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Scrooge McDuck Lives!
Inquiry: Hi, I'm looking for a quote on a new site design. My website currently makes like $5k a month, but I want a better look so that hopefully I'll get more traffic and up my income.
Seraph: Ok, well base price for that type of stuff starts at about $300.
Inquiry: Thats way too high
Seraph: I'd say its a more than fair price to start out with, to be honest.
Inquiry: I was hoping your prices would be more along the lines of fiverr.
Seraph: That's almost delusional.
Inquiry: if you can't match, then bye.
* Note: Fiverr? Its a website where everything is $5, and yeah, as you can guess? You get what you pay for.
We Interrupt You With Amazon's Observant Customer of the Year
"Hi, I noticed your anime DVD listing for 'DVD disc only' has a great price compared to the others. Is this from the platinum collection? Does it have the box, insert, and the little collectible art insert that came with it? I'm really excited to be buying this from you, so just let me know!"
Shine on, special little star. SHINE ON. Also, stop dropping pianos on ponies.
We Named the DOG Indy!
Client: It needs more snakes.
Seraph: Snakes? Why did it have to be snakes?...
Client: Well at least they're not on a plane?
Seraph:
Client:
Not Going to Help You
Dear Client, I told you I'd begin work on your design on Monday. Emailing and messaging me every 30-60 minutes asking if I'm going to start yet will not make your design magically jump the queue. Just gets you blocked until Monday.
What Scam? (long)
So on the day I was leaving for vacation, I had a client ping me for an email design. "I need it like right now, I swear I'll send the deposit, and everything, and pay you today, I just really need it NOW."
I explain a) I can do it, but I'm slammed for time b) I am not a coder, so he'll have to contact Company B to install it onto his script and c) He needs to tell me what context this email will be used in so I can match the template up.
Should've been a 1-2 hour job, but I ended up working on it for about four hours, because he made several revisions. As I was sitting down to work, he messages me "Sending the deposit now, I'm logging into PayPal". Since I'm stressed and fritzed, I didn't go check. Yes, you can figure out what actually happened.
He finally says he approves of the design, he's "not happy its as detailed as Site X's, but whatever." I explain that even though I've asked five times, he never told me what context this needs to be specifically for except "a flexible template that can be used for any sort of announcement". I did the best I could to make it look really nice, but be able to fit any type of content in it. I send him the final invoice, he says he's going to pay it aaaand.....nothing. I sat there for 20 minutes, waiting.
When I asked what was going on, he says "I'm not paying you a cent until its installed and ready. So get on that." I point out the earlier conversation of I WONT BE DOING THAT. He flips, demands that I do so, and I refuse. I also then log in to PayPal, and notice no deposit. I'm upset, and bring it up to him. He ignores that, and gives me an "ultimatum".
"Okay then, I'll find out what Company B charges to install these, and you WILL take out that amount from your invoice. I'm feeling very unappreciated as a client, so you will do this, or I'll take my business elsewhere."
/eyetwitch /veinpop
Seraph: "On the very bloody contrary. I will not be doing that, and you flat out lied to me when you said you were sending the deposit. I'm not sending the files ANYWHERE until you pay me, and guess what? In three hours, I'll be gone for over a week, so you'd better get the payment to me before then, or else you won't be getting it at all.
As for taking your business elsewhere? Do that. Every time I have a project with you, all I ever hear is your bagging and whining and demanding discounts on top of discounts. Its not worth my time to sit here and take this sort of treatment from you. I'd actually feel MUCH better settling this one last project, and then never hearing from you again. I'm a professional design company, and you've treated me like anything but. I'm done with this."
Client: "I'm not paying you then, too bad."
He logs off, his partner logs on, apologizes to me for what is going on, but then tells me no they aren't paying, and then blocks me.
So, eh, I'm out $50, but I got to set my IM status to "Scammed by <Client> and <Sitename!>", which has been getting a lot of attention. Especially from his advertisers.
Best part? He made a new AIM account to try and talk me out of my status, but said "I'm not scamming you, I'm not going to pay you though. There is no scam."
J.J. Abrams Would Be Proud
Not sucky, but epically amusing.
Client: Need a template done for a video placeholder page, should be very basic, and probably will only be an hour of work. Very low budget look, just give me the basics look, you know, solid colored background, internet friendly text, etc
<mocks up, sends to client>
Client: Good start, can we get a bit more detail? Looks too plain
<fixes>
Client: Getting there, needs some more detail
<fixes again, over two hours now>
Client: Hmmmm, can we get some more, you know, production value?
<as a joke, adds a picture of the new Star Trek movie, and about ten lens flares all over the design>
Client: PERFECT!! I love it, this is fantastic! Looks just like a movie, thank you so much!
Seraph:
Inquiry: Hi, I'm looking for a quote on a new site design. My website currently makes like $5k a month, but I want a better look so that hopefully I'll get more traffic and up my income.
Seraph: Ok, well base price for that type of stuff starts at about $300.
Inquiry: Thats way too high
Seraph: I'd say its a more than fair price to start out with, to be honest.
Inquiry: I was hoping your prices would be more along the lines of fiverr.
Seraph: That's almost delusional.
Inquiry: if you can't match, then bye.
* Note: Fiverr? Its a website where everything is $5, and yeah, as you can guess? You get what you pay for.
We Interrupt You With Amazon's Observant Customer of the Year
"Hi, I noticed your anime DVD listing for 'DVD disc only' has a great price compared to the others. Is this from the platinum collection? Does it have the box, insert, and the little collectible art insert that came with it? I'm really excited to be buying this from you, so just let me know!"
Shine on, special little star. SHINE ON. Also, stop dropping pianos on ponies.
We Named the DOG Indy!
Client: It needs more snakes.
Seraph: Snakes? Why did it have to be snakes?...
Client: Well at least they're not on a plane?
Seraph:
Client:
Not Going to Help You
Dear Client, I told you I'd begin work on your design on Monday. Emailing and messaging me every 30-60 minutes asking if I'm going to start yet will not make your design magically jump the queue. Just gets you blocked until Monday.
What Scam? (long)
So on the day I was leaving for vacation, I had a client ping me for an email design. "I need it like right now, I swear I'll send the deposit, and everything, and pay you today, I just really need it NOW."
I explain a) I can do it, but I'm slammed for time b) I am not a coder, so he'll have to contact Company B to install it onto his script and c) He needs to tell me what context this email will be used in so I can match the template up.
Should've been a 1-2 hour job, but I ended up working on it for about four hours, because he made several revisions. As I was sitting down to work, he messages me "Sending the deposit now, I'm logging into PayPal". Since I'm stressed and fritzed, I didn't go check. Yes, you can figure out what actually happened.
He finally says he approves of the design, he's "not happy its as detailed as Site X's, but whatever." I explain that even though I've asked five times, he never told me what context this needs to be specifically for except "a flexible template that can be used for any sort of announcement". I did the best I could to make it look really nice, but be able to fit any type of content in it. I send him the final invoice, he says he's going to pay it aaaand.....nothing. I sat there for 20 minutes, waiting.
When I asked what was going on, he says "I'm not paying you a cent until its installed and ready. So get on that." I point out the earlier conversation of I WONT BE DOING THAT. He flips, demands that I do so, and I refuse. I also then log in to PayPal, and notice no deposit. I'm upset, and bring it up to him. He ignores that, and gives me an "ultimatum".
"Okay then, I'll find out what Company B charges to install these, and you WILL take out that amount from your invoice. I'm feeling very unappreciated as a client, so you will do this, or I'll take my business elsewhere."
/eyetwitch /veinpop
Seraph: "On the very bloody contrary. I will not be doing that, and you flat out lied to me when you said you were sending the deposit. I'm not sending the files ANYWHERE until you pay me, and guess what? In three hours, I'll be gone for over a week, so you'd better get the payment to me before then, or else you won't be getting it at all.
As for taking your business elsewhere? Do that. Every time I have a project with you, all I ever hear is your bagging and whining and demanding discounts on top of discounts. Its not worth my time to sit here and take this sort of treatment from you. I'd actually feel MUCH better settling this one last project, and then never hearing from you again. I'm a professional design company, and you've treated me like anything but. I'm done with this."
Client: "I'm not paying you then, too bad."
He logs off, his partner logs on, apologizes to me for what is going on, but then tells me no they aren't paying, and then blocks me.
So, eh, I'm out $50, but I got to set my IM status to "Scammed by <Client> and <Sitename!>", which has been getting a lot of attention. Especially from his advertisers.
Best part? He made a new AIM account to try and talk me out of my status, but said "I'm not scamming you, I'm not going to pay you though. There is no scam."
J.J. Abrams Would Be Proud
Not sucky, but epically amusing.
Client: Need a template done for a video placeholder page, should be very basic, and probably will only be an hour of work. Very low budget look, just give me the basics look, you know, solid colored background, internet friendly text, etc
<mocks up, sends to client>
Client: Good start, can we get a bit more detail? Looks too plain
<fixes>
Client: Getting there, needs some more detail
<fixes again, over two hours now>
Client: Hmmmm, can we get some more, you know, production value?
<as a joke, adds a picture of the new Star Trek movie, and about ten lens flares all over the design>
Client: PERFECT!! I love it, this is fantastic! Looks just like a movie, thank you so much!
Seraph:
I AM the evil bastard!
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