Smelly Santa

[veniteangeli]

I don't know what reminded me of him, but here it goes - he was the suckiest customer, hands down, from my old job. He had the long beard (but it wasn't white, it was yellowed with gross) and the jelly belly (inadequately covered by his stained and holey t shirt), so we started calling him Santa. The smelly part comes in because he constantly smelled like urine. Really, really strong urine. Like it hadn't been enough to wet himself, he smelled like he had MARINATED in it.

He used to come in once or twice a fortnight and we (the cashiers) FOUGHT not to have to serve him. I flat out told management that if he came down my line, I would walk off the station (after locking my cash). I have the weakest stomach in this country, I'm sure of it, and I would have ended up vomiting!

The worst part was that he was quite a gregarious sort of fellow, and, seemingly unaware of his stench. He loved nothing more than to engage the staff in long, rambling "conversations" that were more like Grandpa Simpson-esque monologues.

I'm so glad I never have to deal with him again!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

He loved nothing more than to engage the staff in long, rambling "conversations" that were more like Grandpa Simpson-esque monologues.

My story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" because the Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles. What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem! Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the terlet...

[veniteangeli]

My story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" because the Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles. What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem! Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the terlet...

brb dying of laughter. Can I quote this as a sig?

[Pharm Girl]

Four score and dickity years ago...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

brb dying of laughter. Can I quote this as a sig?

This means yes, BTW.

[EricKei]

My story begins in nineteen-dickety-two.

OK,OK, back to the old folks' home with you, Abe...

The worst part was that he was quite a gregarious sort of fellow, and, seemingly unaware of his stench.

Sadly, it has been my experience that these two things go hand in hand FAR too often >_>

[Draco]

IHe had the long beard (but it wasn't white, it was yellowed with gross)

The smelly part comes in because he constantly smelled like urine. Really, really strong urine. Like it hadn't been enough to wet himself, he smelled like he had MARINATED in it.

Ever put the two together and figure where the yellow came from? *shudder*

[downforit2008]

You shouldn't be a good person this year or you might have that smelly old fart coming down YOUR chimney with presents!!! I just got that image in my mind. Talk about a walking nightmare!!!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

You shouldn't be a good person this year or you might have that smelly old fart coming down YOUR chimney with presents!!! I just got that image in my mind. Talk about a walking nightmare!!!

Maybe the OP got a visit from loaded Santa!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Maybe the OP got a visit from loaded Santa!

*dies laughing*

Irv, I'm sure he'd get broken of that habit really quick by a big dog who likes to eat hot dogs.

I don't understand why some people have to come out in public that are so ripe you can smell them well before you see them!

Are they really that immune? EWwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[Ironclad Alibi]

Anyone else thinking of the movie Bad Santa?

[Lovecats]

When I worked at a bank in Northern IN years ago we had this one guy come in who smelled like that. The tellers would see him come in the door (he had a distinctive hat with feathers in it) and we'd all try to act like we were busy and not make eye contact. And after we left one of the CSR's would be over with her can of Lysol spraying down the counters.

[thehuckster]

I think virtually every retail establishment has its stinky regular. Back at CVS we had twins who were equally stinky, and by stinky, it's wasn't just urine, but B.O., old tuna, rotten food (like, not just rotting meat but milk, lettuce, etc.), old beer, and sometimes vomit. Their immune system must have been the strongest in the world.

They were obviously mentally ill, and I felt so bad for them, even as I was feeling bad for myself as I had to deal with their weekly visit to buy an alarm clock and return the one they had purchased the previous week. Yeah.

Their stink radius was about 60 feet on especially hot summer days. Yes, I measured it. You could start smelling them well before they even entered the store from the mall. And it lingered after they left for minutes.

My story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" because the Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles. What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem! Now, I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the terlet...

I needed a new heel for m'shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Gimme five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where was I... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion tied to my belt, which was the style at the time. You couldn't get white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

[Caractacus_Potts]

The worst part was that he was quite a gregarious sort of fellow, and, seemingly unaware of his stench.

Olfactory nerves can get overwhelmed fairly easily when subject to a constant smell. When you walk into a place that has a peculiar smell and five minutes later you no longer notice the smell it is most likely not because the smell is gone but because your brain is no longer registering the odor. Unfortunately people with really bad odor for whatever reason often quite literally cannot smell themselves.

OK,OK, back to the old folks' home with you, Abe...

Abe: You already PUT me in an old folks home!

Homer: Then we'll put you in the one we saw on 60 Minutes last weekend!

Abe: I'll be good.

[EricKei]

Olfactory nerves can get overwhelmed fairly easily when subject to a constant smell.

I can back that up ^_^ Sadly, it works for GOOD scents, as well. If I could disable that "overload failsafe" for the aroma of bacon, I would ^_^