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My daily dose of Deja Vu here. 
Most of the time the customer always reacts in the same way, never breaking free from that vicious cycle. If they didn't change their clothes (some don't, but let's not think about that) I don't think I'd know one day from the next.
How to Use an Employee's Hand As A Table
Step 1: Put something on the counter.
Step 2: Hand the shop assistant your Eftpos card.
Step 3: They'll try to hand you back the pinpad. Don't accept it, just start pressing those pretty buttons.
Step 4: Repeat until the assistant catches on.
Step 5: Find a new assistant.
How to Make Small Talk
This is the single most repetetive one here. I still give them bonus points for trying, I'm just so tired of hearing it a hundred times a day.
Step 1: Wait for nice, warm, beautiful weather.
Step 2: Find the shop furthest away from this weather.
Step 3: Tell the person at the counter it's beautiful outside.
Step 4: Apologise while you (Optional: silently) pity the poor fool.
Step 5: Leave with no further conversation.
How to use 'The Cosmetics Stands'
We've only had the one cosmetics stand until recently. Now that we have American cosmetics the new stand is in complete control of those sales. I've never used either so to me there is only one major difference between the two: Testers. The old one has testers, the new one doesn't. The funny thing is that the customers ALWAYS react this way. Not just usually, I mean absolutely always.
Step 1: Find out you can't use the cosmetics. Throw a mini fit.
Step 2: Attempt to change this.
Step 3: Huff, put the cosmetics back and go to the cheap cosmetics stand.
Step 4: Go home and get amnesia
Step 5: Repeat cycle.
How to Achieve Nothing
You all get these people too, don't lie.
Step 1: Request the location of an item in the store.
Step 2: Recieve an answer to the effect of 'we don't have it'.
Step 3: Stare.
Step 4: Stare.
Step 5: Stare.
Step 6: Silently admit defeat and finally respond with something affirmative ('okay' generally works).
Step 7: Leave. (Optional: Enjoy the time you just stole.)
How to Parent
The funny thing is, if a child is the type of kid who drops or misplaces something the parent never corrects them or tells them off. They just prove why the kid is that way too. Are the kids who don't drop things are pre-trained in other stores?
Step 1: Get a child somewhere.
Step 2: Watch the child drop something and ignore it.
Step 3: Pick something up.
Step 4: Drop it somewhere. Anywhere, as long as it's not on a shelf.
Step 5:
How to be Awesome
Every now and again somebody naturally leaves something behind. Usually we'll call them back before they walk off but sometimes we don't see it straight away. Either they realise it's missing within a few hours, or they never return.
Step 1: Realise your item is lost.
Step 2: Retrace your steps (either physically or by phone).
Step 3: Discover it's in our store. Hooray! If you're on the phone, learn how to get it back. (We buried it somewhere in the city, you have to follow the clues to find it.)
Step 4: Get asked for ID (if applicable, otherwise some other method of identifying the correct owner).
Step 5: Thank the shop assistants for being so helpful, and express your gratitude that they don't hand out valuables to just anyone who asks for them. (I've never had a customer that left something with us who isn't awesome. I know I'm touching wood here, but still! :3 )
How to Choose Effective Music
Step 1: Place a radio, or TV outside your shop.
Step 2: Play Katy Perry's "E.T." first thing in the morning.
Step 3: Wait between 1hr3min and 1hr15min.
Step 4: Play Katy Perry's "E.T"
Step 5: Repeat steps 3 and 4 all day without fail.
Step 6: When you've been doing this for long enough that no worker left in the area could ever like Katy Perry again, pause halfway through the music video and leave it like this for two days straight.
Step 7: Repeat from Step 2.
How to Locate Totally Normal Items
I'm always severely disappointed because we sell weirder things than I've ever been asked for. Pick up your game, guys! You have to do better than pre-stained underwear.
Step 1: Tell the assistant you have a very strange/odd/bizarre/unusual/(etc) request.
Step 2: Ask for a completely normal item.
You know what? I think I really don't know one day from the next anymore.
Most of the time the customer always reacts in the same way, never breaking free from that vicious cycle. If they didn't change their clothes (some don't, but let's not think about that) I don't think I'd know one day from the next.How to Use an Employee's Hand As A Table
Step 1: Put something on the counter.
Step 2: Hand the shop assistant your Eftpos card.
Step 3: They'll try to hand you back the pinpad. Don't accept it, just start pressing those pretty buttons.
Step 4: Repeat until the assistant catches on.
Step 5: Find a new assistant.
How to Make Small Talk
This is the single most repetetive one here. I still give them bonus points for trying, I'm just so tired of hearing it a hundred times a day.
Step 1: Wait for nice, warm, beautiful weather.
Step 2: Find the shop furthest away from this weather.
Step 3: Tell the person at the counter it's beautiful outside.
Step 4: Apologise while you (Optional: silently) pity the poor fool.
Step 5: Leave with no further conversation.
How to use 'The Cosmetics Stands'
We've only had the one cosmetics stand until recently. Now that we have American cosmetics the new stand is in complete control of those sales. I've never used either so to me there is only one major difference between the two: Testers. The old one has testers, the new one doesn't. The funny thing is that the customers ALWAYS react this way. Not just usually, I mean absolutely always.
Step 1: Find out you can't use the cosmetics. Throw a mini fit.
Step 2: Attempt to change this.
Step 3: Huff, put the cosmetics back and go to the cheap cosmetics stand.
Step 4: Go home and get amnesia
Step 5: Repeat cycle.
How to Achieve Nothing
You all get these people too, don't lie.
Step 1: Request the location of an item in the store.
Step 2: Recieve an answer to the effect of 'we don't have it'.
Step 3: Stare.
Step 4: Stare.
Step 5: Stare.
Step 6: Silently admit defeat and finally respond with something affirmative ('okay' generally works).
Step 7: Leave. (Optional: Enjoy the time you just stole.)
How to Parent
The funny thing is, if a child is the type of kid who drops or misplaces something the parent never corrects them or tells them off. They just prove why the kid is that way too. Are the kids who don't drop things are pre-trained in other stores?
Step 1: Get a child somewhere.
Step 2: Watch the child drop something and ignore it.
Step 3: Pick something up.
Step 4: Drop it somewhere. Anywhere, as long as it's not on a shelf.
Step 5:
How to be Awesome
Every now and again somebody naturally leaves something behind. Usually we'll call them back before they walk off but sometimes we don't see it straight away. Either they realise it's missing within a few hours, or they never return.
Step 1: Realise your item is lost.
Step 2: Retrace your steps (either physically or by phone).
Step 3: Discover it's in our store. Hooray! If you're on the phone, learn how to get it back. (We buried it somewhere in the city, you have to follow the clues to find it.)
Step 4: Get asked for ID (if applicable, otherwise some other method of identifying the correct owner).
Step 5: Thank the shop assistants for being so helpful, and express your gratitude that they don't hand out valuables to just anyone who asks for them. (I've never had a customer that left something with us who isn't awesome. I know I'm touching wood here, but still! :3 )
How to Choose Effective Music
Step 1: Place a radio, or TV outside your shop.
Step 2: Play Katy Perry's "E.T." first thing in the morning.
Step 3: Wait between 1hr3min and 1hr15min.
Step 4: Play Katy Perry's "E.T"
Step 5: Repeat steps 3 and 4 all day without fail.
Step 6: When you've been doing this for long enough that no worker left in the area could ever like Katy Perry again, pause halfway through the music video and leave it like this for two days straight.
Step 7: Repeat from Step 2.
How to Locate Totally Normal Items
I'm always severely disappointed because we sell weirder things than I've ever been asked for. Pick up your game, guys! You have to do better than pre-stained underwear.
Step 1: Tell the assistant you have a very strange/odd/bizarre/unusual/(etc) request.
Step 2: Ask for a completely normal item.
You know what? I think I really don't know one day from the next anymore.
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