A canonical list of SCs

[Nurian]

Here's some I can remember:

The Groveler
One of the strangest SC's I've ever seen. This guy will meekly come up to you and request your assistance in the smallest voice possible. He may slouch, keep his weight on his back foot (ready to flee), and apologize profusely for interrupting you. This guy doesn't understand that your paycheck is paid by his need for help. He expects you at any moment to yell and scream at him.

But why...?
Ugh, I hate these guys. These guys get information from you that they don't like and proceed to ask why this is so ad nauseum. They find it incredulous that you are not the font of all knowledge relating to all things suck. They then get pissy when all you can do is shrug and tell them to talk to corporate.

[MoonChild2007]

But why...?
Ugh, I hate these guys. These guys get information from you that they don't like and proceed to ask why this is so ad nauseum. They find it incredulous that you are not the font of all knowledge relating to all things suck. They then get pissy when all you can do is shrug and tell them to talk to corporate.

I can't stand those customers myself.

[I_Hate_SCs]

Yeah, I've repeated this one on this site ad nauseam: Don't open the fucking sealed packages of bed clothes. See the label that says "KING" (or "FULL" or whatever) and is affixed to the cellophane? Believe it! "Shrink wrap" is just a name! Opening the package will not bring about a miraculous shift in the size of the product. And you'll be the very gummy bummed twit who'll mention, sometime in the future, how the cost of linens seems a tad exorbitant.

After you snatch those tidy packages of sheets apart, we have to roll, spin, tuck and squeeze the product into a form that doesn't even remotely resemble its former incarnation. We also have to market it at a significantly lower price, you bit of suspended sphincter caramel.

This brings me to two types of related SCs:

The Opener/Replacer - This is a dangerous form of SC that does what was mentioned above, but after opening the bedspreads they take a nicely never-opened package and put it in their cart, leaving the opened item either stuffed behind other unopened packages, or more often, on the floor. This type of SC also frequently visits the toy department and electronics where small pieces are hidden in the boxes and MUST be seen before purchase!

The Opened Package Complainer - This SC is in dire need of bed linens or sheets and finds only one item left: the item that was repackaged after the Opener/Replacer has their way with it. This SC gets extremely mad even though the sheets are 50% off on markdown. The worst variant of this type of SC is the kind that will purposely find a repackaged item, either in its regular shelf location or in a clearance rack, and get extremely angry over the mere fact that it has been opened and isn't "pure" anymore.

[I_Hate_SCs]

One more type of SC:

The Morsel-At-A-Time Explainer: This extremely annoying form of SC decides to give you as little information as humanly possible whenever they call you, or see you in the store. It takes a lot of time to get the full information out of the SC, and as you can imagine, the bigger the problem, the longer it'll take to pull it out of them. Example of a conversation with a Morsel-At-A-Time SC:

Me: How can I help you?
SC: I have a problem.
Me: What kind of problem?
SC: I have a problem with my computer.
Me: What is wrong with it?
SC: I have a problem with my computer's DVD drive.
Me: What is wrong with the DVD drive?
SC: I have a problem with my computer's DVD drive, it doesn't work.
Me: How does it not work?
SC: I have a problem with my computer's DVD drive, it cannot play movies.
Me: How long has this happened?
SC: I have a problem with my computer's DVD drive, it cannot play movies after I spilled water into it.

And, as you know, the last thing said by the SC could've easily been said after I first asked "How can I help you."

[Automan Empire]

Y. Kanchoo Just. A variant of the write-your-own-store-policies SC. Y. Kanchoo Just is sometimes devious, but usually an ugly combination of clueless and inventive in a reductionistic manner. A mere whisper of this SC's name has the magical power to wipe away carefully crafted procedures, rules, policies, norms, and even values.

Me: Sorry, in order to process your car battery warranty claim, our company policy is to charge it for at least a half hour before testing.

SC: Why can't you just give me another?

Me: (thinking: Because more than half the time, there is a problem with the CAR, such as a bad charging system or parasitic load like a glovebox light staying on, and the battery tests perfectly fine after proper charging. It gets expensive handing out $100 batteries just to make you happy until the new one goes dead too!) That's our policy.

****************************

Me: Sorry, we can't do an oil change right now while you wait. We've already made commitments to others to finish THEIR cars today; your best bet is to bring the vehicle in the morning like they did, and get it in line before we book up.

SC: Why can't you just do it now, while I wait?


*****************************

Sorry, your car won't be ready to go to the smog station right after these repairs. The car is built to have to drive a certain amount of time and run some self-tests called Monitors, before it can be smogged, and that sometimes takes 200 miles on this year and model. They design cars like this so people can't clear the trouble codes and take a malfunctioning car around the corner for a smog check.

SC: Well, why can't you just reset the computer or something?

********************************

Sorry, there's no way to make this better without replacing the $600 part. That is the main thing that tells the fuel injection, how much fuel to inject, and when it goes bad, the car barely runs, if at all.

SC: Why can't you just bypass it so I can drive?

[Boredom]

People who come in line, a very long one, just to ask how much someting is.

And

People who fold all singles into little shapes and stuff, and try to pay with that, not even trying to unfold it.

[Ravendjinn]

the non-english speaker - always comes in and points at our menu panel, and stares rudely then nods, but when asked for money shakes her head and we start again, and again and again. everytime she growls angrily upon hearing the price.
In the end i said please come in with someone who can translate for you and i then called for next customer

[Conduit]

Apologize if this one has already been discussed.


The Echo- Best defined by the following examples:

1) SC - "How much are the PS3 controllers?"
Me - "$54.99"
SC - "$54.99?"
Me - "Mmmhmm"

This is especially aggravating when I know that I've spoken clearly and distinctly.


2) SC - "What time do you close?"
Me - "9:00pm"
SC - "So you close at 9?"

Not anymore, dipshit. We close nowwww. -_-

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Has anyone mentioned this type yet:

The Why-ners.

These are the folks who just have to ask 50 gazillion questions whenever you explain why this can't be done right at the present time/don't have said item in stock at the moment/raincheck availability/etc. And invariably their 50 gazillion questions will start out with "Why not/Why can't you/Why . . . ad nauseam.

It's enough to make one want to scream

[Digitalpotato]

(Apologies if these have been discussed)


Mumblers - A very common Speech disorder is called "Chronic Mumbling Disorder". Chronic Mumbling Disorder is characterized by the inability to speak over background chatter and clearly. Everything that escapes their mouth emerges as a series of unintelligible grunts and garbled speech. They assume that they speak perfect speech to you, even though you clearly can't understand a word that escapes their mouth.


They think they are saying something like "I'll have a $5 footlong", but it will come across, to everybody else, as something like "I'llhaaaaaaa feeeee*Grunt*-ong."

Mumblers also get angry when you have to ask them to repeat their orders. Or if youcan't even hear them over the background chatters.


Squeakers - Squeakers are customers, who, usually women, answer with a squeak instead of an unintelligible grunt or series of garbled words. When you ask if they want a copy of the receipt, they will answer with a squeak. They do not know what you heard was a squeak.


Little Miss Timid - Little Miss Timids are customers who are perpetually clinging to their boyfriends. Usually much smaller than their boyfriends, they are unable to speak to you for one reason or another. Maybe their moral code of Little Ms. Timid prevents them from speaking to unrelated people, so they have to use their boyfriend to communicate what they want from you. Maybe the KGB or the secret police will arrest them if they find out that they ordered a Ham Sandwich.

But in a lot of cases, Little Miss Timid is actually a Mumbler or a squeaker, who in fact has to speak through her boyfriend because he is a trained Mumbler/Squeaker Translator.

[Midnight_Angel]

- Ms. Play-Hide-and-seek. Will suddenly decide that she got items in her cart she actually doesn't like to buy, putting them back on the shelf. Any shelf she might be standing at at the moment. After all, the bottle of household cleaner ain't that different from the bottles in the rack of soft drinks, is it?

Bonus points for putting perishable goods, expecially frozen food, in non-cooled areas.
Double bonus for placing frozen food (in this case, ice cream bars)into the shelf that carries books and magazines.
Jackpot awards for creative positioning, like dropping of the bottle of liquor into the frozen meat cabinet.


Edit: Seems this one has been posted much earlier already. *hangs head in shame*

[Digitalpotato]

^Nonono, for putting the ice cream inside the chicken heaters.


Gummers - Gummers are people who try to gum the line up as much as possible. You can tell they are doing it on purpose when they repeatedly say they're done with the sandwich, then say "WAITWAITWAIT I wanted more!".

[Midnight_Angel]

The express lane expert - checks out with a single item for about 0.69, then unerringly proceeds to write a cheque. (Extinct by now, as Eurocheques are no longer accepted)

The express lane expert, reloaded - checks out at the express lane with about 1 or two items over the limit, only to realize 'Huh, wait! This is not what I wanted to buy. Lemme run back and fetch the correct item'... twice.[/B]

The express lane expert, with all the bells and whistles -
Will push their cart unerringly towards the express lane, even if said cart is loaded to the rim.
Becomes abusive (in a below-the belt way) when asked to adhere to the '12 items or less' policy.
Will place her items on the belt considerably slower than the cashier is ringing her through.
Usually only capable of concentrating on a single task at once, thus suspending the process of unloading her cart whenever talking to someone.
Will hand her purse over to the cashier 'to take out the correct amount ', because SC has left her glasses at home and cannot tell one note or coin from the other without them.
Does, of course, not have sufficient funds with her, so starts arguing that the prices are too steep, the cashier didn't look right, the cashier didn't ring her up correctly, the cashier tried to steal from her purse, or any combination of the above.

Bonus points for snarling sonething like 'Fuck you, I don't wanna shop here anymore' and storming off, leaving all her stuff in place.

Double Bonus for storming off before getting her purse back

[Digitalpotato]

The Walk-in-Party order.
These types of SCs prey on catering companies or restaurants that also do catering orders. These SCs will walk up and make a large catering request and expect it to be done in an unrealistic amount of time. This ranges from on the spot to a couple of hours. Of course, they can't see your schedule, so they don't know, but they also obviously don't even bother to either look at the catering menu or look at the policies that state you have to either book in advance or give at least 24 hours notice.

Here's an example...

Customer: I'd like to order a party sub.
Me: Alright. When will this be?
Customer: I need....
Me: ...okay. *Fills it out anyways, wrongly assuming he knows the rules* And when did you say you need this?
Customer: at 10 o clock.
Me: What date?
Customer: ...TODAY. (probably looking at the phone like "thank you, captain obvious.")
Me: Sir wait-
*click*
(This happened at around 8:45 AM, meaning it would be physically impossible to even have the bread in the oven by the time the person arrived)

Sure enough, at 10 AM, there he is.

Customer: I'm here to pick up my party order.
Manager: Sir, you have to call in at least 24 hours in advance to make a party order.
Customer: But I CALLED IN!
Manager: You called an HOUR in advance! That's not enough time to prepare it!
Customer: listen, I called in, so where's the party order!
Manager: We can't make a party order within an hour! We have to set aside dough to even make the bread! So I'm sorry, but we can't make your party order today.
Customer: BUT I NEED IT NOW!
Manager: I'm sorry, policy.
Customer: Well can I just get....


Which leads to our next type of SC....


The Army-feeder

Now while any place that does catering is prone to these types of SCs, these types of SCs go to a place that does NOT do catering and then makes a MASSIVE order that can probably give lunch to the entire Nigerian Military + Their families. These types of people rarely call in so you can get it ready when they come, they walk in and say "HI I'll have 60 happy meals...." or "Hi, I need to order about 35 large pizzas and 20 family orders of breadsticks...".

Usually, they walk up in the middle of the lunch rush and slow everything down to feed their extended family and friends. Rarely you'll see a tip from them. (Although this is never the correct percentage...because that would probably be enough to buy your entire staff a footlong meal deal considering the size of these orders)

Bonus points for arriving at a Subway with 15+ people in line behind him and then MASSIVELY gumming up the line for about half an hour to feed his family with a $250 purchase and completely depleting our supply of Italian Herbs and Cheese, Parmesan Oregano, and White bread. (The particular one I mention is in the Summer. Only about 4 people work at a time during lunch, and we don't bake any more bread since we close at 4 PM.)

[Digitalpotato]

Time to add a few more....


The Chin Pointer (Believed to be exinct)
The Chin pointer usually preys on Donut shops or in general places where you see what you can have in front of you. They were believed to have evolved around the same time as the regular pointers who happen to not know of "perspective". When you ask what kinds of Donuts they want they say "oh Some of that, some of that, one of those..." and just twitch their head, poitning with their chins.

This type of SC is believed to be extinct. They had been all over New England in the 1970s and 1980s but have not been spotted either at all or very little.


McDonalds have it so you MUST have it!
Please don't walk into something like a Taco Bell or Subway and ask for a Big Mac or a Happy Meal since we do not have those. We also do not have ketchup or even hamburgers.


More...More...can you put more on that?
These people are usually found at places like Subway. They will ask for olives and when you put corporate regulations (See, Olives are expensive) they ask for more. Then continuously ask for more and more until their sandwich is covered in Olives, Pickles, Lettuce, or peppers.


I'll have some Chipotle Mayo...NO NO NO I DO NOT WANT MAYONNAISE PUT THAT BACK!
This is somseone who thinks Chipotle is mayonnaise-based. They do not know to expect mayonnaise, so they say so VERY VERY Loudly that they do not like mayonnaise destie that they had asked for it.


I'll have *Gibberish*
They randomly order something in gibberish and expect you to know that means.