Why lying to customers is sometimes a good thing

[Little Retail Rabbit]

I am devious :3 but out of necessity.

Stinky horrible old man comes up the side of my counter as I'm trying to finish a refund and demands I help him. I finish the refund and approach him. He says "Have you got any v-neck pull-overs?"

As he was wearing a knitted v-neck pull over (that was HORRIBLY stained, probably because he was constantly drooling), I assumed that was what he wanted and said "No, sorry we don't sell those."

"YES YOU DO. COME HERE NOW."

I roll my eyes. This isn't even the first sucky old person of the day (thats for another thread). Damn, its the summer holidays, its the kids who are supposed to be pissing me off!

I follow him to somewhere down the front, and he points at a stripy v-neck t-shirt and said "This is what I wanted!"

"Oh right, sorry sir, I misunderstood you." The smell is starting to get to me at this point already. "Did you want me to get you one down? What size do you want?"

"Whatever size you think will fit me."

*blink* I never play "guess the size". Its a dumb game that can end in tears.

"Well, I don't know what size you are. What size do you wear?"

"What size am I wearing?"

Seriously? If there was a desk nearby my face would be in it right now.

"Well, I don't know that sir. Do you know what size you normally wear?"

Repeat the above about 8 times. I wanted to scream. He then finally asks me if I have a tape measure.

Here is where I become a devious little liar, although no one else blamed me We do in fact have 2 tape measures, and we don't usually mind helping people measure themselves. However, the last time I was asked by a man to help him measure himself, he expected me to get on my knees in a mini skirt and measure his inside leg This guy, I could tell by the way he expected me to magically guess his size and know what was going on inside his demented head, I know he was going to ask me to put my arms around him and measure him. please remember:

1) He was stinky and dirty.
2) He was very rude.
3) He was drooling a LOT
4) Did I mention he was stinky and dirty?

So I said no

And he didn't hear me

He asked me several times in a row "do you have a tape measure?"

Eventually my patience snapped. "I've already told you about 5 times now (6 times, I mutter to myself, knowing he's half deaf) that I don't."

"Its £5?"



"No its £10. Look I don't have a tape measure!" (Repeat until we get to 10 times)

"Well what size do you think I am? I THINK I am a 38" waist..."

*urge to kill, rising* "Wait here."

I go to the till to find the size chart references. As I approach, I see my two colleagues, the AM and K. I say to them both "Don't go near him...he'll drool on you and never let you go. Its too late to save me, so save yourselves!" AM looked a little bemused, but she was busy. I got the chart and went back to the ornery old twat.

*feigning brightness* "Ok well, was it 38" you thought your measurement was? According to this, this makes you between an L and XL" Oh yay, I may be able to end this.

"I don't wear a Large! I wear a Medium most of the time!"

COME ON!!!!!! Why didn't you say that!?

*gritting teeth* "Well let me get a Medium down for you, so you can see the size!"

I get it down. I hold it out to him. Eventually he decides he's going to try it on. I show him where the fitting rooms are, and then I head off back to finish my work before the end of my shift (rapidly approaching).

K catches my eye, and she points out the old twat. He's just changing in the middle of the shop >.< He then harrasses her about something inane for a bit while I'm busy. And then he comes to me to buy the shirt...still wearing it.

I say "Sorry, sir, but you'll have to remove the shirt, there's a security tag in the back I have to remove."

Repeat 4 times.

I ring up the shirt, remove the tags. "Would you like to put it back on or would you like a bag?"

Turns out he wants to wear it and put his old horrible stained thing in a bag. I get him a bag.

"Put it in there then!"

I have at this point become selectively deaf- I ain't touching that rotten thing!

My shift ended 10 minutes late. I managed to pretend I didn't see or hear the old bastard the entire time I was putting out my returns. I was slightly concerned that my AM was a little displeased with what I had said earlier, but fortunately for me, she overheard how he was talking to K, and how rude he had been, and also smelled how bad he smelled. We think he might have been about to complain about me or ask where I had gone because while I was out back, grabbing my handbag, he said "The girl who served me..." K said..."Yes, what about her?" And he walked off.

Let him never come back >.<

PS: I have dealt with customers and family members with dementia and alzheimers before...even if this guy was going senile, he remained lucid enough to keep talking down to me and to remember that ultimately, he wanted to buy a t-shirt. No excuses as far as I'm concerned.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Naaaaaasty. *hands over the Febreze and some freshly baked cookies*

[Akasa]

Eeew. That's just a nasty old man. Nothing to show he has dementia or alzheimers.

[Syriilord]

What was up with the £5 thing?

[Sapphire Silk]

Gah. That's just rat nasty.

If you are ever in a situation where a customer wants you to pick up something disgusting like that, here's a way to accomodate them (assuming you don't find a way to get out of it completely).

First, take a plastic shopping bag. Grasp the outside bottom with one hand, and push it slightly inside out. Use the bag as a glove to grab the disgusting item by the inside of the bag using your hand from the outside and pull the item into the bag.

I use this same method to put pillow cases on pillows without having to tuck the pillow under my chin.

[froglet]

*snip*I use this same method to put pillow cases on pillows without having to tuck the pillow under my chin.

Just like doggy poopin-scoopin! Same concept in this case?

[notlovinit]

Haha I employ this lying thing when customers come to me with a large amount of change and, not wanting to buy anything, they want me to change their coins for dollar bills. "Sorry, can't open the till without a purchase."
Also, there is a bank RIGHT NEXT DOOR, lazy ass.

[Kogarashi]

Haha I employ this lying thing when customers come to me with a large amount of change and, not wanting to buy anything, they want me to change their coins for dollar bills. "Sorry, can't open the till without a purchase."
Also, there is a bank RIGHT NEXT DOOR, lazy ass.

One reason I liked being a Walmart cashier. I didn't have to lie to tell the random non-customers that I couldn't break a dollar for them. "Sorry, the till won't open without a cash purchase. You'll have to buy something to break that dollar."

[notlovinit]

Lucky! My cashiers could say that, but I have keys to all the tills hanging from my belt loop so it is a little harder to lie. But I still do. Once, I got called on it.
"But *store manager's name* did it for me once*"
"OH! Well, she's the store manager, so she can if she wants. I'll get in trouble for opening a till."

[Carsomyr]

Did anyone else instantly think of a very specific smell from the first line of this post? I suddenly feel the desperate need to shower again.
Maybe his weight fluctuates so much and so badly that he's constantly having to buy new clothes and thinks he can avoid showering over this? Which would also explain the attitude (you'd have a bad one if you had to smell that all the time, wouldn't you?).

It's all very good and well to say you can't open the til (oh, someone else has my keys, sorry!) but at some point you need to be able to get out of it in the middle of changing coins for someone. You know the one - the person that comes in every day and never buys anything, but wants her dollar coins changed to shiney 10c coins, then she has to remind you she wanted shiney coins. Then you have to change those into shiney 50c coins, then 20c, then 50, then 10c, then... oh! I'm sorry, I'm out of change in the til. Why don't you try the bank? What, they don't change money for you anymore? I wonder why...

[Sapphire Silk]

Just like doggy poopin-scoopin! Same concept in this case?

Probably. I haven't had a dog in years, and when I did she always went in our back yard anyway.

[chainedbarista]

if he smelled bad, he's most likely used to it; it's kind of like working in a place that smells-you notice it for awhile, but get used to it.

still, so very nasty. *breaks out the power washer...*

[XCashier]

if he smelled bad, he's most likely used to it; it's kind of like working in a place that smells-you notice it for awhile, but get used to it.

I guess some people do. Me, I never got used to the cat-urine smell of my last workplace.

At the fabric store, we really could not open the till to make change without a cash purchase. The register required a manager code for a no-sale. And yes, there's a bank right across the parking lot, so there's really no reason for us to make change anyway.

[underemployeed]

It really depends on WHY or how much change you want. Get 4 quarters for the air machine. that is fine. Break your $100 bill for your garage sale, sorry don't care, buy something I will give you twenties but go to hell if you want $49 in singles and $50 in fives, we are a C-store NOT A BANK, a concept most SCs can not grasp

As far as smelly people luckily the distance between the counter was enough to prevent contact from all but the most stinky and then it was really bad.