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Dear customers, my name is Redbeard and while you may not remember me, I definitely remember you.
I'm an easygoing guy, and always try to take the very best care of my customers (And I think of every caller as my customer, even if someone else has already gotten you services) no matter the situation.
That being said, as a show of good faith, I'm going to share these tidbits of wisdom with you that I hope you will digest and remember as the years roll by.
I am in the sales department. You have to hit very specific buttons to reach my department, and it is nearly impossible to reach here by mistake. PLEASE, I beg of you, stop trying to bypass the wait for my repair line by coming over here instead. It may seem a bit of a stretch that the repair department has specific tools and resources that I do not, and therefore can assist your repair issues where I, a humble sales wage slave, cannot. In fact, I do receive an evil bit of glee when I inform you that you have just wasted time demanding that I fix your issue when I cannot, and I transfer you back to the end of the repair queue.
Also: There is no super secret transfer that puts you ahead of everyone else. Just like everyone else, it's first come first serve.
No, I'm not going to cancel someone else’s appointment so that you can get your install earlier.
I realize that there are great offers out there for new customers. Just like when you were a new customer and you received a great promotion. This is how the business works. We do care about you as a customer, but yelling and screaming at me because I cannot cut your bill in half is going to accomplish nothing more than give me a headache. I do, however have a customer loyalty department, I will be more than happy to give you their hours of operation and tell you how to reach them.
No, I'm not going to cancel someone else’s appointment so that you can get your install earlier.
I am not your answering service, so don’t call me and demand that I have a supervisor call you back. Not gonna happen, friend. If your issue is that great, I can transfer you to someone of a higher authority than me, and they can help you.
Demanding that I tell you “what I’m going to do keep you as a customer”? Not going to get results, please see the above reference to our wonderful customer loyalty department.
Cuando usted llama adentro, hay una opción clara para las llamadas de la lengua española. It' s la segunda opción. Si usted pararía el presionar de los botones al azar bastante tiempo para oír esta opción, usted conseguirá alguien que habla su lengua y será más que feliz de ayudarle. Don' t consigue enojado en mí porque you' re impaciente y can' t habla la lengüeta común de este país. Infierno, nosotros don' ¿la víspera de t tiene que ofrecer la línea, pero hacemos de todos modos, así que mate la actitud, autorización? Este gringo sabe bastante español para entender qué you' re refrán sobre él, amigo.
For the last time, I'm not going to cancel someone else’s appointment so that you can get your install earlier! Wait your turn!
No, there is no great conspiracy to not carry the “insert ethnic or religious channel here” channel. If there’s not a high enough demand, we’re not going to pay the extra cost to carry it. It’s not good business sense. We’re rely not anti-Semitic/Hindu/Eskimo/Bavarian Yodeler, there’s just NOT ENOUGH of a customer base and we would lose money on carrying that channel.
I will leave this last bit of knowledge for you, friend: I am a great resource for you. Ask nicely, admit when you don’t know something and I can clear it up for you. I am more than happy to take ownership of other peoples messes and treat them as if they were my mistakes, and with the same sense of urgency. Just take a chill pill, a shot of whiskey, or even a quicky before calling me. We’ll all be happier.
Yours in service,
Redbeard
I'm an easygoing guy, and always try to take the very best care of my customers (And I think of every caller as my customer, even if someone else has already gotten you services) no matter the situation.
That being said, as a show of good faith, I'm going to share these tidbits of wisdom with you that I hope you will digest and remember as the years roll by.
I am in the sales department. You have to hit very specific buttons to reach my department, and it is nearly impossible to reach here by mistake. PLEASE, I beg of you, stop trying to bypass the wait for my repair line by coming over here instead. It may seem a bit of a stretch that the repair department has specific tools and resources that I do not, and therefore can assist your repair issues where I, a humble sales wage slave, cannot. In fact, I do receive an evil bit of glee when I inform you that you have just wasted time demanding that I fix your issue when I cannot, and I transfer you back to the end of the repair queue.
Also: There is no super secret transfer that puts you ahead of everyone else. Just like everyone else, it's first come first serve.
No, I'm not going to cancel someone else’s appointment so that you can get your install earlier.
I realize that there are great offers out there for new customers. Just like when you were a new customer and you received a great promotion. This is how the business works. We do care about you as a customer, but yelling and screaming at me because I cannot cut your bill in half is going to accomplish nothing more than give me a headache. I do, however have a customer loyalty department, I will be more than happy to give you their hours of operation and tell you how to reach them.
No, I'm not going to cancel someone else’s appointment so that you can get your install earlier.
I am not your answering service, so don’t call me and demand that I have a supervisor call you back. Not gonna happen, friend. If your issue is that great, I can transfer you to someone of a higher authority than me, and they can help you.
Demanding that I tell you “what I’m going to do keep you as a customer”? Not going to get results, please see the above reference to our wonderful customer loyalty department.
Cuando usted llama adentro, hay una opción clara para las llamadas de la lengua española. It' s la segunda opción. Si usted pararía el presionar de los botones al azar bastante tiempo para oír esta opción, usted conseguirá alguien que habla su lengua y será más que feliz de ayudarle. Don' t consigue enojado en mí porque you' re impaciente y can' t habla la lengüeta común de este país. Infierno, nosotros don' ¿la víspera de t tiene que ofrecer la línea, pero hacemos de todos modos, así que mate la actitud, autorización? Este gringo sabe bastante español para entender qué you' re refrán sobre él, amigo.
For the last time, I'm not going to cancel someone else’s appointment so that you can get your install earlier! Wait your turn!
No, there is no great conspiracy to not carry the “insert ethnic or religious channel here” channel. If there’s not a high enough demand, we’re not going to pay the extra cost to carry it. It’s not good business sense. We’re rely not anti-Semitic/Hindu/Eskimo/Bavarian Yodeler, there’s just NOT ENOUGH of a customer base and we would lose money on carrying that channel.
I will leave this last bit of knowledge for you, friend: I am a great resource for you. Ask nicely, admit when you don’t know something and I can clear it up for you. I am more than happy to take ownership of other peoples messes and treat them as if they were my mistakes, and with the same sense of urgency. Just take a chill pill, a shot of whiskey, or even a quicky before calling me. We’ll all be happier.
Yours in service,
Redbeard
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