I am a Racist and a Thief. Everyone should sue me. (Long)

[wagegoth]

That last one: Oh my god, I'm choking trying not to laugh out loud. I'm tearing up.

[scruff]

Although 420 combined with hockey? Yeah. . . no way anything could go wrong.

I've seen a few references to 420 and been horribly confused. I'm aware that different countries have different date styles, but I was racking me brains as the significance of 420, the only date in the last few days locally of importance was St Georges day... lol. but yeah, a Google search kicked in. A drugs day plus anything, I see the likelyhood of increasing sucky customers. :-) (although the idea of drugs plus big dragon-slaying swords.. messy)

[PepperElf]

i especially liked how the man tried playing the race card... when he knew damn well he was guilty.


and i'd like to know how he's going to pay the lawyer... if he can't even afford beer without stealing.

[AccountingDrone]

I've seen a few references to 420 and been horribly confused. I'm aware that different countries have different date styles, but I was racking me brains as the significance of 420, the only date in the last few days locally of importance was St Georges day... lol. but yeah, a Google search kicked in. A drugs day plus anything, I see the likelyhood of increasing sucky customers. :-) (although the idea of drugs plus big dragon-slaying swords.. messy)

420 is an American origin drug reference, if you google it you come up with a reference to smoking pot at 420 in the affternoon so now any combination of 420 in the afternoon or April 20th [in american date system 4/20/year] or a street address of 420, or a road sign indicating route 420 gets a snigger from druggies.

[celticgrl]

Pregnant:
Small collection of my stories when people decide to ask me when I'm due. It's called a pot-belly people!

SC: Oh my God! You must be due really soon.
Me: Nope, just really fat. Think I might go home and cut myself now. Thanks.
SC: ...

SC: You must be the girl who's pregnant that people have been talking about!
Me: Nope. Fat as hell. My self esteem is now at an all time low. Time to hit the gym. Come on fatty, we can do this.
SC: ...

SC: You must be due soon.
Me: Nope. Fat. Hey CW! I just got called fat again!
CW: Who the hell was it? I'll frickin' kill them!
SC: ...

SC: When are you due?
Me: Well *sniff*, it was supposed to be in June, but then there was so much blood and all I remember was screaming
SC:

Man why couldnt i have come up with some of these when I was bigger and people would ask me when I was due

[Crossbow]

Ok, your customers completely suck and you are awesome! Those were some of the best comebacks I've ever seen.

[MadMike]

Anything else is a nono.

Yeah, I found that out the hard way a couple months ago. Back when I first starting doing karaoke, I made friends with a girl was was as skinny as a toothpick. Then we lost touch for a few years, and when I ran into her again, she put on some weight. Not a whole lot, in fact I thought she looked healthier with the extra weight. We hung out on and off for a few years, and a few months ago, I saw her for the first time in about a year. She was with her new boyfriend, as was sporting a big round gut. I was certain she was pregnant, and said something about it, and she told me, "I'm not pregnant! I just got fat!"

She didn't hold it against me, but I felt like such an ass.

[depechemodefan]

Whenever someone asks me when I'm due, I give them a date 15 months from today, for ex: I'm due July 2013.

[downforit2008]

And all on one shift??? I hope you've gone through some extreme kind of meditation to get beyond the memory of this crap once you got home. People claiming that you're a racist bitch just because they don't get things their own way. It's SOOO easy to claim the race card these days.

I'm not racist by the color of people's skin. I just hate idiots.

[Beckpatton]

Racist:
CW: Hi, can I see 2 pieces of government ID please?
SC: You're a racist bitch! You're only asking me because I'm black!
CW:
SC: You didn't ask that white bitch in front of me for ID. You're racist!
CW: Umm, I didn't ask her for ID because she has grey hair, a walking stick, and she showed me pictures of her grandchildren.
SC: ....
CW: And you look like you're 16 years old.
SC: ...
CW: 2 pieces of ID or get out of the store.
SC: ...here you go.

I'm just curious about the 2 pieces of ID? Why 2? Does it have to be 2 forms of photo ID, or will you take 1x photo ID or 2x other ID? I only ask because I've only ever been asked for photo ID, like a drivers licence or passport, and that's in Oz, the US, UK and a few countries in Europe.

Just wondering why you'd need a 2nd form of ID after someone showed their licence or something similar?

Loved the stories by the way! Customers + Booze= crazy times!

[Anakah]

I loved the cat suit one. That was funny. You've got some crazy customers! I work where all I see are drunk people but damn they gravitate towards you!

I get the "are you pregnant" thing all the time and I make them feel like bastards for asking too. You're awesome

[Argabarga]

Speaking of ID's and why'd-you-ID-me-but-not-them whiners.... the bottle shop next door to where I work has a picture on the door, clearly of an employee who was roped/suckered into posing...

He's got on a Hawaiian shirt, huge novelty sunglasses, has a Grizzly Adams beard, a "Gilligan" hat on and a goofy looking smile

Underneath, it's captioned

"If you look more normal than THIS guy, we reserve the right to check ID"

[Jester]

SC: She (pointing to my CW) is refusing to serve me!
Me: Yes, I've actually spoken to her and she felt you were under the influence and so she didn't feel comfortable serving you.
SC: I have cancer! My medicine makes me sway.
SC: It's my condition. It's a genetic disorder. I'm always like this. I can't help it. You're discriminating against my disability!
SC: You just won't serve me because I'm black.

Make up your mind, lady. Is it because of your cancer, your cancer drugs, your genetic disorder/condition, or because the clerks just don't like people of your skin color? Look, if you're gonna bullshit, at least be consistent in your bullshit, okay? Thanks!

SC: No. It's a free country. There's no law that says I have to tell people.

The Law of Common Sense states that if you walk into a business with a product that they are likely to sell, you either bring with you the receipt from where you purchased it (likely in a bag from that store, or a generic bag as many liquor stores use), or you immediately let one of the staff know that you are walking in with that. I've done both, and never had a problem doing either. Why? Because I wasn't (A) an underaged kid trying to steal beer, or (B) an idiot.

Damn bastard had kept to his story for so long that I was starting to think he was telling the truth.

Precisely what he was hoping for once he got caught. That, or for you to give up as it not being worth your effort. Props to you for sticking to your guns and busting that Attempted Beer Theft.

SC: When are you due?
Me: Well *sniff*, it was supposed to be in June, but then there was so much blood and all I remember was screaming
SC: [/QUOTE]

For. The. Win.

Like they say, unless you see a baby actually coming out of a woman, don't ask her when she's due.

Or if you know she's pregnant, or if she tells you she's pregnant. As those are the only times I've ever asked a woman when she was due, as I've never seen a baby actually coming out of a woman.

And now that I think about it, if you see the baby actually coming out of the woman, you wouldn't need to ask her when she was due, as the answer would be, quite literally, staring you in the face.

Another good thing to do with the 'when are you due?' kind of remark (this is also fun if you ARE pregnant) is to fix the questioner with an agitated stare and say that actually you think you might be in labour right now....... Most people are scared witless about a woman giving birth in their presence, in case they might be called on to, you know, help in some way - watch 'em, they'll skedaddle so fast they'll leave scorch marks....

I picture this....

[stare at the guy, then after a pause, a sudden look of shocked surprise]

"Omigod! My water just broke! I NEED TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW!"

[wolfie]

The Law of Common Sense states that if you walk into a business with a product that they are likely to sell, you either bring with you the receipt from where you purchased it (likely in a bag from that store, or a generic bag as many liquor stores use), or you immediately let one of the staff know that you are walking in with that. I've done both, and never had a problem doing either. Why? Because I wasn't (A) an underaged kid trying to steal beer, or (B) an idiot.

For cases where I need to measure some merchandise to see if it will fit at home, I own 2 tape measures, but only ever bring one into a store. Why have 2, then? They're both store brands, but from different stores (for example, a Craftsman from Sears, and a Mastercraft from Canadian Tire). If I'm going into one of the stores involved, I bring the tape measure from the other store. If I'm going to any other store, it doesn't matter which one I bring. Pretty obvious that a store brand item from a different store is something I brought in with me, rather than picked off the shelf.

[XCashier]

The Law of Common Sense states that if you walk into a business with a product that they are likely to sell, you either bring with you the receipt from where you purchased it (likely in a bag from that store, or a generic bag as many liquor stores use), or you immediately let one of the staff know that you are walking in with that.

Exactly. We get lots of people bringing fabric into the fabric store to match to new fabric they want to buy. The smart ones will only bring a small piece (like a couple of inches on each side), but some bring in pieces several yards long.

Likewise patterns; the smart ones will only bring in the empty envelope, or a copy of the back of the envelope, but more than a few bring in the entire pattern package.

In both cases, it's best to go to the cashier and show her that you're bringing stuff in. It's just basic common sense.