A note to my customers

[mamawork]

Dear customers,

I know that this is going to be a fun and interesting holiday season for us both. However, to keep this excitement at a manageable level, I have a few guidelines for you to follow.

I am aware that we are very close to Canada, and that many of you are Canadian. I am also aware that one of my workplaces actually originated in Canada. However, this is not Canada, and we do not have the same products as stores across the bridge. Please do not hold this against me personally, as I do not have authority to decide what products our store will carry.

Please do not come in five minutes before close for a family meal and act like a child when we do not have it available. Our products are expensive, and they take an average of twenty minutes to chok. We will cook it for you if you'd like to wait. We cannot keep so much product up right before close because ninety-five percent of the time it will be wasted.

Please bathe regularly.

If you bring children with you, please care for them. We have a queue, but it does not double as a jungle gym. This is the greasiest fast food in town, and sometimes the floors get slippery. I do not enjoy watching children hurt themselves. Please do not get angry when I tell your child not to run.If you won't, then I will.

It's called fast food, not instant food.

If you make a mess in the bathroom, please clean it up. If this is not possible, please let us know that it needs to be cleaned.

Please suspend your phone conversation until your transaction is complete. There are questions that I must ask you to ensure that you get the food you want.

I am required to suggest items to you. It is part of my job and I would get fired of I just didn't do it.

Please try to remember the above guidelines and have a happy holiday season!

[South Texan]

I am required to suggest items to you. It is part of my job and I would get fired of I just didn't do it.

You have my sympathy.

[Argabarga]

Our products are expensive, and they take an average of twenty minutes to chok.

Why, we had to choke that cow for a good 45 minutes before it stopped thrashing enough to slide it onto the prep table..... just be lucky that "Cow Mangler" Buchkowski was working tonight or it would've been longer.

[It's me]

Why, we had to choke that cow for a good 45 minutes before it stopped thrashing enough to slide it onto the prep table.....

Now to mop the coffee out of my keyboard!

[dalesys]

Why, we had to choke that cow for a good 45 minutes.

Obviously, Buchkowski has never studied with Greyboar, The Philosophical Strangler!

...
"To the contrary," demurred Greyboar, toying with his mug,
"the secret lies entirely in the fingerwork."

But the bravo wouldn't have it. " 'Tis rather in the main force!" he bellowed, and fell upon the strangler. The table splintered, the mugs went flying in a cloud of ale froth.

Needless to say, I scrambled aside. Like being a chipmunk caught between two bull moose, don't you know? Besides, there's no profit in this sort of thing.

Safe at a distance, I stuck my head between two cheering onlookers and saw that my client was in his assailant's grasp. The lout's great biceps, triceps, deltoids, pectoids and whatnot bulged and rippled as he worked at Greyboar's throat. Couldn't find it, of course.

They're a low lot, these tavern rowdies, not given to temperate debate.

Stupid, to boot. What I mean is, the outcome was never in doubt. "Professional fingerwork," as Greyboar calls it, is simply beyond the ken of hurlyburlies who lounge about the alehouses, until they encounter it firsthand.

For this particular clown, personal experience had now arrived. Casually, Greyboar sank his hands into his opponent's belly, kneading and squeezing. It must be like eating ten cucumbers at once. An astonished grimace came over the goon's face.
...

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Why, we had to choke that cow for a good 45 minutes before it stopped thrashing enough to slide it onto the prep table..... just be lucky that "Cow Mangler" Buchkowski was working tonight or it would've been longer.

Is that anything like chasing down that last chicken in Atlanta?

And Ducky does not like coffee too well on his keyboard . . .