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  • #1

    Prank Callers....Why?

    So I work for an online retailer and am so befuddled as to how bored one must be to prank call customer service:

    Can you describe it for me?

    Me: Thank you for calling ______________ How can I help you?

    SC: Yeah, my girlfriend wants these particular videos and my computer is broken so I just want to make sure they're the right ones.

    (Note: We don't take orders over the phone, if his computer is broken how does he plan to purchase these videos?)

    Me: Ok, what is the title of the first video.

    SC: (Insert porn title here)

    Me: Ok, we do have it available.

    SC: Describe the cover for me."

    Me: (monotone) Ok. There's a woman sitting on a bed.

    SC: What's she wearing?

    Me: A purple leotard.

    SC: (Coaxing) What color is her hair?

    Me: She's blonde.

    SC: Oh, ok. Thank you.

    Me: Ok, would you like me to find the other video for you?

    SC: No, that's ok. I'm going to talk this over with my girlfriend.

    Me: Thank you for calling __________________ Have a great day.


    You Do Realize You're Being Recorded...Right?

    Me: Thank you for calling ______________ How can I help you?

    SC: I need to make a complaint against one of your employees.

    Me: I'm sorry sir.

    SC: Yeah, I need to make a complaint against Harmony.

    Me: Ok, sir, what seems to be the problem?

    SC: She wasn't very good. She wasn't good at giving.

    Me: (Now I know what he meant I just had to play along for a minute) I'm sorry sir she wasn't very good at giving?

    SC: Yeah, she wasn't a good giver, you know what I mean?

    Me: I'm sorry sir I'm not quite sure I understand.

    SC: She wasn't very good at giving blowjobs.

    Me: (Thinks for a moment letting him think I'm shocked) Sir you do realize you're being recorded...right?

    SC: ....(cue freakout) Oh s***! Oh s***! Oh s***!(rustles paper) Oh s***! Don't freak me out like that. *click*

    Me: Thank you for calling __________________ Have a great day.


    I'm With the FIB...I Mean FBI


    Me: Thank you for calling ______________ How can I help you?

    SC: I'm ________________________ with the FBI. I got a report of one of your employees. One of your Hispanic employees.

    Me: I'm sorry?

    SC: I have a recording of one of your Hispanic employees telling someone they drive around in a van and kill little girls.

    Me: ....

    SC: I don't have their name so I need a list of your Hispanic employees.

    Me: I'm sorry sir I would not be able to provide you with a list of our Hispanic employees. You'll need to contact corporate for that.

    SC: No. You will get me a list of your Hispanic employees. How hard can it be? It's called going into your computer and printing a list.

    Me: Sir, we have tens of thousands of employees all over the world, including the Philippines. I can't provide you with that list.

    SC: Oh.

    Me: Now I can get you the contact info to corporate and you can request the list from them.

    SC: No. You've been no help at all. *click*

    Really guy? You're with the FBI and have a recording, don't know the employee's name...but you call general customer service, refuse to speak to corporate and I'm the one who is unhelpful?
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Quoth drivebythinker View Post
    I'm With the FIB...I Mean FBI
    This next song we're going to dedicate to a great American organization. Tonight I'd like to dedicate this to our boys in the FBI.

    Well, wait a minute. It's hard to be an FBI man. I mean, first of all, being an FBI man, you have to be over 40 years old. And the reason is that it takes at least 25 years with the organization to be that much of a bastard. It's true. You just can't join, you know. It needs an atmosphere where your natural bastardness can grow and develop and take a meaningful shape in today's complex society.
    - Arlo Woodyson - Let's Get Santa Claus
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    Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
    Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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    • #3
      I'll bet the real FBI would be very interested if you gave them this person's phone number and informed them that s/he is impersonating a federal officer. I believe they take that sort of thing quite seriously.

      Comment

      • #4
        Quoth Eireann View Post
        I'll bet the real FBI would be very interested if you gave them this person's phone number and informed them that s/he is impersonating a federal officer. I believe they take that sort of thing quite seriously.
        I really wish I had. Except the way our system works is, we can grab the number but if they're not signed into an account we can't give them any name.

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        • #5
          Very seriously. Also, the FBI would not call for a list. They would bring in a warrant to the head office, and have whatever list they wanted.
          Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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          • #6
            Quoth drivebythinker View Post
            I really wish I had. Except the way our system works is, we can grab the number but if they're not signed into an account we can't give them any name.
            The number should be more than enough.

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            • #7
              Quoth Mytical View Post
              Very seriously. Also, the FBI would not call for a list. They would bring in a warrant to the head office, and have whatever list they wanted.
              Very true.

              The caller may have been trying to track a specific person down and thought, "I'll be clever and not say who, just get a list of names and go from there."

              Domestic violence abusers can be very clever that way.
              They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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              • #8
                mode: ON

                Next time you get someone calling claiming to be with any policing type service, ask for a name and service number and a phone number where you can call them back after you "collect the information" that they're requesting.

                If they're stupid enough to give you that much, then call the cops on their stupid asses. Sure, the name and credentials would be fake, but if they expect a call-back, then the number won't.

                ^-.-^
                Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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                • #9
                  Ouch. Prank calls are such a waste of time (mainly yours) and money...And I'm willing to bet that these calls affect your "customer satisfaction" number too, yes? >_< I agree that there's really no logical reason for them to take place often enough to be worth commenting on.

                  ...Then again, it's my understanding that something like half of all 911 calls are fakes o_O Wasting time at a regular business is bad enough, but risking people's lives by pranking the cops, when they HAVE TO go out and investigate each and every call? Not cool x.x Of course, these sorts of people are likely the first to complain if the cops "take too long reaching them" if they are actually calling about a real emergency, when the patrolmen were distracted by someone else's prank...I just can't understand the mentality, either way.
                  Last edited by EricKei; 09-13-2011, 01:28 AM. Reason: I know better than to post after middle of darktime...head grey thing no worky to gud that time
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                  • #10
                    I swear people have nothing better to do.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth EricKei View Post
                      Ouch. Prank calls are such a waste of time (mainly yours) and money...And I'm willing to bet that these calls affect your "customer satisfaction" number too, yes? >_< I agree that there's really no logical reason for them to take place often enough to be worth commenting on.

                      ...Then again, it's my understanding that something like half of all 911 calls are fakes o_O Wasting time at a regular business is bad enough, but risking people's lives by pranking the cops, when they HAVE TO go out and investigate each and every call? Not cool x.x Of course, these sorts of people are likely the first to complain if the cops "take too long reaching them" if they are actually calling about a real emergency, when the patrolmen were distracted by someone else's prank...I just can't understand the mentality, either way.
                      From looking at some local police logs, many of the 911 calls are legit police/fire/ems/saftey issues, but not deserving of calling 911. A down power line in the road, call 911. A small branch in the road after hours when the DPW office is closed, call the non-emergency police number, not 911.

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                      • #12
                        Quoth mattm04 View Post
                        From looking at some local police logs, many of the 911 calls are legit police/fire/ems/saftey issues, but not deserving of calling 911. A down power line in the road, call 911. A small branch in the road after hours when the DPW office is closed, call the non-emergency police number, not 911.
                        Based on research I did for another thread, there's a lot of confusion about this, because for some places, 911 is the only number there is. And others have a 411 service in place. While yet others have a few dozen non-emergency numbers and you have to hunt down the one your issue requires.

                        ^-.-^
                        Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Quoth EricKei View Post
                          Ouch. Prank calls are such a waste of time (mainly yours) and money...And I'm willing to bet that these calls affect your "customer satisfaction" number too, yes? >_< I agree that there's really no logical reason for them to take place often enough to be worth commenting on.

                          .
                          at my pizza place we get the occasional prank call/order. unfortuneately 99% of the time it costs us time and money since most of the time the prankster orders $40 - $60 in food that then gets wasted.

                          one of the last times someone "left" their phone at a friends house and the friend called in a prank order as a joke. yes we did a call back and yes it was a legit number and they gave the "correct address"
                          I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
                          -- Life Sucks Then You Die.

                          "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

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                          • #14
                            At the library we get a lot of kids on chat asking obscene things, like one bugger who wanted me to send him a picture of me playing with my vagina. I wish I could have sent him a picture of me photoshoped with a Castor canadensis. I hope the manager of the service gets federal on these kids' asses.
                            Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                            Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                            I wish porn had subtitles.

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                            • #15
                              reminds me of the kids that thought they were so clever by calling and pretending they didn't speak English.

                              I transferred them to our Spanish department.

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