Many of us know this type of customer. He has loads of money but refuses to buy even the basic necessities. "Chuck" wears two layers of gardening gloves instead of buying winter gloves. He goes to the nursing home and visits the folks who live there just so he can drink the free coffee. He hems and haws over every transaction. When interest rates started going down, he negotiated better rates every time one of his CDs came due.
This past year, Chuck finally decided that rates were too low to bother renewing his CDs, and he's started cashing them in. But he still doesn't spend the money. No home improvements. No new clothes. He doesn't even pay someone to clean his run-down house. He just puts all the cash in his safe deposit box.
I have pretty much the same conversation with him every time he comes in. So for narrative's sake, I'm going to combine them together. (Imagine Chuck with an accent similar to that portrayed in Fargo, only thicker and with even more clipped vowels.)
Me: Yeah, interest rates haven't gotten any better.
Him: It's sikk'ning.
Me: Sorry, nothing I can do about it.
Him: Well, I spose I'll cash dis one, too. Ya don' get no intrest on dese certifcates, an' what ya do get, da gubmint takes in taxes.
Me: Sign here, please.
Him: I donno what ta do wit all dis money. I don' got no kids dat I know of. <ha ha> I ain' gonna leave it to da future missus. <ha ha> An' my sister's in worse shape den I am.
Me: Chuck, I have to do some extra paperwork because of the amount of cash you're taking. I need to get a copy of your driver's license.
Him: I don' wan' da gubmint to know how much I got.
Me: They know anyway, Chuck. This is just a formality - something we have to do. I just need the information off your driver's license to complete the form.
Him: Aright. It's sikk'ning, I tell ya. <starts digging for his licence> Ya know, da docter wants me ta git my hip replaced. But I'm gonn' wait til my neighbur gits his knee dun, so we ain' bot' on da butcher's slab at da same time! Dis town can' handle bot' our fun'rals at once.
We go through counting out tens of thousands of dollars to him, which he immediately puts in his safe deposit box. Then he comes back over to my desk.
Him: I'm runnin outta room in dat box. Ya got a bigger one?
Me: Yes. The biggest we have available is 6x10, and it's $55 a year.
Him: How much I got in dat dere savins account?
Me: $xx,000.00
Him: Wow. Dat sure adds up in a hurry.
Me: *It should - your pension and social security goes in every month, and you never take anything out of it.*
Him: I donno what I'm gonn' do wit' all dis money.
Me: Do you have any neices or nephews?
Him: Well, I got my sister's kid, but I don' wan' him to have it.
Me: You could always give it to charity. Do you have a will?
Him: Naw. I donno who I'd leave it to.
Me: Well, if you just leave it in your safe deposit box, it isn't going to go to anyone.
But he'll never pay the attorney's fees to make out a will, so we'll end up having to drill the box, and all this cash he's been hoarding will go to the state. I've seen this with several customers before, but usually they have family locally who can help them out. Chuck, at least, hasn't gotten to the point of senility, as many customers do, where they start thinking their family is trying to steal from them.
This past year, Chuck finally decided that rates were too low to bother renewing his CDs, and he's started cashing them in. But he still doesn't spend the money. No home improvements. No new clothes. He doesn't even pay someone to clean his run-down house. He just puts all the cash in his safe deposit box.
I have pretty much the same conversation with him every time he comes in. So for narrative's sake, I'm going to combine them together. (Imagine Chuck with an accent similar to that portrayed in Fargo, only thicker and with even more clipped vowels.)
Me: Yeah, interest rates haven't gotten any better.
Him: It's sikk'ning.
Me: Sorry, nothing I can do about it.
Him: Well, I spose I'll cash dis one, too. Ya don' get no intrest on dese certifcates, an' what ya do get, da gubmint takes in taxes.
Me: Sign here, please.
Him: I donno what ta do wit all dis money. I don' got no kids dat I know of. <ha ha> I ain' gonna leave it to da future missus. <ha ha> An' my sister's in worse shape den I am.
Me: Chuck, I have to do some extra paperwork because of the amount of cash you're taking. I need to get a copy of your driver's license.
Him: I don' wan' da gubmint to know how much I got.
Me: They know anyway, Chuck. This is just a formality - something we have to do. I just need the information off your driver's license to complete the form.
Him: Aright. It's sikk'ning, I tell ya. <starts digging for his licence> Ya know, da docter wants me ta git my hip replaced. But I'm gonn' wait til my neighbur gits his knee dun, so we ain' bot' on da butcher's slab at da same time! Dis town can' handle bot' our fun'rals at once.
We go through counting out tens of thousands of dollars to him, which he immediately puts in his safe deposit box. Then he comes back over to my desk.
Him: I'm runnin outta room in dat box. Ya got a bigger one?
Me: Yes. The biggest we have available is 6x10, and it's $55 a year.
Him: How much I got in dat dere savins account?
Me: $xx,000.00
Him: Wow. Dat sure adds up in a hurry.
Me: *It should - your pension and social security goes in every month, and you never take anything out of it.*
Him: I donno what I'm gonn' do wit' all dis money.
Me: Do you have any neices or nephews?
Him: Well, I got my sister's kid, but I don' wan' him to have it.
Me: You could always give it to charity. Do you have a will?
Him: Naw. I donno who I'd leave it to.
Me: Well, if you just leave it in your safe deposit box, it isn't going to go to anyone.
But he'll never pay the attorney's fees to make out a will, so we'll end up having to drill the box, and all this cash he's been hoarding will go to the state. I've seen this with several customers before, but usually they have family locally who can help them out. Chuck, at least, hasn't gotten to the point of senility, as many customers do, where they start thinking their family is trying to steal from them.
Comment