Weird Questions

[raksha_akasha]

*Working at a call center and talking to a customer about a cc refund*
Please note that customer sounded like a middle aged woman with a regular Southern accent.

"You're putting the money back on my card right?"

"Yes, ma'am. You're cc is being refunded and that will take about five to seven business days for your bank to process it through."

"I don't understand what you mean by refund! Are you putting my money back on the card or not?!"

[taxguykarl]

Sometimes I look at a person's name and wonder, what could they have done, apparently in the womb, to make their parents do THAT to them?!

Dude, don't get me started on names!!! I have to have them precise or the IRS will kick the return back to us.

My favorite odd query (other than can [fill in blank] be deducted?) went like this:

Me: [Opening spiel]
Caller: How much to get from [addy] to Midway?
Me: Sir, we're a TAX not a taxi service.

[thehuckster]

"Do you work here?" while I'm wearing red and khaki with a name tag and holding a pda with a walkie on my belt. Nope, I don't work here. Just like the look. Do you think I'm carrying it off? Oh, and I forgot the part where I'm also wearing a shirt with the name of the store on it and she looked right at the name tag just before she asked.

Augh, in 2000 when I worked at CVS we had very conspicuous and easy-to-identify uniforms that consisted of a red smock, and a buttoned shirt and tie, with a nametag that had, in big bold letters "CVS", and people would look at me square in the face and ask that very question.

How old was this gentleman? Some really old family run drugstores have some kind of a food/soda/ice cream counter.

He was in his mid-thirties. I understand family-run drugstores can have extra amentities like that, but this was a small CVS in an indoor shopping mall. There was nothing mom-and-pop about it. It had your typical unhuman corporate qualities any fine CVS location has.

[cinema guy]

And these are the very same people who claim to love their kids. It's shit like this that is the reason I never, EVER tell people my middle name. My last name pulled me enough grief in grade school, beginning with 'Cow-' as it does.

So your parents named you Cowabunga?

[EricKei]

Hey! What's wrong with a chocolate chocolate chocolate treat with chocolate on top?

I remember one person called, asking if "pissed" was in the Bible.

Well, a close variant of it was in Chaucer (in the Miller's Tale, iirc.)...in what my prof at the time called "one of the most well-written dirty jokes in the history of English language literature". She was fun.

"what are phasers made out of?"

Explodium.

"Something is coming out of my butt. Should I go to the doctor? Can you tell me what it could be?"

A turtle head. Either take my word for it or go see for yourself in the restroom. It's right over there...

As for questions I've fielded, I did get a "How long will it take me to use this pen?" once...

It will last until the exact moment that you have a brilliant, best-selling idea/joke/story in your head and cannot seem to locate ANY other writing implement in the entire house. It is at that point that the ink will run dry. If you have already written this idea down, the pen will snap in two and utterly obliterate whatever you just wrote down.

Also,
"What size do I look?"

"Sir/Madam, I have been around long enough to know that there IS no right answer to that question."

[Ironclad Alibi]

Hey! What's wrong with a chocolate chocolate chocolate treat with chocolate on top?

Not enough chocolate.

[Lovecats]

"Do you work here?" while I'm wearing red and khaki with a name tag and holding a pda with a walkie on my belt. Nope, I don't work here. Just like the look. Do you think I'm carrying it off? Oh, and I forgot the part where I'm also wearing a shirt with the name of the store on it and she looked right at the name tag just before she asked.

Ok, it happened again last night. Almost the same circumstances except I wasn't wearing a shirt with our store name on it but did have the name tag and all the other stuff.

[Gizmo]

"What size do I look?"
Wow, you're seriously asking me? You didn't even check the size of your clothing before getting dressed today? I can't tell what size people are just by looking at them.

I've done something almost as bad before:

*walks up to clerk* "Excuse me, this is going to sound strange but could you check the label of the jumper I'm wearing and tell me what size it is?".

I'd bought some long jumpers for work and went back in the same shop a few weeks later whilst wearing one of them to see they had more colours in stock... so wanted to buy more. However I know that some shops "large" is a UK size 14-16 and others its 22-24+. So since it was the same shop and the same style and I had forgotten which size I bought before asking that question was easier than actually taking my current one off/trying another one on!

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Slutty?

My answer would be "skanky" but yours is just as good.

[SubwayGirl]

Some of the dumb questions I have gotten: How long is a footlong? If I buy 5 $5 footlongs how much will it cost before taxes? What kind of sauce is recommended for a Chicken Bacon Ranch? What kind of meat comes on a Chicken Bacon Ranch? Are your vegetables all home grown? Are your vegetables all organic? Can I get an M&M cookie with only red M&Ms?

I can go on and on!

[wolfie]

Some of the dumb questions I have gotten: How long is a footlong? If I buy 5 $5 footlongs how much will it cost before taxes? What kind of sauce is recommended for a Chicken Bacon Ranch? What kind of meat comes on a Chicken Bacon Ranch? Are your vegetables all home grown? Are your vegetables all organic? Can I get an M&M cookie with only red M&Ms?

I can go on and on!

Answers in order:
1) Approximately half a cubit.
2) A double sawbuck and a fin.
3) Anything except ranch.
4) Roast beef and pepperoni, obviously.
5) No, they were grown by the visiting team.
6) From a chemist's viewpoint, yes (the plants they grew on were carbon-based lifeforms, after all).
7) Yes, but I don't know where you'd go to get one.

Ask a stupid question, get a sarcastic answer.

[Freak]

The dumbest question I get asked regularly is "How do I get out of here?" Now, my department's on the basement floor, but our escalators are huge and easy to spot, and the floors aren't that big anyway, so you could always just take a little walk around and you'd find them in a jiffy. Seriously, how do these people function?

[Ironclad Alibi]

Can I get an M&M cookie with only red M&Ms?

The next time I make chocolate chip cookies with M&Ms I will be tempted to sort out all the colors and make single color M&M cookies.

[cashierbex]

"Are you ringing up?" while I ring a whole line up.

When I bring my pups in when I am off:
"Are those dogs?" No, they are birds that lack feathers and barks.

[RealUnimportant]

The dumbest question I get asked regularly is "How do I get out of here?" Now, my department's on the basement floor, but our escalators are huge and easy to spot, and the floors aren't that big anyway, so you could always just take a little walk around and you'd find them in a jiffy. Seriously, how do these people function?

Reading this reminded me of one of my favourite stories on NotAlwaysRight.com:

Customer: “Where are the escalators and lifts?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. The lift is reserved for people who are unable to use the stairs, and there are no escalators. There is a staircase just over there, if that’s what you’re looking for”.

Customer: “But those are ‘down’ stairs. I need to go back up.”

Me: “Ma’am, stairs go both up and down. That is why we have stairs instead of escalators.”

Customer: “But I need to go upstairs, and you do don’t have any ‘up’ stairs. Are you trying to trap people here?”

Me: “You know what? Let me show you the lift”.