How to Not Get a Job.

[Jester]

This was a doozie. And we're still laughing over it.

The setting: the back of the house, aka the kitchen, where my head chef is putting away a food order before the bar opens.

The cast:
--My head chef (HC), who is 26 and looks it (i.e., young), and who was dressed in a grubby sweatshirt, ballcap, and gloves, appropriate dress for the labor he was doing, but it still made him look like a dockworker more than a head chef.
--A very dumb applicant for employment (DA).

Since the front doors are locked, it being before the time we open, DA somehow knew to go to the back door (which is not readily visible from the street), upon which he knocked. HC answered the door.

HC: "Yes, how may I help you?"
DA: [with resume in hand] "I was hoping to talk to someone about employment here."
HC: [taking resume without looking at it] "I'll get this to the appropriate department head."
DA: "Are you qualified to take my resume?"
[pause in the action, as HC merely stares at DA, somewhat dumbfounded, and rather completely irritated at DA's presumptuousness and arrogance]
HC: [acidly] "I'm the Executive Chef of this restaurant. I'm ALSO the Executive Chef of the bar across the street. Yes, I'd say I'm pretty well qualified to handle your resume. What position were you applying for?"
DA: [visibly stricken]: "Prep cook."

At which point HC pretty much dismissed the poor young lad, trying hard not to laugh. He then looked over the resume, only to discover that the kid's only prior restaurant experience was as a server. In Uzbekistan.

Not that it mattered. Because the minute that DA questioned HC's "qualifications" for handling his resume, there was zero chance of that guy ever being employed at The Bar. HC was eminently qualified to treat that resume with the respect it deserved.

He promptly tossed it in the trash.

Forgetting the fact that the dude is THE HEAD CHEF, what kind of moron questions the guy taking your resume? You don't fuck with the Gate Keeper! He controls your destiny!

And by the way, no matter what his position is, if he is WORKING at the place you are APPLYING to work at, it kind of makes him more qualified than you, genius.

Yes, we are still laughing about this, a week later.

[Pixilated]

Whoa, that was one tough lesson.

Which I'll bet the poor DA will remember till the end of time.

[Jester]

I would say if he was bright, he would learn his lesson. I would also say if he was bright, he would know that he has no chance of ever hearing from The Bar in reference to his employment there.

But then again, if he was bright, he would not have asked my head chef if he were qualified to get take that resume from him.

So I wouldn't bet on him learning jack.

[houdini]

I would say if he was bright, he would learn his lesson. I would also say if he was bright, he would know that he has no chance of ever hearing from The Bar in reference to his employment there.

But then again, if he was bright, he would not have asked my head chef if he were qualified to get take that resume from him.

So I wouldn't bet on him learning jack.

I presume you do have a book running on when he's going to call in and ask why he hasn't been selected for interview?

[Barracuda]

I have to say it--if the kid was from Uzbekistan, is it possible it was some sort of cultural mistake? As in, a situation where he didn't understand the difference between how hiring works here as opposed to there?

[El Pollo Guerrera]

I presume you do have a book running on when he's going to call in and ask why he hasn't been selected for interview?

I'm saying that in another week (to the day), he'll come in and ask to see the HC, and refuse to see anyone else, BECAUSE HE KNOWS HIM.

[fireheart]

I have to say it--if the kid was from Uzbekistan, is it possible it was some sort of cultural mistake? As in, a situation where he didn't understand the difference between how hiring works here as opposed to there?

Possibly. We used to get a few Indian and Middle Eastern folks at my old work who would go into the store and hand their application directly to the front end manager, presuming that that was the way to go about hiring them. The thing is though: their applications were for the higher-end positions that are normally done at head office, not at store level

[Jester]

I presume you do have a book running on when he's going to call in and ask why he hasn't been selected for interview?

No. We're not qualified for that.

I have to say it--if the kid was from Uzbekistan, is it possible it was some sort of cultural mistake? As in, a situation where he didn't understand the difference between how hiring works here as opposed to there?

Cultural mistake be damned, if you ask if the person you're giving your app to if they're qualified to take it, you're being a condescending idiot.

Besides, from the way HC told it, the dude spoke perfectly fine English, and that generally indicates some familiarity with the way things work here.

I'm saying that in another week (to the day), he'll come in and ask to see the HC, and refuse to see anyone else, BECAUSE HE KNOWS HIM.

It wouldn't surprise me. And it also wouldn't surprise me if HC told him precisely where to stick it. HC, like me, isn't shy about telling it like it is.

[BowserKoopa1]

Hey now, let's look on the positive side of things. At least he won't have to deal with any sucky customers

[Jester]

Not true. He very well may get a job at another establishment, and have to deal with sucky customers there. But I look on that as a positive, as his punishment for being such a douchey bonehead.

The positive here is that WE (my coworkers and I) won't have to work with him.

We've had plenty of boneheads work there in the past, and for the most part, we try to maintain a Bonehead Free Work Place.

[Mr Hero]

We've had plenty of boneheads work there in the past, and for the most part, we try to maintain a Bonehead Free Work Place.

Are you aware you've just left yourself wide open?

[AccountingDrone]

May I point out that one might actually expect an executive chef not to be dressed in scrungy clothing like kitchen monkey and be doing something that appears supervisory?

I personally would have poked my head in and asked for the executive chef or kitchen manager, myself. That way I would get directed to the more or less correct person.

[Jester]

Are you aware you've just left yourself wide open?

I often do. I'm reliable like that.

May I point out that one might actually expect an executive chef not to be dressed in scrungy clothing like kitchen monkey and be doing something that appears supervisory?

One might not, in places where executive chefs don't feel the need to work or get things done. I have worked with head chefs like that, and they either get the work done by cracking the whip over their subordinates (delegating things) or are lazy shitheads.

I am fortunate to work with a head chef that not only doesn't mind getting his hands dirty, he will do just that to make sure things get done RIGHT.

That being said, even the lowliest prep cook who is EMPLOYED is qualified to get an UNEMPLOYED APPLICANT'S resume to the right person.

I personally would have poked my head in and asked for the executive chef or kitchen manager, myself. That way I would get directed to the more or less correct person.

And you would have gotten the simple response of, "Oh, that would be me," and be spared the ridicule and humiliation for being an arrogant condescending jackass.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

I was trying to think of a clever response along the lines of "In Soviet Uzbekistan..." but I couldn't think of anything else. Maybe someone else can help

[dalesys]

"In Soviet Uzbekistan..."

... Executive Chef carves you ...