You've Gotta Be Kidding Me ( Epic )

[manybellsdown]

This is what I don't understand about California. We have ten thousand flavors of ice cream. There are fabulous flavors of gelato all over. But I CANNOT get Butterscotch ice cream. Anywhere. In the whole state, that I've seen. It simply does not exist and I haven't had it since I left New England.

[AccountingDrone]

She could be like the *second* wife and not the mother of the kids, who were already grown up and out of the house ...

[Mr Hero]

You take credit card numbers. Those bitches be 16 digits. Phone numbers ain't got nothin' on you.

Unless it's American Express. But that's just a freak card.

[MoonCat]

Wishing that I too had some manner of comedic merriment to make me giggle so.

Don't you read your own posts??

..

.Okay

It is 4am and there are two guys making out on the stairs in front of our security camera. Because hey, who can possibly resist the romantic allure of an unmarked office building? I know it sets my heart a flutter just thinking about it.

What, no pics? You missed a good opportunity for some possible blackmail there...

What?

SC: “I just wanted to say I lived in Vancouver for 10 years without a problem. Then I moved to <building> and what a sham! I’m just disgusted with the treatment. <click>”

Alright then. Congratulations. You have just passed along your opinion, without a shred of context or information, to a person who can do absolutely nothing with it and will promptly forget it within 24 hours. So, Bravo! Pat yourself on the back. You aren’t going to take it anymore and you’ve made your voice heard! Yes, truly you have stuck it to the Man™ and shown him he can’t just walk all over you anymore. Yep, from this point onward things are gonna change around here.

Also, we don't even manage that building.

OMG....what an idiot....I love it...Can't you just see him afterward: "I sure told them!"

Yummm...Butterscotch ice cream...We've got that here...Now I want some...

[Andara Bledin]

Unless it's American Express. But that's just a freak card.

Yeah, but they have to make up for it by having a 4-digit CVV so the checksum string is the same as the others.

^-.-^

[Boozy]

I am deaf, and my two siblings and parents are not. Everyone but my dad is at least conversant in sign language. My dad has finally, after 27 years, started using the alphabet and numbers and a few basic signs - but yeah, I grew up with one parent that I could not communicate with. I have always resented him for his refusal to learn.

I don't blame you one bit. It must have been hard growing up without being able to talk to your dad. This post made me sad.

I hope he continues to learn sign language so the two of you can start to have a real relationship, without an interpreter.

[EricKei]

Don't you read your own posts??

My theory is that, having lived through these traumatic experiences, he is no longer capable of being amused by them.

Then again, I think I would harden up a bit too if I were in his shoes, and realized that the average caller really IS Just. That. Stupid.

[Teskeria]

Unless it's American Express. But that's just a freak card.

Yeah? at least they don't charge you $20 if you want to pay your bill with a live person on the phone.

[Lachrymose]

SC: “ARE. YOU. READY?!"

I heard this immediately:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGK00...tailpage#t=49s

[Jester]

…Really? You’re calling around 2am asking about employment? That doesn’t strike you as just a tad odd or inappropriate?

That reminds me of a rather amusing situation I witnessed a few weeks ago. I was enjoying a cold frosty adult beverage (shocking, I know) at one of the local sports bars I frequent, and was chatting amiably with the bartender, a good friend of mine. Another customer on the other side of the bar asks her for an application, and starts filling it out. This would not raise any red flags, other than a few minor things. First, she was drinking. Now, as much as I am a drunk, even my dumb drunk ass knows that you don't drink while applying for employment.* Secondly, she was dressed casually. And when I say casually, I don't mean she wasn't in a business suit. I mean, she was wearing a ratty tank top and some shorts. Generally speaking, unless you are applying to rent out jet skis or sell cheap tourist t-shirts, that's a bit too casual for employment-seekers even on this tropical island. Thirdly, her boyfriend/husband/some random dude was with her. Also drinking. Unlike her, he wasn't wearing a ratty tank top. He actually wasn't wearing a shirt at all. And this, my friends, is how this woman figured she would charm the management of this particular drinking establishment into offering a position of gainful employment.

Needless to say, she is not currently employed at said establishment.

*There are notable exceptions to this rule. I applied at one local bar a few years ago, and a friend who worked there told me that when the owner interviewed me, he would offer me a drink, and refusal was considered to be a personal offense to the owner. So, while I was decked out in a shirt and tie, when the guy said, "What are you drinking?" I was prepared, and casually said, "I'll have a Corona, no fruit, thank you very much." There are times you have to violate certain rules, after all.

But I should stress, yet again, that we're not that kind of call centre.

You keep saying that, and the more you say it, the more one phrase keeps leaping to my mind: "Methinks he doth protest too much."

You know, there is a reason it’s called a fire “alarm” and not a fire “suggestion”.

I have no witty commentary on this. I just thought it was one of the funnier phrases you've come up with, especially since it's so damn true!

However, his absurd amount of delectable frozen treats proved to be his undoing as the apparently overwhelming cold of a bunch of buckets of ice cream quickly defeated him. Which led to a comical cycle where he’d put the ice cream down due to it being too cold for him to hold. Then immediately pick it up again a few moments later after releasing he couldn’t live without clutching his delicious frozen treasures to his chest.

Apparently this guy has never hear of this great invention they have nowadays called a BAG.

Whilst I sit here envious and totally mirthless. Wishing that I too had some manner of comedic merriment to make me giggle so.

But you do. Your callers. They provide us with gales of laughter. You should join in some time.

I realize that you and callers like you do have quite a bit of trouble grasping simple concepts such as basic math, economics, sentence structure and responsible drinking.

I myself get 3 out of 4.

I must be a fucking wizard!

Whoa there, big boy. I'm the resident magician around here. You stick to being polite, gorging on Tim Horton's, riding the Sky Train, and mercilessly mocking your nocturnal callers, and leave the wizardry to me. Okay? There's a good GK.

SC: “ARE. YOU. READY?!"

First thing that popped into my head: "CAN. YOU. DIG IT?"

Sorry. Back to your musings.....

Me: “Well, we’re here 24/7.”
SC: “So am I!”

Wait, what? You…..are? …..are you in the office with me? Where are you?! Show yourself!

Check the stairs of the office building. My guess is you'll see him there, making out with another guy. Just a thought.

Anyway, this woman calls and asks for a sign language interpreter.

She needs one to talk to her own children, so that she can tell them their father passed away.

Clearly this woman has never heard of those crazy new inventions, PAPER and PENS. I would think that would help things along rather nicely.

Of course, if she's this stupid and lazy, chances are good that she doesn't know how to write...and if her children have inherited any of her intelligence or ambition, they can't read, either.

You would think they might be able to read LIPS, though.

I mean, seriously woman? The more I think about this, the more I wonder if you're one of those people who, upon seeing the bathroom sign that says "employees must wash hands," waits for an employee to come wash your hands. Or one of those people who, upon seeing a sign that says, "Disneyland Left," turns the car around and drives back home, crying the whole way.

For some reason, I want some Butterscotch ice cream.

Butterscotch ice cream rocks. As does any flavor of caramel ice cream. YUM! (Sorry, I can almost understand Helmut Gollum's obsession. Almost.)

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

Okay, I don't get it.

This is what I don't understand about California. We have ten thousand flavors of ice cream. There are fabulous flavors of gelato all over. But I CANNOT get Butterscotch ice cream. Anywhere. In the whole state, that I've seen. It simply does not exist and I haven't had it since I left New England.

Have you checked Baskin-Robbins? Cold Stone Creamery? Any of the other ice cream chains? Hell, my very brief google fu turned up a place on Adams in San Diego that apparently carries it. California is a big state, my friend. You just haven't looked hard enough.

[EricKei]

Someone translated the "Funniest Joke in the World" from German to English ...

"Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer?" "Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"

Okay, I don't get it.

Python, friend. Of the Monty variety. Even if I did not own the series on DVD, and I actually had no clue what he was talking about, that would have been a reasonable guess ^_^

And don't worry, the Joke is mostly gibberish in German, too

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Bingo. It was a skit from the TV series, where the world's funniest joke (a joke so funny that the person who wrote and all those who read or heard it died laughing) was discovered, safely translated into German and used against the Nazis in WW2.

The German's tried to counter with a joke of their own, but their sense of humour missed the mark...

"Two peanuts were walking down the road... One was assaulted... peanut..."

[Mikkel]

About the butterscotch man, see this day's comic at Sinfest.
There is a logical explanation, or at least an explanation. He was watching Tour de France, dressed appropriately, and his team lost. Then he ran to get comfort.

[Teefies2]

Welcome back GK !!!!!!!!!!!

[Sunshine]

ty for the "shanks" comment...i've decided i'm gonna answer the phone at work "shanks for calling"....