These all happened last week, with the last one spilling over to this morning. Why is it that my sucky customers seem to lay low for a while, then come in all at once?
Credit Denial
What is it with the people who've wanted to open checking accounts this week? The five of them together couldn't get enough credit to go out for burgers. Every one of these people knew they had bad credit, but only admitted it before we pulled their credit. Why not save us all some time and tell us that you have bad credit before we pull it? Then you can walk out with some dignity intact, and we can avoid some paperwork.
Customer 1 had no credit file (but, then, she just turned 18).
Customer 2 (C1's husband) had collections for child support and spousal maintenance from a previous relationship.
Customer 3 had a collection for an unpaid phone bill which she claimed wasn't hers, but she hadn't filed a dispute with the credit bureau.
Customer 4 (C3's son) had no credit file despite being 25.
Customer 5 had 7 different collections from different companies, most for bounced checks.
None of them had a credit score over 600.
Burn, Baby, Burn
You pay your mortgage on time. In fact, you're a month ahead. So why is this the second time in less than a year that I've had to call you to remind you to pay your homeowners' insurance? Your comments when I called suggested you had deliberately waited until the last day to make your payment, only you thought you still had 5 days left. Sorry, your insurance expires today. You say you can't pay it today because you ran out of checks. (Ever heard of a money order?) Tough cookies. You'll be getting a nasty letter from the bank anyway. Luckily for you, you still won't have any negative repercussions as long as you bring us proof of insurance within 45 days.
Vehicle Loan CF
Players in this scene:
B: borrower
BS: borrower's son
S: seller
SB: seller's brother
BS come in for an application. Calls to see if his dad qualifies. I still haven't talked to B. S brings title to vehicle. Title is in SB's name. There's a lien on the title. S says loan is in SB's name. He doesn't have info for bank and suggests I call dealer. Dealer gives me phone number - for dealers only. Call back dealer, gives me a different number. It's busy.
I call the next day. It's all automated. I can't get anywhere without a loan number or the borrower's SSN. I call S and explain he needs to have SB get me a payoff. Which he does (the smoothest part of this transaction). SB needs to sign a form so lien release can be sent to us. S is stuck at work. BS can't make it in. Still haven't heard from B. Call B's cell phone. No answer. Generic VM. Leave VM. No response.
By now, I have the loan documents done, assuming the application was legit. I know B is an over-the-road truck driver, and not home very often, so I'm trying to work with him. He finally shows up unannounced. I have the loan docs done, so I have him sign, but I can't issue checks until I have the signed title and form for the lien release. B takes the form to S and comes back within an hour. Really fast, considering everything else has taken all week. But I've finally got everything I need, so I was able to fund the loan.
If I were S, I would be pissed at SB for selling me a motorcycle and not paying off the loan against it. This is a 9-year-old bike. The loan should have been paid off by now.
What Do You Expect Me to Do?
Friday, one of our elderly customers comes in saying his statement doesn't balance. He claims it balanced last month.
Me: How far is it off?
SC: I'm not sure. I keep getting a different amount each time.
Me: *Warning!* Ok. Let's take a look.
I total it up and it's about $370 off. After going through it a couple times, I see that of 3 items that are the same dollar amount, only 2 have cleared. Now he's exactly $40 off.
So I take a copy of his check register and say I'll balance it when I have time. I go back 2 months, and it's a good thing I did. One of his checks from his previous statement isn't written in his ledger. So he WAS $40 off last month.
I call him and tell him to write the $40 check in his ledger and it will balance. I also let him know that we would have to charge him $50/hour for balancing his checkbook going forward, but that I had waived the fee because this was the first time.
Done? I thought so. But today he walks up to my desk.
SC: You know, I've never been off before.
Me: Your account is balanced now, so going forward, it should be ok.
SC: It's $50 an hour to get the account balanced.
Me: I didn't charge you this time.
SC: But you will.
Me: If you need it balanced again, but it doesn't look like you will.
SC: What if I die? My wife's never done this before.
Me: *Why don't you help her learn?* Well, the first time, we won't charge her, but if she needs help on an ongoing basis, we'll have to charge her.
SC: With all these changes, I might have to move my account.
Me: *But your account is in balance, it wasn't even that far off, and I didn't even charge you for doing it.* I have no control over the fee structure.
SC: And I don't like these electronic checks. I can't find them on my statement.
Me: *They're right there on your statement! You had them all checked off!* We have no choice in that. We receive the checks however they're processed.
He hangs around my desk for the next several minutes, repeating the same things. Finally, I tell him, "Have a nice day!" He gets the hint and wanders off.
Seriously, what did he expect me to do? I can't change the fee. I can't force banks to process paper checks. I won't agree to waive the fee for balancing his account indefinitely. Maybe he just wanted to complain.
Credit Denial
What is it with the people who've wanted to open checking accounts this week? The five of them together couldn't get enough credit to go out for burgers. Every one of these people knew they had bad credit, but only admitted it before we pulled their credit. Why not save us all some time and tell us that you have bad credit before we pull it? Then you can walk out with some dignity intact, and we can avoid some paperwork.
Customer 1 had no credit file (but, then, she just turned 18).
Customer 2 (C1's husband) had collections for child support and spousal maintenance from a previous relationship.
Customer 3 had a collection for an unpaid phone bill which she claimed wasn't hers, but she hadn't filed a dispute with the credit bureau.
Customer 4 (C3's son) had no credit file despite being 25.
Customer 5 had 7 different collections from different companies, most for bounced checks.
None of them had a credit score over 600.
Burn, Baby, Burn
You pay your mortgage on time. In fact, you're a month ahead. So why is this the second time in less than a year that I've had to call you to remind you to pay your homeowners' insurance? Your comments when I called suggested you had deliberately waited until the last day to make your payment, only you thought you still had 5 days left. Sorry, your insurance expires today. You say you can't pay it today because you ran out of checks. (Ever heard of a money order?) Tough cookies. You'll be getting a nasty letter from the bank anyway. Luckily for you, you still won't have any negative repercussions as long as you bring us proof of insurance within 45 days.
Vehicle Loan CF
Players in this scene:
B: borrower
BS: borrower's son
S: seller
SB: seller's brother
BS come in for an application. Calls to see if his dad qualifies. I still haven't talked to B. S brings title to vehicle. Title is in SB's name. There's a lien on the title. S says loan is in SB's name. He doesn't have info for bank and suggests I call dealer. Dealer gives me phone number - for dealers only. Call back dealer, gives me a different number. It's busy.
I call the next day. It's all automated. I can't get anywhere without a loan number or the borrower's SSN. I call S and explain he needs to have SB get me a payoff. Which he does (the smoothest part of this transaction). SB needs to sign a form so lien release can be sent to us. S is stuck at work. BS can't make it in. Still haven't heard from B. Call B's cell phone. No answer. Generic VM. Leave VM. No response.
By now, I have the loan documents done, assuming the application was legit. I know B is an over-the-road truck driver, and not home very often, so I'm trying to work with him. He finally shows up unannounced. I have the loan docs done, so I have him sign, but I can't issue checks until I have the signed title and form for the lien release. B takes the form to S and comes back within an hour. Really fast, considering everything else has taken all week. But I've finally got everything I need, so I was able to fund the loan.
If I were S, I would be pissed at SB for selling me a motorcycle and not paying off the loan against it. This is a 9-year-old bike. The loan should have been paid off by now.
What Do You Expect Me to Do?
Friday, one of our elderly customers comes in saying his statement doesn't balance. He claims it balanced last month.
Me: How far is it off?
SC: I'm not sure. I keep getting a different amount each time.
Me: *Warning!* Ok. Let's take a look.
I total it up and it's about $370 off. After going through it a couple times, I see that of 3 items that are the same dollar amount, only 2 have cleared. Now he's exactly $40 off.
So I take a copy of his check register and say I'll balance it when I have time. I go back 2 months, and it's a good thing I did. One of his checks from his previous statement isn't written in his ledger. So he WAS $40 off last month.
I call him and tell him to write the $40 check in his ledger and it will balance. I also let him know that we would have to charge him $50/hour for balancing his checkbook going forward, but that I had waived the fee because this was the first time.
Done? I thought so. But today he walks up to my desk.
SC: You know, I've never been off before.
Me: Your account is balanced now, so going forward, it should be ok.
SC: It's $50 an hour to get the account balanced.
Me: I didn't charge you this time.
SC: But you will.
Me: If you need it balanced again, but it doesn't look like you will.
SC: What if I die? My wife's never done this before.
Me: *Why don't you help her learn?* Well, the first time, we won't charge her, but if she needs help on an ongoing basis, we'll have to charge her.
SC: With all these changes, I might have to move my account.
Me: *But your account is in balance, it wasn't even that far off, and I didn't even charge you for doing it.* I have no control over the fee structure.
SC: And I don't like these electronic checks. I can't find them on my statement.
Me: *They're right there on your statement! You had them all checked off!* We have no choice in that. We receive the checks however they're processed.
He hangs around my desk for the next several minutes, repeating the same things. Finally, I tell him, "Have a nice day!" He gets the hint and wanders off.
Seriously, what did he expect me to do? I can't change the fee. I can't force banks to process paper checks. I won't agree to waive the fee for balancing his account indefinitely. Maybe he just wanted to complain.
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