Face Sex

[customersruinmylife]

I worked an opening shift at the pub. There was an event in town yesterday, so we were expecting the pub to be very busy early on. Because of this, there were a lot of us scheduled on to work. Normally we have three people on duty when the pub opens. Yesterday there were eight of us.

Opening time arrived. We unlocked the doors and waitied. No customers. Not even the regular alcoholics who normally hang around outside the doors. Strange. Oh well. It gave us an opportunity to stand around doing nothing.

Suddenly, two customers arrived. Horray! A couple. They looked very sweet and happy. They walked in holding hands, headed up to the bar and ordered their drinks. They then picked a table that was in the middle of the pub, dead centre and near the bar. They sat down and put their arms around each other. D'aw!

You may be wondering why we were observing the couple. It wasn't intentional. We were all stood behind the bar chatting, and the couple happened to pick the only table that was right within our line of vision and could be seen from any part of the bar. It was impossible not to notice them.

He started kissing her. At first it was just little pecks on the cheek. This made me cringe a little bit, as I loathe public displays of affection. Within the space of a couple of minutes, the little light kisses turned into longer ones. The kisses got longer and more passionate. Suddenly, it was full on make out session. They were eating each others faces in the middle of the empty pub, while me and my co-workers looked on in horror.

We tried to distract ourselves by finding little jobs to do. We tried to do anything that meant we didn't have to look at them. But as their kissing got more passionate, the noises started getting louder. You could actually hear them as they ate each others faces. Then moaning and gurning started.

CW: Oh my God! Someone has to say something!
Me/Every other co-worker: Not it!!
CW: He's biting her!

It was true. He had moved on from kissing and was now biting down on her neck, as she clawed into his back.

CW: I'm going to go get the manager!

CW stormed out the back. Suddenly, the couple stopped. The girl had gotten up and was heading for the exit. The guy followed, but he suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned around. He ran up to the bar.

SC: Do you guys know where the nearest hotel is??
CW2: Uh yeah there's one at the end of the street. Turn right when you leave.
SC: Thanks!
CW2: Have fun!

They left. CW disinfected their table and chairs afterwards.

[South Texan]

I have great empathy for you. Been there, seen/heard/smelled (gag) that.

At least they had the decency to stop and find a room before they went TOO too far.

[hinakiba777]

The moment you mentioned he was nibbling on her neck all I could think was, "Please let them leave to find a hotel room. And not choose to continue in the pub's washrooms, or on top of the table."

There is a certain level of PDA that is acceptable depending on the location. Full on backscratching, neck biting make-out sessions belong behing closed doors though. Or at least a bush. So many people behind bushes.

[Pixilated]

The moment you mentioned he was nibbling on her neck all I could think was, "Please let them leave to find a hotel room. And not choose to continue in the pub's washrooms, or on top of the table."

There is a certain level of PDA that is acceptable depending on the location. Full on backscratching, neck biting make-out sessions belong behing closed doors though. Or at least a bush. So many people behind bushes.

Yes. And beyond that, members of the captive audience generally start thinking in terms of a bucket or two of cold water.

[lobo94]

"cues a certain George Michael song, then a certain 2 Live Crew song"

[Marmalady]

Yes. And beyond that, members of the captive audience generally start thinking in terms of a bucket or two of cold water.

'Thinking' nothing - I've actually seen it done. The necking couple were sat on a bench on a kids' playground. Wouldn't stop trying to devour each other when they were asked, so one of the dads, who lived just over the street, went and got a pail of water and dumped it over them. Cooled their ardour considerably.

I've no problem with the holding hands / arms around the waist / little kiss type of PDA.. but there's a time and a place for a full blown makeout, right? and a kiddies playground ain't it.

[MoonCat]

Ewww. I hate that. Get a room people!

There used to be this couple that would come eat in our cafeteria at work. I think they worked across the street. We called them The Gropers. Yeah, you can figure it out, I'm sure...

[Eireann]

I remember seeing a truly irritating couple who didn't grope, but DAMN, they were annoying.

They kissed each other all. The. Time.

By that, I mean that they kissed each other every few seconds. Enough to make lip-balm manufacturers scream with joy. Smack smack smack. They used to perform (really, there's no other word for it) at a cafe/bookstore, and I would sit in the bookstore and watch the people leave the cafe in droves after the Wonder Twins infiltrated it. One evening, after they had started their performance and everyone began to leave, one of the employees came out of the cafe, stood near the door where he could only be seen in the bookstore, and began making kissing noises.

Once, one of the guys in the bookstore said to me, "What IS it with those two? Every time they come in, everybody leaves!"

I once left the bookstore because I had seen them, and I was horrified to discover that they were walking down the street ahead of me. And, oh, guess what?

They weren't kissing each other. They didn't have an audience, you see.

[Amanita]

I remember standing in front of the entrance to One Penn Plaza, a huge NYC skyscraper. My friend and I noticed several of the building's security staff looking out through the plate glass lobby windows, staring intently. At first we thought they were staring at us- well no wonder. We didn't look a thing like office workers, with my friend in sweats and t-shirt, and me in goth clothing. Then we saw what they were really looking at. A couple standing near the revolving doors, sucking each other's faces off.

A couple of days later, we saw a similar display at the fountain in front of the Exxon Building of Rockefeller Center- in this case, one person was sitting on the edge of the fountain while their partner stood between their legs, and they sucked face like it was going out of style. We were left wondering "What the hell is it with office buildings and horny people?"

[hinakiba777]

I just recalled that I was once at a LeChateau, and I saw a t-shirt I quite liked hanging along a wall. I needed to walk around a circular clothing rack to get near enough to grab the shirt. And on the floor, between the wall and the clothing rack there were two people vigourously making out on the floor!

At least I hope that's all they were doing.... I was 12 at the time so I don't remember much. I don't know if I even told the shop girl about what I found.

[Zoom]

We were left wondering "What the hell is it with office buildings and horny people?"

That's the opening to Monty Python's second German episode (in English). The narrator (Cleese) constantly wonders why all these important businessmen are chasing girls. Apparently BBC narrators of 1972 don't know about sex.

[Pixilated]

'Thinking' nothing - I've actually seen it done. The necking couple were sat on a bench on a kids' playground. Wouldn't stop trying to devour each other when they were asked, so one of the dads, who lived just over the street, went and got a pail of water and dumped it over them. Cooled their ardour considerably.

I've no problem with the holding hands / arms around the waist / little kiss type of PDA.. but there's a time and a place for a full blown makeout, right? and a kiddies playground ain't it.

Good for him! Shame there was nobody nearby with a video camera; that would have made a great YouTube production.

[Racket_Man]

I think I posted a similiar story that happened in my pizza place about 2 years ago. The exception was the "couple" went a little beyond just making out

at least this couple DID decide to get a room.

[HotelMinion]

I hate PDA. I've seen it all. Once I've had a horny couple. They weren't groping like most but I could tell they were EAGER to get up stairs. Gave them their keys as fast as I could, and breathed a sigh of relief when they went. Then about 15 min, the girl called and asked if we have any condoms. I have NEVER been asked for these, I was floored. No we don't have any. She insists, are you sure? Yes I'm sure, I snicker. Ok...she says sadly. 15 min after that, I see the horny couple go out the door and never come back. Makes me wonder, did they or didn't they? Still they paid over $200 for 30 min. Weirdos.

[Jester]

I was horrified to discover that they were walking down the street ahead of me. And, oh, guess what?

They weren't kissing each other. They didn't have an audience, you see.

While I don't doubt for a moment that they were less amorous in the street due to a lack of audience, there may also be a more mundane explanation for that: that they were walking and thus had to see where they were going. Just saying.

Then about 15 min, the girl called and asked if we have any condoms. I have NEVER been asked for these, I was floored.

Okay, to be perfectly fair, while there are several odd items people may ask for at a hotel, this is something that would make total sense for a hotel to stock and to sell.