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So this time of year, I often work at a haunted house for fun. Anyone who does this knows that it's a lot of work for very little return other than the joy of watching girls and boys run away from you screaming in terror, so you really have to enjoy what you do to endure 4 weeks worth of stupidity.
Unfortunately, like with everything, there is an abundance of stupidity to go around. We've managed to classify the various types of stupid:
Douchebags: Douchebags can be spotted fairly easily. It could be their obnoxiously loud, over sized truck they rev their engines in as they drive by multiple times before pulling into the parking lot, or it could be the ways they try impressing their girlfriend/buddies by acting all macho or making snide stupid remarks to the actors or about the things they see. Either way, they make themselves well known in short order.
These are the types that do things like stick their tongues out in suggestive manners to get a laugh from their friends even though you're there trying to scare them, or the type who do that "I'm smacking my chest in challenge, come at me, bro" thing... We're actors. We don't touch you. We're not interested in your stupid attempts at impressing people by your so-called masculine challenges. Get a clue. Get back into your over sized truck, put your Chumbawamba cd in and leave.
Mega Douchebags: Those that go even further and decide to get physical. I don't mean they fight us, but here is an example with some background to start.
bg My part in this is awesome this year. I'm in an outside tent away from the house and the last room people will see before it's over. I'm just there to give them one final scare before they leave. Oh, and I'm a clown again. I LOVE being a clown. I have a very awesome shrill laugh I use that sounds absolutely sinister. It also helps that there are a lot of people who absolutely hate clowns... though we figured that one out. More on that later.
Being in the tent gives me a lot more freedom to interact with people outside of the normal room routine. Once I scare someone out of my tent, I often walk around the lines of people and find out which ones are scared so I can mark them for when they come through my tent and have a little more fun with them outside before they reach the house since wait times can be around 3 hours or so if we're busy /bg
So tonight I was outside walking the like when I came upon a girl who was scared, so I did my thing and chased her a bit when I felt someone pat me on the back. A big no-no. You don't touch us and we don't touch you. Something was odd about this one though. I went back in my tent only to find they put some mystery white stuff on my costume jacket.
I was livid.
Seriously? Why come to a place like this if you're going to do nothing but cause trouble and be an ass? I tried to figure out who did it but never did figure it out. I hope they enjoy their little victory because the only thing they walked away with was being able to show off how cool they are to their one or two friends who I hope also now think he's a douchebag.
Terrible Parents: The ones who stand in line while they let their young roam free. This is like a paradise for annoying children. My tent has flashy things you can see from outside the tent and it became a bullseye for the kids to attack. They kept running into my tent even after I chased them out many times. It got to the point where I almost had to call security on them. Oh, and the fear of clowns? We've come to the conclusion that people get a fear of clowns by these award winning parents who bring their kids to these haunted houses at the ripe old age of four where we can scar them for life. When your child is screaming their head off and crying at the evil looking clown, it's not the time to laugh and stay in the room, it's time to leave.
However, there are some gems which are the reason we keep doing this... I'll post the ultra awesome story quick because I'm quickly fading at 5am... it was a long night.
We had one guy come through our tent tonight who was terrified of clowns. He bolted out of the tent faster than I could see him and I didn't even wait on the rest of his group. I did what any Halloween enthusiast would do: I chased his ass. I ran out of that tent in full sprint, got the other outside clown to come with me, waited for him to cross the road, then made a mad dash into the parking lot where we spent a whole 20 minutes chasing him around as he cussed at us and told us to get away. His friends were no help to him either as they locked the car and taunted him saying they needed to go when they were trying hard to keep from bursting into laughter. He locked himself in porta johns not once, not twice, but three times. His friends kept slamming into them while he was in and were talking about tipping them several times. Eventually, he slipped and fell into a water ditch getting himself soaked. He ended up riding on the back of the car out of the parking lot cause his friends wouldn't let him back in the car since he was soaked. Eventually I saw they let him back in, but that was the most epic chase ever.
Ok, can't keep eyes open. Time for bed.
Unfortunately, like with everything, there is an abundance of stupidity to go around. We've managed to classify the various types of stupid:
Douchebags: Douchebags can be spotted fairly easily. It could be their obnoxiously loud, over sized truck they rev their engines in as they drive by multiple times before pulling into the parking lot, or it could be the ways they try impressing their girlfriend/buddies by acting all macho or making snide stupid remarks to the actors or about the things they see. Either way, they make themselves well known in short order.
These are the types that do things like stick their tongues out in suggestive manners to get a laugh from their friends even though you're there trying to scare them, or the type who do that "I'm smacking my chest in challenge, come at me, bro" thing... We're actors. We don't touch you. We're not interested in your stupid attempts at impressing people by your so-called masculine challenges. Get a clue. Get back into your over sized truck, put your Chumbawamba cd in and leave.
Mega Douchebags: Those that go even further and decide to get physical. I don't mean they fight us, but here is an example with some background to start.
bg My part in this is awesome this year. I'm in an outside tent away from the house and the last room people will see before it's over. I'm just there to give them one final scare before they leave. Oh, and I'm a clown again. I LOVE being a clown. I have a very awesome shrill laugh I use that sounds absolutely sinister. It also helps that there are a lot of people who absolutely hate clowns... though we figured that one out. More on that later.
Being in the tent gives me a lot more freedom to interact with people outside of the normal room routine. Once I scare someone out of my tent, I often walk around the lines of people and find out which ones are scared so I can mark them for when they come through my tent and have a little more fun with them outside before they reach the house since wait times can be around 3 hours or so if we're busy /bg
So tonight I was outside walking the like when I came upon a girl who was scared, so I did my thing and chased her a bit when I felt someone pat me on the back. A big no-no. You don't touch us and we don't touch you. Something was odd about this one though. I went back in my tent only to find they put some mystery white stuff on my costume jacket.
I was livid.
Seriously? Why come to a place like this if you're going to do nothing but cause trouble and be an ass? I tried to figure out who did it but never did figure it out. I hope they enjoy their little victory because the only thing they walked away with was being able to show off how cool they are to their one or two friends who I hope also now think he's a douchebag.
Terrible Parents: The ones who stand in line while they let their young roam free. This is like a paradise for annoying children. My tent has flashy things you can see from outside the tent and it became a bullseye for the kids to attack. They kept running into my tent even after I chased them out many times. It got to the point where I almost had to call security on them. Oh, and the fear of clowns? We've come to the conclusion that people get a fear of clowns by these award winning parents who bring their kids to these haunted houses at the ripe old age of four where we can scar them for life. When your child is screaming their head off and crying at the evil looking clown, it's not the time to laugh and stay in the room, it's time to leave.
However, there are some gems which are the reason we keep doing this... I'll post the ultra awesome story quick because I'm quickly fading at 5am... it was a long night.
We had one guy come through our tent tonight who was terrified of clowns. He bolted out of the tent faster than I could see him and I didn't even wait on the rest of his group. I did what any Halloween enthusiast would do: I chased his ass. I ran out of that tent in full sprint, got the other outside clown to come with me, waited for him to cross the road, then made a mad dash into the parking lot where we spent a whole 20 minutes chasing him around as he cussed at us and told us to get away. His friends were no help to him either as they locked the car and taunted him saying they needed to go when they were trying hard to keep from bursting into laughter. He locked himself in porta johns not once, not twice, but three times. His friends kept slamming into them while he was in and were talking about tipping them several times. Eventually, he slipped and fell into a water ditch getting himself soaked. He ended up riding on the back of the car out of the parking lot cause his friends wouldn't let him back in the car since he was soaked. Eventually I saw they let him back in, but that was the most epic chase ever.
Ok, can't keep eyes open. Time for bed.
). They laughed and she said "It feels so life-like!" Her friend tried to flick my nose to.....and I grabbed her wrist.
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