.
I Gonna Gone and Got
SC: "I like know about electricity, you know? Like sometimes when I'm gonna go watch TV, and I'm gonna use my remote? It's gonna come up all static on the display, or sometimes it's gonna shut down completely. That's because of electricity. Or sometimes when I'm gonna stand in an electric place, you can just see the electricity around me! Or I go to my computer and I'm just gonna put my hand over it and it's gonna start doing crazy things because I gonna gone and got too much electricity or whatever in me. I know this."
I, like, know about mental illness. Not much mind you, but I know more about mental illness than you know about electricity.
A Close Call
SC: "I'm from The Association of Alternate Energies."
Me: "...ok?"
SC: "I can measure your full auric new-age field."
Me: "..."
SC: "You're in a very clear space."
Whew! That's sure a good thing!1 Imagine if one of my customers told me I wasn't in a very clear space!2 Why, I would be so distressed, that I wasn't in a very clear space, that I couldn't possibly go on.3 Oh, it's such a relief to know that I'm in a very clear space!4 Indeed I have no idea how I've made it through life without having measured my full auric new-age field.5
1,2,3,4,5: Sarcasm.
A Terrible Mistake
SC: "I ran into this guy today. But, not with my car. I mean I happened to meet him."
In fact, I always have been curious about that idiom. Tragically, you sir have realized the literal meaning of the words you have spoken mere moments too late. The police are already on their way.
So helpful
SC: "Please tell him that Albert Rakhmelevich called. That's A-L-B-E-R-T, and then Rakhmelevich."
By this statement I can only imagine that you too do not have any idea how to spell your last name.
I hope it doesn't catch a cold.
SC: "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..." [click]
You, whoever you are, have just breathed on our voicemail for exactly 47 seconds. I realize curiosity didn't go as planned for the cat, but I have to know what your strategic plan behind this really is. Though, since that is in fact ALL you did, and you blocked your Caller ID, I have no idea who you are. I may be forced to live with this curiosity for the rest of my life.
Thank you, Amazing Kreskin!
SC: "Over the next three or four years, we will see what is going to happen in the future."
Logic so inimitable...so stunning...just how DO you come up with it?
Hate. Hate. HATE.
SC: "May I please speak to Martha?"
Me: "Martha is not here today. I would be happy to help you, or take a message."
SC: "Will Martha be in on Wednesday?"
Me: "I'm afraid she doesn't leave her schedule with me so I don't know when she'll be working, but if I take a message, she'll call you at her earliest opportunity."
SC: "Does Martha work in the mornings or the afternoons?"
Me: "Well, today she was here until 3:30, but her schedule changes from week to week so I don't really know about next week."
SC: "Are you going to be there on Wednesday?"
Me: "Yes, I work every day."
SC: "But when does Martha work if you work every day!?"
Me: "Sometimes we work at the same time. I'd certainly be happy to take a message and advise her that you called, the moment she arrives."
SC: "When would that be?"
Me: "Well, she doesn't leave her schedule with me, so I don't know when she is going to be here. All I can promise is I will give her the message to call you as soon as she gets here. It should be in the next day or two."
SC: "Okay, please have her call me."
Me: "Certainly, sir. May I ha--"
SC: "Good-bye."
Me: "Waitdonthangupyetwhatsyournameandnum--"
SC: [click]
__________________
What's a Light Fandango?
I Gonna Gone and Got
SC: "I like know about electricity, you know? Like sometimes when I'm gonna go watch TV, and I'm gonna use my remote? It's gonna come up all static on the display, or sometimes it's gonna shut down completely. That's because of electricity. Or sometimes when I'm gonna stand in an electric place, you can just see the electricity around me! Or I go to my computer and I'm just gonna put my hand over it and it's gonna start doing crazy things because I gonna gone and got too much electricity or whatever in me. I know this."
I, like, know about mental illness. Not much mind you, but I know more about mental illness than you know about electricity.
A Close Call
SC: "I'm from The Association of Alternate Energies."
Me: "...ok?"
SC: "I can measure your full auric new-age field."
Me: "..."
SC: "You're in a very clear space."
Whew! That's sure a good thing!1 Imagine if one of my customers told me I wasn't in a very clear space!2 Why, I would be so distressed, that I wasn't in a very clear space, that I couldn't possibly go on.3 Oh, it's such a relief to know that I'm in a very clear space!4 Indeed I have no idea how I've made it through life without having measured my full auric new-age field.5
1,2,3,4,5: Sarcasm.
A Terrible Mistake
SC: "I ran into this guy today. But, not with my car. I mean I happened to meet him."
In fact, I always have been curious about that idiom. Tragically, you sir have realized the literal meaning of the words you have spoken mere moments too late. The police are already on their way.
So helpful
SC: "Please tell him that Albert Rakhmelevich called. That's A-L-B-E-R-T, and then Rakhmelevich."
By this statement I can only imagine that you too do not have any idea how to spell your last name.
I hope it doesn't catch a cold.
SC: "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..." [click]
You, whoever you are, have just breathed on our voicemail for exactly 47 seconds. I realize curiosity didn't go as planned for the cat, but I have to know what your strategic plan behind this really is. Though, since that is in fact ALL you did, and you blocked your Caller ID, I have no idea who you are. I may be forced to live with this curiosity for the rest of my life.
Thank you, Amazing Kreskin!
SC: "Over the next three or four years, we will see what is going to happen in the future."
Logic so inimitable...so stunning...just how DO you come up with it?
Hate. Hate. HATE.
SC: "May I please speak to Martha?"
Me: "Martha is not here today. I would be happy to help you, or take a message."
SC: "Will Martha be in on Wednesday?"
Me: "I'm afraid she doesn't leave her schedule with me so I don't know when she'll be working, but if I take a message, she'll call you at her earliest opportunity."
SC: "Does Martha work in the mornings or the afternoons?"
Me: "Well, today she was here until 3:30, but her schedule changes from week to week so I don't really know about next week."
SC: "Are you going to be there on Wednesday?"
Me: "Yes, I work every day."
SC: "But when does Martha work if you work every day!?"
Me: "Sometimes we work at the same time. I'd certainly be happy to take a message and advise her that you called, the moment she arrives."
SC: "When would that be?"
Me: "Well, she doesn't leave her schedule with me, so I don't know when she is going to be here. All I can promise is I will give her the message to call you as soon as she gets here. It should be in the next day or two."
SC: "Okay, please have her call me."
Me: "Certainly, sir. May I ha--"
SC: "Good-bye."
Me: "Waitdonthangupyetwhatsyournameandnum--"
SC: [click]
__________________
What's a Light Fandango?
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