A canonical list of SCs

[Alpha Strike]

Stupid Parents with Lazy Children: A particular problem at stores such as mine that sell things kids are attracted to (video game stores, toy stores, etc), these parents come in without their kids and give you the most vague title of an item to look for, usually one or two words that could apply to about half the product there. When you ask them to be more specific, they call their children (who could have just came with them) and have long-winded, loud arguments ove the phone about what exactly the little brat wanted.

A variation:

Lazy Parents with Stupid Children aka I Want Free Babysitting!: If you're shopping at the local mall and need a place to dump little Johnie or precious Suzie, bring them to a store they like (Video Game stores work really well!) and make them stay put until you're ready to leave - hours later. Bonus points if you spend several hours at the mall and DOUBLE Bonus points if you actually have the cajones to ask me to watch your little brat for the duration.

[piratemonkey]

And another variation:

Lazy parent with evil children: A parent whose children are, in all probability, the spawn of Satan himself, but just won't discipline them. This is either due to laziness or plain ineptitude. When you dare to tell their horrible offspring to please stop eating the chocolate they haven't paid for/running behind the counter/throwing the merchandise all around the shop they shoot daggers at you for insulting their precious babies.

[qaxons]

Parrot: (expansion category) Seen often in Market Research circles. Replies to anything said by the caller with "I'm on the Do Not Call list." "I'm not interested." "I don't want any." "I don't have time." or "Take me off your list." in varying levels of anger. Completely immune to logic, information, or offers to call back at a better time.

Blatantus Confusingus: (better name?) Encountered at least once a week. Usually responds with "I don't take calls *click" followed by a bewildered expression from the caller and a muttered "Then why do you have a phone?" Varying species can usually be sighted by looking for the familiar look that marks their passing.

Data Mucker: Person who, no matter what the question is, answers vaguely and only clarifies after extensive probing. Often gives contradictory or blatantly false information. One example: Tagged as the "3rd oldest male" this person claimed to be 92, hispanic, asian and alaskan native, had every disease/problem/condition listed, but claimed to be in excellent health at the start, sounded like a southern hillbilly, and claimed to make 75,000 a year or more. I believed about one eighth of what he said, but I'm not allowed to say anything about it...

Figured I should inject some Market Research SCs here... Even though we never actually talk to customers, unless we're a supervisor or higher or they're doing the training.

Please, people of CS! do our studies... We really are nice people who don't want to bother, it's just the only job we can get...

[NateTheChops]

A new one to add.

Can I get cash for the change I spent all day panhandling.

Does it say Coinstar on my nametag? No, because I'd be collecting 7 1/2 cents for each dollar you made.

[Mr. Security]

Ok I didn't go threw all 22 pages so these may have been said in one form or another but he's a security guards version. I do security in my city's main public library so some will reflect where I work



Do you know where X is?: These are the people who expect you to know exactly where somewhere is and exactly how to get there and get annoyed when you can't give them directions


Slightly mentally handi-capped regular: These people are usually dumped off by there group homes almost everyday and they expect you to take care of the person for the entire day. The person usually will bother you at the most inopportune time and get extremely upset if someone they don't know brushes up against them or says something innocent to them and ties up staff and security calming them down.


Can I leave my stuff here while I go shopping? These are people who expect you to watch there stuff for hours on end while they go shopping somewhere else


Other guy said I could/let me do it: These are people who after you tell them to stop doing something there not suppose do they respond with well "the other guy let me do it" or another guard at some place else let 's me

Other people do it: These people are a variation on the above one. They insist that other people are doing the same thing and/or they say they've seen you let other people do it

The briber(security edition) These are the people who try and bribe you to let them into the building early or after close or if there doing something wrong and they try to bribe you to look the other way usually skateboarders are guilty of this. usually it's something very cheap $5-$20

Just need one more thing! These people insist that they get there book or video even though they've been told several times that we are closed and have to leave and then get upset that the staff has left(they leave right at close) and can't check out there book or video


tattle tail These are the people who come to you a tell you about someone doing something just a tiny bit wrong and expect you to drop everything and kick them out

tattle tail "annoying me" version These are people who will come to you and complain that someone is annoying them by tapping on a desk, or talking a little loud or anything even the slightest annoying and expect you to kick them out right away, a sub-division of this version is people who will complain about someone bugging them days,weeks even months ago and expect you to do something

tattle tail "old cop/guard" version These are the older guys who either at some point were a cop or a security guard way back when and give you "reports" about non-existent people doing drugs or drinking in the building

tattle tail "another building" version These people will come to you and complain about a problem several building's over and expect you to do something about right away

I know the hours! These people insist that they know when you open or close and complain that you used to open/close at x time when in fact you never did


i'll post some more later when I think of them

[Tjololo]

I went through 7 pages and didn't see these, so I figured if they weren't on there on the beginning, they deserve a second mention.

The "Cell Phone" Guy - This person (not necessarily a guy) INSISTS on talking on a cell phone, usually while you go about your business. Examples: 1. You walk up to a table and start to explain the specials. Someone decides it's necessary to answer their cellphone. Typically, I figure it's a short call, so I decide to wait. The rest of the party all say "no, keep going". You finish with the long list of specials, answering people's mundane questions about them. As you start to leave, Cell Phone Guy decides to get off their cell phone and want a detailed list of the specials that you just told everyone.
2. The person who drives up to a drive-through/comes to the counter on their cell phone and listen to nothing you say or clarify with them, then insist that their entire order is wrong, even though you clarified it with them two or three times, because you knew they would do that.

The Drunk Talker - This is the person who's sitting at your restaurant, usually not even at your table, yet insists that you stand and listen to them ramble on about how they had never been there before and before this restaurant was built, there was another one, and everything about the other restaurant, etc. (Although I guess it's my fault, I did smile at them as I sped by trying to get my tray of drinks to my impatient table. Silly me)

The "Save it" Guy - This is the guy that when you go up to their table and start talking, just to say "Hi my name is ____", they hold up their hand, usually accompanied by a "stop" or a "save it" or even nothing at all, and proceed to tell you their entire order, from drinks, apps, entrees, desserts, typically special orders (IE "I want the ribeye medium well with no potatos double vegetables sauce on the side") and get angry when you ask them to repeat their well-rehearsed ramble because 1. they have too much info to remember and 2. by the time you realize this, they're halfway through, and usually you can't write at the speed of light.

I probably have more. I'll be sure to post when I think of it!

[Handofgod]

Grazer- The customers who insist on tasting your produce to "make sure it's sweet" but never buys a damn thing.

The not-so-handicapped person-The customers who are perfectly healthy but must ride in wheel-chairs/electric carts and be treated as though something really is wrong with them.

Mr. I forgot my I.D. -Young teenagers/adults who obviously aren't old enough to buy tobacco or alcohol but want you to authorize them anyways because they forgot their I.D; Alternatively the ambiguous aged shoppers who forgot their I.D. and get mad when they can't get their tobacco/alcohol.

[Kittish]

Here are a few sorts of SCs I deal with on a daily basis. Please forgive if these are repeats, haven't yet read the entire thread here.

Old Faithful: Expects discounts/perks/freebies because "I'm one of your best/most loyal customers! Examination of said customer's previous purchases reveals this 'loyal' customer buys once a year, if that often, and always the least expensive product available.

I didn't order this!: We do not EVER keep credit card information where I work. We do not EVER send out packages that have not been ordered and paid for AT THE TIME THE ORDER WAS PLACED. And still, we get people call us and claim "I just got this package/saw this charge on my credit card but I didn't order this! 19 times out of 20, the customer information and the shipping information are identical. And these customers ALWAYS wait until the order has actually been shipped to call and complain. SOME of these customers are legitimately forgetful senior citizens....but only a small percentage.

It's guaranteed!: These are usually first time customers, who want to know all about the 'satisfaction guarantee' our products come with. You can just hear the wheels turning in their tiny little heads when they get the notion of 'hey, I can order all this expensive food, and just call back and say I didn't like any of it and I won't have to pay for it!' I even had one guy admit to me flat out one night that he intended to do this. I wonder if he's still waiting to receive his order? Because I ....accidentally.... canceled it instead of sending it thru. Ooops....

The Shuffler: Has a pile of every special offer they've received in the mail from us for the past year or more, and expects me to somehow magically know which ones they have and get them the item they want at the best price from all the mailers they're shuffling around. Usually gets quite upset when informed that anywhere from half to 3/4 of the mailers they have piled up are expired (Expired? What's that mean?).

The Blind: It's simple... Telling me what's IN this package you want to order doesn't do anything at all. I asked you for the ITEM NUMBER. That's the number that's in LARGE BOLD PRINTING, usually right in front of the name of the package, frequently along with the words "Ask for #". If I've seen the actual flyer or ad they're trying to order from, I'll tell a customer *exactly* where to look for said number. And 9 times out of 10, they still can't see it. BUT! They can make out and read back the tiny little number printed in one bottom corner of the page (printing notations, I think)!

[Saydrah]

I have one very irritating one to add.

The Free Sampler with Attached Chow Hound:
This SC enters a pet supply store seeking a type of food to feed their dog. This dog accompanies them, usually on a leash, sometimes in a little purse. The SC surreptitiously browses and grumpily shouts, "I'm fine, thanks!" to anyone who offers to help them. When all employees have gone off to other sections of the store muttering about what a grump that person is, SC goes down the dog food aisles letting Fluffy or Fido sniff every bag. Then when Fido stops and sniffs one for a little longer than the others, SC owner scratches a small hole in the bag and removes a handful of kibble to see if Fido likes it. Whether Fido eats it or not, this is invariably repeated with at least five different brands of dog food to make sure SC knows which one he likes best. When SC finds the favorite brand of dear Fido, one of two things happen:

1. SC removes the UNDAMAGED bag from under the one the SC scratched open, and purchases that one, because the other one is only good enough for OTHER PEOPLE.

2. SC decides the food Fido chose is too expensive, and just buys whatever is on sale- screw what Fido thinks, SC has had his/her fun with damaging product and now just wants to save money.

Some minutes after the SC has left, employees discover kibbles scattered all over the floor and several expensive bags ripped open, which are ALWAYS the largest size- they couldn't damage the $10.00 bag, no, it has to be the 40 pound one that costs closer to $50.00.

[HappyFun Ball]

These may have already been said too:


Mr. Tits Pervert Will openly gawk at your breast and not make any attempt to hide it

The When I was your Age Older person who will rattle on about how cheap everything was when he was my age

The Do you have change? Will buy 10$ worth of stuff and hand you a 100$.. Most of the time when the business has first opened or if your a delivery driver who carries 20$


The I'm really Fat, so I can ride on the motorized cart 400 pound person who could really benefit if they got off that cart and ran their fat ass around the store a few times

The Carnation Instant Bitch Will start off talking to you in a syrupy sweet voice, but turn immediately nasty if you can't do what she wants.

[RetailActress]

Creepy Mommy - Enters women's clothing store with 10-15-year old son, whom she consults about all her clothing choices. Makes him sit in armchair near fitting rooms, and models all her oufits for him, soliciting his reactions. She purchases whatever he approves. WTF??

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

No One Helpe Me

No One Helped Me This individual does not pay the bills in their house, so when they spend too much money on an item, it's because no one helped them.

Actual case: Sunday in a fabric store, 4 employees & me (shift manager). I spent half the time in back doing paperwork stuff (only came out long enough to ring out the registers). I took a call from a man, complaining about the treatment that his wife had received in the store earlier that day. I sympathized and asked flat out 'is there anything I can do to make you feel better?' His flat out reply: 'no.' I shrugged, apologized that he felt his wife had been badly treated & hung up.

Talked to the to other employees, who all remembered his wife. She was taking a beginning sewing class and at some point, every employee in the store, except me, had helped her. One had helped her find the pattern & showed her how to read it (shouldn't that have been covered in her class?). One helped her find her notions (elastic, thread, etc). One had cut her fabric, even pointing out that she had selected one of the most expensive lines of cotton that we carried & would she like another one, even though the fabric had already been cut. However, she was busy talking to her friend & waved the offer away. The fourth employee was the one who actually rang up her total and checked that she had all her supplies. But when she got home, no one had helped her, that's why she spent so much money.

[RetailActress]

OH, WANDERING ONE ..... This entity was hovering meaningfully near the cash registers. When you inquired, "Are you all set [to be rung up]?" it promptly answered "Yes!" You proceed to ring up its purchase. It then, on cue, wanders off .... something caught its eye ..... a sale sign .... an enticing display .... the fact that we have - oooohhhh! turtlenecks!! Meanwhile, since there are others waiting, you complete the sale, the receipt is printed, the item is gift-boxed and bagged, you are holding a credit card, you just want a freaking signature. WHERE IS THE WANDERER??

[RetailActress]

THE WHISTLER ----- This is a male who has jauntily consented to indulge the shopping whims of his little woman. He could be sensible and self-confident enough to quietly wait in the car with a newspaper, a good book, or a nice little nap, but NO. Instead, he must draw attention to himself in the women's apparel boutique, the antiques shop, the museum store, by WHISTLING pseudo-nonchalantly and annoying the pure living hell out of everyone else within earshot.

[asyouwish]

Madam Forgetful - manifests in several behaviours including but not limited to: always brings in items to return, never has a receipt, despite being told every single week she needs one; brings expired coupons every single week and waits while the checkout operator has to go through every single one to weed them down; asks about product X, then product Y, mmm, and how about product X?

Mean Bastard - literally just gets his jollies making physically small women and new staff cry. Probably has some kind of bad life, and chooses to take this out on complete strangers, but only those who can't defend themselves.

And Man - keeps making statements to which you just want to say "..and?", like "Other store has this cheaper" or "I want completely ridiculous over-the-top service that you don't even offer or I'm going to your competitor" or "I know your manager".

love the "and man" i get plenty of those....my brain is saying "and why should i care"?? but my mouth says ah-huh...ah-huh...so how can i help you? Best way to get someone off the phone is to ask "if there's nothing further, have a great day!!!"