Back to the Black Hole of Suck

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Because three-day weekends can't last forever and I have to have something to do to kill 70 years until Willard Scott wishes me a happy birthday on TV.

Today starts a Super Duper Uber Mega Super Stupendous Lowest Prices of the Season Sale. For those of you wondering, yes we just got done with one of those a little over a month ago. That was the summer LPS sale. This is the Back To School LPS sale.

As part of this sale we're running an extra special for today through Saturday. On this special we have 8-roll packs of a certain kind of paper towels, and 12-roll packs of a certain kind of bath tissue, for 4 bucks a pop. Frankly, it's not fit to wipe my counters or my ass with, but still at 4 dollars a pack it's going to be flying out the doors.

And it did. Corporate shrewdly decided not to place a limit on the toilet paper and paper towels, so people were probably taking 4, 5, 6 or more packs at a crack. We had two pallets of each to start the sale, amounting to 80 packs of paper towels and 120 packs of toilet paper. It was all gone by noon.

And after that I can't count how many times I got people asking for this paper, and then getting pissy when I told them we were sold out.

"But I live out of town!" they shrieked when I suggested they could check back tomorrow. Big whoopty whoop. That probably means you live in the next town over, which is a ten-minute drive. Or you're being dramatic and actually live on the other side of town.

"What am I supposed to do?" I dunno, either buy some other kind of toilet paper from us, buy some cheaper toilet paper from someplace else, along with some aloe vera for your tushy, or consult Sheryl Crow for advice on how to get clean using only one square of TP.

"You should have a truckload of all that if you know you're going to sell all that!" Okay, and where do you think we're going to store all that paper inside the store? Or park a trailer full of the stuff? Or keep a truckload full of all the other stuff people may want to buy that we may run out of?

More of the toilet paper and paper towels did come in tonight, and I knew they would, but I wasn't allowed to tell anybody this. Screw 'em.

[Sapphire Silk]

It's amazing the things people will get bent out of shape over.

[siead_lietrathua]

i've never understood tremendously low sales on toilet paper. it's the ONE thing people will buy, no matter what the cost. muhaha.

[Seshat]

It's a loss leader. Milk and bread are also often loss leaders.

Basically, it's cut to cost or even below cost, to get the customers in the door. They choose the things everyone buys, to get large numbers into the shop. Those people then (usually) also buy other things, some of them high-profit items.

[Mr Hero]

And it did. Corporate shrewdly decided not to place a limit on the toilet paper and paper towels, so people were probably taking 4, 5, 6 or more packs at a crack. We had two pallets of each to start the sale, amounting to 80 packs of paper towels and 120 packs of toilet paper. It was all gone by noon.

And after that I can't count how many times I got people asking for this paper, and then getting pissy when I told them we were sold out.

Probably unintended puns, but still worth pointing out.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Screw 'em.

Not even with a stolen dick.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

It turns out all that toilet paper and paper towels are at the nose of our trailer, so they won't get to the floor until sometime after the store opens.

Truck was 1800 cartons and didn't roll in until almost 5. We only had time to do a quick unload and then pull all our fill out to the floor. Nobody will be able to get inside the trailer to unload it until 7.

Bet I get a bunch of people asking me where it is in the meantime while I'm trying to fill. Yay. Not.

[EricKei]

"You should have a truckload of all that if you know you're going to sell all that!"

Just say "We did. That's why they lasted 4 hours instead of 2. Call us when you wake up tomorrow, we MAY have some in by then. No, we can't hold any for you."

[Nemesis44UK]

Seriously?

Customers buying 6 packs at a time? Blimey. Didn't realise there was an imminent apocalypse which will leave us all bereft of TP.

I didn't understand the reference to Sheryl Crow, so I looked it up.

ONE SHEET? Are you kidding me? I would pay Sheryl to come and wipe my tushy and show me how to get it clean with one sheet of TP. That's the problem with eco-warriors, some of their suggestions would reduce us to living in the stone age.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

It's amazing the things people will get bent out of shape over.

Sounds like the 3 day sales we run at least once a month at the Litter Box. Hot items will usually be paper towels, TP and laundry detergent (brands tend to rotate from sale to sale.)

You'd be surprised how many people will wipe us out by mid afternoon on the first day of the ad and we'll usually have to wait until the next day for another truck (which probably won't be in until at least mid afternoon thanks to our drivers still having to cover the eastern part of the state b/c of the still inoperable DC) and even then the computer will only allow our store to order up to X quantity of these items at one time.

One of the many reasons we also have limits clearly stated. But it still doesn't stop some folks from buying the limit, leaving and coming back in to buy more . . .

And yep, I'm one of those who will buy up 4, 5 or 6 rolls of TP at a time . . . especially if it's the brand we usually get (Charmin Basic) by getting the limit at my store, then stopping by the other 2 Litter Boxes on the way home and purchasing whatever limit they have (if they've not run out as well.)

You'd be surprised how much TP my family will go through in a month . . .

[Ironclad Alibi]

More of the toilet paper and paper towels did come in tonight, and I knew they would, but I wasn't allowed to tell anybody this. Screw 'em.

And if you had told them, they would back the same time tomorrow afternoon after the new load had sold out, and they would yell at you again.

[bainsidhe]

And if you had told them, they would back the same time tomorrow afternoon

Nah. They'd assume that meant it was already in the "back room" and why doesn't he get them now now NOW! That, or they'll show up during the last hour of the entire sale and demand to know why they're always out of stock.

[chainedbarista]

Customers buying 6 packs at a time? Blimey. Didn't realise there was an imminent apocalypse which will leave us all bereft of TP.

yep, you should have seen them frothing at the mouth for these items during y2k, along with water and other such things. it was quite amusing and facepalm worthy at the same time.