If I can't fart rainbows from now on, I'm going to lose my job

[Food Lady]

I was going to put this in MiM, but the danger to our jobs has so much to do with the SCs who don't see we're real people.
There have been complaints about the cashiers lately, and the powers that be are coming down on my boss, who is taking to all of us about it, to forewarn us. We have those customer surveys, and the comment section is killing us. The complaints include things like:
--We are perfunctory, not enthusiastic. We should "pretend to be"--that part is a direct quote. OK, no one gets to tell me how to feel about my job, nor order me to pretend anything. It would be a different story if we were outright rude, but we're not. My coworkers and I always greet people, ask necessary questions, and say thank you or "have a good day" or whatever.
--Speaking of which, some jerk complained that instead of saying "thank you", the cashier told him/her to have a good day. This was wrong because we shouldn't be telling people what kind of day to have, blargle.
--The cashiers are rude. This could mean anything really, even not giving in to EWs.

Now, these are general statements, but occasionally a comment will name a specific employee. We've been warned that if that happens to us, it's automatically a corrective action (6-month probation). So not farting rainbows every day--even though we are friendly at best and cordial at worst--could cause job loss. Or just being one of the people a customer doesn't like. I really need to be transferred to the salesfloor or backroom; I get nothing but praise from customers when I am on the floor. But the minute I get up front, where I am burnt-out, my job's in danger.

[dbuzman]

Check with whatever agency regulates things like this where you are (labor board etc.). A 6 month probation with no proof of wrong doing other than someone put your name on a survey? Shouldn't be legal. You may not even serve a customer but one could remember your name and write it down. Hell they could lie because for whatever reason they just don't like you.

[AccountingDrone]

We need to covertly start a revolution .... We need to somehow force the dweebs with the fancy college degrees that think they own the employees to stop relying on comment cards and actually get out and observe in the field as it were, use their tiny brains and actually see that customers are abusing the system thanks to their assinine policies. We need to blog, contact bloggers, write op pieces for time, newsweek, newspapers, we need to do *something* to show these morons that they are forcing their employees to follow pretty much unsupportable business practices.

[Little Retail Rabbit]

And this is exactly the reason why I hate Mary Portas. Earlier this year, her TV program was "highlighting" bad customer service in Britain's retail stores and was basically encouraging EWs and SCs to come into stores, complain, treat us like shit and get us all into trouble so that things will change to their liking. The OP sounds exactly what I expected would happen (I don't know if the OP is from the UK or not, but regardless, it was the first thing it made me think of). I have no clue why Mary Portas thinks everyone in the customer service industry sucks- I spend a lot of my time shopping and I can only think of ONE incident of bad customer service I've experienced (as a customer) in the last 3 years. Her attitude basically just encouraged lots of mindless, mean and petty individuals who have never had to take a menial job for food and rent before and just belittle and make their lives miserable because their hands were tied. They would all change their tune very quickly if they had. Fortunately, I don't think the backlash I was fearing was quite as bad...partly because of this recession. Mary Portas was acting like "its a recession, give your money to the retailer who deserve it most" whatever....however I think a LOT of people are in crappy jobs right now and knew better than to listen to her snobbery.

This also reminds me of when I very briefly worked for the company Argos. The store were I was being trained was awful- I ended up being sacked after 2 weeks of hard work and enthusiasm (and even being used as a good example of how to work the collection point to other newbies!), and I honestly believe it was because I a) had a mind of my own and b) am a goth and they did not like that! I can specifically remember in one of the training manuals I had to read on customer service that we were not permitted to THINK NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT CUSTOMERS!!!! Trying to control how we think now, are we? No wonder me and my friend got sacked...we weren't zombies!

[The Grim Shipper]

When attempting to fart rainbows, do not bother chugging a bottle of bubble solution. It only works in theory!

[NateTheChops]

Dear god, don't get me started on the bullshit that is the customer service review.

Managers start to care so much about they that they cut corners that eventually lead to major profit loss. Then LP comes down and guess who gets thrown under the bus? You guessed it.

[thehuckster]

It's amazing how out of touch corporate retail workers are with reality. Back when I was working at CVS corporate required us to ask each customer their name if they are cash customers, or if they use a check or credit card, we use the name on their card and greet them accordingly.

At first I was skeptical and reluctant to do this. At the time I never heard any cashier ever do that to me in my experience (and still haven't), and I found it would be a bit awkward if they addressed me by my first name as if they knew me personally. But, the manager insisted and I decided to humor him.

I got so many confused looks on the customers' faces, I gave up that same day. CVS corporate is trying to set this image that they are some Mom & Pop drugstore when not even the most idiotic customer would ever be "fooled" into thinking because their clerks addressed them by name means they are given some kind of personal service. It makes sense if you are a pharmacist, since pharmacists often do have a more personal business relationship with a customer, and it might make sense if you have a regular nice customer who you might even chat with during your time scanning their products. Going to a random customer, grabbing their name off their card, and using that to personally address them is awkward, and some might even consider it creepy.

Before long the manager agreed that corporate has their head in their ass and personally asked people to actually refrain from using customers' names if they don't know them personally, unless of course they have reason to believe one is a secret shopper or the district manager.

[BowserKoopa1]

I can specifically remember in one of the training manuals I had to read on customer service that we were not permitted to THINK NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT CUSTOMERS!!!! Trying to control how we think now, are we? No wonder me and my friend got sacked...we weren't zombies!

You mean the managers have somehow been able to go into our minds and know what we are thinking about a customer?! Hey Mr Manager, can you guess what I am thinking about you right now?
As to the OP's story, I actually had a cashier tell me that they were verbally coached because they did not talk enough to the customer. He said "Hi, how are you?" and "Thank you, have a nice day", and this customer had only 5 items.

[Kara]

I remember when they did this to us at T-Mobile. They changed the way they scored our calls, and part of the score was determined by our tone. That was due to customer feedback. So I would be getting screamed at about how some assgoblin didn't pay attention to his minutes and now had $500 in overage and blah blah blah, and I had to go, "Oh, MY! That is VERY unfortunate. I'm SO SORRY to hear that. I would be SO FRUSTRATED."

I was on the verge of coming out back when I lost my job, but I was using my natural voice, and often times just said screw it and went with the fully femme voice just because it was easier to coat the venom and malice behind my words in sugar. Seriously, my greeting was sickeningly sweet. Too bad I don't have a recording.

[emax4]

At the risk of encouraging bad behaviour in order for the management to appreciate good behavior, I won't...

Why not get relatives to fill out the cards, or take a bunch of them yourself, start filling out that you (the "customer") is upset because the workers aren't permitted to be happy anymore because of too many customer complaints that they were too happy originally. Maybe put the managers in front of the customers and see how their satisfaction surveys come out. They're role models. let's see THEM perform, and base your actions on that.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Check with whatever agency regulates things like this where you are (labor board etc.). A 6 month probation with no proof of wrong doing other than someone put your name on a survey? Shouldn't be legal. .

At-will employment. That's all I'm going to say.

The OP's workplace is firing lots of people and doing it fast; it's hardly shocking they're finding another way to do it.

[Mr. Anubite]

assgoblin

That's my new favorite word!

[Jester]

Customer feedback is a weird thing. My bar doesn't have comment cards (yay!), but from time to time, customers would let management know what they thought of my performance. A lot of times, it would be my GM, and when people would pay me compliments, my GM would turn around, look me in the eye, and say, "That's it, Jester....you're fired!"

All in good fun, of course. Hell, if he didn't "fire" me at least once a week, I'd be worried that I hadn't been doing a good enough job.

Yeah, I kinda love my job!

[BrenDAnn]

It's even better at the c-store. We no longer have comment cards, but ww do, being a corporate owned chain of stores, have a website which people can go to, and send hate filled comments to corporate via email. The chain of events from there is this:

1) SC send ridiculous email to corporate bitching about whatever
2) Corporate sends to out district manager, who sends it to the area supervisor
3) Supervisor rides store manager's ass about whatever the complaint is
4) Manager, in turn, rides clerks/cooks asses about whatever the complaint is

Yeah..A cycle with a horrible ending there. Thankfully, we don't get many complaints at my location, and if we do, they're so ridiculous that the manager is almost laughing as she reprimands us.

[Food Lady]

At-will employment. That's all I'm going to say. The OP's workplace is firing lots of people and doing it fast; it's hardly shocking they're finding another way to do it.

My particular store is. If they're not getting fired, they're quitting. And it's the good ones. I should take a cue, but I know if I go somewhere else, it will be a 15% paycut for me. Plus I lose all my benefits to a botton-rung position. I'm in a tight spot. I can totally play up the charm and be downright annoyingly friendly, but after doing that all shift, I am emotionally exhausted.