A canonical list of SCs

[SweetMimura]

Has The Giggler been mentioned? Usually found in groups of two or more, Gigglers usually hang around various departments giggling at items on display and making stupid comments. They're a pain in the arse when you're trying to tidy up.

[Jay 2K Winger]

The "Special" Individual: This is usually middle aged slightly mentally challenged individual who is not employed, gets a monthly disability check, and has nothing else to do but take the bus to the mall everyday and wander through your store. He insists on applying for a credit card or cell phone contract during every visit, which is always turned down. But mostly he just follows you around the store, talking and trying to get you to demonstrate every product for him. He is also oblivious to the fact that you have duties other than entertaining him. He will continue to talk as you are attempting to help real customers and will even try to follow you to the stock room/bathroom/lunch.

We have someone like this at our store. She's actually quite advanced in the years, and I believe she's probably suffering from Alzheimer's. She comes in just about every day with her past-middle-age son, and is actually quite, quite friendly, but you can't stop her from rambling on about whatever. If she sees someone buying Product X, she'll stop them and ramble in her quiet old lady mumble about how it's a really good purchase, really it is, you're going to be so happy with it, I saw it on TV, etc.

She's also claimed to be, variously, "the boss' mistress" (which turned out to be hilarious in and of itself later, when I found out he was gay), "I'm your grandmother" (really? So you're living proof of life after death? 'Cuz both my grandmothers have died), whatever.

She also thinks she's friends with a coworker of mine, who now will actually try to HIDE from her when she sees her come in the store. Little Old Lady will stand at my coworker's demo station for almost an hour, trying to chat with her, while my friend will try to humor her, while secretly wishing she would go away. Little Old Lady will also SEARCH THE ENTIRE STORE to find my friend, including going upstairs to the management offices (despite numerous employees and managers telling her she's not allowed up there) or into the employee break room (despite being told she's not allowed in there).

I was quite nice to her for a while until one day, as we were joking as I was totalling up her order, I said -- in a clearly joking tone of voice -- that she was a "crazy old lady." She suddenly got quite upset and angry, and even tried to hit me in the head. A week later, however, she was back to her cheerful self, and had no memory of the incident at all.

[Jay 2K Winger]

The Bleeding Heart - The customer who has apparently travelled 500 miles to get to your store, only to find that you don't have an item in stock/don't have yesterday's free Daily Mail DVD and proceeds to pile guilt upon you for it.

Ooh, ooh! I have a story about this kind of customer!

Our store had apparently "failed" our yearly inventory (details about this escape me) which we do in the summer, but whatever the case, we had to do another one in January, after the holiday season was finished.

We close the store an hour early on Sundays, when we normally closed at 6pm. So on Inventory Day, we closed at 5pm. We would have signs up about this for a few weeks prior to Inventory.

You always get douchebags who will complain about the fact that we're closing early, which is why we always station my coworker who doesn't take **** from anyone at the door on Inventory Day to keep people out.

Well, this Bleeding Heart had apparently called the store's number before leaving his home, more than an hour away, to check our club hours, and the recording hadn't mentioned we were closing early! (He arrives at 5:30PM.) He proceeded to chew out my coworker, the supervisor called to handle the situation, and the manager called to finally tell the man to leave.

All well and good, except that summer, when Inventory Day rolled around again, guess who turned up at 5:30PM? THE SAME GUY. And we go through the whole mess AGAIN.

Oh, but it gets better. In November, on a Sunday a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, we have Employee Shopping Night, when we close the store early, allowing the employees to do some of their shopping, bring in their family, have a "catered" dinner for them (I use quotes because I'm somewhat dubious about the quality of the food), etc. Sort of a way to let the employees shop at the store without the hassle of the regular customers.

But, of course, we close at 5PM on Employee Shopping Night, a fact we have signs advertising for a couple weeks before, and guess who shows up at ~5:30PM? Yup, Mr. I DROVE AN HOUR TO GET HERE Bleeding Heart.

I was willing to accept that it was tragic circumstance for the first two times, but when the same problem happens a third time, I knew that Mr. Bleeding Heart was just trying to be difficult.

[Jay 2K Winger]

The Entitled Diplomat
At the wholesale club where I work, we have numerous members who are members of a foreign embassy, and as such, do not pay taxes on their purchases. Some of these "diplomats" then decide that because of this, they can do whatever they like and make demands of the employees.

Example of this: In the state where I live, it is illegal to sell tobacco or alcohol without sales tax, unless the purchase is being made through a distributor. Nothing I can do about it, it's state law.

Entitled Diplomat: You rang up my beer with tax! I no pay tax! I'm diplomat!
Me: Sir, I can't ring up your beer tax-exempt.
ED: You take tax off! I no pay tax!
Me: Sir, I can't take the tax off the beer, it's state law.
ED: You no take tax off my beer?
Me: No, sir, because if I do, I will be breaking the law, and will lose my job.
ED: I'm diplomat!
Me: Yes, sir, but if you want to purchase beer without paying tax in this state, you need to do so through a distributor.

Eventually, the Entitled Diplomat got the idea, but I was still half-afraid the guy was going to start screaming about discrimination or something.

[jadedpets]

3. The 'You must know everything, you work here' customer: These are the type who pull you out of your clothing department and expect you to have expert knowledge on gas grills, auto care products, or the inner workings of microwaves. They seem to be appaled that, as an employee of a big box retail store, you aren't thoroughly trained on EVERY product you sell, regardless of the department, and think it is depressing that you can only read off the product's boxes when they ask how it works, etc.

Varrient of the you must know everything

The 'do you know where this is....' customer i get this alot, and best part is, it happened today at a STORE I DON'T work at
sc: excuse me, do you know where stationary is?
me: no sorry i don't work here (clearly wearing work shirt from work which is clearly not the colour of the ones that the STAFF are wearing)
sc: oh you don't work here, sorry i didn't mean to ask, thank you
me: what ever. (continue on my shopping spree)

i must have a personal Neon sign above my head that says "SALES CLERK ASK FOR INFO" when clearly there is nothing there

i got asked in walmart wearing pure black, where's the womens clothing, and i was standing infront of womens clothing, and i said 'sorry i don't work here' they said 'oh i thought you did your wearing the work uniform' i looked down at my clothes and said 'really now', pointed to a wally staff and said 'am i wearing that?' they said 'no' and i said 'there is your answer now buzz off i'm busy' then they said 'i'm gonna tell the manager that you were rude' i said 'go for it, names "brittney", tell them also that you asked a COMPLETE stranger who doesn't work at WALMART where something was, oh wait never mind lets go together, i can tell him or her myself that your an idiot' they said 'don't have to be rude' and i said finally 'you need to open your damn eyes and reliase that when someone says they don't work somewhere to actually believe them'

boy that was a bothersome hour

i have another one
[b]it's a petstore with no pets, customers[b/]
i work in a canadian major pet store and it's in a large mall, and i have people walking in every day saying "they have no animals" i say very loudly (standing by the till/door) "why of course we have no animals, after all we are a PET STORE with no PETS," they look at me and get a rude look on their face, one said to her kids 'ok kids they have no pets' when IN plain sight we have 3 cages of small animals up front for them to see, (rabbits, guinea pigs and either a chin or hedgehog) 'oh wait what's this a rabbit' i said to the lady. she looked at me funny and continued on in the store 'why yes we have pets what kind of petstore wouldn't have pets, let alone stuff to house and feed them'

enough of my run-ons
:P

[Samaliel]

The 'do you know where this is....' customer i get this alot, and best part is, it happened today at a STORE I DON'T work at
sc: excuse me, do you know where stationary is?
me: no sorry i don't work here (clearly wearing work shirt from work which is clearly not the colour of the ones that the STAFF are wearing)
sc: oh you don't work here, sorry i didn't mean to ask, thank you
me: what ever. (continue on my shopping spree)

I don't quite see the suck here. I think s/he might be one of the rare people that ask where stuff is because they genuinely don't know where it is. Plus, s/he was apologetic.

But of course, most of those who ask "Do you know where [stuff] is ?" really mean "I'm too lazy/important to look for this myself and I want you to hold my hand for the next three hours, during which I'll be a complete bitch/bastard."

[elysia]

I love the ones that come in with 1 min to closing all cheerful and bustling and talk too loudly as they proclaim "Ho ho, I caught you! Guess I'm just in time!" and then proceed to keep you 15 mins after you would normally be otw home.

[Tuxian]

Are you SERIOUS?

This is pervasive in my casino, and I can't quite figure it out. Whenever the dealer will turn over a good hand, such as an 18, 19, 20, or blackjack, at least half the time someone on the table will ask "Are you SERIOUS?" I always pause for a moment, look at them, and reply "Sorry, I left my clown nose at home tonight."

Really, do they expect us to go "Oops, no, just joking, you really won that hand."?

[zigcat]

This particular type of SC will not have their (lack of) wit and /or (lack of) humor upstaged by a lowly CSR. They will say something thinking it is the most funny or witty thing ever to befall the ears of anyone within hearing distance, but when it's countered with an equal or even more witty or funny remark they go all SC on your ass!

[Automan Empire]

The Do Something Illegal customer nonchalantly asks you to do something illegal, like add refrigerant to an air conditioner with a known leak, ignore missing/tampered equipment in a smog check, dispense gas into an unapproved container...

No Allen Greenspan wastes time explaining his pet theory of why you shouldn't be struggling like you just said you were, in answer to his question, "how is business?" I've been through several economic boom and bust cycles in my career, and when times get tough, not only do people not buy the new car, they stop spending money on the existing one as well. So, will YOU be spending a lot of money today, sir? I thought not. STFU now.

ESY or Ever Since You Mr. Eversincyu tries to tie any new problem with the last work performed by you, no matter how patently illogical or downright stupid. "Ever since you fixed my flat spare tire, the car stalls in the morning." "Ever since you fixed my rear license plate light, the horn hasn't worked." Longer-winded or advanced ESY customers finish with, "...and it wasn't like that before." Mechanics have a (sometimes earned) reputation as rip-off artists, but damn why is it that people don't bat an eye at trying to blatantly scam, lie to, and insult their workmanship and very intelligence?

Do The Math customer Tries to arithmetic his way into a full schedule. "Can I come in for an oil change this evening?" Sorry, we're not a quick lube, and we're booked up into tomorrow afternoon, you can drop it off tonight or by 9 tomorrow and pick it up by 6. (pause while mental gears creak.) "How long does it take?" X time. "So if I get there at (Closing time minus X).... (trails off expectantly)" Then you'll be in line for tomorrow, and it will be ready after 5 tomorrow. "(condescending tone)You're not understanding me."

I'm a _______ Claims some authority completely outside the situation at hand. "(long-winded description of problem that is clearly not the battery which is fine but under warranty)... and I KNOW it's the battery, 'cause I'm a FIREMAN!" Well, I'm a mechanic and it is NOT a battery problem! "You need to fix this free, I'm a preacher." Then why are you lying to my face about whether you approved this repair work, like any common entitlement moo?

Lookie-Loo Poses as a buyer of an expensive, complex item- just for recreation, with no intent (or usually means) to actually buy. Be it a house, car, or whatever for sale, they'll ask hours of questions, touch and muss up everywhere they can on it, tie up staff from helping actual paying customers, only to leave glibly saying, "Now I just need the money" or "I'll talk to my spouse" or "I really want something obviously totally different."

Do All My Thinking, But... Often whiny sounding customer who doesn't know, or can't make up their mind and asks you what they should buy. Whatever the answer, they immediately start arguing the opposite, or suddenly passionately want the other thing. Then if you agree, they start whinily wondering if the first thing you suggested was best.

I've got many more... [fun thread, everyone!]

[Automan Empire]

Not Even A Customer Sucky Customer People who aren't even customers, they come in and ask a question or 50, usually stuff you don't even do (I'm from another shop, can you rent me a special expensive tool? How much is your trailer parked down the street? Well how much would you sell it for if it WAS for sale?) Then ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" NO.

Cigar Man Reeks of cigars, or worse, stands outside SMOKING ONE but upwind so the place gets contaminated with the smell. Bringing a lit one indoors justifies a glass of water in the face, IMO. There are places where cigars are welcome, people.

The high maintenance, low spend customer. Car hasn't been touched in over a year, is dropped off for just an oil change. Naturally much deferred maintenance is discovered. Tech is left nearly idle holding car in bay waiting for customer approval of some urgent repairs, knowing customer wanted the car early but will soon lose its place in our busy line of cars. Customer says a slow WOWWWWWWWWW or OH MY GOOOOOODDDDDDDD! at each line item's price. Must hear everything twice, each item taking N time to explain and 2N for them to get through the WOWWWWWWWWW response. Customer has to call back before approving even the most urgent stuff. Car unracked, pulled out, next job started which will tie up technician and bay for hours. Customer calls back to approve only the three cheapest things, one of which was the tranny drain and fill that we held it on the rack for, having recommended it a year ago too. Customer then says that won't take long right because I can get a ride down there RIGHT NOW. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! !!!!!

The cheapness masquerading as amnesia customer. Old snaggle-toothed man has called 2 or three times asking how much for injector seals for his old car that few other places have parts for. I have to stop what I'm doing and look at the exact price to the penny each time. Then my manager has to come back out and interrupt me again to ask how much. We're talking $1.58 and $4.23 times four each here, and he insists he can do it himself.

He came in during the morning rush today to ask how much. Had to look it up again and told him. Went back to the difficult diagnosis I was trying to do, which requires deep concentration. Less than a minute later, Manager comes out, making a face, saying how much are they again, he forgot and I wasn't listening. So I said loudly, they are EIGHT dollars for the big ones and FOUR FIFTY for the little ones. Suddenly the guy remembered the exact price I already quoted. Then he asks how much to put them in. I tell him that. Then he says but I only need two. I fled the office at that point, suspecting he's trying a Jedi mind trick to get me to say a cheaper price on accident, not really forgetting what I quoted repeatedly. Later, Manager told me he spent a great deal of time getting the less-than-ten dollars out, complaining all the while about mechanics always jacking the prices up, and how he once got some of these seals somewhere for 88 cents each.
Every job at the shop was pushed 20 minutes later thanks to this one guy.

[elysia]

The Hater of Music
Coldplay is inappropriate? Really? Really. Really? ? ... ?

Ooooooohhhh I see, you are from Oppositeland. Where good = bad and normal conversation = bitching about background music that is playing at near sub-level hearing decibels and is pretty much for the WIN in that little place we call the real world.

[crazylegs]

Coldplay is inappropriate? Really? Really. Really? ? ... ?

I'd kinda agree with them, coldplay isn't really music

[bigpedaler]

The Comparison Shopper-keeps saying things like "Well, STAPLES is cheaper."

Love that one -- I usually find a discreet way to tell them, "Go there, then."

[elysia]

I'd kinda agree with them, coldplay isn't really music

Heehee, to each his own. But I'm willing to bet you wouldnt go into a store and complain about something that mild being inappropriate especially when its barely audible.