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Lets Whine About the Price
One of our emergency roadside services is fuel delivery. This is not a valet service, this is for when you run out of gas before you reach a gas pump, this is an “emergency” service for exigent circumstances, and as such, it is priced accordingly. In other words, it’s going to ding you in the wallet and that’s partially by design, like Pavlovian conditioning, we’re trying to make sure you remember the pain it caused you so you never run out again. Otherwise I can easily envision a future where people will call us to their house to deliver them gas all the time because they don’t feel like waiting in line with the rest of the rabble at the petroleum vendor. If you attempt to stretch your fuel economy and come up short due to a rounding error on your part, I’m sorry, but it’s going to COST you, just like any emergency costs those not prepared for it. It costs $40 to bring the truck out, $2 per mile en route if it’s more than 10 miles away, plus you pay $5 per gallon of gas. The instant they learn it’s going to cost $50+ for gas, everyone’s inner Karl Marx seems to uncontrollably unleash itself against the inherent injustice of the capitalist pig-dog system. I’m frankly amazed at how many people balk at the quoted price for this service, as they seem to think all they should owe us is the cost of gas at-current-market price. I’ve been accused of “gouging” “ripping off” “raking over the coals” and “ass-f*cking” people over this. Well, look on the bright side, it’s still LESS than a tow.
Lets Whine About the Service
Another thing, we only bring 2 gallons max (the fuel can on the truck doesn’t HOLD any more than that) and even the lousiest, leakiest, thirstiest V8 can make at least 8-10 miles on 2 gallons of dead dinosaur, and that’s more than enough to find an open service station. That means that we cannot and will not bring you 25 gallons of gas because you don’t feel like making any extra stops on your way home. We have no way to do that. Well, technically we do, but that will require multiple trips at the above quoted “ass-f*cking” rate of $50 a trip. Okay fine, you have an RV, so what? So you were tailgating and are parked in a parking lot? That doesn’t change anything. You just want to go home? Okay, and this changes what exactly? You still cannot get 25 gallons of gas from us. No we won’t give a discount. No, we can’t make an exception. Here’s what we CAN do, we can bring you 2 gallons or less, so make your choice. Okay, note that “none” is less than the advertised “2”, so that’s exactly what you’ll be getting from us since you continue to demand 25 gallons. We held our end of the bargain. P.S. – The determined little bugger tried calling back 5 times before he got the hint that we weren’t answering.
Lets Whine About Not Being Treated SPESHUL
Okay dude, I’ve been on the phone with you for about 15 seconds, and already your whininess is chaffing me like swimsuit sand, so I’ll try to keep the answer to your question simple:
We didn’t leave you a note that we towed your car because we don’t have to. You hear me? WE DON’T HAVE to do that, the law DOES NOT require it. If there isn’t a legal requirement we need to do it, then, surprise, WE DON’T DO IT. Simple huh?
The sign you blew past saying “Permit Parking Only Enforced 24/7 – Friendly Neighborhood Towing – ph. XXX-XXXX” Is the ONLY reminder that you are going to get. And seeing as how you called me, you obviously found the sign, so quit griping that we didn’t leave you a note, handwritten, in a perfumed envelope, on a silver platter inviting you to come to this jolly little soiree we’re holding back at the impound yard with all the chic cars in town! Including yours! You don’t wanna miss this!
Oh, sorry, I’m fantasizing again, see, we don’t throw parties for your car either, because WE DON’T HAVE TO. And trust me, if we WERE allowed/required to leave notes, you frankly wouldn’t like to read what would sure to be written on them. It’s actually kinda funny, one of the cars we did tow in last night had a note inside of it that I can only assume was left on the car, and the owner for some reason pulled it off and threw it on the passenger’s floor. Why he kept it, I don’t know, it certainly wasn’t a fan letter. It was on a piece of cardboard, written in red ink, that simply said:
FOR THE LAST TIME STOP PARKING HERE!
So you see sir, notes mean little because I’m not sure you’d even read one that was left, there’s plenty of evidence I see on a nightly basis that large portions of the populace are deliberately and willfully illiterate.
No Whining Yet, But it's on the Way
You went to the trouble of scanning in a permit and then digitally erasing the dates (with the correct fill color too, I’ll give you some fleeting credit) so you could write in new ones. So, why didn’t you digitally erase the big tear that started up in the one corner and went about 1/3rd of the way down the side on the original? Because when you printed it out, the tear came out with it too, and that was the big tip off yours was fake when that tear failed to cast a shadow under any flashlight angle, proving that it was just printed on the “permit” and not an actual physical tear of the paper itself. And that just made me go in for closer scrutiny and notice that the dates were written with marker, while the office signature and vehicle info were clearly part of the printout. And that’s also when I noticed that it was cropped just a bit wrong, and it was printed on some kind of semigloss photo paper, and not the regular purple construction paper material (a rare case of using material that is too high-quality when compared to the original) and it looks like when you erased the dates you didn’t quite get it all… you took two passes over top of the original, but still left the disembodied semicircular top of a “9” or “0” floating above your forged dates… oh what the heck, you know where this is going. If you’d done a good job, I wouldn’t have your car. I grade you an “F” and a big “SEE ME” on your work.
One of our emergency roadside services is fuel delivery. This is not a valet service, this is for when you run out of gas before you reach a gas pump, this is an “emergency” service for exigent circumstances, and as such, it is priced accordingly. In other words, it’s going to ding you in the wallet and that’s partially by design, like Pavlovian conditioning, we’re trying to make sure you remember the pain it caused you so you never run out again. Otherwise I can easily envision a future where people will call us to their house to deliver them gas all the time because they don’t feel like waiting in line with the rest of the rabble at the petroleum vendor. If you attempt to stretch your fuel economy and come up short due to a rounding error on your part, I’m sorry, but it’s going to COST you, just like any emergency costs those not prepared for it. It costs $40 to bring the truck out, $2 per mile en route if it’s more than 10 miles away, plus you pay $5 per gallon of gas. The instant they learn it’s going to cost $50+ for gas, everyone’s inner Karl Marx seems to uncontrollably unleash itself against the inherent injustice of the capitalist pig-dog system. I’m frankly amazed at how many people balk at the quoted price for this service, as they seem to think all they should owe us is the cost of gas at-current-market price. I’ve been accused of “gouging” “ripping off” “raking over the coals” and “ass-f*cking” people over this. Well, look on the bright side, it’s still LESS than a tow.
Lets Whine About the Service
Another thing, we only bring 2 gallons max (the fuel can on the truck doesn’t HOLD any more than that) and even the lousiest, leakiest, thirstiest V8 can make at least 8-10 miles on 2 gallons of dead dinosaur, and that’s more than enough to find an open service station. That means that we cannot and will not bring you 25 gallons of gas because you don’t feel like making any extra stops on your way home. We have no way to do that. Well, technically we do, but that will require multiple trips at the above quoted “ass-f*cking” rate of $50 a trip. Okay fine, you have an RV, so what? So you were tailgating and are parked in a parking lot? That doesn’t change anything. You just want to go home? Okay, and this changes what exactly? You still cannot get 25 gallons of gas from us. No we won’t give a discount. No, we can’t make an exception. Here’s what we CAN do, we can bring you 2 gallons or less, so make your choice. Okay, note that “none” is less than the advertised “2”, so that’s exactly what you’ll be getting from us since you continue to demand 25 gallons. We held our end of the bargain. P.S. – The determined little bugger tried calling back 5 times before he got the hint that we weren’t answering.
Lets Whine About Not Being Treated SPESHUL
Okay dude, I’ve been on the phone with you for about 15 seconds, and already your whininess is chaffing me like swimsuit sand, so I’ll try to keep the answer to your question simple:
We didn’t leave you a note that we towed your car because we don’t have to. You hear me? WE DON’T HAVE to do that, the law DOES NOT require it. If there isn’t a legal requirement we need to do it, then, surprise, WE DON’T DO IT. Simple huh?
The sign you blew past saying “Permit Parking Only Enforced 24/7 – Friendly Neighborhood Towing – ph. XXX-XXXX” Is the ONLY reminder that you are going to get. And seeing as how you called me, you obviously found the sign, so quit griping that we didn’t leave you a note, handwritten, in a perfumed envelope, on a silver platter inviting you to come to this jolly little soiree we’re holding back at the impound yard with all the chic cars in town! Including yours! You don’t wanna miss this!
Oh, sorry, I’m fantasizing again, see, we don’t throw parties for your car either, because WE DON’T HAVE TO. And trust me, if we WERE allowed/required to leave notes, you frankly wouldn’t like to read what would sure to be written on them. It’s actually kinda funny, one of the cars we did tow in last night had a note inside of it that I can only assume was left on the car, and the owner for some reason pulled it off and threw it on the passenger’s floor. Why he kept it, I don’t know, it certainly wasn’t a fan letter. It was on a piece of cardboard, written in red ink, that simply said:
FOR THE LAST TIME STOP PARKING HERE!
So you see sir, notes mean little because I’m not sure you’d even read one that was left, there’s plenty of evidence I see on a nightly basis that large portions of the populace are deliberately and willfully illiterate.
No Whining Yet, But it's on the Way
You went to the trouble of scanning in a permit and then digitally erasing the dates (with the correct fill color too, I’ll give you some fleeting credit) so you could write in new ones. So, why didn’t you digitally erase the big tear that started up in the one corner and went about 1/3rd of the way down the side on the original? Because when you printed it out, the tear came out with it too, and that was the big tip off yours was fake when that tear failed to cast a shadow under any flashlight angle, proving that it was just printed on the “permit” and not an actual physical tear of the paper itself. And that just made me go in for closer scrutiny and notice that the dates were written with marker, while the office signature and vehicle info were clearly part of the printout. And that’s also when I noticed that it was cropped just a bit wrong, and it was printed on some kind of semigloss photo paper, and not the regular purple construction paper material (a rare case of using material that is too high-quality when compared to the original) and it looks like when you erased the dates you didn’t quite get it all… you took two passes over top of the original, but still left the disembodied semicircular top of a “9” or “0” floating above your forged dates… oh what the heck, you know where this is going. If you’d done a good job, I wouldn’t have your car. I grade you an “F” and a big “SEE ME” on your work.
Getting out of that took some careful explanations 
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