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I had a good weekend at the store.
....Phhh. Nope. Couldn't say that with a straight face.
Can you take advice as well?
We've served this older guy for quite some time now. He's quiet and doesn't cause trouble but today he decided to give me some advice.
Oldy: "You. Know. You. Should. Wish. Customers. Good. Luck."
Me: "Sorry?"
Oldy: "It. Will. Increase. Your. Sales. I. Give. You. Good. Advice."
Me: "Um, thanks."
Oldy: "Good. Now. Wish. Me. Good. Luck."
me: "Good luck?"
Oldy: "With. A. Smile."
Me: "Uhh-"
Oldy. "SMILE!"
-_- It's one thing to have a regular tell me this, even though I do on occasion wish people luck despite my lack of faith in luck but when his speech patterns sound like he's going 50 kph on a powered wheelchair over speedbumps AND he demands that I smile on order...
Well, I wish him good luck in getting that!
Poor kid!
A father and his 3 kids were shopping in a store close to ours. I hadn't seen it, but apparently one of his shinkickers had swiped a kinder egg from our display. I did however see the kid eating it.
Now, I'm not sure if the man parented this kid, but if he did I feel for the little tyke. He must have been 4 years old or something and didn't understand there are things you aren't supposed to eat.
Like the wrapper.
And the father was looking dead at him, and scolding the kid for stealing! As he was eating the egg, wrapper and all! I don't know if he ate the toy too but I doubt it.
Anyway, the father pays for the egg. I tell him about the wrapper and he shrugs.
Um, that'll come back to haunt you if it gets stuck in his intestine. Poor kid.
Give her the cane!
I've got family in the medical profession. It kinda rubs off on you.
I had an older customer whose cane wasn't fitted right. I offered to help fit it for him, asking him questions on how he stands etc.
Then the person behind him, a thick lipped platypus of a woman shouts at me.
SC: Can we get a move on? I don't have all day!
Ok, my fault. I held up the nonexistant line. Sorry. Scuse me, sir. I'll just go help this Don Quixote night terror behind you. She's got more shopping to do and I don't want to hold her up because her chocolate bar is going to melt. One second.
Then she throws a fit.
SC: "You should help your customers immediately! No dilly dally! I can't afford to wait in line for you to fix that old $#%#'s cane."
Oh, Ok. That's it. Nope. No more chances. Lady, consider yourself turfed. Nope. Go. I don't care that you need a bar of chocolate. Your hips and pancreas will thank me for the service I'm doing them. If you're rude to the in-firmed, injured or elderly who require support, I'm not going to have a damn thing to do with you.
Ohhhh, that felt good. Sorry, sir. She was a walrus. An angry one.
What about Christmas?
I must admit, just because it's stuffed down our throats every year I'm a little bitter about Christmas. Call me a scrooge.
Well, this fine example of a gene pool belly flop shows up. Lets label her Cheery.
Me: "Happy holidays."
Cheery: "Um, don't you mean 'Merry Christmas?'"
Me: "Um-"
Cheery: "Cause it is Christmas you know. Can't you tell? Don't you see the decorations?"
Lady, Christmas hits the mall so fast I swear it breaks the sound barrier. I've been exposed to the songs, the bells, the panicking shoppers, the giant inflatable displays for the last month. A firecracker going off in your uterus probably wouldn't convey the same shock as walking into the mall when the decorations are up and the music is going full blast for the first time.
Me: "Ok, um, Merry Christmas?"
Cheery: "Too late! You can't take it back!"
She leaves, grinning from ear to neckline and saunters away. Congrats, woman! You've won the prize of being posted on this forum!
Poke poke!
Being in the booth has it's benefits. I can't be tapped on the shoulder.
Well, unless the customer has an umbrella. Instead of *Tap tap* it's *Jab Jab*
My kidneys thank you for the invasive massage, lady. I know who to call if my liver needs scratching. Say, do you take requests? Can you scratch the roof of your mouth via rectal entry?
Rice Crispy XXX
We sell rice crispy slabs. Their dimensions are about 1 foot by 4 cm by 8 cm. We in the booth have a standing bet for anyone who can put the entire thing in their mouth. Of course, the dirty connotations come with the package, but it wasn't our intent when we put the $20 down.
One fine specimen of human evolution pointed this out.
SC: "So, I have to, like deepthroat this rice crispy square?"
Sure. Of course, doing the aforementioned act would be like swallowing a roll of sandpaper. Good luck with that. Oh, wait. Your kids wanna try? What a valuable life lesson!
Someone call child services.
OH NOES! THE DUST SPIDERS!!
Our booth is horribly dusty. The roof support bars can't be cleaned properly and accumulate dust like mad. Sometimes a little ball of fluff falls off and gently wafts it's way to gravity.
I will never forget the look on that woman's face as a dust bunny floated inbetween us and landed on the counter.
Oh, did she shriek. one big drawn out scream of horror and panic as two syllables creased her face into abject terror.
"SPIIIIDEEERRRRR!!!!"
Bwahahahahahahaha... If only that happened more often. I'd pay for a camera just for the footage.
....Phhh. Nope. Couldn't say that with a straight face.
Can you take advice as well?
We've served this older guy for quite some time now. He's quiet and doesn't cause trouble but today he decided to give me some advice.
Oldy: "You. Know. You. Should. Wish. Customers. Good. Luck."
Me: "Sorry?"
Oldy: "It. Will. Increase. Your. Sales. I. Give. You. Good. Advice."
Me: "Um, thanks."
Oldy: "Good. Now. Wish. Me. Good. Luck."
me: "Good luck?"
Oldy: "With. A. Smile."
Me: "Uhh-"
Oldy. "SMILE!"
-_- It's one thing to have a regular tell me this, even though I do on occasion wish people luck despite my lack of faith in luck but when his speech patterns sound like he's going 50 kph on a powered wheelchair over speedbumps AND he demands that I smile on order...
Well, I wish him good luck in getting that!
Poor kid!
A father and his 3 kids were shopping in a store close to ours. I hadn't seen it, but apparently one of his shinkickers had swiped a kinder egg from our display. I did however see the kid eating it.
Now, I'm not sure if the man parented this kid, but if he did I feel for the little tyke. He must have been 4 years old or something and didn't understand there are things you aren't supposed to eat.
Like the wrapper.
And the father was looking dead at him, and scolding the kid for stealing! As he was eating the egg, wrapper and all! I don't know if he ate the toy too but I doubt it.
Anyway, the father pays for the egg. I tell him about the wrapper and he shrugs.
Um, that'll come back to haunt you if it gets stuck in his intestine. Poor kid.
Give her the cane!
I've got family in the medical profession. It kinda rubs off on you.
I had an older customer whose cane wasn't fitted right. I offered to help fit it for him, asking him questions on how he stands etc.
Then the person behind him, a thick lipped platypus of a woman shouts at me.
SC: Can we get a move on? I don't have all day!
Ok, my fault. I held up the nonexistant line. Sorry. Scuse me, sir. I'll just go help this Don Quixote night terror behind you. She's got more shopping to do and I don't want to hold her up because her chocolate bar is going to melt. One second.
Then she throws a fit.
SC: "You should help your customers immediately! No dilly dally! I can't afford to wait in line for you to fix that old $#%#'s cane."
Oh, Ok. That's it. Nope. No more chances. Lady, consider yourself turfed. Nope. Go. I don't care that you need a bar of chocolate. Your hips and pancreas will thank me for the service I'm doing them. If you're rude to the in-firmed, injured or elderly who require support, I'm not going to have a damn thing to do with you.
Ohhhh, that felt good. Sorry, sir. She was a walrus. An angry one.
What about Christmas?
I must admit, just because it's stuffed down our throats every year I'm a little bitter about Christmas. Call me a scrooge.
Well, this fine example of a gene pool belly flop shows up. Lets label her Cheery.
Me: "Happy holidays."
Cheery: "Um, don't you mean 'Merry Christmas?'"
Me: "Um-"
Cheery: "Cause it is Christmas you know. Can't you tell? Don't you see the decorations?"
Lady, Christmas hits the mall so fast I swear it breaks the sound barrier. I've been exposed to the songs, the bells, the panicking shoppers, the giant inflatable displays for the last month. A firecracker going off in your uterus probably wouldn't convey the same shock as walking into the mall when the decorations are up and the music is going full blast for the first time.
Me: "Ok, um, Merry Christmas?"
Cheery: "Too late! You can't take it back!"
She leaves, grinning from ear to neckline and saunters away. Congrats, woman! You've won the prize of being posted on this forum!
Poke poke!
Being in the booth has it's benefits. I can't be tapped on the shoulder.
Well, unless the customer has an umbrella. Instead of *Tap tap* it's *Jab Jab*
My kidneys thank you for the invasive massage, lady. I know who to call if my liver needs scratching. Say, do you take requests? Can you scratch the roof of your mouth via rectal entry?
Rice Crispy XXX
We sell rice crispy slabs. Their dimensions are about 1 foot by 4 cm by 8 cm. We in the booth have a standing bet for anyone who can put the entire thing in their mouth. Of course, the dirty connotations come with the package, but it wasn't our intent when we put the $20 down.
One fine specimen of human evolution pointed this out.
SC: "So, I have to, like deepthroat this rice crispy square?"
Sure. Of course, doing the aforementioned act would be like swallowing a roll of sandpaper. Good luck with that. Oh, wait. Your kids wanna try? What a valuable life lesson!
Someone call child services.
OH NOES! THE DUST SPIDERS!!
Our booth is horribly dusty. The roof support bars can't be cleaned properly and accumulate dust like mad. Sometimes a little ball of fluff falls off and gently wafts it's way to gravity.
I will never forget the look on that woman's face as a dust bunny floated inbetween us and landed on the counter.
Oh, did she shriek. one big drawn out scream of horror and panic as two syllables creased her face into abject terror.
"SPIIIIDEEERRRRR!!!!"
Bwahahahahahahaha... If only that happened more often. I'd pay for a camera just for the footage.
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