me: I mean, interior or exterior and what kind of gloss.
(They look at me like I'm crazy once more, so I walk them over to explain the different types of gloss, during which the only thing they are interested in is the price and keep trying to pull a cheaper paint brand which isn't compatible with this particular color brand. Finally I get them over to the counter and start to play with the computer. Remember, I've never done this alone, so I'm really slow and not sure what I'm doing. During that time, SCM wanders away and pulls another paint can.)
SCM: I don't want that one, use this one, it's cheaper.
Me: I'm sorry, I have to use this base if you want this color.
SCL: But whyyyyy?!
Me: Because it's only compatible with this base. If you want, you can pick from those colors, they'll be cheaper than this one.
SCL: *Angry* What!? We have to buy two paints now?!
Me: ...No.
SCL: But you just said we have to buy two!
Me: Uh, no. If you buy this paint color from this brand, I have to use their bases for it to work. If you want it cheaper, you can pick a similar color from those ones instead and they'll be less expensive.
(They wander off to look at the other colors while I try to figure out the computer. I'm really not getting how to do it so I flag down D to try to help me. D either doesn't know or is too distracted to help because he just kind of looks at the screen, points to something and leaves. During this time, the two SC's are becoming more and more impatient.)
Me: I'm sorry this is taking so long, I was barely trained in how to mix paint.
*I receive death glares from SC's, they grumble something about going to Major Competing Hardware Store and how I'm incompetent*
(Finally I've almost got it down and am close to dispensing the paint color.)
SCM: Forget it! You're taking way too long, we're leaving! *Stomps off, group in tow*
Ah, the joys of impatience...
And for the paint, sounds like they're just dumb and if they hadn't argued with you so much about everything else they would have had their paint a lot sooner. We all have to learn new things sometimes. That's one good thing about taking phone calls...if I have to look up how to do something or ask for help I can put them on hold and they can either wait or just hang up 
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