Tweet
We're all out of robots, you'll have to make do with a human waitress
Look around. Do you honestly think that you're the only person that wants a drink right now? There are easily five hundred people ON THIS FLOOR ALONE, and you think you're the only one trying to order a beer?
Well, you're not.
Furthermore, that waitress that came to the table and took your order? Well, just FYI, you're not the only person she's taking orders from. We don't hire dedicated waitresses, sir, not for someone playing the five dollars a hand at the cheapest table in the casino at least. Maybe upstairs, where they're dropping five THOUSAND dollars a hand, we'd have a dedicated waitress just for one person. But you are not that special, despite what lies your mother may have told you.
We have four or five wait staff working this floor and if you took the time to look, they're all rushing around like headless chickens - extremely efficient headless chickens. They are doing the best they can, sir, so if they're not back with your beer in point three of a second, we do apologize. There's a dreadful robot shortage going on. We're making do with human waitresses. And despite your constant whining, they're actually making pretty good time.
Lastly, see these chips? The cards, the shuffler? My spangly dealer uniform? All of these are indicators that I'm a member of the GAMING staff, not the food and beverage staff, and therefore I really don't give two short shits about your drink either way. If you want my professional opinion, you really don't need another beer. You're enough of a drunken fuckwit as it is.
How to play blackjack
Short but sweet: if you want another card, you make a tapping motion on the table. If you don't want another card, you make a waving motion. This is so that we have you on camera making your decision. On the off chance one of us (read: you) makes a mistake, we have a record of the decisions that were made.
At no point is it necessary to crow "HIT ME, BITCH" and then laugh uproariously. And when you are reprimanded for speaking to the dealer that way, the correct response is to apologize to the dealer. Not to the pit boss who came stomping over to sort you out. Finally, your whole "it were only a joke, hyuck hyuck" isn't going to fly in this casino. You don't know me like that. We are not friends. And frankly, even if we were, I would still slap your face for speaking to me like that. You are lucky I'm in uniform, behind a table, and on camera.
While I'm on the subject of being over familiar
Yes, I'm wearing a name badge. By reading my name off it, you've actually proved that you're smarter than 95% of the clientèle - you can read! Kudos. But there's no need to REPEAT my name every thirty seconds. It's as creepy as shit. I don't know you from a bar of soap. We are not friends. I can't return the "favor" by constantly namedropping YOU.
I've told you two or three times, as politely as possible, that I'd really rather you not use my name as much as you are - that, combined with the things you are saying, are WAY too over familiar for my liking. I'm in customer service - I am required to make some level of small talk, but I am not required to lay myself bare for you, nor do I wish to.
You are making me so fucking uncomfortable I can barely breathe... what's that? Oh hello, Mr. Panic Attack, it's been a while since you popped up. Thanks very much, Overly Familiar Lady, for causing me to have to be pulled off the table in the middle of a Friday night rush. The pit bosses can ABSOLUTELY shit out another dealer to cover the table while I'm rushed upstairs. You suck, because you just didn't listen and catch the signs of how uncomfortable you were making me and everyone around you.
(Oh, and she was making irritating chip changes, too. Fifteen dollars, from fives to ones, EVERY SINGLE HAND, only to place five one dollar chips on each of three hands. WHAT IS THE POINT OF YOU OMG SERIOUSLY.)
Look around. Do you honestly think that you're the only person that wants a drink right now? There are easily five hundred people ON THIS FLOOR ALONE, and you think you're the only one trying to order a beer?
Well, you're not.
Furthermore, that waitress that came to the table and took your order? Well, just FYI, you're not the only person she's taking orders from. We don't hire dedicated waitresses, sir, not for someone playing the five dollars a hand at the cheapest table in the casino at least. Maybe upstairs, where they're dropping five THOUSAND dollars a hand, we'd have a dedicated waitress just for one person. But you are not that special, despite what lies your mother may have told you.
We have four or five wait staff working this floor and if you took the time to look, they're all rushing around like headless chickens - extremely efficient headless chickens. They are doing the best they can, sir, so if they're not back with your beer in point three of a second, we do apologize. There's a dreadful robot shortage going on. We're making do with human waitresses. And despite your constant whining, they're actually making pretty good time.
Lastly, see these chips? The cards, the shuffler? My spangly dealer uniform? All of these are indicators that I'm a member of the GAMING staff, not the food and beverage staff, and therefore I really don't give two short shits about your drink either way. If you want my professional opinion, you really don't need another beer. You're enough of a drunken fuckwit as it is.
How to play blackjack
Short but sweet: if you want another card, you make a tapping motion on the table. If you don't want another card, you make a waving motion. This is so that we have you on camera making your decision. On the off chance one of us (read: you) makes a mistake, we have a record of the decisions that were made.
At no point is it necessary to crow "HIT ME, BITCH" and then laugh uproariously. And when you are reprimanded for speaking to the dealer that way, the correct response is to apologize to the dealer. Not to the pit boss who came stomping over to sort you out. Finally, your whole "it were only a joke, hyuck hyuck" isn't going to fly in this casino. You don't know me like that. We are not friends. And frankly, even if we were, I would still slap your face for speaking to me like that. You are lucky I'm in uniform, behind a table, and on camera.
While I'm on the subject of being over familiar
Yes, I'm wearing a name badge. By reading my name off it, you've actually proved that you're smarter than 95% of the clientèle - you can read! Kudos. But there's no need to REPEAT my name every thirty seconds. It's as creepy as shit. I don't know you from a bar of soap. We are not friends. I can't return the "favor" by constantly namedropping YOU.
I've told you two or three times, as politely as possible, that I'd really rather you not use my name as much as you are - that, combined with the things you are saying, are WAY too over familiar for my liking. I'm in customer service - I am required to make some level of small talk, but I am not required to lay myself bare for you, nor do I wish to.
You are making me so fucking uncomfortable I can barely breathe... what's that? Oh hello, Mr. Panic Attack, it's been a while since you popped up. Thanks very much, Overly Familiar Lady, for causing me to have to be pulled off the table in the middle of a Friday night rush. The pit bosses can ABSOLUTELY shit out another dealer to cover the table while I'm rushed upstairs. You suck, because you just didn't listen and catch the signs of how uncomfortable you were making me and everyone around you.
(Oh, and she was making irritating chip changes, too. Fifteen dollars, from fives to ones, EVERY SINGLE HAND, only to place five one dollar chips on each of three hands. WHAT IS THE POINT OF YOU OMG SERIOUSLY.)
The teeny-tiny part of my mind that's relatively sane during them feels so silly and so helpless. All the rest of me is caught up in the OMG! FEAR! 
I love it....
Comment