This may not be the dumbest e-mail we've received...

[Sheldonrs]

But it's in the top 10:

"I was going to make a cash donation today, but observed that your donation web page lists "Ms. and Mrs." ahead of "Mr." rather than using the usual alphabetical order.

As a male who is sick to death of feminists who seek every opportunity to put down men, I've decided not to donate to your organization because of this. Consider it to be a boycott based on your sexist attitudes."

Are you freakin' kidding me?!!!

[HappyFun Ball]

Sounds like someone who wants to sling his dick around.

[thehuckster]

Dear sir,

I appreciate your concern about rampant sexism on both sides of the table which put both men and women down. However, our intentions were not to put women ahead of men nor does our organization have a sexist agenda.

Rather, we have felt that the alphabetical order has defined an unfair heirarchy which places "A" as a "first class citizen" compared to X, Y, and Z. How often do you hear the phrases, "From A to Z" and subconsciously thought of 'A' as superior to 'Z'? In fact, research has shown that A and Z are no different in intellect, health, or personality, and their differences are only in the shapes they display on the outside.

Even more offensive is the abuse and exploitation of letters as grades in the education system. Obviously, vowels are and always have been unfairly represented as vastly superior over all other letters regardless of their placement in the alphabet (hence why the nearly-last letter 'Y' tries so hard in vain to fit in with the vowels). It's no mystery then as to why they skip the letter 'E' for the failing grade and go straight for 'F'.

In addition to using descending alphabetical order for our selections, we have also lobbied for efforts to invoke affirmative action and request that all libraries, registries, and similar institutions reverse their alphabetical orders immediately. We have the full support of celebrities such as Renee Zellweger, Zachary Quinto, Matt Zuckerberg, and Hans Zimmer to pursue this action.

The FDA, who has found that the average American is not consuming enough zinc, also believe that this action could improve the health of Americans everywhere, and Centrum has already started to change their slogan to say, "Contains all of your daily vitamins and minerals from Zinc to A"

In closing, I hope that you understand our intent and hope that you are not at all offended. We are simply trying to level the alphabetical playing field and hope that Z, X, Y, and W get the attention they deserve. Our goal is to have those letters be so common they get a score of 1 in Scrabble. We hope to attain this goal by 2016.

Your donation is still welcome and appreciated.

Thanks,

[Sheldonrs]

My first inclination was to reply "Chicks before dicks" but i thought better of it.

[SpaceCore]

Dear Dumbhat McLooksForReasonsToComplainAboutEverything
We have corrected our courtesy title list to be in the proper alphabetical order. It now reads: "Miss, Misses, and Mister."
We hope we will reconsider donating

[fireheart]

My first inclination was to reply "Chicks before dicks" but i thought better of it.

What did you say back?

Also, what a tool. Although fun fact: one application form I filled out had a WHOLE bunch of titles present, including "Honorable" "Dame" "Lady" etc.

[Marmalady]

Dear Dumbhat McLooksForReasonsToComplainAboutEverything
We have corrected our courtesy title list to be in the proper alphabetical order. It now reads: "Miss, Misses, and Mister."
We hope we will reconsider donating

Brilliant!

It must be wonderful to have so few worries that you have to go actively looking for something to grumble over...

[Sheldonrs]

What did you say back?

Also, what a tool. Although fun fact: one application form I filled out had a WHOLE bunch of titles present, including "Honorable" "Dame" "Lady" etc.

E-mails like that get forwarded to either our Comm. dept. or legal, just in case.

[Merriweather]

Dear sir,

I appreciate your concern about rampant sexism on both sides of the table which put both men and women down. However, our intentions were not to put women ahead of men nor does our organization have a sexist agenda.

Rather, we have felt that the alphabetical order has defined an unfair heirarchy which places "A" as a "first class citizen" compared to X, Y, and Z. How often do you hear the phrases, "From A to Z" and subconsciously thought of 'A' as superior to 'Z'? In fact, research has shown that A and Z are no different in intellect, health, or personality, and their differences are only in the shapes they display on the outside.

Even more offensive is the abuse and exploitation of letters as grades in the education system. Obviously, vowels are and always have been unfairly represented as vastly superior over all other letters regardless of their placement in the alphabet (hence why the nearly-last letter 'Y' tries so hard in vain to fit in with the vowels). It's no mystery then as to why they skip the letter 'E' for the failing grade and go straight for 'F'.

In addition to using descending alphabetical order for our selections, we have also lobbied for efforts to invoke affirmative action and request that all libraries, registries, and similar institutions reverse their alphabetical orders immediately. We have the full support of celebrities such as Renee Zellweger, Zachary Quinto, Matt Zuckerberg, and Hans Zimmer to pursue this action.

The FDA, who has found that the average American is not consuming enough zinc, also believe that this action could improve the health of Americans everywhere, and Centrum has already started to change their slogan to say, "Contains all of your daily vitamins and minerals from Zinc to A"

In closing, I hope that you understand our intent and hope that you are not at all offended. We are simply trying to level the alphabetical playing field and hope that Z, X, Y, and W get the attention they deserve. Our goal is to have those letters be so common they get a score of 1 in Scrabble. We hope to attain this goal by 2016.

Your donation is still welcome and appreciated.

Thanks,

I LOVE this !!

[MoonCat]

As a male who is sick to death of feminists who seek every opportunity to put down men

We only put down the ones who act like idiots. Like him.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

Since when has "ladies first" been a feminist thing?

Since never.

[SavageChihuahua]

Rather, we have felt that the alphabetical order has defined an unfair heirarchy which places "A" as a "first class citizen" compared to X, Y, and Z.

Sounds legit. Where's a petition I can sign? Someone must end this tyranny!

[dalesys]

I've heard barking from the nether regions that south should be up.


(I gave my daughter a map like that.)

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Sorry, sir, but "Douchewaffle" wouldn't fit in the dropdown box...

[vikingchyk]

"I was going to make a cash donation today, but observed that your donation web page lists "Ms. and Mrs." ahead of "Mr." rather than using the usual alphabetical order.

As a male who is sick to death of feminists who seek every opportunity to put down men, I've decided not to donate to your organization because of this. Consider it to be a boycott based on your sexist attitudes."

Dear Sir,

According to Census 2000, 281.4 million people were counted in the United States —
143.4 million of whom were female and 138.1 million male. We merely ordered the choices based on sheer numbers.

P.S. At last report, your mother was female. She said to go to your room until your attitude improves.

Love and kisses, etc.